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Darthoej
Reviews
Almighty Thor (2011)
What a piece of garbage
I want it to be known that when it comes to movies, it doesn't take much to win me over. I can count on my hands how many absolutely terrible movies that I have seen. Thanks to the Asylum and this piece of crap that list is growing. It really shows me that they have no respect for movie viewers or the art of film making.
I don't think I even have to list everything that I hated about Almighty Thor. From the shoddy acting, kindergarten-level special effects, and god awful plot...it was all bad. One thing that I do have to mention is the horrible inaccuracies of this film. For example, towards the beginning of the movie, Loki kills Odin by stabbing him in the upper back with about 2 inches of sword it looked like. Doesn't take much to kill the all-father it seems, plus Odin isn't supposed to die until his is killed at Ragarok by Fenrir. Speaking of Ragnarok, Loki can be seen walking through Los Angeles chanting it while citizens scurry about barely noticing him. Like I heard in another review, its like the people behind this have no clue about Norse mythology. I recently read an interview with Cody Deal(the actor who plays Thor in this movie), and it boils my blood that he tries to justify this abomination.
Yet another movie that I can do better with 500 bucks and a cell phone camera.
Autumn (2009)
Complete garbage
I'll start by saying that when it comes to movies, it really doesn't take a lot to keep me interested. Alexander with Colin Farrell was the only other film that I hated with this much passion. Then this rancid piece of horse feces found its way into my DVD player.
At no point past the first 2 minutes of this film did I care about what was going on, or about what was happening with the characters. The peoples reactions to what was going on were not believable at all. In the classroom when all the students start vomiting blood and die, Michael just has this weird grimace on his face. When the dead start getting up and walking around, the survivors not seem the least bit bothered by it. " Hey that dead chick just got up and is mulling around the street. Lets go get close to her and bring her into our hideout....herp de derp." That's just to list a couple.
Also, there were several things that just don't make sense to me at all. First, when Michael decides to build a barricade around the farmhouse where he and 2 other survivors are staying, it turns out to be this flimsy picket fence type deal that a toddler can tear down in about 3 seconds. Yet it takes hundreds of adult zombies several minutes to get through. Second, this stupid clown shows up in the beginning and starts cursing at a woman who is trying to help. Was that even in the book, and does it have anything to do with the story at all? Finally, there were at least 2 times during the movie where a character named Carl walks through a horde of zombies and comes out the other side unscathed.
Even for a low-budget flick, the editing is probably the worst thing about this movie. The lighting was so bad that there were a few times that I wasn't sure if it was day or night, or I couldn't see what the heck was going on. It would cut to random scenes of the landscape or zombies for no apparent reason. Many scenes had little or no relevance to the plot, especially the one with David Carradine. One would assume that someone of his caliber would get something better than "crazy old man who keeps his zombie mom chained to a bed". They could have cut more than half of this crap fest. Its like they ran out of time and money and just took a handful of crap and jammed it onto a reel.
I guess I understand what the director was trying to do, but he failed miserably. I really wonder if anyone even watched the finish product. Could have just used the budget to buy a bunch of people Taco Bell, and filmed them pooping for 2 hours.
To sum things up: Decent premise, horrible acting, horrible editing, horrible delivery. Worst 5 bucks I have ever spent at Wal-Mart.