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The Invisible Man (2020)
Got more and more ridiculous as it went along
The film starts off ok, but the plot holes just keep piling up right until the predictable ending. This guy, who's been putting beating people up all film, strong enough to strangle a woman by lifting her off the ground, been stabbed and had an assortment of crockery broken over his head without a care in the world, then doesn't have the upper body strength to stop his own hand from slitting his throat. All this also done by a woman who went off to the bathroom, found the suit she hid before (which he of course had neither noticed missing nor found even though it was left where she had been hiding), got changed into it, figured out how it works, went and slit his throat, then went back to the bathroom, gotten changed again, and returned to the dining room while the guy had barely started bleeding from his wound. And of course the world's seemingly worst policeman sitting outside doesn't even bat an eyelid when it becomes evident that she just killed him. By the time the end credits rolled I was seriously questioning what I'd even just watched.
The Dead Don't Die (2019)
Dull
It's slow, it's boring, sometimes random, often pretentious. A few exhales through the nose is as close as comes to being a comedy.
And of course Hollywood's elite can't let you watch a film without force feeding you their own political agendas, so you've also got that to look forward to.
The Fall (2013)
I kept waiting for something clever to happen
But it just ... didn't.
I don't know how else to describe this series really. I kept thinking, oh there's got to be more, someone's got to have an ace up their sleeve. But they don't. It's all very straightforward. It just feels like we're being taken through an investigation checklist rather than a story.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Debbie (2020)
The ignorance is astounding
Rosa: There are other ways to get money. She (Debbie) could have gone to a bank.
Jake: Right. And she's white. She definitely would have gotten approved.
Ah yes, because Debbie, a beat cop earning around $40,000 a year, can waltz into any bank and leave with a million dollar loan, just because she's white.
To the show's writers:
Just pull your head out and start living in reality. Stop trivialising issues that you clearly don't understand just because you want to slap your virtue-signalling "white privilege" buzzword onto it.
Thanks.
Long Shot (2019)
*Tips fedora* M'lady
Oh boy, if you love virtue signalling, self-righteousness, cringe and blatant political bias then is this gonna be the treat for you. Forget about having a good storyline or following the strong female character, we're going to focus on the absolutely worthless and pathetic loser instead. Seth Rogen, whose acting range is easily surpassed by a plank of wood, plays the same character as always and, yet again, we see his golden trio of "humour" - vulgar, sexual and drug - this time somehow integrated into a film about the first female run for presidency. The characters are either boring or making nonsensical choices, the world which they inhabit is mind-numbingly simplistic, and the only parts that are even conceivably funny are based on stereotypes (haha, so original) or slapstick humour. I just don't get how genuinely good actors like Charlize Theron and O'Shea Jackson Jr. got involved in this pile of trash. Avoid like the plague.
The Spy Who Dumped Me (2018)
Simply awful
This is one of those movies where you just wonder how noone, during the entire production of this mess, didn't take a step back and actually evaluate what they were filming. Don't be fooled by the high production costs, this movie exists in the same league as the Epic Movie franchise - a few chuckles interspersed amongst an ocean of cringe. How Kate McKinnon has made it into Hollywood is absolutely beyond me; she makes Amy Schumer look like a comedic genius. I literally cannot name another actor as painfully unfunny as she is and, just like everything else she has starred in, this film is yet another pile of trash.
Bodyguard: Episode #1.6 (2018)
Disappointing ending
Loved the show up to this episode but I have to say that the ending ruined it. Everything that was calculated and clever from the previous episodes just went straight out the window and we were left with characters making hugely illogical, self-compromising choices.
Budd confronts Luke and Craddock and, even though he's the fugitive on the run, armed with a gun, the Police come to arrest Craddock, all because Budd says "it's over"? It doesn't make sense. Despite no evidence other than the fact Luke was there, which could have easily been explained a million ways, she just straight up confesses to everything. The same goes for Nadia who, when confronted, basically puts up her hands and says "ya got me", despite there being no reason to since she was under very little suspicion.
I really don't think the writers thought it out.
Conan: Conan Without Borders: Haiti (2018)
Conan With An Agenda: Haiti
Trump makes offensive comments about Haiti. Team Coco heads to Haiti to cash in on the controversy.
For the third time on Conan Without Borders we get the same script. Conan says he hates Trump, that he's an idiot and anyone who voted for him is just as stupid, adding the usual "literally anyone is a better President than Trump" comments in good measure (at least twice this episode). He then baits the locals into articulating similar opinions, reciting Trumps comments and making great use of props such as the "Haiti is already great" hat, all for the amusement of his left-leaning audience back at home. "Haha, screw that guy, Trump, right?" *self high-five*
Not only is the whole thing completely monotonous but it adds nothing to the political discussion. We're presented one-sided, wafer thin, emotional arguments from Haitian locals about the state of US politics without even the intention of questioning them. Even the jokes fall flat - they're nothing more than the same playground insults we've all heard a million times before.
There were a few nice moments in the show where Conan actually explores what life is like in modern day Haiti, but unfortunately these were interspersed too few and far between the political opinion pieces.
All-in-all not the worst Conan Without Borders episode I've seen but, at the same time, not too far off either.
Polar (2019)
Entertaining comic book action
There's gore, there's nudity, there's completely over the top action. It does what it says on the tin. It's certainly not going to win any awards but I felt satisfied and entertained at the end of the 2 hours. If you want something that is very similar in style to films such as Kick-Ass and just doesn't take itself too seriously, then this is worth a watch.
The Greatest Showman (2017)
Oh the irony
As in the film, so in real life. The masses loved it while the critics did not allow themselves to enjoy it for the entertainment it is, instead judging it on its artistic value.
If you want to finish your evening with a warm, fuzzy feeling and some catchy songs stuck in your head then have no fear, this is the right film for you. Just sit down and enjoy it!
Dumplin' (2018)
Completely the wrong message
I myself am no fan of beauty pageants. I just find them very awkward and uncomfortable affairs. Walking around on stage in skimpy outfits while a room full of strangers judges you primarily on appearance is not my idea of fun. However, if some people really do enjoy participating in them, and they are not put under pressure to make health threatening decisions in order to achieve standardised "best looks," then I say go for it.
It's no question that pageants are too strict on what is defined as the ultimate beauty standard, but this is born out of the fact that beauty is itself subjective, not objective, and cannot be measured by categorised metrics. The film, I guess, tries to address this, but does so by going completely off the deep end. Yes, we should be questioning pre-conceived attractiveness, but to do it by glorifying a hugely unhealthy lifestyle? I understand choosing a protagonist who is curvy but both the main actress and one of the supporting actresses are clearly obese. We're not talking a little chubby, we're talking heart problems at 30. The film briefly touches on this point in relation to one of the characters, but it is brushed aside almost without comment.
I'm really getting tired of this whole 'fat acceptance' movement. No, it is not a healthy or sustainable lifestyle to lead. No, your genetics do not stop you from being a healthy weight. No, you do not know better than your doctors. You can look it up in any medical journal you like, or even look at the statistics themselves if you want, but they will all tell you the same story - being overweight will increase your likelihood of health problems. The sooner this movement is stopped the better. Obesity needs to stop being glorified, as seems to be the core theme of this film, and start being treated as the social issue it is.
Escape Plan 2: Hades (2018)
Don't bother
If you scroll down to the trivia section of the IMDB page of this film you'll find out that it was shot in just 20 days. You can tell.
Point Break (2015)
Lots of great action but many other flaws
This film is packed to the brim with some absolutely fantastic action sequences covering almost any extreme sport that you can imagine. As the title implies, it's all about taking it all to the max - taking each challenge to it's most impossible and dangerous. If you like watching YouTube clips of people doing these kinds of stunts in real life, then you'll enjoy this movie. The action is very well shot and the backdrop for many of the scenes is stunning.
Unfortunately there's more to a movie than just action. The plot is ridiculous and, to be honest, a bit too fast paced for it's own good. It goes from one thing to the next within seconds, with no buildup in between. We are teleported rapidly between scenes and it just seems a bit too much - they've just tried to cram too much into the movie to make it coherent. On top of this the character development is extremely limited and the characters' motives are completely nonsensical.
Overall, though, it was a decent enough watch and I certainly don't regret spending the time to view it, but I am left disappointed by the whole structure. As we have seen with the Mission Impossible and James Bond franchises, there is a way to weld together great action and an excellent storyline, but here the latter seems to have been pushed aside. For me, it feels like unfulfilled potential. They did the expensive bits right but forgot about making them work together. Bit of a shame, really.
House of Cards: Chapter 70 (2018)
Single stupidest plot point in the history of TV
Claire's master plan is to act derelict in her duties by, well, being derelict in her duties. She completely neglects her responsibilities for several weeks, instead moping around the White House residence, and then, just as her cabinet is about to sign a bill of no confidence, she swoops in at the 11th hour and fires all of them, citing collusion with Russia as the reason. Finally, just to top it all off, she then appoints only women to all cabinet positions for the sole reason that they aren't men. The plot couldn't be more ridiculous if they tried.
A Star Is Born (2018)
A great directorial debut for Bradley Cooper
Bradley Cooper does a fantastic job as a first time director - the scenes are beautifully shot and the way the atmosphere is built around them, largely through sound, is very strong. Lady Gaga similarly shines in her first role as lead actor. She, of course, showcases her fantastic singing voice but also portrays her relationship with Bradley Cooper's character incredibly well.
The music in the film is great throughout and, while this may come as no shock given that Lady Gaga is a seasoned musical professional, it is a pleasant surprise to see that Bradley Cooper, who reportedly took 18 months of vocal training prior to this role, really committed to the role and sang his songs himself. It must be said that he doesn't sound half bad either!
The film itself explores a lot of the big issues that those in stardom, especially the music industry, often suffer from. It's sad to see that these problems have persisted through the ages as one can easily draw comparisons with modern day artists. The original film was made just over 80 years ago yet the issues presented in this remake have stayed prevalent throughout the decades. Do not be fooled by the poster that this is just an uplifting, romantic film - there is a reason it has garnered an R rating.
Shoot 'Em Up (2007)
Just because it's satire, doesn't mean it's good
I can only imagine the 10/10 ratings this film has gotten are satire also. As commendable as "not taking itself seriously" is, a film needs a lot more to sustain itself. Unfortunately, this one doesn't. It prides itself on doing everything badly, but it's ironic - don't you get it, guys? You can almost hear the high-fives that went round the writer's office whenever another cringe-worthy one-liner is delivered. Why bother writing anything remotely original when you can just make a completely brain-dead mockery of the usual action film clichés? Not only will you have to put a minimal amount of work into the script but pseudo-intellectuals the world over will be singing your praises at the end of it.
If you want something that is clever and humorous, this isn't it. However, if you want something to watch for an hour and a half while your brain operates at 10% capacity, then this is the perfect film for you.
Miss Sloane (2016)
Excellent film, but a few niggling plot points weigh it down
For all the smart manoeuvres and spiel of being "one step ahead", Miss Sloane, as far as I can tell, is the only character who is actively breaking the law. She signs off on the illegal state visit to Indonesia and she is using illegal surveillance against not only her opponents, but also her team. The other side of the table, so to speak, only uses the traditional political strong-arming to gain support and even the conversation between Dupont and the Senator is unprofessional rather than illegal - he presents evidence that Sloane has been involved in unethical practices and should therefore be investigated, and threatens the Senator into running a formal line of inquiry. For all the talk of moral high ground we are force fed by the pro-gun control side in this film (regardless of which side of the debate you're on, it's hard to ignore the blatant agenda), it is ironic that Miss Sloane herself is the most corrupt character.
Putting this aside, the film is a quality production - the cinematography is great, the story is good and Jessica Chastain does a fantastic job in the main role. Definitely worth a watch.
The Man in the High Castle (2015)
Season 3 review
I was sceptical at first because the season starts off really slowly; there's definitely a case of drawing a line under several of the characters of the previous season and introducing new ones. Similarly, the storyline has shifted, as was to be expected, with characters becoming more proactive in the fight for freedom. With this comes a greater deal of action, but these scenes are not overused - they are tense and keep with the atmosphere of the show.
The sci-fi elements, largely introduced in season 2, also take a far more prominent role this time round. They develop nicely over the course of the season, being slowly revealed and explained to viewers. I'd say that if you're not a fan of sci-fi in general, then this probably won't be to your taste as the show is definitely now moving in that direction.
Finally, the writers have now introduced the issues of homosexuality and what may be described as "alternative" sexual desires to the show. While this could have been embedded sensibly, the prevalence with which it appears in the show makes it seem incredibly forced. Characters who were previously portrayed as straight are now homosexual and many others seem to have a skeleton in their closet regarding sexual preferences. It just seems over the top and, despite the number of characters affected, it is developed upon very little and adds basically nothing to the show. If the writers wanted to explore this social issue they should have stuck to one or two characters and expanded on their story.
Overall, however, the season was enjoyable and pretty much in line in terms of quality with the previous two. By the time you get to the end you do feel like maybe they could have covered more ground, possibly extending by a few episodes, especially considering the long wait since the last instalment, but generally it is satisfying enough. As per usual the season ends on a cliff-hanger, with several major events taking place, and that will surely keep you hooked until next time - let's just hope we don't have to wait almost 2 years like last time!
Season 3 rating: 8/10
Overall show rating: 9/10
Father of the Year (2018)
Not awful but not great either
Had a hearty chuckle occasionally and was kept entertained enough through to the end. A lot of the usual sex & drug cliches were ever present and there were a fair number of remarkably average jokes but at the end of the day I pretty much got what I expected.
Belly of the Beast (2003)
This film is awful on so many levels...
This is just one of those films where you cry out 'Please let it end!'. I mean, everything about the movie was absolutely abysmal. But let me start from the top.
Plot. There was none. The kidnapping of Jake Hopper's daughter is just another lame excuse for Steven Seagal to go on another of his ass-kicking adventures. Apart from that the 'plot' is completely predictable with Jake wreaking havoc in Thailand whilst leaving hundreds, if not thousands, of enemy corpses sprawled in a bloody trail throughout the film.
The most awful aspect of this film, however, is Steven Seagal himself. His lack of acting talent and facial expressions, of which he has just one, never ceases to amaze me. In this film he has made an extra effort to be exceptionally bad, especially in his action scenes, during which he unleashes his super-powers which involve a sophisticated cat fight technique (which I assume is meant to be kung-fu), a power punch (specifically designed to send helpless enemies flying 20 feet across the room) and deadly lightning speed accuracy which his favourite pistol which seems to have an immaculately large clip size considering the number of negligent enemies he managed to shoot without having to reload it at any time during the film. The only thing that Steven Seagal lacks, in fact, is a change of clothes, as the only clothing we see him wear is his trusty brown leather shoes, jeans and sensei top combo, which remains spotless despite the blood spewing out from dying enemies.
Another factor is the special effects of the film, which is limited to spilled ketchup leaking out in a tap-like fashion to represent blood and Steven Seagal jumping through paper thin walls, one of which was the iron side panelling of a train. The rest of the action in the film is left up to a group of actors just as awful as Steven himself, but with added stupidity. I could bet that a five year old playing Cowboys and Indians in his back yard could make a better impression of dying compared to that in the film. The hordes of enemies have no organisation whatsoever and more or less run at machine gun fire head on, and are surprised to be cut down. And then, just as the final nail in the coffin, we witness the blatantly predictable and cheesy death of Jake's best friend Sunti, of which no-one can realise that he was even hurt until before he was dead.
The movie is also not without its astonishing selection of completely random scenes that leave you wondering 'why?'. Most notable of these is the scene where a girl walks in front of Jake's car causing him to stop. She starts walking away and Jake instinctively follows her into a random house (I mean, why wouldn't you?). Here the girl removes her top and pours water over her bare chest to reveal her magical water tattoo consisting of five or so incomprehensible characters which Jake seems to understand. This is clearly just a poor excuse at a topless scene for the film, which has absolutely no relevance whatsoever. Another similar event is the introduction of magic and voodoo at the end of the film, which has no impact on the action scene, but succeeds solely in making the film just that extra bit more unbearable to watch.
Seriously, for the love of God, don't watch this film unless you are strapped down to a chair with your eyes forced open. For a proper gun and kung fu action film just pop down to your local DVD rental and get a classic Jackie Chan movie, and save yourself an hour and a half of your life, which you will most probably sorely regret once it is this film is over.