I think everyone was expecting a lot more from this movie. It's poptarts, it's big names in comedy, and it's notwoke/pushing a message. But sadly it's just not funny either. The comedy is too many puns and too on the nose. And it's very much a Jerry Seinfeld routine: don't get me wrong, I enjoy his comedy and loved his show (which is also on Netflix). However this is just meant to be in a movie. I laughed (or rather said "Ha") the first few jokes and then like a open box of cereal, the comedy quickly got stale. After the first 5 minutes, you've seen pretty much what is to come, pun after pun mixed parodying Kellogg's/popular name brand cereals. It isn't worth the hour and a half your life.
Reviews
111 Reviews
Ocean's Twelve
(2004)
A Mixed Bag
23 May 2024
Ocean's 12 is a rather disappointing sequel. It's not a bad movie, but it is not a great one either, certainly nowhere as good as Ocean's 11. To be Frank, it is a mess. Whereas 11 had a great pacing, seemed very classy and made the heist fun, 12 has a plot that is very jumbled rushed while trying too hard to both serve as a sequel while also standing out uniquely on its own.
But worst of all, the movie is just tried to do too many things in one movie which makes the film confusing, lose its pacing, and downright silly at times. There's the basic premise of Dominic collecting, then there's their heist to get the funds, then there's also the Night Fox who's working against them, then there's also the mystery of LeMarc the so called most notorious thief, then there's Rusty's ex who's an Interpol agent trying to stop them while Rusty tries to win her back much like Danny did with Tess in the first movie, and then there's the various problems the team runs into, on top of various twists I won't list due to spoilers. As you can see, it quickly gets to be too much keep track of and fully engaged.
However the acting is still phenomenal all around. Everyone plays their parts well and you can once again see the great chemistry between the crew, even with the addition of Catherine Zeta Jones and Bruce Willis. That alone is the films saving grace. It's rare to see a cast still deliver 100% even if they know the script is lacking. And so I'm left torn with neither liking nor disliking the movie. I still think Ocean's 13 is far stronger follow up, but I also don't regret watching 12.
But worst of all, the movie is just tried to do too many things in one movie which makes the film confusing, lose its pacing, and downright silly at times. There's the basic premise of Dominic collecting, then there's their heist to get the funds, then there's also the Night Fox who's working against them, then there's also the mystery of LeMarc the so called most notorious thief, then there's Rusty's ex who's an Interpol agent trying to stop them while Rusty tries to win her back much like Danny did with Tess in the first movie, and then there's the various problems the team runs into, on top of various twists I won't list due to spoilers. As you can see, it quickly gets to be too much keep track of and fully engaged.
However the acting is still phenomenal all around. Everyone plays their parts well and you can once again see the great chemistry between the crew, even with the addition of Catherine Zeta Jones and Bruce Willis. That alone is the films saving grace. It's rare to see a cast still deliver 100% even if they know the script is lacking. And so I'm left torn with neither liking nor disliking the movie. I still think Ocean's 13 is far stronger follow up, but I also don't regret watching 12.
ReMastered: Devil at the Crossroads
(2019 TV Movie)
More speculation than fact
18 May 2024
Robert Leroy Johnson is a very impactful blues singer steeped in much mystery and myth. What little we know is that he became a master at the guitar and recorded 29 songs via 2 recording session over the span of 7 months, then promptly died at 27, starting the myth of the "27 club". Beyond that, much is speculation.
If you're hoping to get more info about Johnson, this is not the documentary for you. Calling it a documentary is really a misnomer given how much speculation and free liberty it takes. For instance, a music historian visits an old run down cabin in Mississippi and says "we can say that this is the house Robert Johnson grew up... probably." Come on. It's one thing to say he came from a very poor black family in the early 1900s and this most likely his living conditions, it's another to just flat out lie and say this is his house.
The "documentary" pulls this stunt again and again, from showing a random woman who claimed to have dated him after a reporter drove around offering people money to anyone who could tell him a story about Robert Johnson... to wildly implying he was poisoned when his death certificate does not list a cause of death. It's a popular myth, but one that has never been proven. Most likely he had a congenital disease given his abnormally large fingers and early death. It also didn't help that the man was notoriously known to regularly drink an entire bottle of whiskey a night, minimum.
Unfortunately little facts are revealed in this "documentary," which is a shame because Robert Leroy Johnson is considered one of the most influential musicians in modern history, with many considering him the true first "rock star". I think it would've been better if they took the time to analyze what made his sound so unique for the time, how he went about recording his music, and what impact he had on the industry decades later. The end of the documentary does a quick 2-3 minute summary of various musicians from the 50s-70s taking inspiration from Johnson, but this could've been easily flushed out to really convey Johnson's significance for those who may have never heard of him.
If you're hoping to get more info about Johnson, this is not the documentary for you. Calling it a documentary is really a misnomer given how much speculation and free liberty it takes. For instance, a music historian visits an old run down cabin in Mississippi and says "we can say that this is the house Robert Johnson grew up... probably." Come on. It's one thing to say he came from a very poor black family in the early 1900s and this most likely his living conditions, it's another to just flat out lie and say this is his house.
The "documentary" pulls this stunt again and again, from showing a random woman who claimed to have dated him after a reporter drove around offering people money to anyone who could tell him a story about Robert Johnson... to wildly implying he was poisoned when his death certificate does not list a cause of death. It's a popular myth, but one that has never been proven. Most likely he had a congenital disease given his abnormally large fingers and early death. It also didn't help that the man was notoriously known to regularly drink an entire bottle of whiskey a night, minimum.
Unfortunately little facts are revealed in this "documentary," which is a shame because Robert Leroy Johnson is considered one of the most influential musicians in modern history, with many considering him the true first "rock star". I think it would've been better if they took the time to analyze what made his sound so unique for the time, how he went about recording his music, and what impact he had on the industry decades later. The end of the documentary does a quick 2-3 minute summary of various musicians from the 50s-70s taking inspiration from Johnson, but this could've been easily flushed out to really convey Johnson's significance for those who may have never heard of him.
Prom Night
(1980)
Painfully Boring
4 May 2024
I love slashers, particularly the 80s ones. But man was this one a real stinker. It's an hour half with credits and absolutely nothing happens for an entire hour. Just endless high school drama. I guess you could argue they are trying to establish the characters but the acting is mid so you never get invested. Once the killing finally does start, it's nothing to write home about with very bad effects and next to no gore.
Worse are the glaring plot holes once you learn who the killer is at the very end, legit the last minute of the film as it cuts to the credits. Definitely regret watching this one.
Worse are the glaring plot holes once you learn who the killer is at the very end, legit the last minute of the film as it cuts to the credits. Definitely regret watching this one.
The Uninvited
(2009)
Total Snooze Fest
2 May 2024
I never saw this movie when it came out but fondly remembered the trailer because it starred Elizabeth Banks from Scrubs as the evil stepmom, so
I always wanted to see this movie. I am so glad I never bought a ticket back then because omg this movie is boring to the extreme. It is less of a horror movie and more of a chick flick. Just two girls sitting and talking, sitting and talking, sitting... and talking zzzzz.
It's only like 1 hour 15 minutes long excluding credits but it feels over 2 hours because how slow everything. The movie Doesnt pick up until the final half hour where the "mystery" starts to unravel and even then, really nothing happens until the last 10 minutes or so. Prior to watching this, I saw some reviews vaguely mentioning the twist saves the movie. 10 minutes in I chuckled and wouldn't it be funny if the twist is (I won't spoil it for you). And sadly I was correct.
After watching the movie, I decided to rewatch it and fast forward to certain scenes which are related to said twist, shown in an ending montage of earlier scenes. Doing so confirmed my suspicion that they scenes they montage do not match what was actually shown throughout the movie, which just insults the viewers' intelligence. However, on this second speed through, I did notice the director actually hid some little clues hinting at the ending via what at first watch appeared to be seemingly insignificant moments. This made me appreciate the film a little more. If it wasn't so godawful boring it could've been an easy 5+ stars.
It's only like 1 hour 15 minutes long excluding credits but it feels over 2 hours because how slow everything. The movie Doesnt pick up until the final half hour where the "mystery" starts to unravel and even then, really nothing happens until the last 10 minutes or so. Prior to watching this, I saw some reviews vaguely mentioning the twist saves the movie. 10 minutes in I chuckled and wouldn't it be funny if the twist is (I won't spoil it for you). And sadly I was correct.
After watching the movie, I decided to rewatch it and fast forward to certain scenes which are related to said twist, shown in an ending montage of earlier scenes. Doing so confirmed my suspicion that they scenes they montage do not match what was actually shown throughout the movie, which just insults the viewers' intelligence. However, on this second speed through, I did notice the director actually hid some little clues hinting at the ending via what at first watch appeared to be seemingly insignificant moments. This made me appreciate the film a little more. If it wasn't so godawful boring it could've been an easy 5+ stars.
The Screaming Skull
(1958)
Good Story, Mediocre Execution
30 April 2024
I think the film is a judged a little harshly. By no means a masterpiece, but it should be sitting hire than 3 stars. The overall story with the twist is actually fairly decent, and you can see how this inspired later works. The acting is also pretty solid, nobody seems to phone it in. The effects are good enough for the time period as well.
However the film really does drag for a good chunk. After the opening narration, which is beyond hilarious, viewers expect to see a lot more horror, gore, SOMETHING. Instead we get a lot of narration and backstory until the half hour mark where the scares start, and really the plot doesn't pick up until another 10-15 minutes later. Then it's full speed ahead until the end.
I applaud the film for what they were trying to do. They really do want you to question if Jenni truly is insane or if the supernatural is real or perhaps someone is just screwing with her head. Had they cut out a lot the fluff and focused more on the scares, this could've been an easy win.
However the film really does drag for a good chunk. After the opening narration, which is beyond hilarious, viewers expect to see a lot more horror, gore, SOMETHING. Instead we get a lot of narration and backstory until the half hour mark where the scares start, and really the plot doesn't pick up until another 10-15 minutes later. Then it's full speed ahead until the end.
I applaud the film for what they were trying to do. They really do want you to question if Jenni truly is insane or if the supernatural is real or perhaps someone is just screwing with her head. Had they cut out a lot the fluff and focused more on the scares, this could've been an easy win.
Attack of the Giant Leeches
(1959)
Fun Bad Horror
29 April 2024
If you want some silly backwoods redneck horror, this is the movie for you. The acting is surprisingly good all around for an otherwise forgettable horror film. Ken Clark in particular brings his top performance as the game warden equally considered about protecting the wildlife while preventing human casualties. Even some of the sillier side characters like the Walker couple and their home wrecker Cal is some of the best I've ever seen in low budget 50s horror.
The story starts off strong with local fishermen disappearing, chalked up to gator attacks until the warden has proof its giant mutated leeches. However in the second half, it starts to derail a bit with underground tunnels and convenient air pockets connected to the lake that the leeches live in despite it being started earlier they cannot survive outside of water.
Perhaps where this movie suffers the most is the creature effects. Rarely are effects good in this era of creature features, usually amateurish at best. But this movie takes it to an all time low. It is painful obvious giant leeches are humans in a cheap throw costume. Worse, they don't look like leeches but rather giant starfish because of how plainly you can see the crews arms and legs as they try to move around. The material itself almost looks like a large trash bag with suckers glued on, and the leeches don't wiggle or squirm but instead crab walk and uh... hump around. Honestly you will LOL at how bad this looks, particularly when they "devour" their captured humans by trusting all over them. Clearly their budget went into retaining the actors and location, and nothing else haha.
The story starts off strong with local fishermen disappearing, chalked up to gator attacks until the warden has proof its giant mutated leeches. However in the second half, it starts to derail a bit with underground tunnels and convenient air pockets connected to the lake that the leeches live in despite it being started earlier they cannot survive outside of water.
Perhaps where this movie suffers the most is the creature effects. Rarely are effects good in this era of creature features, usually amateurish at best. But this movie takes it to an all time low. It is painful obvious giant leeches are humans in a cheap throw costume. Worse, they don't look like leeches but rather giant starfish because of how plainly you can see the crews arms and legs as they try to move around. The material itself almost looks like a large trash bag with suckers glued on, and the leeches don't wiggle or squirm but instead crab walk and uh... hump around. Honestly you will LOL at how bad this looks, particularly when they "devour" their captured humans by trusting all over them. Clearly their budget went into retaining the actors and location, and nothing else haha.
Invisible Ghost
(1941)
A strange, albeit sad tale
27 April 2024
This movie is one of the more obscure Bela Lugosi films. Many will be drawn to this film solely because he is a staring character, and while he gives a commendable performance, he sadly does not save this movie from its own flaws. I have to give praise for the the concept: a widowed man's (Lugosi) mind cannot accept the reality that his wife is gone. During the day, he seems to act as if she is still with him, request her plate be set at dinner, seeming to converse with her, etc. At night her specter seems to appear to him, throwing him into a state of emotional shock, causing him to go into a murdering frenzy. This type of psychological horror I find fascinating, and I am surprised more movies have not been done to emulate this theme especially given todays obsession on mental illness and the supernatural.
As I said, Lugosi gives a strong performance. It is very sad watching a man clearly tormented by the loss of his wife yet unable to come to grips with this traumatic reality. The twist that is discovered is equally unique especially for it's time and I think helps play into the psychological horror/exploring mental illness. Sadly some of the other performances are not the strongest, and parts of the story feel rather rushed or blindly accepted at face value. I won't spoil anything, but you'll see what I mean around the halfway mark.
As I said, Lugosi gives a strong performance. It is very sad watching a man clearly tormented by the loss of his wife yet unable to come to grips with this traumatic reality. The twist that is discovered is equally unique especially for it's time and I think helps play into the psychological horror/exploring mental illness. Sadly some of the other performances are not the strongest, and parts of the story feel rather rushed or blindly accepted at face value. I won't spoil anything, but you'll see what I mean around the halfway mark.
Black Dragons
(1942)
WW2 Murder Thriller
26 April 2024
Warning: Spoilers
I'm surprised to see this movie rated so low as I thought the concept was pretty original. I see a lot of people couldn't follow the plot for some reason, but I thought it was rather straightforward albeit a bit rushed at the end. Overall I really like the story and the twist. However my chief criticism are the detectives (they seem unnecessary until the end when they magically deduce everything), as well as some as the acting. For people dying left and right, everyone seems rather nonchalant about it until the "damsel"has to do a generic scream. There are sadly even a few scenes where even Legosi isn't giving his best.
I normally try to avoid spoilers in my reviews, however because so many seem to struggle with the plot of this movie, I will explain what the gist is. If you haven't seen this movie and plan to, please stop reading if you wish to avoid spoilers.
The basic plot is during 1942 following Japan's attack on Pearl Harbor, Dr Saunders hosts a party at his house for 5 American business leaders/titans of industry crucial for the US war effort (weapons manufacturer, bomb maker, military base architect, ship builder, banker/government treasurer). As they celebrate, we see shots of various American infrastructure being sabotaged.
After the party ends, a man named Monsieur Colomb requests he sees Dr. Saunders for treatment. Saunders then falls mysteriously ill while allowing Colomb stays at his house as his guest. Over the next few days, we witness Colomb assassinate each of the original business leaders who attended Saunders' Party and leave their bodies at the Japanese embassy with a Japanese dagger in their hands as well as plastic surgery business card. Meanwhile 2 detectives are assigned to the case to solve the murders.
The problem with this movie is that it does wrap up everything in the last 5 minutes (as a lot of movies from this era tend to do). Personally, I still think it's easy to follow, however the 2 detectives seem to magically have a breakthrough by somewhat deducing that Colomb is both responsible for the murders as well as an imposter. I've seen some complaints of Colomb "magically vanishing". On the one hand I see the argument, on the other, it's done to show Colomb is a master escapist and this movie doesn't do anything other movies haven't.
It is revealed through flashbacks that Colomb is actually a brilliant Nazi plastic surgeon named Dr. Melcher hired by the Japanese empire. The Japanese recruit Melcher to operate on 6 of their best spies to transform them into exact copies of Dr Saunders and the 5 other American business leaders we see at the start of the film. Once the operation is a success, the spy impersonating Saunders decides to throw Melcher into prison for life as means to keep their secret safe; the 5 other spies agree. The spies then fly to American and successfully kill their targets and replace them with no one noticing.
Melcher having smuggled in his operating kit, meets his cellmate Colomb who is about to be released, and quickly swaps faces with him so he can escape. Once freed, he tracks down and kills the business leaders we saw at the start of the film, now revealed to be Japanese spies working to dismantle the Americans war effort by sabotaging their infrastructure and supply lines.
Finally it is revealed that Colomb/Melcher had permanently disfigured the spy impersonating Dr. Saunders. When the detectives insist Melcher reverse his operation on "Saunders", Melcher then dies from poison he ingested forcing "Saunders" to spend the rest of his life disfigured as punishment for falsely arresting him for life. Ironically the very man hired to sabotage the Americans war effort (aka Melcher) ended up saving it by removing all the Japanese saboteurs.
All in all I think it's a very original story. To this day, I still haven't seen any other movie where a Nazi inadvertently saves the US war effort via a revenge scheme. This alone will make the movie very memorable for me. It just isn't a horror flick and shouldn't be billed as such. Maybe more murder mystery or thriller drama.
I normally try to avoid spoilers in my reviews, however because so many seem to struggle with the plot of this movie, I will explain what the gist is. If you haven't seen this movie and plan to, please stop reading if you wish to avoid spoilers.
The basic plot is during 1942 following Japan's attack on Pearl Harbor, Dr Saunders hosts a party at his house for 5 American business leaders/titans of industry crucial for the US war effort (weapons manufacturer, bomb maker, military base architect, ship builder, banker/government treasurer). As they celebrate, we see shots of various American infrastructure being sabotaged.
After the party ends, a man named Monsieur Colomb requests he sees Dr. Saunders for treatment. Saunders then falls mysteriously ill while allowing Colomb stays at his house as his guest. Over the next few days, we witness Colomb assassinate each of the original business leaders who attended Saunders' Party and leave their bodies at the Japanese embassy with a Japanese dagger in their hands as well as plastic surgery business card. Meanwhile 2 detectives are assigned to the case to solve the murders.
The problem with this movie is that it does wrap up everything in the last 5 minutes (as a lot of movies from this era tend to do). Personally, I still think it's easy to follow, however the 2 detectives seem to magically have a breakthrough by somewhat deducing that Colomb is both responsible for the murders as well as an imposter. I've seen some complaints of Colomb "magically vanishing". On the one hand I see the argument, on the other, it's done to show Colomb is a master escapist and this movie doesn't do anything other movies haven't.
It is revealed through flashbacks that Colomb is actually a brilliant Nazi plastic surgeon named Dr. Melcher hired by the Japanese empire. The Japanese recruit Melcher to operate on 6 of their best spies to transform them into exact copies of Dr Saunders and the 5 other American business leaders we see at the start of the film. Once the operation is a success, the spy impersonating Saunders decides to throw Melcher into prison for life as means to keep their secret safe; the 5 other spies agree. The spies then fly to American and successfully kill their targets and replace them with no one noticing.
Melcher having smuggled in his operating kit, meets his cellmate Colomb who is about to be released, and quickly swaps faces with him so he can escape. Once freed, he tracks down and kills the business leaders we saw at the start of the film, now revealed to be Japanese spies working to dismantle the Americans war effort by sabotaging their infrastructure and supply lines.
Finally it is revealed that Colomb/Melcher had permanently disfigured the spy impersonating Dr. Saunders. When the detectives insist Melcher reverse his operation on "Saunders", Melcher then dies from poison he ingested forcing "Saunders" to spend the rest of his life disfigured as punishment for falsely arresting him for life. Ironically the very man hired to sabotage the Americans war effort (aka Melcher) ended up saving it by removing all the Japanese saboteurs.
All in all I think it's a very original story. To this day, I still haven't seen any other movie where a Nazi inadvertently saves the US war effort via a revenge scheme. This alone will make the movie very memorable for me. It just isn't a horror flick and shouldn't be billed as such. Maybe more murder mystery or thriller drama.
Fallout
(2024– )
Pleasantly Surprised
13 April 2024
I'll start it by saying I am a fan of the games, and when I first saw the trailer I had my doubts. Many current day live adaptions have been abysmal in the last few years (Rings of Power, The Witcher, Resident Evil. However this show finally breaks that mold.
The show is good. The main character Lucy actually undergoes a decent character arc. She is over trusting and kind to fault, something you can't be in the hostile Wasteland. However when she does try to take matters in her own hands, it can equally drastically backfire causing her to constantly doubt what is the right thing to do. She is in no way a Mary Sue. She gets bruised, bloodied, stabbed, captured and again clearly is very naive as to how the world should work with dramatic consequences to her actions.
The world of Fallout looks amazing. From the designs of the retro style cozy vaults to desolate, irradiated Wasteland, it very much captures the feel of the games. The creatures also look great. The irritated monsters are terrifying, be they ghouls, radroaches, or giant abominations. There are also plenty of Easter eggs or winks to games for those who have played them. And I personally loved how the story was split between the past of how the Vaults came to exist/history of Vault tech just before the Great War and then current day survivors in the post apocalyptic Wasteland.
Is the show perfect? No which is why it's not a 10. But it's not bad either. Again as someone who played the games I really enjoyed this series. I really don't understand the negativity because this is leaps and bounds better that Netflix's treatment of the Witcher or what Rings of Power did to LotR. But hey, not everything is for everybody.
The show is good. The main character Lucy actually undergoes a decent character arc. She is over trusting and kind to fault, something you can't be in the hostile Wasteland. However when she does try to take matters in her own hands, it can equally drastically backfire causing her to constantly doubt what is the right thing to do. She is in no way a Mary Sue. She gets bruised, bloodied, stabbed, captured and again clearly is very naive as to how the world should work with dramatic consequences to her actions.
The world of Fallout looks amazing. From the designs of the retro style cozy vaults to desolate, irradiated Wasteland, it very much captures the feel of the games. The creatures also look great. The irritated monsters are terrifying, be they ghouls, radroaches, or giant abominations. There are also plenty of Easter eggs or winks to games for those who have played them. And I personally loved how the story was split between the past of how the Vaults came to exist/history of Vault tech just before the Great War and then current day survivors in the post apocalyptic Wasteland.
Is the show perfect? No which is why it's not a 10. But it's not bad either. Again as someone who played the games I really enjoyed this series. I really don't understand the negativity because this is leaps and bounds better that Netflix's treatment of the Witcher or what Rings of Power did to LotR. But hey, not everything is for everybody.
Very Disappointing
31 March 2024
I am a huge Dracula fan. To this day, it is still one of my favorite books, one which I've read again and again. So when I saw they were doing a movie based on the Demeter voyage chapter, I was very excited. However this movie just didn't do it for me.
One of the biggest complaints is the run time. It's 2 hours long and you can really feel it. It starts off strong with a solid opening, then doing a decent job building the suspense of the hidden terror lurking in the bowels of the ship. However, instead of ramping things up once we see Dracula, it instead drags it's feet to hit that long runtime. Likewise, the more we see of Dracula, the more the cgi effects look noticeably bad.
My other big complaint is that the movie takes a lot of creative liberty. Tbf in the book, all we really get is a brief captains log, which the movie does quote. But it's obvious the film's writers played the game "well the author didn't say this person wasn't there, so that means we can add them". For instance, the book never says they found a stowaway, but it "also didn't say they didn't find a stowaway " so let's add one, make her a female, and make her to be the only one with knowledge about Dracula while all the men are angry and dumb. The book never said there was child, but it "also never said there wasn't one" so let's add a kid because nothing ruins a horror movie's stakes like a having a kid since you know Hollywood would never approve of killing him off. The book never said they had a random black guy on board who happened to be a secret doctor and knows all about blood transfusion, but it "also never explicitly said this man wasn't there" so let's make him our main character, not the Captain of the titular ship who's log this whole movie is supposed to be based off of.
If you haven't read the books, this stuff probably won't bother you. But if you have read the books, you'll be disappointed the movie's writers played this stupid game to insert modern societal problems into an 1800s Russian shipping voyage. The big problem for me is the more time they devote run time to this trivial messaging about societal problems, the less time they devote to showing the horror and propelling the story, which is the whole point of a horror movie.
Cut this stuff out, the movie is noticeably shorter and has a much better flow. And this isn't a gripe on any of the actors, they all play the roles surprisingly well especially for a horror movie.
One of the biggest complaints is the run time. It's 2 hours long and you can really feel it. It starts off strong with a solid opening, then doing a decent job building the suspense of the hidden terror lurking in the bowels of the ship. However, instead of ramping things up once we see Dracula, it instead drags it's feet to hit that long runtime. Likewise, the more we see of Dracula, the more the cgi effects look noticeably bad.
My other big complaint is that the movie takes a lot of creative liberty. Tbf in the book, all we really get is a brief captains log, which the movie does quote. But it's obvious the film's writers played the game "well the author didn't say this person wasn't there, so that means we can add them". For instance, the book never says they found a stowaway, but it "also didn't say they didn't find a stowaway " so let's add one, make her a female, and make her to be the only one with knowledge about Dracula while all the men are angry and dumb. The book never said there was child, but it "also never said there wasn't one" so let's add a kid because nothing ruins a horror movie's stakes like a having a kid since you know Hollywood would never approve of killing him off. The book never said they had a random black guy on board who happened to be a secret doctor and knows all about blood transfusion, but it "also never explicitly said this man wasn't there" so let's make him our main character, not the Captain of the titular ship who's log this whole movie is supposed to be based off of.
If you haven't read the books, this stuff probably won't bother you. But if you have read the books, you'll be disappointed the movie's writers played this stupid game to insert modern societal problems into an 1800s Russian shipping voyage. The big problem for me is the more time they devote run time to this trivial messaging about societal problems, the less time they devote to showing the horror and propelling the story, which is the whole point of a horror movie.
Cut this stuff out, the movie is noticeably shorter and has a much better flow. And this isn't a gripe on any of the actors, they all play the roles surprisingly well especially for a horror movie.
Becker
(1998–2004)
Season 1-4 Great
27 March 2024
The first 4 seasons are great. The show was very ahead of it's time. Great humor, both on the nose and edgy (by todays standards, normal back then) with solid character development. Dr. Becker is both the worlds most caring doctor but also the biggest jerk. However after season 4, they fire Reggie (the main love interest/ foil) and replace her with Chris. Chris was supposed to be a temporary character, but they fired Reggie and were forced to keep Chris for the sake of having a female side character/potential love interest.
Everyone hates Chris. Not a dig at the actress, she plays her role well but to just throw away 4 seasons of development between Becker and Reggie to then force something with a new character who is a more obnoxious version of Reggie is just too much. It's beyond obvious a lot of her dialogue was written for Reggie prior to the actress being canned, so seeing Chris make references to psychology or "knifing Becker fit years" just comes off very wrong.
Season 6 is even worse as the show loses yet another veteran character and replace him with another forced stand in. Bob "goes on vacation" only to never come back, so we get his "temporary replacement" Hector filling in for the rest of the season. Hector's lines were clearly written for Bob until the actor was dropped and they needed a last minute stand in. Sadly the overall humor of the show declines as they focus too much on flushing out relationships and speed character development along for the new/stand in characters.
Watch season 1-4 as they are great. Maybe season 5 if you're bored enough but don't waste your time with season 6. There's a reason CBS canceled the show halfway through this season.
Everyone hates Chris. Not a dig at the actress, she plays her role well but to just throw away 4 seasons of development between Becker and Reggie to then force something with a new character who is a more obnoxious version of Reggie is just too much. It's beyond obvious a lot of her dialogue was written for Reggie prior to the actress being canned, so seeing Chris make references to psychology or "knifing Becker fit years" just comes off very wrong.
Season 6 is even worse as the show loses yet another veteran character and replace him with another forced stand in. Bob "goes on vacation" only to never come back, so we get his "temporary replacement" Hector filling in for the rest of the season. Hector's lines were clearly written for Bob until the actor was dropped and they needed a last minute stand in. Sadly the overall humor of the show declines as they focus too much on flushing out relationships and speed character development along for the new/stand in characters.
Watch season 1-4 as they are great. Maybe season 5 if you're bored enough but don't waste your time with season 6. There's a reason CBS canceled the show halfway through this season.
Freaks
(2018)
Why Have I Never Heard Of This???
24 March 2024
I saw this film recently added on Netflix and figured I'd give it a watch. Oh man, what a ride it was. It starts of a little slow, making you think it's going to be possible a psychological thriller/horroresque film. A girl constantly locked in a house by her father with strict rules, who then leaves at behest of creepy old man claiming to be her grandpa. You think you know where this is going. But then the movie pulls the rug out from under you, and you realize why so many people are calling it one of the best sci-fi movies of current day. And once the curtain is pulled back, it cranks everything up to 11 all the way to the end.
The film can seem confusing at the start, and is done deliberately so. It makes the audience question what's going on just as the main character, a 7-year old girl, is slowly figure out the truth of the reality she's in. But don't worry, the movie does explain everything in due time, which is a feat in itself since it's only an hour and 45 minutes long.
The acting is very good, even the little girl. I never felt anyone was phoning it in. Everyone seems to take their roles very seriously and convey decent emotion, surprise, etc even if they are a random side character. The effects are also very well done. There is cgi used throughout, and while not groundbreaking, it is used sparingly enough that it serves its purpose and does not look cheap like a low budget ScyFy channel flick. The gore likewise is sparingly used but when it occurs on screen, they don't hold back. I wouldn't call it excessive, but rather realistic in that it conveys the seriousness/dark tone of the movie.
It's a shame this movie flew under the radar because it really is a cool film that clearly had a lot of effort go into it.
The film can seem confusing at the start, and is done deliberately so. It makes the audience question what's going on just as the main character, a 7-year old girl, is slowly figure out the truth of the reality she's in. But don't worry, the movie does explain everything in due time, which is a feat in itself since it's only an hour and 45 minutes long.
The acting is very good, even the little girl. I never felt anyone was phoning it in. Everyone seems to take their roles very seriously and convey decent emotion, surprise, etc even if they are a random side character. The effects are also very well done. There is cgi used throughout, and while not groundbreaking, it is used sparingly enough that it serves its purpose and does not look cheap like a low budget ScyFy channel flick. The gore likewise is sparingly used but when it occurs on screen, they don't hold back. I wouldn't call it excessive, but rather realistic in that it conveys the seriousness/dark tone of the movie.
It's a shame this movie flew under the radar because it really is a cool film that clearly had a lot of effort go into it.
Lover Stalker Killer
(2024)
The Cops Failed These People
3 March 2024
The documentary is a great example of cops giving zero shoots when a male reports a crime. There are plenty of times they could've intervened, tried to track down the stalker, issued police protection to those being stalked/harassed, have a squad car outside, do literally anything. Instead for weeks, months and even years they just threw their hands in their saying "nothing we can do but call us back if something happens again."
I think documentary does a decent job explaining Dave's story and everything he went through as well as how this affect everyone in his life. Where the documentary falls apart is during the final 20 minutes. They try to paint the cops as the victim in all of this. "This case took a toll on personal life, it affected my marriage my health blah blah blah. Had y'all done your job from the start, maybe this case could've been easier to solve, and there certainly would be a lot less victims/crimes had the stalker been caught earlier.
Worse is the evidence they bring forth for the final murder is really really shoddy. They arrest a woman for a murder of a woman that they aren't actually sure is dead, there's no body, no weapon, no DNA, just one lone finger print on an mint can. I'm sorry but this conviction will be very hard for many to stomach. I wish they presented either more evidence or arguments from the trial so we could at least buy the conviction. Instead the trial is glossed over in about 2 minutes. They go to court and then cut to the verdict.
In the end I honestly don't know what to believe other than it seems the cops failed everyone involved in the case except themselves and the prosecution. Great premise, great twist, but please give us more evidence, especially at a time where trust in law enforcement is at an all time low.
I think documentary does a decent job explaining Dave's story and everything he went through as well as how this affect everyone in his life. Where the documentary falls apart is during the final 20 minutes. They try to paint the cops as the victim in all of this. "This case took a toll on personal life, it affected my marriage my health blah blah blah. Had y'all done your job from the start, maybe this case could've been easier to solve, and there certainly would be a lot less victims/crimes had the stalker been caught earlier.
Worse is the evidence they bring forth for the final murder is really really shoddy. They arrest a woman for a murder of a woman that they aren't actually sure is dead, there's no body, no weapon, no DNA, just one lone finger print on an mint can. I'm sorry but this conviction will be very hard for many to stomach. I wish they presented either more evidence or arguments from the trial so we could at least buy the conviction. Instead the trial is glossed over in about 2 minutes. They go to court and then cut to the verdict.
In the end I honestly don't know what to believe other than it seems the cops failed everyone involved in the case except themselves and the prosecution. Great premise, great twist, but please give us more evidence, especially at a time where trust in law enforcement is at an all time low.
Avatar: The Last Airbender
(2024– )
Okay Not Great
25 February 2024
For fans of the show, this live action adaption is leaps and bounds better than the Cowboy Bebop attempt but not as good as One Piece. The avatar live action remake sits around a 5 for me. It does not deserve a 1, nor nor does it deserve a 10. I am sick of the review bombing at both ends of the spectrum.
To highlight the good: the special effects especially the various element bending is very good. It's great to see cgi used well, and the fire bending especially looks very real. I will say the worst cgi I've seen is Appa the flying bison, but it is nowhere as bad as current MCU status. The environments/sets and costumes also look very good. Everyone more or less looks their part, with the Kyoshi warriors in particular looking amazing. The acting is also very good and no one feels forced or phoned in. Saka, Ang, and Zuko are without a doubt the best acted characters in the show.
As for the bad: well it's everything else aka the story and dialogue. That does not mean the show is by any means terrible. It's just there is A LOT of exposition in this show particularly by the grandma in the first few episodes. Likewise the show went for a more adult theme (as the creators say) which I personally don't mind. However I am not seeing anything remotely adult as this show is TV-PG. Instead they simply cut out a lot of the humor. Again I wouldn't mind if they tried to make the show actually darker and more violent (which they don't do). But when the occasional humor does show up, it's hit or miss and when it missed it's downright cringe. Unle Iroh in particular was my favorite character in the cartoon, but in tisk version he's very awkward because the show doesn't display humor well. When he tries to be funny or quirky, it doesn't evoke the same laughs as the original animation did.
Another big down side is a lot of stuff is rushed, losing a lot of the character development and emotional weight of the show. For instance, Saka is no longer sexist which was a huge character flaw he had in the cartoon where he ultimately learned to overcome this. The show runners said they deliberately took this feature away from Saka as they felt modern audiences couldn't handle that. So to translate, 20 years ago when we were all kids, we were somehow mature enough to handle Saka being sexist and learning overtime to respect women especially as warriors, but now that we are all adults we can't handle this theme especially when this show is being "remade for adult audiences"? Please someone make it make sense for me.
I could go on but this review is long enough. Ultimately if you're a fan of the animated show, you will love the environments, effects/bending, and costumes being translated to real life but disappointed with how much of the story and character development got cut. If you've never seen the show, you will also think the show looks good but may find the characters rather boring since the creators were too scared to give them any flaws or weaknesses aka personality. In an effort to make everyone more human, they've made all the characters less human.
To highlight the good: the special effects especially the various element bending is very good. It's great to see cgi used well, and the fire bending especially looks very real. I will say the worst cgi I've seen is Appa the flying bison, but it is nowhere as bad as current MCU status. The environments/sets and costumes also look very good. Everyone more or less looks their part, with the Kyoshi warriors in particular looking amazing. The acting is also very good and no one feels forced or phoned in. Saka, Ang, and Zuko are without a doubt the best acted characters in the show.
As for the bad: well it's everything else aka the story and dialogue. That does not mean the show is by any means terrible. It's just there is A LOT of exposition in this show particularly by the grandma in the first few episodes. Likewise the show went for a more adult theme (as the creators say) which I personally don't mind. However I am not seeing anything remotely adult as this show is TV-PG. Instead they simply cut out a lot of the humor. Again I wouldn't mind if they tried to make the show actually darker and more violent (which they don't do). But when the occasional humor does show up, it's hit or miss and when it missed it's downright cringe. Unle Iroh in particular was my favorite character in the cartoon, but in tisk version he's very awkward because the show doesn't display humor well. When he tries to be funny or quirky, it doesn't evoke the same laughs as the original animation did.
Another big down side is a lot of stuff is rushed, losing a lot of the character development and emotional weight of the show. For instance, Saka is no longer sexist which was a huge character flaw he had in the cartoon where he ultimately learned to overcome this. The show runners said they deliberately took this feature away from Saka as they felt modern audiences couldn't handle that. So to translate, 20 years ago when we were all kids, we were somehow mature enough to handle Saka being sexist and learning overtime to respect women especially as warriors, but now that we are all adults we can't handle this theme especially when this show is being "remade for adult audiences"? Please someone make it make sense for me.
I could go on but this review is long enough. Ultimately if you're a fan of the animated show, you will love the environments, effects/bending, and costumes being translated to real life but disappointed with how much of the story and character development got cut. If you've never seen the show, you will also think the show looks good but may find the characters rather boring since the creators were too scared to give them any flaws or weaknesses aka personality. In an effort to make everyone more human, they've made all the characters less human.
David Spade: Nothing Personal
(2022 TV Special)
Painful
6 February 2024
I used to like David Spade, but this was painful to watch. You know it's going to be a bad special when the first 10 minutes is about dealing with covid lockdowns and why we should never hug or shake hands ever again. I kept waiting for the funny. It never arrived, and instead I was treated to an hour of a middle age man telling mediocre stories doing bad voices. Even the audience was struggling through this. At most it sounded like maybe 20 people out of the 500 laughing. Like I said, I used to be a fan of David Spade, but this just seemed so divorced from his usual routine. Maybe he's trying to play it safe to avoid cancel culture but dang either find new material or hang it up.
The Kentucky Fried Movie
(1977)
Absurd, Ridiculous, Hilarious
6 February 2024
The humor in this movie is very much like Airplane! Except broken up over a period of shorts instead of one continuous movie. Despite being from the 70s, the references and parodies are popular enough that people will understand most of them (except for maybe Gen Z...). Does every joke land? No but the ones that do had me busting. What really did it for me was the absurdity of some of these bits. Sometimes the humor is super random, other times it's very on the nose, and then it gets really morbid really fast. I don't want to list which commercials were my favorite because I'd hate to spoil the fun of just how random this movie gets. Again a bit of the humor really is just going "holy cow I can't believe they just went there lol". Definitely give this movie a watch if you like Airplane!'s style of humor and want a quick laugh.
Fraternity Vacation
(1985)
Oddly Wholesome
2 February 2024
80s teen comedies can be very hit or miss. Sure there are the classics everyone knows and then there are less known ones that can be either cheap ripoffs or just down right bad. But this film was surprisingly entertaining. Yes it was funny and yes the premise is a bunch of guys try to get laid on spring break, but there is a lot more to this movie. The main character is a nerd who just wants to be accepted wether it's by his friends or by a girl. Meanwhile he seems the only guy who appears to be getting lucky which blows the minds of the frat guys and jocks which makes for some funny moments and reactions.
The humor is surprisingly smart at times and far more tame than say the American Pie movies. That does not mean this movie is bad or skips on the nudity, there is plenty. But the movie just seems to find the right playful balance between being silly and also raunchy when needed while also sending a message about the importance of treating people especially women with respect. Bottom line: the formula works and you should check this movie out.
The humor is surprisingly smart at times and far more tame than say the American Pie movies. That does not mean this movie is bad or skips on the nudity, there is plenty. But the movie just seems to find the right playful balance between being silly and also raunchy when needed while also sending a message about the importance of treating people especially women with respect. Bottom line: the formula works and you should check this movie out.
Zach Galifianakis: Live at the Purple Onion
(2006 TV Special)
Hang In There
30 January 2024
I won't lie, it starts off rough. It takes a bit for Zach to get good, but once he's 2-3 beers in, it gets much better. Zach has a lot of one liners and silly characters, some land, some don't. He also likes to pick on the audience, somethings it's funny, sometimes it's just painful. But the drunker he gets, the more entertaining he is. What starts off cringe turns into a laughing fit by the end, you just need to hang in there. By no means tho will every joke land, and for some I can understand why they'll bail out early. Again, it starts out rough.
Interspersed throughout the show is cutaways to Zach talking about his life or playing a character as his "brother". These bits are odd but very humorous. If you are a fan of the Hangover, you will see where a lot of the inspiration for Zach's role comes from between his jokes and his characters.
By the end tho, it is funny. And shout out to Carl, the real hero of this special. We need more good sported audience members like you.
Interspersed throughout the show is cutaways to Zach talking about his life or playing a character as his "brother". These bits are odd but very humorous. If you are a fan of the Hangover, you will see where a lot of the inspiration for Zach's role comes from between his jokes and his characters.
By the end tho, it is funny. And shout out to Carl, the real hero of this special. We need more good sported audience members like you.
Bigfoot's Wild Weekend
(2012)
This Movie Gets An A For Awful
30 January 2024
You know it's bad when the women displayed on the promo image don't appear in the movie. I saw this on Amazon prime and wish I hadn't. The redhead on the promo card looked cute. Well there's no redhead in this movie...
This movie is one of the worst things I've seen. The acting is bad amateur soft core porn level. Everyone is reading off of cue cards or struggling to remember simple lines with zero emotion. I almost want to say this is a soft core porno, but there are very few nude scenes. The girls are not attractive either. They aren't ugly but don't expect any big T's. One really comical scene is there's a girl on girl scene and nothing is really shown, but one girl moans like there's no tomorrow because her calf is being rubbed. Not her lady bits, not even her thigh, but her calf and ankle...
Truly an awful, awful movie.
This movie is one of the worst things I've seen. The acting is bad amateur soft core porn level. Everyone is reading off of cue cards or struggling to remember simple lines with zero emotion. I almost want to say this is a soft core porno, but there are very few nude scenes. The girls are not attractive either. They aren't ugly but don't expect any big T's. One really comical scene is there's a girl on girl scene and nothing is really shown, but one girl moans like there's no tomorrow because her calf is being rubbed. Not her lady bits, not even her thigh, but her calf and ankle...
Truly an awful, awful movie.
RoboCop
(2014)
Ignore The Haters
30 January 2024
The original movie was very much a movie of its time. This version is very much a movie of our time. It keeps some themes and references/Easter eggs from the original movie but very much creates its own unique story and depiction of Robocop. I liked how in this movie Robocop'a family plays a much more pivotal role, where as in the original his family only appeared in flashbacks or a brief scene in Robocop 2. This movie also explores Robocop's human side a lot more. Whereas the original presented his humanity as glitches or system failures/flashbacks, this movie instead brings Alex Murphy much more to forefront. We see his his thoughts/emotions and how they influence his actions.
Detroit also changes. In the original, it was this very poor, rundown dystopian place that sold out to corporations. Here it's very realistic. Yes there is still crime (it is Detroit after all), but now it is vibrant, clean, real looking. OPC too has gone from this mega corporation that owns practically everything to instead a futuristic tech company. There's still the greed and corporate lobbying, but the employees are more real. They don't come off as well Weyland Yutani company men from the Alien movies, that is heartless jerks who only want $$$. Instead they actually seem real. There's decision making, rationalizing vs ethics, but also employees who try to do what's right. Those who see Robocop as just a product vs those who see it as Alex Murphy. Everyone in this movie just seems real/believable instead of parodies of society or corporatism.
In no way is this movie a ripoff or scene-for-scene recreation nor does this movie try to be. If you've never seen Robocop before, you will like this as it's a very good, well acted action movie. If you like the original and have an open mind, you will probably like this new depiction as it expands on some themes present in the old while also bringing in new ideas making it relevant to our digital age.
Detroit also changes. In the original, it was this very poor, rundown dystopian place that sold out to corporations. Here it's very realistic. Yes there is still crime (it is Detroit after all), but now it is vibrant, clean, real looking. OPC too has gone from this mega corporation that owns practically everything to instead a futuristic tech company. There's still the greed and corporate lobbying, but the employees are more real. They don't come off as well Weyland Yutani company men from the Alien movies, that is heartless jerks who only want $$$. Instead they actually seem real. There's decision making, rationalizing vs ethics, but also employees who try to do what's right. Those who see Robocop as just a product vs those who see it as Alex Murphy. Everyone in this movie just seems real/believable instead of parodies of society or corporatism.
In no way is this movie a ripoff or scene-for-scene recreation nor does this movie try to be. If you've never seen Robocop before, you will like this as it's a very good, well acted action movie. If you like the original and have an open mind, you will probably like this new depiction as it expands on some themes present in the old while also bringing in new ideas making it relevant to our digital age.
Motel Hell
(1980)
Ridiculous But Works
28 January 2024
This movie is like if someone took the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and set it in the backwoods of North Carolina, but added a little more humor. Instead of making chili, the sadistic brother and sister are making world famous jerky. The acting is surprisingly decent for a low budget, forgotten horror movie. The story is a bit more suspenseful, slowly building to murders and the suspense of the main character catching on to what the "meat" smokers are up to. Rory Calhoun (Vincent/ the old man) really stands out as he does remarkable job of switching back and forth between appearing as a comforting and compassionate figure to a sadistic and insane killer. If you're looking for an hour and a half to kill, give this a watch.
Klown Kamp Massacre
(2007)
Terrifying True Story
26 January 2024
This movie is like Killer Klowns from Outer Space meets the slasher element of Friday the 13th. The effects are nothing groundbreaking and the acting ranges from mediocre to okay. However, it should be noted this is based of a true story from the early 2000s. Clowns are inherently creepy, but to see them get killed off for just clowning around adds a twisted element, and knowing it's one of their classmates offing them because of his twisted sense of humor is even more terrifying. There are psychos and wackos everywhere in the real world, even at clown school (yes this is a real thing). It's a circus out there folks, stay safe.
Kevin James: Irregardless
(2024)
Hilarious
26 January 2024
I'm surprised to see this so poorly rated. I am a big fan of Kevin James and thought it was funny. Unlike a lot of "modern" comedians, Kevin Doesnt bother being political or telling "safe" jokes. He's never offensive either, but he calls out easy current generations have it and how soft our society has become. Kevin is older now with kids, so naturally his comedy reflects this. Kevin has also lost a lot of weight from his The King Of Queens days, and it's great to see him branching out from of his food and fatty comedy now that he takes care of himself. My only gripe is he spends the last chunk of his comedy talking about the wife, and while not offensive or anything, it just drags on a bit much that it's no longer funny.
The Pope's Exorcist
(2023)
Zero Scares
23 January 2024
Idk why people give this movie such high scores. There are zero scares in this movie. Instead it is just a drawn out story about a priest confronting his demons, both literal and metaphorical. Personally I found this movie very boring. The opening scene is good, albeit not scary, but it just goes downhill from there. It seemed like it written by either 3 different people or maybe AI as the movie is all over the place. You have a very cliche family where we first see the daughter has horrible teenage angst against her mom, only for that to never pop up again in the movie. You also have a side plot that explores the church possibly being evil and priests are corrupt like abusing minors only for that to get thrown out the window about 2/3rds in. Meanwhile our main character tries to confront his guilt of being in a war but never firing a shot, but then also his guilt of not treating some mentally disturbed who think they are possessed (but aren't because they are just crazy). It just seemed like the writers did not know what story they wanted to tell so they just through it all in and hoped for the best.
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