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Cannibal Holocaust (1980)
Horrifying, Brutal, Disgusting, but Great
Cannibal Holocaust is a 1980 Italian horror movie directed by Ruggero Deodato which is shot in a documentary style. It sounds campy by the title, but it is anything but. It has been often titled as the most controversial movie of all time. If you measure controversy in terms of international legal action, then that might very well be a true title. If it wasn't outright banned in a country, it was almost always censored heavily due to its graphic violence, animal cruelty, and allegations of murder of some of the actors. With the murder charges dropped, only now did the original, uncut version become available for consumer viewings, and it's no surprise to those that have seen it that it still shocks and disgusts to this day.
The premise is that a group of film students at NYU go to the heart of the unsettled and uncivilized South American rainforest, dubbed "The Green Inferno", in order to shoot a film about the natives there and their customs. They never return however, and an anthropology professor embarks on a rescue mission to discover the fates of the students. I don't think this is much of a spoiler given the title of the film, but surprise, he discovers that they were eaten. The film they shot, however, remains intact, which he takes back to New York, and is viewed by the film executives who were responsible for publishing the original film. Despite the preconceived notions the viewer probably has about the "savages" vs the "civilized" filmmakers, it becomes apparent upon watching who the real savages were. Murder and rape of the natives, along with the brutal animal slayings performed by the students with smiles on their faces, all for the sake of filmmaking, will disgust you to your core. As the professor says at the end of the film, "I wonder who the real cannibals are."
Personally, the most fascinating aspect of the film for me is that I consider this one of the most revolting films ever made, but not because of the actual violence. Don't get me wrong, it can be bloody and horrific, but strictly speaking in terms of gore it's not bad compared to modern torture porn films. The real reason it sends shivers down your spine is because of the incredible disregard for life and a lack of basic humanity in people that surround us every day. I won't spoil these horrendous acts because honestly they need to be seen to be believed as to how terrible they are. Another reason the film is so brutal is that it never lets up and never pulls a punch. The horror is nonstop, especially during the sections set in the Green Inferno. Even the ways that the film producers shrug off much of the horrifying acts shown in the recovered footage are sickening to me.
The most controversial aspect of the film is probably the genuine animal slayings portrayed on film. Even though I am a meat eater, this is where I feel the film's biggest blunder is. The point of the film is that us civilized people can be extremely savage, but actually killing animals for the sake of a movie, even one with a message such as that, is hypocritical to me. Even the director later regretted the decision to kill these animals. If you're of faint of heart, you will be horrified as to what you will see. In what is probably the most infamous scene, a large turtle is decapitated, has its exterminates cut off, and its shell torn off, followed by the removal of the entrails, all shown in graphic detail. Another scene people tend to point to is one in which a small monkey has its head chopped down the middle. To me, however, the most disturbing animal killing is one in which a coatimundi (a type of raccoon) is stabbed multiple times in the neck while it shrieks until it finally succumbs to its wounds. All the more horrifying is that the actors do these acts with smiles on their faces. I'm not sure how someone can do something like that and seem so OK with it, unless they are just as morally corrupt as the characters they portray.
Despite how disgusting and sickening the film is, I still recommend it, but with caution. This film is NOT for everyone and it is likely you may be sick to your stomach. Nonetheless, it is well acted, well shot, and well executed, animal killings aside. The political message behind it is refreshing, even though it will make you depressed and degrade your hope for humanity. You can find the original uncut version on YouTube, but know what you're getting into.
My Little Pony: Equestria Girls (2013)
Way Way Above Expectations, Excellent Addition
Like any brony, I was nervous about Equestria Girls. It appeared that the show had sunk to an all time low, simply because it was now taking place in high school. After seeing EG for myself, I can say without a doubt in my mind that this movie is excellent. It actually is one of my favorite offerings from the show recently. Other bronies in the theater seemed to agree with me, as therfe was much applause at the end.
In case you're unfamiliar with premise, a rogue student of Celestia's, Sunset Shimmer, has stolen Twilight's crown. Since the elements of harmony are useless without it, Twilight must retrieve it from where it has been taken: the human world. Here we see her struggle to adopt human customs, as well as reuniting with the human counterparts of her Equestrian Friends.
The best part of this move is the humor and nods to the fans. The writers really did a great job in this area, evident by the laugh riots that arose multiple times. The shows sense of humor is definitely here, so rest easy. There are also plenty of nods to the supporting cast and background ponies, and it's a blast looking for them all.
The only problem to me was the songs. I enjoy the songs usually, but here there were quite a few, mostly towards the end, and they're more poppy than the shows usual style.
Other than that, I am very pleased with EG. The humor is great, seeing the ponies in a different setting is amusing, and is just a lot of fun if you're open to it. Also, stay for the end of the credits for a little surprise any fan will appreciate.
Click (2006)
It's Humorous, It's Somber, It's Click.
I must admit, I'm not usually fond of Adam Sandler. His movies seem to involve the same character over and over with similar jokes, and for these reasons are why I was so surprised by Click.
The premise is that a workaholic, Michael Newman,(Sandler) is constantly doing projects for his boss and neglecting his family in the process. His actions are leaving him feeling dissatisfied with his life, but everything changes when he meets Morty (Walken), a mysterious employee of Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Morty bestows upon Michael a universal remote which can literally control the universe, whether it be speeding things up, slowing them down, skipping "chapters" through life, you name it. Michael begins to use this remote to get through life's "little" troubles, be it traffic, showers, sickness, unwanted sex, etc. It backfires on him later down the line when the remote programs itself to skip all these things automatically, forcing Michael to reevaluate just what is important in life.
The first thing that must be addressed about this movie is it is NOT a comedy all the way through. The first half is where most of the jokes are, but the film takes a serious turn towards the middle. If you're expecting a laugh riot, look elsewhere, or turn off the movie at the halfway mark. If I had known Sandler was doing drama, I probably would have skipped the movie entirely, but he surprisingly pulls it off quite well.
The humor is definitely typical Sandler stuff, and this might be enough to dissuade those that don't like his other movies. However, I would implore you to sit through the humor and see how you like the more dramatic parts. I actually teared up a few times, and that says a lot for me considering I didn't let loose a single tear for a lot of other famous "cry your eyes out" movies like Titanic.
There are many themes and morals being addressed here, the main one being "don't let the little things in life fly by" and "family comes first." By the films conclusion, I was looking at my own life through a critical lens, trying to figure out if I was guilty of similar crimes. It's a bit reminiscent of "It's a Wonderful Life" in many ways.
Overall, I'd say if you want a different kind of Sandler movie, this might be it. You could appreciate the dramatic parts in hand with the funny ones too. 9/10
Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island (1998)
The Darkest and Scariest Scooby Doo Movie, and One of the Best
Scooby Doo on Zombie Island was one of the first Scooby Doo movies I ever saw as a child, and it sure was one to start with. The movie itself is well made, with excellent animation that sets it apart from most "straight to video" movies. It also is one of the darkest and scariest Scooby Doo movies, and as a child I was left terrified.
The movie follows the Gang reuniting to tour Louisiana for Daphne's new TV show, where she wants to get footage of real ghosts, not just guys in masks. She just might get her wish when they're invited to the mysterious Moonscar Island by Lena, the housekeeper for Simone Lenoir, who has a plantation there. Once they arrive, they immediately start encountering supernatural activity, but I won't dare spoil for you what occurs. What I will say is that the imagery and plot can be truly horrifying, and not just by cartoon standards. If you intend on showing this to sensitive viewers, take caution.
What sets this movie apart from other Scooby Doo films and other children movies is that it takes the audience seriously. The humor is there, but it is actually rather scarce, instead giving way for plot development and plenty of scares. There also are little to no childish circumstances, leaving it a very enjoyable experience for both children and adults alike. Like I mentioned previously, the far darker tone of the movie is also a welcome addition, at least to me.
One last thing I can say for it is it has one rocking tune in it called It's Terror Time Again. It is awesome! You'll be head bobbin', I guarantee it.
If you enjoy Scooby Doo, or want something refreshingly original, check this out.
Bronies: The Extremely Unexpected Adult Fans of My Little Pony (2012)
Heart Warming, Inspirational, Phenomenal
I almost decided to not buy this documentary after hearing relatively mixed reviews about it. I decided to give it a shot to at least support the people behind it such as John de Lancie and Lauren Faust. After watching it, I'm so glad I decided to give it a chance.
"Bronies: The Extremely Unexpected Adult Fans of My Little Pony" (rolls right off the tongue) is a documentary following the stories behind several bronies, their discovery of the show, and the impact it has had on their lives, for the better or worse. It also includes much footage from various pony cons from around the world, namely Bronycon. As the movie goes on, we see how these cons bring people from all over the world, with different backgrounds, together with a common interest.
As a Brony myself, I was curious to see how my story of discovering the show and having this hobby would relate to others. While I did see a bit of myself in these young men, it was actually far more interesting to see what was different in our stories. Some of the events they describe, without spoiling anything, genuinely made me feel sorry for them, and at other times, proud of them. As the documentary continues, we see their lives intertwine at the Cons, and it really made me feel great to know that these previous outcasts now have people to share their interests with.
The interviews with John de Lancie, Lauren Faust, Tara Strong, and a few other people in the Brony community are very intriguing, since it's not all that common to hear opinions on a fanbase from the people the fanbase hails. It made my day to hear support from such well known people, especially since taking such a positive outlook on Bronies is often seen as risky in the media.
Also included is an animated song about the types of bronies sung by none other than de Lancie himself, however here he appears as his ponysona (the pony version of yourself.) The animation is top notch and is actually on par with the show itself. The only problem with it is that it is chopped up and spread out throughout the movie, when I feel it should have just been one whole piece like I originally saw it on Youtube.
By the time the credits were rolling, I was feeling prouder than ever to be a Brony. The movie clearly establishes that the stereotypical fat neckbeard basement dweller is not your typical Brony, in fact quite the opposite. Not only that, but seeing the charity work Bronies do, as well as just supporting each other and trying to create a "kinder, gentler" world, as Lauren Faust put it, really warmed my heart. I haven't felt much shame for being a Brony for a long time, but now there is none whatsoever. It even inspired me to find someway to get more involved in the community.
The only fault with the movie is that it is extremely one sided. Not that there is anything wrong with the Brony community in itself, but it doesn't mention that many online Bronies have become trolls and are a huge part of the reason that people have negative connotations with MLP.
Overall, this documentary stands as a tribute to the Bronies, and a great informative video to everyone else interested in learning about this cultural phenomena. If you're a Brony who feels alone or ashamed, watch this and you will no longer feel so down in the dumps. Definitely worth the price of admission.
Movie 43 (2013)
A Few Laughs Here and There, but Mostly Painful
Having nothing else to do on a Saturday night, I went to go see Movie 43 with my friends. I knew nothing about it so I had little to no expectations for it. Despite this, the film still managed to fall flat on its face, leaving me with a bad feeling, much as I'm sure Alex DeLarge felt in A Clockwork Orange.
The premise of the movie is extremely basic: A would-be producer is pitching various ideas for movies and advertisements to a Hollywood executive, and each is shown as it would look if filmed. This back to back barrage of random skits is much like the "Scary Movie" and "Epic Movie" films. Typically, I find most entertainment media with this style to be anywhere from bland to awful, and Movie 43 is no exception.
The most prevalent problem with Movie 43 is that it is simply not funny, for the most part. I shall admit that a particular skit about a home schooled boy and his parents desperation to recreate high school at home got me laughing a few times, but none of the others matched it. Not only are the skits really not all that funny, they're unbelievably ridiculous. The setups feel incredible forced and uninspired, and makes me wonder if this is really the best they could come up with. I do realize that it's humorous for a producer to be proposing these ideas in all seriousness, but this would be something that would work better for just one or two skits, not an entire movie based on the same running gag.
If you're interested in seeing this movie because of it's star studded cast, do not bother. Most of your favorites will get a few minutes of screen time at best, and trust me when I say they are not used to their full potential. I found myself shaking my head at every skit and thinking "Come one, *insert star name here*, you really agreed to this?"
Movie 43 is a perfect example of quality vs quantity. Although this type of movie relies on multiple short stories, I feel it would have been wiser to make fewer, longer skits with more effort put into each, rather than just skit after skit with not much thought in any of them. I only recommend this movie if you truly have nothing better to do with your time or money.
Begotten (1989)
Excellent Imagery and Audio, Poor Pacing
Begotten is a movie you're either going to love or hate. It's an experimental horror film, using only visuals to tell a story and shock the viewer. The sound of chirping crickets, combined with other noises such as water dripping, is all the audio you're going to get here. There is one piece of music you'll get on occasion, but it too is minimal and doesn't play that long.
The plot is basically a retelling of the story of Genesis, but in a skewed and bizarre manner. If you don't know what the plot is beforehand, you're going to be extremely confused as to what is occurring. However, maybe this is better, as it allows you to mold your own ideas.
Even if you know the plot, you'll never be 100% sure of what you're looking at, due to the high contrast and grainy picture. This causes the viewer to use his/her imagination to establish just what is going on. I read somewhere that the director described the movie being like a Rorschach test, and I can see how one would say that. All the visuals are open to interpretation.
There are only a few characters in the whole film, the first of which is God, depicted as a being in white robes bound to a chair. He is by far the most disturbing and interesting character in the film, but is also in it the least, unfortunately. In his place, most of the film follows Mother Nature and her son, Flesh on Bone, in a barren wasteland. While there, they encounter large creatures in primitive clothing who do horrendous things to both of them.
The film is legitimately creepy throughout, and even quite horrifying at times. The depictions of pain and suffering combined with the eerie visuals is one of the most unique and interesting horror devices I have seen in a long time.
The only flaw with this film is it's length and pacing. Although the movie is only 70 minutes, it still feels too long. Many of the scenes are unnecessarily lengthy, especially in the middle, and I found myself checking my watch on more than one occasion. Although the slow, grim pace is what makes the movie effective, they still should have made more cuts. If they reduced this film to 30 minutes, it would have been much more effective.
Overall, Begotten is an interesting piece of work that many will not understand, but will always hold a place in my book of horror history.
My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic (2010)
It Goes To Show What Great Writing And Characters Can Do
What's there to say about My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic that has not been said already? It's smashed gender boundaries and gained a huge fan base of "Bronies" and "Pegasisters", and I'm proud to be one of them.
Like most Bronies, I initially found nothing redeeming about the show. How could I? It's bright colors and girly appeal would turn off any "normal" 18 year old male, like myself. The only reason I watched it was because my girlfriend is a fan, and initially I didn't like it at all. I watched more episodes, and the more I watched, the more it started to dawn on me that I wasn't watching the show to "try it", I was watching it because I liked it. Eventually I found myself loving it, and have now reached true Brony status.
And why not? MLP:FIM is one of the highest quality cartoons I've seen since the golden days of Nick and Cartoon Network. For one thing, the characters are great. Although they fill pretty standard niches in television shows, they still come off as unique in their own ways and all are fun to watch. Luna is best pony, by the way.
Aside from the characteristics of the ponies, the show still has a lot to offer. Despite being targeted towards little girls, the humor is enjoyable by people of all ages. Often, it's more intelligent than the average slop on TV these days. The message behind the show is also very positive, and every episode ends with at least one of the ponies admitting what she has learned. It might seem tacky to some but I think it's great that they make the lessons obvious to younger audiences.
All I can really say is, give it a shot. Watch a few episodes, and see what happens. You might be surprised how quick you can be turned from hater to Brony. If you don't like it, thanks for being open minded. Just don't hate us for liking something you don't.
The Master of Disguise (2002)
A Grossly Underrated Comedy For Younger Audiences
This movie has gotten so much hate from reviewers on this site, and I can't help but notice many of them are adults. The fact is that this movie was not made with an adult audience in mind, and thus appeals much more to kids. I first saw this when I was 8 years old, and I loved it. Watching it again as an adult, I can see why anyone above the age of 12 would not like this movie, but as I said, that doesn't mean it's bad.
The plot is simple enough; an evil criminal kidnaps Pistachio's (Dana Carvey) parents in order to steal prized possessions from around the USA, and now Pistachio must learn how to utilize his family's ancient tradition of disguise to get them back. As the story goes along, we see Pistachio utilize many different characters to gain access to information, the most memorable being "Turtle Guy", and that really is the main point of seeing the movie: It has Dana Carvey doing all sorts of funny stuff. To this day, my friends and I still say quotes from his characters.
Unfortunately, aside from Carvey's performance, the movie doesn't have a lot to offer. Most of the other jokes are very immature and not funny even to little kids, such as a running gag where the main villain farts in the middle of his evil laugh.
For what it is, it's not worth seeing if you're a teenager or older, but if you have kids of your own, put this on for them and see if they like it.
Act of Valor (2012)
A Unique Experience Compared to Most War Flicks
Going into Act of Valor, I had no idea what to expect. It's a war movie, sure, but what kind? Pro-war? Anti-war? A neutral look? In reality, it is none of these, although it does glorify the SEALS quite a bit, perhaps deservingly so for the work they go through, but I digress.
What I saw was something many movies attempt but often fail at, and that is putting the audience into the shoes of a soldier in combat. You really feel the pressure and tension these brave men and women experience doing their job, which is helped by the fact that real explosions and ammunition are used throughout the movie. This is a breath of fresh air from the CGI domination in action movies these days.
This flick stands out for a few reasons, aside from the special effects mentioned. First off, the SEALS are portrayed using the appropriate tactics for given situations, AKA not going in guns blazing right away. Second, first person perspectives are used often, which helps put the viewer in the soldiers shoes. Lastly, the movie doesn't use too many unnecessary clichés, such as sex scenes, montages, and stereotypical troop behavior.
Unfortunately, not all is well with Act of Valor. The terrorists in the film are way too over the top, especially in appearance (every bad guy has a big beard and shaved head, right?), and the story is very basic and left a bit to be desired. These are my only two major complaints, but about the acting...
Many people are bashing the acting in the film, but is that really fair? The "actors" in this movie are soldiers, so what do you expect? This isn't a dialog driven movie, so even if the lines all come out flat toned, it really doesn't matter. They give brilliant recreations of combat and that is what counts the most here.
Overall, Act of Valor is a nice change from the typical action/war movie, although I will say it comes over as a little too patriotic, but I'll let that slide.
Drake and Josh Go Hollywood (2006)
Don't Question The Logic, Just Enjoy the Movie
After reading the reviews for this movie, it seems like the main reason it has been negatively reviewed is due to the unrealistic aspects of the movie. I'll admit, there are a lot of dumb moments. How does Megan get on the wrong plane when her ticket should have stopped her? How does she book such an expensive room for so long by herself? Why are the thugs so stupid? All of these things are silly, but in the end it doesn't really matter. Drake and Josh has never been a serious show, so don't take it seriously.
Having said that, the movie itself is actually pretty good. It feels more like a long episode than a movie, but that's what often happens with movies based on TV shows. The jokes are in the traditional Drake and Josh style, with the noticeable lack of a laugh track in the background. The only complaint I have about the humor is that Josh doesn't behave like he normally does, which does take away from the fun a bit. He seems too serious and doesn't make as many sarcastic comments about Drake here, nor does he do any of his, as one reviewer put, "Josh- gasms."
The story is adequate. It's obvious that the focus was on the jokes and not the story, and considering that the audience is composed of kids and young teenagers, this was probably a good idea.
There are some good moments in it aside from the humor. The fight scenes are OK but nothing too thrilling, and the car chases are pretty good by TV sitcom standards. There are a few moments where I actually felt legitimately feel good and bad for Drake and Josh, which is rare for me.
Overall, a pretty solid comedy if you look past it's obvious errors.
The Princess Bride (1987)
I Don't Get What's So Great About It, but Whatever Floats Your Boat...
I've heard a lot about this movie, especially praise for it's mix of comedy, romance, and action. Well, they certainly did have all 3, but none of them came off very effectively to me. Most of the jokes didn't work with me, evident by my family laughing as I sat in silence trying to deduce what was so comical about a given line. The action was not too exciting to me, although the coordination on the sword fighting was pretty good. The romance was...arguably absent, to put it gently. I didn't feel any real connection between Westley and Buttercup since they fell in love as soon as we are introduced to them. No build up, no suspense, no nothing. I also found the idea of them being in love totally unbelievable. He did odd jobs around the home and she fell in love with him? Pretty low standards there, Buttercup.
Aside from these ineffective aspects, the story also had me emotionally slamming my head against a proverbial wall. I always thought Twilight was the worst offender in the category of having a female lead who is totally bland and male dependent, which hence causes a completely agitating love story to ensue, but Buttercup and her relationship with Westly might just take the cake....OK that's going too far. However, it's still pretty bad, and the story suffers horribly because of it. Most of the movie came off as a way to please adolescent girls who dream of their own prince charming saving them from everything and tending to their every whim and issue. Aside from Buttercup, the characters range from forgettable, to decent, to pretty good. The only character I came to actually like was Inigo, but that isn't saying much given his competition.
Overall, I really don't get why this movie is rated so highly, but if people enjoy it, good for them. I'll be avoiding it from now on, however.
Paranormal Activity (2007)
An Above Average Horror Movie, Under Certain Condition
After hearing all the hype for this movie, I finally rented it on DVD and watched it, which brings me immediately to my first comment. Just like with the Blair Witch Project (and I will compare these two films throughout the review), this movie was made for a home viewing experience. There are a few reasons for this, the most obvious being that it is done in the "home movie" style, which theaters simply can't show and make it look good. The second is that this movie requires your complete attention, and if you watch it in a crowded theater, even one talkative person can ruin everything.
Now for the movie itself. No spoilers here, by the way. The plot is simple enough; a couple moves into a house, only to find that a paranormal presence (hence the title) is there with them. Much like the Blair Witch Project, encounters with this supernatural being grow more intense as time goes on. I won't give away the ending, but I will say that I found it to be a little predictable, but that doesn't mean it wasn't effective.
The acting is fine in my opinion. The actors portray ordinary people, and this comes through in the movie. I never felt like they were acting. Actually, it felt very natural.
With the plot and acting aside, I can now discuss the most important aspect of the movie: how scary it is. Well, this is a mixed bag. The biggest problem I had was that the ghostly activity only occurs at night, so when you see footage of the day, any tension you felt goes away because you know you are in "down time", and you know nothing will be there to scare you. The Blair Witch Project, however, didn't have this problem, as I felt fear during the day scenes almost as much as the night scenes. Also, Paranormal Activity is in a suburban home. Although this means more people can relate to the setting, the woods in The Blair Witch Project presented a more ominous and frighting environment.
The horror itself is actually pretty good. It is VERY subtle usually, with only a few "jump" moments being included. Due to this, many people deem this movie "not scary." Well, if you want a movie that uses loud blasts of sound to scare you, then this movie is not for you. Sorry that the producers tried something that takes imagination and patience to enjoy. Interestingly, much of the tension comes from the audio only. I can't really explain this without spoiling anything, so I won't. As for the visuals, the fact that the shots are done in the style of home movies makes it effective. If they had used ordinary camera work, these visuals would have been a joke.
To wrap things up, this movie will keep you in suspense for a good long while, with a few scares here and there, presuming you aren't the kind of person I mentioned above. I say, if you liked the Blair Witch Project, you'll probably like this. If you didn't, skip this movie. And if you liked this but haven't seen the Blair Witch Project, watch that immediately! You'll love it!
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Possibly The Scariest Movie I've Ever Seen
When I heard about this movie, I had no idea what was so special about it. To me, it seemed like a cheesy low budget movie that had no scary elements to it. Just a bunch of teenagers running around with video cameras in the woods. The spoofs of this movie didn't help either. Last Halloween, I decided to rent this movie and watch it alone one night. I don't think I ever had such trouble sleeping as I did that night. This movie is defiantly one of the scariest movies I have ever seen. It's a rarity when a movie scares me at all, let alone follow me far after the screen is turned off. It's a shame to me that this movie is so underrated. It is unfortunate that people hate this movie because of its lack of special effects, music, and other elements of the modern horror movie (most of which i despise). Perhaps the reason most people did not enjoy this movie is because they actually need to use some brain power to grasp the true horror of this picture. Unlike most horror movies these days where producers use flashy gimmicks to distract viewers from a lack of plot or writing, the Blair Witch Project uses only reality and believable situations, leaving a raw, shocking experience for those intelligent enough to enjoy it. To me, the reason this movie is so successful is because of how real it feels, and that your imagination is left to do so much. The plot could easily of been based on a true story, and many people actually thought this movie was real at its release. Despite not being real or based on anything, it isn't preposterous to think something like this can happen. As you may of noticed, I haven't mentioned anything specific about the movie. This is because once you know the basic idea, thats all you need. Anything more is spoiler, and will ruin the experience. Just trust me, if you are sick of most horror movies, give this a shot. Watch it alone, at night, with the lights out. It's an experience you will never forget.