Reviews

I like the British cast. Were they good or famous? Nope but they were British and that's good enough for me.

That's it. Bye.

No, of course not. I feel obliged to list the obvious unscientific gaffes and describe the less than cheap props or I burst.

Whoever directed this has never ever read up even one word about deep sea pressure. Yes, it's existence was mentioned when one of them clever people showed how he invented a submarine that can withstand the pressure at 37000 ft.

So far, so good. I don't mind B-movies if the story is interesting and have at least a little logic.

On the outside, that sub was very modern. Inside it was a shed. When they used that aluminium ladder I thought they were just getting to the sub, but it was the sub.

Corrugated iron walls, square walls, LED lights to make the command console look cool, some smoke, yup, just what you expect in a billion dollar/pound submarine. Oh yes, a plastic pipe, an exit sign for when you suddenly need to exit the sub, and a wobbly clap door. Hahaha.

Imagine the worst Dr. Who props. It was worse.

No but seriously. The highlight for me was the shuttle. It was bad enough that this new, technologically advanced sub had a bead curtain in one of the rooms, but the shuttle was literally plastic screens held together with gaffer tape, the kind you use to highlight stairs or pin wires to the floor with so that nobody trips.

How would that flimsy thing have withstood the pressure? Why invest so much money in a large one, when you can just have perspex and gaffer tape and it does the trick?

When the girl who looked like Mrs Brittas from Brittas' Empire was dead, they left her lying around for some minutes until Harry Potter took it upon him to give it another try and brought her back. As you do.

Machine guns were fired and nobody cared that if just one bullet would get through that the whole sub would fold like a tin can under a steamroller.

Oh I forgot, it was already leaking like mad. Yet it still withstood the pressure. Amazing feat.

My favourite were the creasy linen wings belonging to Mr. Cthulu. Please someone give him an iron, but he can't even move, only stand in one place moving his head and going Rrrraaawww!

Would I recommend this film?

Well absolutely not as a sci-fi movie or a story to be told.

You could however watch it and get a lot of amusement out of it with friends around.

I had to fast forward in the end. The best scene was the last, but even that was kind of botched.

I won't forget this in a hurry. I am still laughing.

I was a teen when the first evil dead came out and when I finally watched it, it was a refreshing mix of funny and really disturbing. At least then it was.

The others were ok t watch too, at least there was always some sort of story.

Not in this one. I have watched thousands of horror movies and this is one where I got bored of the so called scary scenes, because that is all it is.

No subtle, creeping horror or discomfort, oh no, just wham, bam, slap you round the head gore and stupid things nonstop. So much that I got bored and stopped about half way through.

Yes, you can get bored mindless whilst blood is flowing, eyes are popped and low intelligent demons crawl along ceilings...if it happens with no actual breaks, or story.

It's like some lame folk got together, wrote everything they thought would be scaawy on a list, and filmed it all in succession for you to watch, but there is no story to it.

Imagine going to a restaurant and instead of a carefully chosen 3 course meal they serve you absolutely everything they have, rapidly, one after the other.

Guess you'd leave there soon too.

This is the film.

Biggest spoiler is really that I knew the 'twist' from the very first scene in the cab. I hoped the whole time to be wrong, but I wasn't.

So I watched the whole film with knowing what was going on and it made it even more boring. I held out though.

The acting wasn't even that good to be honest, sorry Tilda fans.

The only actor that shone like a beacon of light and made me think how he was so spot on in so many scenes, was Louis the Spaniel. Hope he's going to get many more roles, a talent undiscovered.

One thing that I didn't get either was the role of the slightly dodgy receptionist. When I say slightly dodgy I mean ever so slightly. Still polite but with a problematic boyfriend. I hoped there was a reason for this peek into a normal young woman's life, but there wasn't.

I do not recommend this film unless you want something on in the background that doesn't make much noise. This would have even been obvious and boring as a short film. I gave it a 3/5 because it wasn't the worst film I've ever watched, but it certainly was the least surprising mystery in a film and without it, the film becomes useless and tedious.

There was no need to remake this classic. Yet they did. Not better though. As a matter of fact it is lacking all the charm that all Stephen King adaptations have always had.

The kind where you feel part of the story, where the characters are almost your friends, where you feel as if they are your very neighbours.

Usually with any Stephen King film, you want to sit on a sofa with a blanket and have a nice hot drink because you know you'll get drawn in.

Well, not this one. This one took the idea, placed lifeless dolls where there used to be actors, took away any of the ambiences of Stephen King films and totally missed the feeling they normally have.

Someone who doesn't understand at all, made this. Like someone who makes a period drama but doesn't get the Zeitgeist of the era.

You don't feel the girl's rage at at all. So what she does seems just dumb. The mother just kind of dies and you don't feel anything. A cat gets burned and you wonder why did the girl do this?

It seemed to be more bothered about political correctness than any emotions.

Soulless is the word.

I kind of switched off after the cat scene and the dumb joke about it's pronouns, because it had not given me anything that enhances my life and I didn't see it getting better.

Do yourself a favour, skip this one and watch the original. Especially if you've never seen this film before.

I didn't want to write a review but after seeing the low rating and the strange reviews that call this film the worst ever, I had to write my own. Normally you get it the other way round, lots of stars for a nothingburger.

This is what puzzled me.

Anyway, here is an honest review.

Low budget, yes. Bad acting, not really, they were all doing their best and that wasn't too bad at all. It wasn't Shakespear but hey.

Cinematography was professional, didn't look like filmed by a group pf mates with a phone.

Storyline was never boring, it was flawed in quite a few places but that didn't stop me from wanting to watch the lot. I felt like watching a Punch and Judy show, shouting at the people in the film when they did silly things and slapping my forehead when they didn't listen.

It was actual fun to watch.

Not a serious, dark horror, more a light hearted but quite entertaining thriller.

The good people were likeable, the bad ones unlikeable. You can't really guess who is telling the truth or why things are the way they are, which keeps you on edge.

I have seen bad films, unwatchable ones, ones where I stopped watching 10 min before the end because it didn't matter. This wasn't one of them.

If you watched it one day out of boredom, you wouldn't have wasted your time. To compare it to food, if 'The Ring' would be Lobster, this would be a Burger meal. Cheap and cheerful, tasty enough and fun.

One thing though, what the heck happened to the boy?

Well shot, that's about it. Apart from the dark scenes and the whispering.

I knew from the very start what would happen, it's set up for idiots.

Then it happened, then there was a fight and then everything was fine.

All characters were unlikable. Oh, apart from the little spider. It was adorable.

Why should I care for a womanising wife beater or a daughter that robs her own dad? It was also instantly predictable, just from the pictures of her mobile, that the boyfriend was a headcase, so no surprises there either. I told myself the whole plot from the moment she smiled at her phone, before even showing him! That's how predictable it is.

That's it. No twists, no turns, no depth, no dialogue, no surprises. Just a linear film that had nothing valuable in store apart from maybe teaching you that a bad husband and father can have a change of heart if confronted by a mad murderer. You shouldn't have to watch this film to know this though.

Maybe it's because I am German, that this hit me more than some others. I couldn't find anything wrong with it. The whole atmosphere is kind of a dark office style. 60s mixed with late 2020s and a bit of 40s. The plot isn't too deep but it is very concerning. Basically people's bodies have to work off their debts by working when dead. Either by having information extracted, as incubation machines or as organ donors. Intertwined is a weird love story with two strange but likeable characters. That's it. However, even the simplest story can be told in a very intriguing way. This is one of them. Never loud, no shocks, no tricks to keep people artificially interested. You actually have to listen and concentrate and really get immersed. Best in the dark, wrapped in a blanket with no distraction. For those that can do that, you are in for a really good 90 min.

I wasn't bored once. If the plot thins, which it really doesn't, you can look at the background and the details. The gloominess and how people are trying to find happiness in simpler things. I am normally quite unemotional but this actually made me feel sad at the end.

Don't watch it if you want a boom boom, whaaaaa, clicky clacky, bang bang sci-fi with aliens and dinosaurs. You won't like it. For everyone else, I recommend this.

This is a strange one. I gave it 4/10. I could have gone lower but what stopped me was the performance of the actors who tried their best with nothing to try, and the production value and I did get some sort of entertainment out of it.

There were many holes in the plot and people just get buried and nobody really seems to look for them. The end is also not very good or deep. The police say this was reported as a murder homicide. By whom? Certainly not the husband of the murdered woman, as he couldn't have had any idea about the problem. Nobody could have known. Absolutely inexplicable.

That out of the way. It is watchable. If you pretend it is an episode of something like The Outer Limits, you can forgive quite a few faux pas' and just enjoy the ride, despite and maybe even because of the bad and often illogical script.

Nothing makes much sense, but you do kind of want to know what comes next. They tried a few twists at the end and even though you may shake your head at another silly thing it won't be in hatred.

I wouldn't recommend this as a first choice, but there is far worse out there and if you happen to have to watch it, you won't cry about it either. Rainy afternoon and bored and nothing else on? Then this will hit the spot just fine.

This wasn't actually too bad, a girl having to go through a lot and then being accused of being a witch. This all happens in an isolated village in the middle of a Welsh forest. The girl then learns some stuff about herbalism because a plague is going round the area. If you think there can't be diversity in 14th century isolated villages in Wales, you are wrong. An extremely young merchant from far away, Africa? also just happens to stumble around this isolated, plagued area in the early middle ages. How he ended up there is anyone's guess, considering the scene did not advance the film at all, I guess it needed to be shoehorned in in order to get funding.

All in all it isn't quite up to scratch, but it is good enough to enjoy. Lots of clichees, priest is dodgy, and a big revenge ending that teaches us that we shouldn't judge someone.They call her a witch but she actually isn't. I gave it 4 because it entertained me and didn't feel like a waste of time.

It started badly. When I mean badly, I talk about bad photo-shop jobs where they plastered faces on photographs of astronauts and couples getting married. I forgave them. After all, to me the story is far more important than small cosmetic issues.

Then it became mildly interesting. A strange space opening and massive spheres hanging in the sky. I thought that was quite good. Despite the news reader lady looking more like a bar maid than a serious anchor woman. Hey, I have enough imagination to look beyond that.

After that, something really interesting happened, even though it was utterly unbelievable. They quickly built a Human 2.0. A human robot hybrid they planned to sent through the void. Sounds really good doesn't it? Well it sort of wasn't bad. Kept me watching.

From there onwards however, it went steeply downhill.

Don't want to give too much away but imagine a really bad version of 'Contact', all lovely and friendly and lovey and benevolent and safe and ruddy, ruddy boring. At that point I was still hoping for an evil twist in the tail. Something like it was all a trick after all or humans will be their slaves or harvested for food or something with oomph. That would have got a 9/10 instantly from me.

Nope, just nicey, nicey, peaceful, humans are so wonderful, claptrap. I got my own back the only way I know and that was switching it off about 5 min before the end. Yeah, I switched it off. No interest whatsoever. They were just yapping about human kind and new humans and how beautiful everything is. Who cares? Not me!

Only watch this if you are scared of anything mildly exciting and just want a safe-space friendly science fiction. I gave it a 2/10 because of the potential it had and the interest it held in the first half.

Not for me, I like my aliens with teeth and saliva, bursting out of your body; but I am sure some people might like this film.

This is the first time I feel compelled to review a film I haven't even finished watching, but with this one I have to. I simply cannot watch any more without sharing my annoyance of the characters and a couple of 'long scenes'.

Well here is the spoiler so far, until 30min in: Woman moves away from trouble into a cabin. Lots of bad men around. One tries to con his way in, wearing a skeleton mask. Wow. He gets in anyway. Then the incredibly stupid decisions happen. I can't even be bothered to write them all out, needless to say that if you hit a dangerous intruder on the head and he is out, you don't leave the house as the mother, to get help and leave the guy on the floor with all the kids and leave him there untied, or really, really knocked out, you know, extremely!

And then, as if the character knows just how little the perpetrator is knocked out, she tiptoes around him, she knows he could wake up from her foot steps alone...yeah, guess what?

At that moment I gave up. Who wrote this? A 12 year old?

Oh and the other thing is the 'long scenes'. They are scenes, right, that are veeeeery loooong, unnecessarily so. I guess the director wanted to convey some sort of emotion with them, but what they really did was made me fast forward.

I will now continue this film with the knowledge I feel needed sharing. The fact that I am giving it another chance should help in some way to tell you it wasn't all THAT bad...but I don't think it will go over 3/10.

I am very forgiving when it comes to bad horror films. I can forgive bad acting, bad monsters, bad camera work, as long as the story is interesting or if I can see that someone at least tried to put some effort into a film.

At the start I thought that it may be cheesy but watchable. Half way through I thought, this is quite a bad plot i.e non existent but somehow kept watching because I was mildly amused and waited for some sense. Then the end came and my jaw fell open with confusion. You know the kind where the credits roll and you look around the room not knowing what just happened.

Basically there is no plot as such. It's about something but it makes no sense. Imagine a 'scary' cartoon, in a 'scary' setting that just is what it is for absolutely no reason whatsoever and no meaning either.

The end.

I feel that I need to comment on this film in more detail, so I can save someone's time. Don't go by the high ratings. I have no idea where they come from. Must be friends and family of the directors.

It already started weird but was sort of interesting. Anything could have happen and because I had no idea about this film, I kept watching.

Then something happened but it didn't really fit in with the start. It seemed that I was watching a subtle horror, when suddenly a ridiculous story line emerged. It was so unfitting that I assumed it was purposefully bad in order to highlight a mental illness or something.

But it never happened. The cartoon story was actually what the film was about. Stuff about Egypt and Pharaos and Princesses and a love story and a realm of hell and an amulet. I remember writing stories like that when I was 10. It was cringe worthy and tacky.

Up to the very end I gave the bad acting my benefit of the doubt, waiting to find out that the main character was actually in a mental institution, having imagined all of it...

But that would have been a good, clever ending. In reality, what you see is what you get.

An incredibly bad episode of the Outer Limits.

This is a neat horror. Nothing to deep but entertaining nevertheless. The human killings were different and hence less tedious. It has a sort of storyline that makes the change in the main character more believable. I really enjoyed this film and I would have given it a 7/10, so why didn't I?

For all those who cannot stand animal snuff, stay well away from this. They kill a deer. They not only kill a deer but film it's eyes whilst it is dying. I had to keep my eyes closed for the scene but caught far too much. The reason I kept watching was in the hope that it was CGI or trickery. Waiting until the last of the credits I was still hoping for the: "No animals were harmed in this movie" but it never came.

I still hope that someone will comment on this and tell me I was wrong, but until then I'll stick with my 1/10 because using a dying creature and its pain and fear to make a film more exciting makes me sick to the bone.

So animal lovers: Stay away.

Best to read after you've watched it but it may be fun to watch it with the following in mind:

If you like horror films but you are fed up with the usual Hollywood formula, if you like blood and gore, if you like slimy creatures and just want to watch an entertaining piece, this is for you.

Yes there are bad points, quite a few. For one the script must have been written by a 4 year old. There is no logic behind anything. People make decisions that are outright daft or rules and regulations are put in place that keep you wanting to ask "why"? The main actress is only good at one thing and that is calling someone's name. At some point I wanted her to suffer for shouting her husband's name more often than actually saying a whole sentence, but then she shouted someone else's name which gave it a bit of variety; sarcasm intended. The acting by the others is just as stiff and as a result you don't really care for either of them, apart from the little doggy, he was outstanding! The evil doctor for example seemed to have difficulties deciding if he was German or Russian because his accent was so bad. He sounded mostly German apart from once he used the harsh "h" and the word "comrade", which made me think he was supposed to be Russian.

Having said that, I still think it was extremely entertaining. Despite all the bad bits, it kept me watching and I switch off faster than you can say "unwatchable" when films are really bad. However, I didn't really care about an Oscar worthy performance or meaningful dialogue, because watching this was actually fun. For a low budget film, the camera work was actually quite good and the drab surroundings fitted the plot very well.

Personally I have to disagree that the scenes were disconnected. They were all part of the whole story and made perfect sense to me. Even the end made sense in its own warped style. No this film doesn't follow the sometimes very tedious horror formula and where it does, it handles it in a new style. It isn't ever going to win any major awards or stimulate you into any deep philosophical thoughts.

But hey!

Sometimes all you want is an entertaining, gory creature feature for a rainy Sunday afternoon and this one I will actually recommend for a one time watch!

I really looked forward to this one and it started quite interestingly. That was mainly because you could see what was going on. I like films where you can see what is happening, sort of helps you understand the plot. However I had to switch off after about an hour, not caring how it would end, I just wanted out. All vital, supposedly scary scenes are all in darkness. Like two black cats fighting in your garden at night. Sometimes you see an eye or a head or a shirt, a lot of screaming and shuffling, hey something is happening, is that blood or what? You can't tell because you can't frigging see it. The main actress also had only two faces in her repertoire, "no expression" and "worried", but I didn't mind, at least it meant I could see something. One of my pet hates is films that are too dark, if you have the same problem avoid this as you might as well close your eyes and listen to the radio where they at least describe what's happening. I reckon that if someone could have put up a little more light, this film might actually not be too bad but I could not cope with it any longer. Do give it a try though and decide for yourself after all a lot of people liked it maybe they have better eyesight or can't stand gore and feel safer if they have to guess what is going on. Probably a good film but I won't try finding out.

I was so looking forward to this film but the longer it went on, the more bored and disappointed I got. Basically I figured the whole plot out almost immediately. Of course I hoped that somewhere a twist would prove me wrong but it never happened. This film is as predictable and as linear as they come.

*SPOILER*

This is the whole plot: scuttling aliens = mad astronaut. No more. That's it. No twists, no turns. Not at all scary.

*SPOILER END*

Yes, at first the way they shot the film so it looks authentic, is quite amusing but after a while your eyes are craving crisp and sharp images without any movement. I have to say halfway through I was ready to give up on this film, the only reason I kept watching was because I hoped for some sort of unexpected end or explanation. Nope. I suppose it's worth watching for some, I wouldn't say it is the worst film ever but do not expect too much. It's an account of the obvious, told in an unconventional way. Nice for a Sunday afternoon if you have nothing else to do. Not for me though.

I have to disagree with those that say the first half is better than the second. I find it is the other way round. The first part starts pretty lame and average. People walking and hearing strange music. Eventually the first murder happens...Had it stayed that way I would have had to stop watching; but then they started splitting up. Nothing complicated honestly. Strange thing seems that the males and females were forming groups. Also noteworthy is that only one person keeps going in the intended direction, whilst the others head off in the other directions. I think that this is important. They all go mad one way or another and kill each other or die. The only person who makes it actually arrives almost at the same place they left. I say 'almost' for a reason. The end is summed up in a few words and an image. For the why's and how's, use your imagination. This is not a monster-action-film where you get cheap scares, it requires some thought. If you can do that, this film is quite enjoyable/eerie. Not the best psycho-horror ever but definitively above average.

I read all the reviews before I decided to watch this film. Most were 10/10, so I couldn't go wrong I thought...falsely. Let me explain. This film has a message to give. Some people find that this message is deep and beautiful. Of course there is nothing wrong with that, unless you try and disguise said message clumsily as a horror/ torture movie.

For starters no one dies! Yes there is an awful lot of blood coloured goo and a couple of very boring torture methods that almost made me fall asleep; but all seems wrong, too nice, not sick enough. Something tells me it was done by someone who uses the horror genre as a medium to reach 'certain people' that just don't want to be reached -if you know what I mean-. Real horror fans who have sat through Saw and/or Japanese gems such as Grotesque for example will not enjoy this at all. Others who have never watched any decent torture/ slasher/ gore movies might like this film because it is 'nice' and 'friendly' compared to the real thing. Before you watch this ask yourself in which category you fit and base your decision on that. I personally can only give it a 1/10 and the one point is for the actor's trying. One of the most boring films ever.

I love slasher movies. I like torture movies. I totally enjoy redneck movies. This might be a good film but I will never know. Because I switched it off shortly after a big boot stepped on a very cute little rat at the end of the opening scene. I mean the same person stepped on a pregnant woman right at the beginning, which seemed a promising start of mindless violence but when it comes to animals I cant take it. I just hope it was CGI. Because if it wasn't I couldn't enjoy the rest of the movie anyway as it would have been made by people who don't understand the first thing about the horror genre. There is not much else to say really. OK, I made it to the first scene and when I heard and saw the two first actresses I had all my fears confirmed. It's a 1* for me. There is better out there.

Added later: Thankfully I did find out that it was CGI. So what I will have to do now is watch the whole thing and maybe up the vote appropriately once I have done. Thanks to the person who took the time to message me!