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Becky (II) (2020)
1/10
And that's because there ain't ZERO
18 February 2021
Warning: Spoilers
Don't believe the hype, how many times I said that, well...

For starters, whatever happened in her life previously of what we saw in the movie for Bambi to get transformed into Di Caprio's lover bear? There's no sign, flashbacks, nothing. "Bocki is vory vondicatib (from what?)"

Conveniently André the giant decided to stop killing childs after the 242th, and seeing what happened to him exactly 5 minutes after he saved Bocki's ass... bad call, mon ami.

And how about fatty could swim?

Sorry guys, but the looks of the Führa from Queens (not Trump, the oda') got after he got stabbed in the eye is ludicrous, bye bye fear.

Nine years in di making and you went outside alone, having 2 hostages, did you use an abacus?

And plis, alt. Hollywood, stop trying to portrait killer/pyschos/etc. as cool individuals, it's narrative 101.
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The Descent (2005)
2/10
Neil Marshall can do better!
16 February 2016
Warning: Spoilers
Expectations were High since I watched the sequel first, yeah yeah its OK, but specially because of Dog Soldiers & Centurion, very enjoyable ones.

It looked good at the beginning: The accident, the introduction of characters, entering the cavern... Then along came the middle part, oh boy! Numbers are 2 dead here and A DOZEN THERE! And you suppose to fear those handicapped gelatin structured monsters so lame they only kill one of our we allegedly have to support ones!

OK, the real DANGER is the elements you may say, it seems not anymore since nothing happens minutes ago. So where's "DA TENSION" at? At the almost very end in a DESPERATE WIVES cringe worthy twist. Cause you know, no matter how strong & smart you portrayed you actresses, women will always be women, even if the shirt gets homicidal.

So after all of these you got one false end and then the stupid (laziest) one, cheers. So, Mr. "THY SCRINWRAITER", what's the call to set this in the Appalachians? The landscape is so evident so Scottish even a blind guy can expect Billy Wallace's ghost apparition at anytime.

Ha! This frakkers are so lazy-dumbs they put rupestrians drawings of European's species in the Yankee caves.
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4/10
This should be called The ... List 2
2 January 2016
Can somebody explain why is 2 for the life of one? Cause I didn't get any justifiable reason, nor Donovan was the greatest negotiator (if he was they don't show it!) this side of the wall.

All the gibberish, indecision, etc. of DDR's people are not well explained.

And please don't get me started with those cheesiedumblowbow moments: the catchphrase of Abel, Standing Talls, the jump over the wall/fence, the paper on the train,"then I f**k it all up", get back home then in the news I'm so tired, oh my god! America should stop being so ethnocentric and think that foreign people also buy tickets, and know a couple of things of politics & history, don't underestimate us, please!

And it's sad cause after that "we're American cause the constitution", the trial (even though the synchrony of the events should be delivered a little bit better, just saying')the movie completely got me, but after the eurotrip, for me at least, it went downhill.
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High Tension (2003)
1/10
You tricky little infant terrible!
13 December 2014
Warning: Spoilers
Here some 'hows' for Mr. Aja? 1) Explain the logic (i know it's a movie, but come on!) of the initial fellatio scene 2) How the hell the blonde girl gets to the gas station? 3) How the heck (i know it's a movie...) it took so long for the unleashing of the beast, they're not supposed to be long time pals? 4) How can i get my 90 minutes of life back, shame on me! Anyhow, what's positive is that opened the doors to greater cinema's experiences of french horror. Stylish and brutal, but even Fulci's nightmares had more coherence! I felt real angry for days, Mr. Aja, I just hoped the guy did better (he proved!). Also, the acting were very good.
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Aliens in America (2007–2008)
10/10
One of A Kind
16 August 2012
And that's along with the cancellation is very sad. If I begin to use words to describe this diamond among the rough it will be forever. One thing i didn't read around here is that I believe 50% of the series are those priceless facial expressions of Justin: unbearable to watch it without being torn apart out of laughing! Also if anyone has the chance to watch the french version they will be going nuts with the deep guttural voice they give to Paul, hilarious. And the episodes is full of epic moments: i.e. Paul chasing Raja chasing Justin chasing Claire all of them ignoring each other followers, and epic lines: "If that's true it was a lucky guess..." - and the appropriate face- priceless!
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1/10
A 1000 Days In Boredom Without A Mexican
4 May 2011
Director like this would be nicer, who reminds us all that one of our best friends is not only our dogs, but our FFWDS's bottoms, oh my agnostic god! Like a reviewer already said looks like an essay of what not to do in a movie: crappy narration, awful -unpaid maybe?- acting, uneven camera work - i cant do better with a first generation V3-, evidently unintentional zero budget. If this is an outspoken voice of the oppressed, then id go right now and change my name for Hakan! Im like most people here Hispanic & offended, were not this stupid like they portrayed us there and I'm sure our "enemies" the gringos neither. Placido Domingo, Benicio del Toro they're not Mexican, so why they need 2 prove how smart they are telling us that there are 40 countries behind the south border, come on! If the Americans, or the orientals, or the Armenian disappears one day so suddenly it will affect us everyone, no doubt about it. Next time think harder, before doing this waste of people's money & time, hire real actors: Latins doing Latins, Americans idem. Those sketches to connect scenes, why god, why?! And they tried to repair all the damage they've done during 90', with that background music when all Mexicans reappear in the same stupid and brainless way they disappeared
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The Good Guys (2010)
10/10
Dan and Jack, We're Gonna Miss You so Much!
13 January 2011
Between snot and tears, you guys make me do this; by now all you know that the show was canceled, what a pain in the... you know. I don't recall a buddy cop show so good as this since the time of Sammo Hung's Martial Law. Everything is perfect here, the narrative, the locations and most important: THE CHARACTERS! Everyone is distinctly so cliché, but so good, so adorable, 5 secs and you love'em, even the "bad guys" are funny and enjoyable. In top of all that, since that episode with Danny Trejo, in everyone you can see a very recognizable movie face, getting along with general environment. Now we the fanatics only hope that after the DVDs sales they'll come back, as Family Guy did PD: Try to top this: I'll take a day off... when the bad guys do.
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Taxi (I) (2004)
1/10
Taxi is a movie from 1998. Don't be fooled
10 January 2011
Whyyyy? Why God? Why God? (Im agnostic even though this converted me) Don't the American filmmakers write, produce, make their own stuff! Lets see: a woman driver, for a change? yeah really? Is wasn't there available another less charismatic individual for the cop role, come on! Femme fatal bank robbers, this isn't a Michael Bay's isn't right? This is torturous, even a SNL's movie is way better! This is blasphemous, and i don't think Luc Besson has something to do with this perpetration! Next time, please french people, look who you sell your stuff to, do the research and most important, send a assistant. Avoid it at all costs!
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