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Reviews
Sweet William (1980)
Costnerian Waterston Torture
This could easily have been a passable drama, with the inestimable Jenny Agutter only vaguely evoking fluffier roles.
However, Sam Waterston's rendition of a Scottish accent is among the most gloriously inept ever barely mustered. Perhaps admirably, he decides to under-do it, but to the point of basically forgetting.
It's so laughably bad as to be utterly distracting: you can hardly pay attention for wondering why the story needs his character to be Scottish at all.
I wondered if the jarring incongruity was supposed to be some kind of crap metaphor for, or parallel to, his transparent duplicity, and all the English characters were pretending not to notice for some reason. As it turns out, the English *actors* were pretending not to notice, which ultimately ups the crap stakes considerably.
Maybe there are so few non-native actors who can actually pull it off, casting directors can't concern themselves with such minor details. Or maybe they just have no ear for it, like an A&R rep who thinks Pat Boone's "Enter Sandman" is the original version. And by Metallica.
"She cannat take much morrrrrrre, captain!"
Signs (2002)
Crass marketing ploy
Did M. Night Shyamalan direct the marketing campaign as well? Because, if he did, then he deserves some credit, at least.
True, when the only clever thing about a movie is a cunningly crafted guaranteed economic return, something is deeply wrong, but the DVD extras even seem to want to draw attention to exactly how millions were duped, so it counts as a compliment. I guess.
***SPOILER ALERT***
Y'see folks, if you didn't like it, it's because you didn't get it. And if you did get it and still didn't like it, it's because you don't have faith. Check, please...
***END SPOILER***
Quite honestly the most unbelievably weak, lowest-common-denominator pap I have ever seen.