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Reviews
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)
Worst Star Wars Movie... Ever (please read on)
It feels odd having to preface this review with a "Spoilers" warning as this film was one big "Spoiler" for the Star Wars franchise. The Phantom Menace was the biggest cinematic let down in history, I'm not denying that, but this... this film went further, deeper and it is for my money the most vapid, soulless and boring film of the entire Star Wars saga. I could go into detail here about the monotonous use of digital effects, terrible script, lack of plot, bad direction etc... but I believe Red Letter Media have done a very thorough job of that with their 70 minute reviews on YouTube and their own website. I would like to say that there is one scene in particular which has offended me since the first moment I saw it, and for my money summarises the shambles that are the Star Wars prequels; Yoda fights with a light sabre. As a child growing up in the 80s, Star Wars was the coolest thing to ever happen. I got the toys for Christmas, I worshipped the films and I feel so so so lucky to have had them as part of my youth. As an adult The Empire Strikes back remains one of the greatest films in my mind and have a great affection for it. It introduced us to Yoda and deeper into the ways of the force. When Luke gives up, says to Yoda "you ask the impossible", Yoda levitates the X wing the music swells and Luke at once realises the power of the force and that it transcends the physical limits of the world... "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter". Beautiful, awe inspiring cinema. At the other end of the spectrum we have Yoda fighting with a tiny lightsabre in Attack of the Clones. George Lucas ruined it, right... there. And that's where this review ends.
Prometheus (2012)
A sci-fi film that could have been brilliant but wasn't.
Right, well right off the bat I have to address the huge media "thing" which surrounded this movie. Namely.. "is it a prequel to Alien"? The answer. Yes.. yes it is. The ending has a creature that looks like an alien from the Alien series being "born". The end. Sadly this movie has none of the brilliance of Alien or Aliens. It is a movie seemingly designed for children who might sneak in. The dialogue is so clunky, so unbelievably direct in its exposition that it seems almost comical. As I was watching it I felt as if Ridely Scott had perhaps written an intelligent script and had the actors do takes using those lines but then a studio suit had asked him to use the RIDICULOUSLY CLUMSY OBVIOUS EXPLANATORY lines just in case. Then all those lines were used in the final film. I was really expecting this film to be great, and it sucked. Not on a visual level, the visuals were excellent, and not on a performance level because the central part played by Noomi Rapace was fantastic. She deserves an Oscar nod for this... but she also deserved a far better script. To be honest, and cynical to some degree, this film felt like it had been screwed around with and that there might be a much better film somewhere in the editing chambers... or perhaps the chambers of Ridley Scotts mind. I wish I could give this a higher score because I was really looking forward to this picture. But I have to give it a 6. Shame.
The Rum Diary (2011)
Gonzo takes Puerto Rico.. a savage trip to the heart of a great book.. a film that didn't really work.
I'm a huge Hunter S Thompson fan and given the amount of time it has taken for The Rum Diary to finally reach the big screen and the calibre of the people involved with this film, Johnny Depp and Bruce Robinson, I expected a lot from it.
Johnny Depp who despite his pirate shenanigans is adept at playing off centre characters (see another Hunter S Thompson adaptation, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas or the fantastic Ed Wood) was a perfect choice for the role of journeyman journalist Paul Kemp, as was Bruce Robinson as director, Robinson having directed Withnail & I, a film which is at least slightly connected to the Hunter S Thompson mythology via the artwork of Ralph Steadman (which both Thompsons books and the Withnail & I cover art share). I've always felt that the chronic drunken hedonism of Fear and Loathing worked as a perfect companion piece to the chronic drunken hedonism of Withnail & I. So Bruce Robinson should have worked out perfect as director of The Rum Diary.
Johnny Depp having been very close friends with Thompson from the mid 90's up until the writers death by a self inflicted gunshot, would know intimately what The Rum Diary called for. So what went wrong? Well the Rum Diary is a short, punchy novel that is in turns a story about a man trying to find out who he is in a place that is rapidly changing. While his story unfolds amid drink, sex and depravity loosely held together by a newspaper reporting career we have a fun, funny and unusual ride. It's not quite autobiographical, but it feels that way. It's not a perfect book (Hunter S Thompson was purportedly only 22 years old when he wrote it) but it's original and it's a great read. What we have with the film is something that strays too much from the source material, makes a needless composite of two characters and adds and takes away scenes and plot points seemingly on a whim. The film is an oddly paced shambles, it doesn't know what it wants or what it's trying to do as it moves all over the place tonally, from OTT drink and drug comedy (Sala and Kemp have some genuine Cheech and Chong moments which would have been hilarious if Cheech and Chong hadn't already been THERE and done THAT a lot better) to a half hearted love story, and never reaching the beautiful poetic highs that are so indicative of Hunter Thompsons writing.
Given that The Rum Diary was mooted to be in production on and off for ten years and die hard fans have been patiently waiting for this film, to get something like this which seems to shout from the rooftops that Bruce Robinson has lost his touch, and even Johnny Depp couldn't save it is just a massive disappointment. I was more than willing to fall in love with this film and the changes from the original book are just baffling. It's beautifully shot, but that's all the praise I can give it. As much as it pains me to say this, you should just read the book and leave the film. If you want to see a brilliant, sincere and faithful interpretation of one of Hunter S Thompsons books, see Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Gilliam NAILED it.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)
Stephen Spielberg and The Quest for Money
I don't have much to say about this film that hasn't already been said... but I will say this. It was a poor film. Too much CGI, too much nonsense, too much Shia LeBoef (sp?). Indiana Jones looks about 100 years old and everything in the movie sucks. Watch it if you really have nothing better to do. If you want to watch something awesome put on Raiders or Last Crusade. Even Temple of Doom is a hundred times better than this crap. Apparently a review must be at least ten lines long otherwise it is not eligible to be placed on IMDb. So... I really have said all I wish to say about this engaged toilet of a movie, so I'll talk a little about what I did today until I get to ten lines. Oh I'm here at ten lines already cool.
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)
Edgar Wright knocks it out of the park...
Let me start this review by saying that I did not see this film at the cinema, it didn't draw me in, and I was foolishly unaware that it was directed by Edgar Wright at the time of cinema release.
I'm a huge fan of Spaced (TV show directed by Wright) but I wasn't an enormous fan of Shaun of the Dead or Hot Fuzz. I did think they were exceptionally made films, but for me they lacked something, a heart a sense of substance. The comedy was there, but it still felt like as a feature film director Edgar Wright was cutting his teeth, still working with Simon Pegg et al (no complaints, but you would always compare the work with Spaced and that would be hard to top). I always felt like Edgar Wright would do more once he left his Spaced roots behind.
Then came Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, like I say I didn't know it was a Wright film, and I wasn't drawn in by the marketing of it and didn't see it until it arrived in my living room on a movie channel. But I have never been more surprised, amused, filled with joy and just ****ing entertained by a movie. It was one of those moments, like seeing Fight Club for the first time. You didn't know it was going to be that good. And after that it becomes one of the films you always consider to be exceptionally good and a milestone in cinema.
I believe this film will be entertaining and a joy to any audience over 12 but perhaps Scott Pilgrim will appeal in a particular way to anyone who grew up with Nintendo games. Being in my late 20s (and a boy, although girls play Nintendo too I'm told :), I'm the perfect audience for this film. The Zelda, Mario bros, Street Fighter etc references are wonderfully placed and never feel like they're getting in the way of the plot or the characters.
What this film does in a way in which I've never seen a film do before is seamlessly blend the real world, computer games and young romance, and the conflict, struggles and bliss that it brings into a cohesive and endlessly entertaining couple of hours. It's just the most brilliant fun, and I am extremely cynical about modern films.
I don't use my words lightly when I say that the last film that impressed me this much and reminded me of how incredible films can be, was Fight Club. Though in tone, subject matter and style they are different beasts altogether, they really both share the same frenetic pace and sense of limitless imagination. Edgar Wright has come into his own with this film, pitching special effects, stylistic combat, humour and pace to near perfection. Usually you would sacrifice humour or depth or a sense of human emotion through the use of such fantastic and supernatural elements, but Edgar Wright pulls it off. Exceptionally cast, with Kieran Culkin stealing every scene he appears in... The music couldn't be better (Beck wrote the songs that Scott Pilgrims band plays throughout the film). The dialogue is relentlessly funny, with too many one liners to quote here. It's hard to find fault with this film, although I'm trying to. If I had read the comic books the film is based on (I haven't) I'd probably have some fan boy gripe about a missing character or a misrepresented event, but I have not.
All I can say is, if you haven't seen this film, see it as soon as possible. It's one of the best films of the past ten years and I can't wait to see what Edgar does next. I never give ten out of ten because perfection in anything is impossible, but please see this 9/10 as my version of a 10 for Scott Pilgrim vs The World. It's quite simply awesome.
Kenny Hotz's Triumph of the Will (2011)
Kenny Hotz take on some of the world's biggest challenges, in a daring, original and brilliant new show.
Having been a fan of Kenny versus Spenny (KvS) for many years, I always wondered what they were going to do once the show wrapped. For me Kenny had always been the star of KvS and so the bar was set pretty high for the first of Kenny Hotz's solo projects, the series Testees. It wasn't as brilliant as I wanted it to be, but then again it was a totally different show to KvS with relatively unknown actors. The thing that always struck me about Kenny Hotz was that in KvS he came across as effortlessly hilarious, brilliantly puerile and someone who to quote Dead Poets Society (why not) would be in a high school year book... "The person most likely to do anything". Triumph of The Will is Kenny Hotz's new show, it recently aired and having watched the first four episodes I can proudly say that this is a brilliant new show, and a great idea. It's executed perfectly, beautifully shot, it's hilarious, it's daring, it doesn't care if you're offended or not and it's above all a show for adults and doesn't treat you like a child that needs to be spoon fed easily digestible television. In short it's the show I always wanted Kenny Hotz to do after Kenny versus Spenny. It's clever and original. Original ideas are sadly a rarity these days, it's wonderfully refreshing to have such a great new show to look forward to watching. Check it out!
Arthur (2011)
A needless remake of a fantastic classic comedy.
Let me start off by saying I'm a fan of Russell Brand. As I live in the UK my first introduction to the man was when he was a host on one of the Big Brother off shoot shows, Big Brothers Big Mouth or something along those lines. Russell was laugh out loud hysterical. He improvised, used extraordinarily anachronistic language while waxing lyrical about contemporary life and celebrity. He is a great comic. However, as a comic he should stick to a certain thing. Kenny Everett was hysterical also, but he remained so as a DJ on the Radio and then later in his Television programs. But he kept to his station as a hilarious OTT comic, not a comic actor. This is where I believe Russell Brand should stay, on the telly. He is NOT a COMIC ACTOR, he's a COMIC. When he's interviewing ridiculous celebrities, musing about his crazy past life as a drug addict on stage or just being himself while being interviewed by others he is something of a joy. I enjoy him, he has a great, bizarre and truly wonderful sense of humour. He should NOT have attempted to remake Arthur however. No one should, it was unnecessary. The original starring Dudley Moore is as funny, scandalous and emotive as it was 30 years ago. If any film was in need of an update Arthur certainly wasn't one of them. Russell Brand adds further misery to this needless remake by taking all the drunkenness out of Arthur. He's no longer a hilarious drunk, but a depressed man-child with a drinking problem (thank you AA). So now we have a remake of a film about a hilarious drunk who now is no longer really drunk. Yes alcoholism is a debilitating illness, but Arthur is about a billionaire drunk playboy and people came to the film to be entertained, not for a reminder that alcohol abuse is a serious illness. Avoid this film like you would a stray dog turd on the street and please see the Dudley Moore classic if you haven't already.