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Five Nights at Freddy's (2023)
Operation Teddy Bears Picnic
My son Henry who is nearly 13 has been playing the computers games for Five Nights at Freddy's for years, which having only briefly played the VR version myself before getting motion sickness, I gathered was the story of some children that ware kidnapped and murdered and their souls made to inhabit big robot teddy bears that are the main attraction at a defunct burger restaurant from the 1980's called 'Freddy Fasbergers'.
So when they said last year or so they were bringing a movie out, my son has been so, so excited ever since, literally counting the days down until it comes out. We planned a trip away months ago so we could watch it at a big cinema with big leather reclining seats.
So imagine when we found out a couple of months ago that it had been rated 15 so he wouldn't be able to see it!
So me being me, and Henry being Henry..... hatched a perfect plot to get him in to see it, which we gave the name 'Operation Teddy bears picnic'.
On the night of the film, I bought tickets for myself and my older son to go and see Five nights at Freddie's which was on screen 13 at 7:40pm. We had also bought a ticket for the Taylor Swift tour movie, which was showing 3 screens away down the same corridor at 7:30pm. We knew they check your tickets and check ID for age as you go through to the screens, but not at each individual screen.
So, armed with his ticket, Henry went to the Taylor Swift movie and sat there quietly for 10 minutes surrounded by hundreds of little girls waving flashing LED glitter wands and running around in Disney dresses like maniacs on cocaine, arguing about whether 'Shake it off' is better than 'Bad Blood'.
Myself and my other son then went through the security to the Freddy movie and sat there for 5 minutes.
I then went to the toilets, where Henry was there waiting for me as had been pre arranged, and we then both went to the Freddy movie, with me stood tall hiding him as he snuck into the screen.. and it worked! Mission success! So I'm now officially the best Dad that ever lived.
I think in reality, the people checking the tickets, who were teenagers themselves on minimum wage, probably wouldn't have cared in the slightest, but we couldn't take any chances.
Henry spent the first half hour looking very nervous as he was worried that at any moment the screening would be stormed by a SWAT team armed with Bar Code readers, who would swoop on him and throw him out. Fortunately this never happened, and we were able to watch the movie and egress to a safe distance without any further drama.
As for the movie itself, well, what can I say? It's clearly aimed at fans of the game franchise, but I've never played the games myself so many of the references and names were sadly wasted on me. But that being said, with no real prior knowledge of the movie, I watched it with an open mind. And I did find it really, really entertaining. I gather people are complaining it doesn't follow the story of the games, but as I didn't know that, I found the story they actually did tell compelling, interesting, and exciting. I could quite happily watch it again! I was fully engaged for the entire movie.
The characters are good, the music and special effects are excellent, and really set a good scene for the many jump scares which I gather is the main theme of the whole Five Nights at Freddy's 'lore'.
As for the rating. Well, I think 15 is too harsh. It doesn't need to be a 15. That being said, it could certainly terrify younger children, especially those who haven't played the game or who are not aware of it. There is certainly a lot of nightmare fuel in there. Huge animatronic teddy bears with glowing eyes will be populating a number of nightmares for years to come I suspect. Possibly mine.
So if you have a precious sensitive child who only plays Minecraft and Minion Rush while in their 'safe space', then you may want to give this a miss.
If on the other hand you have a more robust child who makes dens, digs holes, and plays by streams with a stick.. then they're going to love watching Five Nights at Freddy's. It was fantastic.
Wifelike (2022)
Clunky acting, but gets good towards the end
So, where to start?
It's all a bit 'Blade Runner' esque, with replica women to replace peoples wives. I'm sure there is a whole debate to be had about the morality of that, but I'll leave that for other people to discuss!
The story centres around William and Meredith, and Meredith waking up for the 'first' time with William.
There are a load of sub plots going on, which at first all seem a bit random if I'm honest. There are also some things which made me wonder if there were some continuity errors, or scenes that hadn't been thought through properly as they seemed out of place or meaningless. This made the start and middle of the film actually a bit disjointed to watch.
But... as the film got into its last third, all these disjointed parts actually came into play. So something that seemed to have, at best, mediocre writing.. turns out to be a lot better written than I'd first thought. I'm actually really glad I saw it out to the end as it made everything make sense.
For that reason I'm going to watch it again in a week or two, as now I know the ending I think I'm going to get a lot more from a re watch, now I know what I'm looking out for.
The special effects, music, and actual filming and sets are really good. It does feel like a quality production. The only thing that lets it down really is some quite poor acting, which is a shame, as I don't normally pick up on bad acting, so for me have to done so means it must have been bad.
The exception here is Elena Kampouris who was excellent. The way she plays a sort of robot character, initially very clunky, but learning and improving as she goes along was played really well. She honestly does act and appear to be a robot, so she is certainly the shining star here, and hopefully this will get her more work in the future as she deserves it.
So yeah.. 6 out of 10. Not a terrible film but not a great film either. If you like Elena Kampouris and science fiction then you'll probably really enjoy it, as she carries the film through to its reasonably good ending, almost single handedly!
Don't Hug Me I'm Scared (2022)
My kids love it!
I was first introduced to this by my 14 year old son! Too young, maybe, but they seem to watch all sorts these days and he'd seen the Youtube episodes before anyone realised.
That said, I don't think there is anything unsuitable for a 14 year old in the show. It's just surreal and a bit dark. Some sensitive children may have nightmares though, as it's mostly psychological rather than graphic. Anytime anything is graphic, it's done in a cartoon/muppet type way.
For adults, it's a terrific program. Very dark and surreal, but also very funny at the same time. I think it's excellent, and I've watched the 'Family episode at least 5 or 6 times as I love the blend of humour and horror.
The best part is, my son thinks that my impression of Duck is almost identical to the real duck! So that's got to be a good thing, right?
The Big Short (2015)
Enjoyable the first time, but improves with every watch
Let's be under no illusions here.. the subject matter of The Big Short is quite hard to initially follow. The directors knew this, which is why they did a great job making the film watchable by adding humorous scenes such as Margot Robbie explaining CDO's, and Ryan Gosling talking directly to the camera to explain the differences in the film and what happened in real life! It works really well.
Overall the film has a similar 'feel' to the Wolf of Wall Street, but it is by no means a copy.
As I said at the beginning, it is quite hard to initially follow the subject of the film. Shorting CDO's and Mortgage tranches are complicated to understand, but the film does a great job explaining everything. Obviously this is done fairly quickly so the film still flows, so I thoroughly recommend watching the film again. I've watched it about 4 or 5 times now, and each time I learn a little more, which helps understand what caused the banking crisis of 2008, and also adds to the enjoyment of the film.
Acting wise, there are some great characters played by so many A list actors that it really does feel like a true blockbuster film, despite seeming to appear quite under the radar when it first came out.
Christian Bale excels as always, and it's nice to see Steve Carrell play a more serious role, although some of his scenes that would have been serious at the time in real life, are made very amusing by the way Steve plays them.
Ryan Gosling also amuses at every opportunity. Playing an excited city trader suits him well, and the scene where he is on the phone in the bathroom is fantastic!
Overall, I can really recommend this film. But like I say, if you don't really get it fully the first time, then please watch it again as once it starts to make sense it gets even better!
Bill & Ted Face the Music (2020)
Really very good
Having been a massive fan of the original films for years, and also watching them with my two sons who also loved the originals, I was thrilled when I found out there would be a 3rd instalment!
I won't give any spoilers, but it's pretty obvious from the trailers that the Stalyns go on another most excellent adventure through time, so I don't mind saying that.
It has a lot of really great moments, and the overall storyline is really good and fits in well with the whole Bill abs Ted 'universe' we've come to know and love.
And I have to admit that hearing new dialogue from them both after watching the original films so many times brought tears of happiness to my eyes!
There are some great plot twists and some excellent references to the original movies. This film really does sit as a worthy sequel. It's a lot of fun! My two boys loved it as well and we're laughing the entire time.
The sad thing is, the timing of the Covid epidemic probably means the film won't be able to realise the potential revenues it would have otherwise, and I fear that they may not make enough of a return to justify a 4th film which has been hinted at. Indeed, my own local cinema on opening night was quite empty.
So I beg you.. if you're truly a fan, go to the cinema to watch it, or pay to download it properly. Please don't pirate it, as you'd only be cheating yourself out of the possible chance of a 4th instalment.
Bill and Ted are worth more than that. :)
Be excellent to each other, and party on dudes!
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
A long review for long term Star Wars fans
As a fan of Star Wars since seeing the first movie as a child in 1977, this review is for the long term, true 'die hard' fans of Star Wars, who remember if from the first film.
Having loved the original trilogy, but really disliked the prequels, I was happy when 'The Force Awakens' turned out to be quite good.
However, as I'm sure many will agree, 'The Last Jedi' was simply terrible! So terrible, that I was starting to fall out of love with Star Wars completely. It really was that bad, and it was almost as if it was written to deliberately disappoint and annoy fans like myself. I don't really want to mention the directors name of that film, but we all know who he was and hope he's never let near the franchise again. He did a lot of damage!
So when it came to watching 'The Rise of Skywalker' I was apprehensive, as it had an awful lot of repair work to carry out to fix the Saga.. Add to that this is the end of the Saga, and the pressure is even higher.
I have my own all metal R2D2 which I take to events, and this has got me on Disney's radar due to the work I do for the Astromech club, and I was fortunate to be invited to the premiere of the new movie in Leicester Square London on Wed 18th. I then watched it again the following night with two of my children.
Therefore, having already seen the film twice, I feel I'm able to give a good review.
So, onto the film!
The first thing I want to say, is that for the first time in years, this really does 'feel' like a Star Wars film. A combination of sets, battles, droids, and the music score by John Williams come together in a way that makes the movie feel so 'Star Wars'. That may be a strange thing to say, but with many new characters, locations and ships.. the newer movies were not really that familiar to the original fans. This movie reaches out to everyone.
There are various cameos in the film, some of which are easier to spot than others. I won't spoil any of them, apart from to say they are done well, appropriately, and really add to the excitement and thrill. Given this is the last film in the Saga, the cameos really help glue everything together.
The storyline is really, really good. Questions that have been left open are finally answered, and things that seemed to make no sense at all now make perfect sense, and boy are there some great surprises!
You start to wonder if The Last Jedi was actually written so badly in order to allow there to be so many questions left to be answered in this movie.. or if J J Abrams has just done a brilliant job bringing things back into line with some excellent writing! I suspect the latter.
The action if superb in this film. It really does have a feel of 'Return of the Jedi' about it, going between several different storylines that are all in their own right fast moving, exciting, and gripping. As can be expected there are lightsabre battles, space battles and lots of use of The Force. All are simply amazing and stunning. All the characters have now developed their personalities and relationships with each other, and have all developed their own various skills that the action sequences are totally on another level than they were in the previous episodes.
During the previous movies we have endured some really cheesy moments, such as Leia's 'spacewalk'(!!) and the terrible 'Casino' scene in The Last Jedi. Even the prequels had some terrible moments and characters (Jar Jar!). Happily, The Rise of Skywalker seems to have done away with all of this. There are a few moments that are amusing for sure, but nothing that makes you cringe. Overall, there is a darker, more serious tone to events that really works with the overall style of the movie.
As the movie draws on, you are pulled more and more into the various stories happening in front of you. Great acting, stunning visuals, and well choreographed action scenes mean that although a long film, it seems to fly by in minutes. I didn't look at my watch once during the entire showing. And I've seen it twice within 24 hours!
As far as ending the Saga, I feel it does do this really well. I'm giving nothing away, but as a long term fan, I was more than happy with the way things draw to a close. And I have to admit that at various times during the film, I did tear up a bit, some happy, some sad. But mostly happy.
Star Wars has always tried to portray a positive image of good triumphing over evil. Wrongs being put right, and loyalty and love being able to conquer everything.
J J Abrams gets this. He really does, as do the scriptwriters.
Don't listen to the press reviews by people who probably never even watched the original films or aren't fans, trying to outdo each other with their pretentious analysis of the acting, while concentrating on any flaw they can find to try and justify what they do for a living.
If you're a fan of Star Wars, like I am, then you're going to love this movie.
Put aside your dislike of 'The Last Jedi', and keep an open mind.
I assure you, It's a masterpiece, and a fitting ending to a truly epic saga.
J J Abrams.. we salute you!
The War of the Worlds (2019)
Not worth the wait
Well I've waited a long long time for this show, from when I first heard the BBC were making it.
And the BBC teased Uk audiences who actually paid for this to be made, with trailers and features (but no release date to look forward to) only to then sell and show it abroad first! Thanks BBC. Thanks for abusing my license fee.
But at least that does one thing. It allows me to warn a few people who may otherwise waste 3 hours watching.
It's starts reasonably well and there is a real sense of something building, like it's going to be fantastic. But then it all seems to just become an almighty mess, both from a writing, and an acting perspective.
They suddenly start cutting in these flash back/forward scenes, so the continuity becomes really confusing and disjointed. I honestly don't know who's idea that was as it totally spoilt it.
The second episode is really quite poor and such a letdown. It just drags and drags with melancholy acting. I mean, I know the story of War of the Worlds is a tragedy for humanity, but the original book is exciting and full of action, whereas this version just isn't.
A really good opportunity totally wasted.
And now I've watched it I feel like a child on Christmas morning opening his sack that Santa has brought, only to find it's a sack of ashes.
The BBC must think we've all been naughty or something.. they did manage to get some subtle virtue signalling in there a couple of times.
I'm sure there will be a few thespians who will explain how wonderful it is as it subverts expectations while delving into the inner souls of humanity.. or something.. but they'll only be saying that to try and sound cleverer than the normal folk who thought it was trash.
I'll end by saying, if you go into into expecting it to be really poor, then you may not be as disappointed as everyone else who watched it before you. I just hope you won't be as disappointed as I was.
4/10 for the costumes and special effects.
Ad Astra (2019)
Very disappointing
I'd been looking forward to this film and I honestly hadn't read any of the reviews so I had no preconceptions about what to expect and I was quite excited.
I wish I had read the reviews though to prepare myself.
I love space movies and I like Brad Pitt as an actor but I'm afraid it didn't work here.
It was kind of dark and gloomy in plot and filming, so it had a very depressing feel to it, kind of like Interstellar. But with all the space filming and effects it was kind of like Gravity. So imagine those two films merged together, but with all the good plot lines, acting, and realism completely removed. And you have Ad Astra.
From about an hour in I was looking at my watch constantly, willing it to end. And to be honest, looking at my watch was the best thing I saw during the whole film.
I know you have to ignore some of the realities of space travel when making a sci fi film in order to make it work as a film, but this was ridiculous. I found myself laughing out loud at a few parts towards the end as it was just a complete joke.
I really can't believe that they did some good filming, used good special effects, and had some otherwise excellent actors and made such a terrible movie.
I suppose it's like taking an entire 3 course meal from the finest restaurant on earth, then putting all three courses together in a blender and expecting the resultant gloop to taste amazing. It won't, and will no doubt make you hurl.
Don't waste your money. It'll no doubt be on Netflix in 3 or 4 months time anyway, before being confined to the digital bin.
Black Mirror: Rachel, Jack and Ashley Too (2019)
A solid episode, worthy of a much higher score.
I've just finished watching this episode of Black Mirror the second time, and I still think it's really excellent. Miley Cyrus plays her character really well. I can see there are a lot of similarities in Mileys real life to when she finally shed the chains of Hannah Montana, the same as Ashley O is desperate to shake off her sweet, fake, soda pop persona. I can image Miley could really relate to this and really enjoyed making this episode. It must have been a lot of fun recording the voice for Ashley Too, as it really does have some excellent lines and scenes!
There are a lot of subtle jokes that are easy to miss, which is why I'm glad I watched it a second time. And as Black Mirror goes, it does fit in so well with the way modern technology is going, and how its uses can be used for no good.
All in all a solid performance by all involved, very well written, funny, serious, emotional, and worthy of a much higher rating than it seems to have got.
Miley Cyrus and Charlie Brooker are not two people who you would expect to work well together. But trust me, they really do!
Timeless (2016)
An excellent adventure through time!
Timeless is a most excellent adventure through time! Not unlike Bill and Ted, our characters travel through time to historical events, righting wrongs and chasing bad guys.
There are a few deep elements to the story, like how the designer of the time machine, Rufus, travels with the other characters to different times. As Rufus is a very likeable character who is Black, it highlights the very different attitudes people had towards different races at different times in history and you find yourself really feeling for Rufus. It adds an interesting and I feel important addition to the historical accuracies of the stories.
There are also themes of trying to change timelines to prevent people's loved ones from tragic events, so each episode can be a bit heavy, if you know what I mean. It's certainly not a comedy!
Talking of accuracy.. 10/10 for the CGI and special effects, but 3/10 for scientific accuracy.
It's hard to watch a program about time travel without worrying about the fact that any change to a timeline could have a massive effect to the future timeline.
There are some timeline alterations, but considering some of the actions that take place on some of the trips it's hard to believe there wouldn't have been more consequences.
My advice is to just suspend your disbelief. :)
The acting is good, the writing is good, and the effects are good. The characters are likeable, and the trips into history are interesting and educational at the same time.
I really enjoyed Timeless, but I found I couldn't 'binge' watch it, as each episode has a lot going on which requires a bit of a break inbetween to give your mind a rest from the plot, the deeper sub plot, and even deeper sub-sub plot!
Certainly worth 7/10 I reckon.
Hardcore Henry (2015)
Great fun!
Have you seen The Prodigy's music video for 'Smack my b*tch up'? And have you ever played a game like 'Doom' or 'Call of Duty'?
If you have, then you're going to find Hardcore Henry very familiar.
I won't write a massive review here, but just to say the film is silly, funny, gory, cheesy, and overall a lot of fun!
If you are the sort of person who likes cheesy action films, then I reckon you're going to love Hardcore Henry.
The special effects are really good, the story is far fetched but flows really well, and Sharlto Copley plays his character(s) really well.
Grab a beer, sit in a comfy chair (not too close to the screen!) and enjoy.
Some people may need some Neurofen afterwards though if you suffer motion sickness! :)
Blade Runner 2049 (2017)
A very worthy sequel
My 3rd favourite film of all time after 'Star Wars' and 'Raiders of the Lost Ark', is the original Bladerunner. I must have watched it at least 50 times, throughout all its different versions.
So when I heard there was a sequel coming out, I was quite excited to say the least.
I knew it would probably go one of two ways. You can't make a sequel to something like Bladerunner and have people think it's 'ok'. People are going to either love it or hate it.
For me, I love it. I was very very happy when I first saw it at the Cinema, and so relieved they'd pulled it off.
So, what do I like about it so much?
I think it's mostly the way they have a continuation of the original story which is deep and different, but have stayed true to so many things that made the original so excellent.
The overall pacing of the film, the dramatic backdrops, the city, the flying cars.. and even the rain.. all make it instantly feel like the original Bladerunner.
The original soundtrack was done by Vangelis, as every fan knows. The new soundtrack was done by the true master of movie soundtracks, Hans Zimmer, and he has done an excellent job. The soundtrack is modern, but reminiscent of the original Vangelis offering. There are even some direct nods to the original soundtrack, which when they happen such as in the 'tears in rain' track, are very moving and really put the icing on the cake.
With regards the atmospherics, the only thing I could fault is that the original film had some very dramatic halo type lens flare effects on the lighting of the flying cars. They haven't used this halo effect this time, which is a real shame as it was very dramatic in the original and would have completed the effects to match those of the original. Maybe something for a special edition? :)
As far as acting goes, having Harrison Ford was obviousley a must, and he plays his part well. But the amazing fact for me is that despite being a huge fan of Harrison Ford (remember my top 3 films all have Harrison Ford as the lead) I felt myself investing all my emotions more in Ryan Goslings character, K, more then I did in Deckard. Ryan Gosling plays his character really well, and he and the scriptwriters have pulled off a miracle by making him the main character, without disappointing Ford fans.
You just can't help but feel for K, who obeys without question like a loyal puppy, while being treated like dirt by pretty much everyone in the film.
Again, as with the soundtrack, there are some nods to characters from the original film that are a really nice touch. The CGI Rachel and real Edward James Olmos reprising their roles, albeit briefly, are worthy additions that will please all fans I'm sure.
Some people don't seem to like Bladerunner 2049 for some reason, but if like me you are a massive fan of the original who watched it at its theatrical release and then many times since, I'm sure you'll love it.
The whole film is a work of art. Watch it on a large TV with good sound turned up, and you'll get the full benefit of this modern masterpiece.
The Greatest Showman (2017)
Simply magical
I normally watch action films and sci fi. My wife and children had already seen it a couple of times before I decided to watch it as well. And I must say, im so glad I did.
Do you ever find yourself watching a film, and within about 10 minutes you realise that this is something special. Well that's how I felt with this film.
I was already familiar with most of the individual songs as my wife plays them in her car, but when you hear them in the context of the film, they send shivers down your spine, they are that beautiful and well written.
As soon as I finished the film, I wanted to watch it again. And now I have the excellent soundtrack playing in my car as well!
Overall, A very slick and perfectly made film.
I really can't believe it's had bad reviews from critics. Just goes to show how out of touch they are with real people. Probably why they're having to change some of the categories in the Oscars to allow for awards for films people actually like, rather than just what the 'luvvies' are interested in to try and appear clever to other critics.
Micro Men (2009)
Pure nostalgic perfection
I grew up in the era where myself and my friends were playing and swapping Sinclair Spectrum games with each other, as well as during the infancy of using BBC micros at school.
If you are of that same era, then Micro Men will seem like it was written for you. It's just perfection!
It's factual, funny, and jammed full of references to the 1980's computer era. Even the music fits perfectly with the theme and date of the story.
Martin Freeman and Alexander Armstrong play their roles incredibly well, as do all the other characters.
Some people may criticise the accuracy, but at the end of the day, it's a story about a 4 or 5 year period squashed into about 90 minutes, so some creative writing had to occur in order to make the story flow. But overall it tells the story very well and accurately. There are some parts that I actually remember myself from the day, such as the fight at the 'Baron of Beef' which I remember reading about at the time in 'Crash'.
If you still have a fond spot in your heart for your old ZX Spectrum, then you'll love Micro Men.
It's one of my top films/documentaries of all time, and I always find myself watching it every few months. I've oribsbly watched it 20 times now, and it never gets boring!
I love it. :)
Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018)
As I expected
After being bitterly disappointed by The Last Jedi, I didn't hold out much hope for Solo.
Because of that, I may have gone in with my mind already in a negative mood. And if it was, the film did nothing to lift me out of that mood.
I guess we've had so much new 'Star Wars' in the last few years (some good, some horrendous) that the bits of nostalgia and nods to the original trilogy are no longer something to be excited by. They're just something we've come to expect, shoehorned in to try and appease fans or even bribe us with some bits they think we might like.
It had some bits that were ok, but also some bits that were quite irritating, such as the outspoken robot that would have been more at home on a Greenpeace anti-whaling protest than on the millennium falcon.
There were lots of twists and turns and double crosses, to the point where it all got a bit tiresome trying to guess who would doublecross who next, just for the sake of trying to keep the film interesting.
Not one I'll be bothering to buy or to watch again, and I'm a massive Star Wars fan.
Cobra Kai (2018)
Perfection
Having been a huge fan of the original Karate Kid series back in the day, I was amazed when I heard there was going to be a series revolving around Daniel and Johnny, and where they are today.
I was so looking forward to it and had built it up so much in my mind, especially having seen the trailers, that I was almost certain it would not live up to my extremely high expectations.
But you know what? Not only does it live up to them, but it exceeds them by a long way.
Cobra Kai is the true sequel The Karate Kid has been waiting for, for so many years. And it's been written in such a clever way in keeping with the times. It has funny parts (a lot of funny parts!), sentimental parts, sad parts and serious parts. There are occasional flashbacks to the original films, and these help glue the whole thing together perfectly.
Ralph Macchio and William Zabka play their parts so well. And you can tell from their performances that they must have had so much fun making this show. They have some terrific lines and scenes, and it's wonderful to get into the backstory of Johnny Lawrence and how he came to join the original Cobra Kai, a story that was only hinted at in the original series of films and something I feel should have had more emphasis at the time.
The other characters are also extremely well cast. They are all unique, have genuine personalities, and are all so likeable.
This has to be one the best, well written sequels (or reboots) I have ever seen. I literally loved every second of it and couldn't stop watching.
It will appeal to older fans of the original movies, and to the next generation of fans who will certainly be able to relate to the younger characters lives and everyday problems that the modern world brings, such as cyber bullying.
I don't rate many things 10/10 on IMDB but Cobra Kai deserves it. It delivers everything that I hoped it would, and then some.
The last thing I'll say is, before watching the series it's worth watching the music video on YouTube for 'Sweep the leg' by the band 'No More Kings'. It was obviously inspirational to the writers of the latest series, and sets it up perfectly!
Enjoy!
Hanging by a Thread (1979)
A new genre of tedium.
To be fair, it's over 30 years ago since I saw this film in the days when there were only 3 channels. So it was either this, a documentary about basket weaving on BBC1, or 'The Money Programme' on BBC2.
It must have had an impact on me though to have remembered it and looked it up on IMDB all these years later.
I basically remember about 20 minutes of actual action in the cablecar, and the rest of the 3 hours or whatever it was, as the characters dull backstories delivered by rather annoying and tedious flashbacks, just to leave you tutting when you thought it was just starting to get slightly interesting.
You could probably make quite a good comedy spoof movie these days based on 'Hanging by a thread' and be sure nobody would take you to court for copyright theft, as the few people who watched it probably won't remember it, and the people who produced probably won't want to own up to it.
If you've stolen money from a children's cancer charity collection box or drowned some kittens and want to punish yourself for it, then watch this film. Your debt to society will be paid in full.
Who am I kidding though. About as many people are going to read this review as have met a Jehovas witness that takes 'no' for an answer.
Vendetta dal futuro (1986)
Fantastic 80's fun
If you were to have watched this film when it was released, you'd have probably thought it was OK, or been a little disappointed. But watch it now, in 2017, and it takes on a whole different identity.
Hands of Steel is just a pure cheese fest of 80's stereotypes. The fight scenes are badly choreographed, the shoot outs have over the top sound effects dubbed on, magazine clips that never run out, and helicopters that seem to be able to withstand hundreds of bullets with no effect. The bad guys are even worse shots than in Commando!
The music and sound effects are typically and wonderfully 80's, and the script has to contain some of the corniest lines ever. And when they unleash the 'futuristic' laser weapon.. well, that was the final touch of perfection for me!
If you loved the 1980's and the action films it produced, then you will absolutely love Hands of Steel. I have never smiled and laughed so much watching a film in a long time. It's fantastic!
Watch it with a few friends and some beers, and you're guaranteed a fantastic evening.
Passengers (2016)
An Excellent film for Sci-Fi fans
Firstly, let me get this out of the way.. was it just me or did this film seem massively inspired by 'Red Dwarf'? You have your Lister character, your Kochanski character, your Kryten character.. and even the 'Skutters' and the manic vending machines! And the opening line '3 million years from Earth, the mining ship Red Dwarf' seems similar to the situation faced on the Avalon in rather a lot of ways!
To say there is a large 'Red Dwarf' theme though is not a bad thing. In fact seeing how a serious grown up version of Red Dwarf might have been was quite refreshing and thoroughly enjoyable in what will be quite familiar territory to a lot of fans. Add that to some great acting and some truly spectacular sets and CGI, and you've got a really good film. The sets are certainly on a par with the likes of 'Oblivion'.
Some people have reviewed the intricacies of the characters and interactions and found it somewhat lacking. But to be honest, as a Sci-Fi fan I didn't really notice any of that as there was too much going on in what was generally very pleasing film to watch. I felt the characters played their roles really well, and the chemistry between them seemed believable to me.
If you're not a Sci-Fi or action fan then you may not get as much from it as others. I can't see my wife massively enjoying it for example! But what I will say is.. watch the trailer, and if you like the look of it then I'm certain you'll enjoy the actual film.
I can't wait to watch it again!
Deadpool (2016)
Amazing.. words almost fail me!
Firstly, I don't read comic books, I haven't seen any of the X men films, and I didn't really know what Deadpool was about before seeing it. In fact, I expected Deadpool would be something along the lines of 'Kick-Ass' (another excellent film), but how wrong I was.
It is hard to explain how funny this film is. I think the fact I had no real prior knowledge about the film or the comic books it was based on meant I wasn't going in expecting anything. The humour is just hilarious! It's proper good old fashioned adult one liners, with plenty of 'nob' jokes to keep the little boy inside everyone of us amused. I found myself laughing pretty much all the way though the film, with tears streaming down my face. If you are hoping for political correctness, you're going to be disappointed!
There is loads of action, love and romance, bad guys, car chases and crashes, and loads of great special effects. I don't know how else to describe Deadpool apart from to say that if you like comedies and/or action films, you really will love this film. You don't have to be a fan of X men or the other Marvel films to enjoy this film. If you are, great. If you're not, then you'll probably enjoy this as a hilarious send up of them.
The best money I've spent going to the Cinema in years. I can't wait to see it again!
The Martian (2015)
An excellent film, again and again.
I don't know what it is, but Ridley Scott makes films that you can just watch again, and again, and again. And The Martian is one of those films. I really can watch this film all the way through, go back to the start, and start watching again!
I think what works for me, is that it's so believable, and so well played by Matt Damon. The special effects and scenery are so good, it's worth watching just to get a real idea what it would be like on Mars. There are some amazing long scenery shots, and while planetary scientists may argue aren't 100% accurate, they're still very pleasing to the eye non the less.
The actual story is fantastic, and despite the film being rather long with a somewhat pedestrian pace here and there, that doesn't make it dull. In fact the slower parts are welcome, as they give you a chance to take in everything that has and is happening, and just immerse yourself in the film. There are of course some fast past action parts, and these are very tense.
All in all, a great film that should be enjoyed by all. I'm so glad I went to the Cinema to watch it, as the scenery on Mars can only be truly appreciated on a large screen.
Oblivion (2013)
If you like Sci Fi, you'll love this!
I hadn't really heard of Oblivion before I watched it, but I'm a big fan of Tom Cruise and his films, as he is such an excellent actor. Right from the start, the film doesn't disappoint. It has a real depth that a lot of action/Sci Fi films don't have. A beautiful ambient soundtrack is matched perfectly to the pace of the film and in it's own right is a work of excellence that I now listen to on my iPod.
The characters are believable, and as expected, Tom Cruise plays his character really well. Morgan Freeman also plays an excellent role here, and I feel was perfectly cast for his role.
The special effects are very good. The creators went to great efforts with many of the sets and props, constructing full size ships, and massive screens to project backgrounds, rather than just use blue screen and CGI, which I feel responsible for ruining many modern films. (The Star Wars prequels comes to mind!) Where CGI is used, it's not over the top, and blends well with the live action and real sets. The tower set is a work of pure beauty, and helps add to the bright and wide open feel of the film, if that makes sense.
As I said previously, the soundtrack is fantastic, and allows me to watch the film over and over without getting bored of it. The sound effects are excellent as well. Specifically the drones make excellent noises at various stages of the film.
The overall plot is very good. It has a good amount of twists, and real depth. It is all played out at a pace that seems to adapt perfectly to the story. Action sequences are fast, and deeper, more emotional sequences get the slower pace they deserve.
It's funny, but it's one of those films that maybe didn't win any awards and maybe didn't break box office records.. but I find myself watching it again and again as it's just so watchable and enjoyable. There very few films I own that I can watch, go back to the beginning, and watch again right away. Black Hawk Down is one of them, and now so is Oblivion. In fact I only watched it last week, but after writing this review, I'm tempted to watch it again tonight.
I hope you enjoy it as much as I did, and continue to do so!
Olympus Has Fallen (2013)
Did someone rip off 'Under Siege' without realising?
What a mistake, renting this film. I suppose it's because I'm not American. If you are an American red neck who whoops and yells 'God Bless America!!!' every 5 or 10 minutes throughout the day for no reason, and thinks that America is the centre of the universe, then you'll probably like this film. Right from the tear jerking long slow scene of an American flag with bullet holes, slowly fluttering down from the Whitehouse roof, to the part where they dare to hurt the beloved President! In fact, lets let North Korea invade South Korea killing millions.. as long as our beloved Mr. President is saved.
And is it just me, or is this more or less a direct rip off of 'Under Siege'? A bunch of people make their way inside pretending to be good guys, then turn out to be bad guys. A single good guy who's an ex special forces type guy, stalks the bad guys one by one from within and becomes a thorn in their side. Helicopters full of special forces attempt to storm the bad guys, but get shot down by automated Gatling guns. There are random one on one karate type fights with random bad guys, and there is a knife fight between the good guy and the main bad guy. Any of this sound familiar? Only, Under Siege was at least partly believable, and wasn't full of such patriotic garbage or massive inaccuracies.
The film was 2 hours long, and I don't know what happened at the end as I turned it off with 30 minutes to go. I really couldn't violate my brain any more. An hour and a half of my life I'll never get back. At least It wasn't the full 2 hours.
It's no wonder America is prepared to go it alone and bomb Syria, with little or no evidence to back up their actions, if this is the kind if drivel the nation is fed on.
Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning (2012)
Strange..
Well, I really enjoyed the original, and massively enjoyed Universal Soldier Regeneration which was like watching a real life version of the Call of duty Modern Warfare level called 'Bloc'.
I had had high hopes for this sequel, but I have to say, I spent most of the film shaking my head in disbelief. I thought I must have missed another film since 'Regeneration' as this just seemed to make no sense whatsoever as to what was going on, who was doing what, and why. They sort of explained this later in the film which is apparently they way they wrote a few twists into the storyline, but it still left so many gaping holes in my understanding of why things were the way they were.
There is a very adult theme to the film. Nudity, sex and of course lots of violence. But it all goes to the extreme for no apparent reason. I hate the way modern films these days are dumbed down for a wider audience, but here it looks like they've added extra gore just for the sake of it.
All in all, an inconsistent and strange story line without enough explanation as to why it is.
The fight scenes are OK, which is why I'm giving it 3 out of 10. But the vague storyline just doesn't work for me. I think Van-Damme and Lundgren should have steered clear of this. It won't have done them any favours. A total B movie.