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Reviews
Bullet Train (2022)
What is this?
I had read Bullet Train wasn't as bad as the critics had made it out to be... so I decided to give it a go as it has a decent cast and a concept I'd enjoyed in the past (Speed, Snakes on a Plane, Mr & Mrs Smith... brain dead action movies, that sort of thing).
So I put it on. After the first 5 minutes I was wondering what was going on and a little shocked as to how badly the one liners were written into the dialogue and how badly said lines were delivered by (usually) good actors.
The action sequences were also a little jarring, I assume they were a homage to the older kung-fu movies and Asian classics like Hard Boiled, but are just poorly executed.
I sat opened mouthed for a while trying to decide if someone was trying to be Tarantino or Guy Ritchie, then I just got bored. The characters, apart from, perhaps, Brad Pitt's are completely uninteresting and I really didn't care which one would die next. The movie is actually still on but I've completely given up watching, as has my wife, quite a while ago in fact.
This movie isn't worth watching and will be immediately forgettable as I couldn't tell you a single character name even with three of them interacting in a scene at this very moment.
Sadly, like most movies made in the past 5 or so years for the streaming behemoths, is crap but at least it's getting me back into reading books.
Top Gun: Maverick (2022)
Loved the original, this is just grim..
Top Gun is Top Gun, an 80s nostalgia, songs, cast etc. It was off its time, both adults and kids loved it. The plot was basic, easy to follow, the characters were shallow, but someway likeable and it was exciting and high speed fun.
This is the same movie... without any of the aspects that made the original enjoyable. The plot is obvious and clichéd but the likeable aspect is gone. This straight out of college stuff... cue plot point... immediately cut to smiling co-star. Its just awful.
I have this a chance, my brother and sister-in-law loved it but I gave up after the first 20 minutes or so, even considered just switching it off, but I thought I'd give it a chance.
I've barely looked at the screen for the last half hour, except to cringe.
Interview with the Vampire (2022)
Incredibly dull waste of time.
Started watching this as I had thoroughly enjoyed the Anne Rice novels and, to a lesser extent, the movie (somewhat) based on her writings.
The show started well and the setting and character building was reasonably engaging although the development became slow quickly and in no great way interesting.
The story began to drag and lose direction after the first few episodes and my attention was beginning to stray as I found myself caring less and less for what was happening. I realised by around episode 4 that I no longer cared for any character or what way the plot was meandering away for the original source material.
Then came the stark realisation, this was yet another dull, modern adaption of a cult classic and not worth my viewing time. I stopped watching and, until I saw a new series advertised on IMdb, forgot this actually existed.
Bite Me (2019)
Makes No Sense
Read the synopsis and thought this sounded interesting. It starts typically enough, grumpy goth type annoyed by people around her for no particular reason, then we see a clip of a "vampire" appearing in a reality show.
It then continues going slowly downhill, with absolutely no sign of humour at any point so far. Then we're let into the fact that these "vampires" aren't supernatural, just people born without the ability to create their own energy and need to drink blood from donors to stop feeling ill... I think... I was already losing interest by this point.
Then there was something about churches, the IRS, a guy with a British accent and a totally unconvincing love story. We tried to watch for a while longer but this simply has nothing to offer, I can't even recall the characters, except one had blue hair. We switched off after about 35-40 minutes and have no inclination of ever watching the second half.
Hocus Pocus 2 (2022)
Absolute cringe fest.
This is painfully bad. Clearly made as a limited budget, straight to TV afternoon matinee.
We had been looking forward to this for a while, although I was somewhat dubious due to the fact that the lead actors are now almost 30 years older. This, however, didn't matter as I was distracted by how badly the plot clunked along before letting my attention drift to checking my phone.
None of the new characters are in anyway engaging and there is little to no plot. Like a lot of modern releases the writing is atrocious and, on this occasion, the CGI is equally awful
As I enjoyed the original, I will just pretend this doesn't exist.
The Sandman (2022)
Saved by the hidden episode.
I am a big Neil Gaiman fan, having read The Sandman as a teenager, and eagerly awaited the television adaption. I was slightly anxious with the Netflix involvement but hoped Neil Gaiman's influence would keep things true to the original.
I thoroughly enjoyed episodes 1 through 6 and was relatively happy with the casting despite it feeling somewhat unnecessary to change race and gender simply for the sake of it. I completely understand that DC (quite rightly) had retained the rights to John Constantine, making Joanna Constantine necessary, despite the eye-rolling back story. The only issue I had was the styling of Gwendoline Christie whom, on paper, made an interesting choice for Lucifer but sadly was as convincing and sinister as Barbara Windsor playing Peggy Mitchell in Eastenders.
Apart from this, as I've already stated, the first 6 episodes were pretty good and, if the series had finished there, I probably would've scored around 8/10 but unfortunately it didn't.
The entire story arc of the final 4 episodes is almost entirely forgettable despite the continuing story of the Corinthian and the introduction of Stephen Fry with the newly introduced characters being underdeveloped, dull pretty pointless and uninteresting. At no point was the gravity of the story interpreted onto the screen and I felt myself drifting off, thumbing through the graphic novels... at some point there was a cabaret, I think.
At the end of the season I felt rather unengaged and really not concerned as to whether there would be a 2nd season or not, feeling it was a 6/10 at best.
Then came episode 11 to haul this semi-catatonic series out of the ditch. My wife, who barely paid attention to much of the series after episode 3 was suddenly transfixed. Everything came back into line, the characters had substance, the storyline was captivating, the dialogue gripping and Dream was once again Endless, weaving his way through myth and legend as he should.
My conclusion is that The Sandman is worth watching but try to re-imagine Constantine and Lucifer for yourself, forget the Vortex storyline and hope that another production company pick up season 2 and we can forget about Netfix dumbing down dialogue and casting for looks over ability.
Night Teeth (2021)
Contrived nothingness
More attention spent on cinematography (hence the 3 stars) than storyline. Another example of modernist, shallow film making, lacking in timeless appeal or anything more captivating than a one night stand.