Reviews

A sort of cross between 'Father Ted' and 'Tremors'; this tongue in cheek creature feature is heavy on the humour and light on the horror. When an extra terrestrial object crashes into the sea, the community of Erin Island (off the coast of Ireland) is attacked by tentacled blood suckers. It's up to the team of veteran, hard drinking Garda Ciaran O'Shea (Richard Coyle) and his rookie partner Garda Lisa Nolan (Ruth Bradley) to solve the mystery – if their differences can be put to the side long enough. Aiding them is English scientist Dr. Adam Smith (Russell Tovey). The film's delightfully 'B' movie title is reference to the name given to the alien beings by the terminally alcoholic fisherman Paddy Barratt (Lador Roddy) who captures one and keeps it in his bath. Until it busts out through the cottage wall… National stereotypes are used to a shameless degree. Nearly all Irish characters are laid back, got the gift of the gab and like a good drink; whilst the English character's upper class and eccentric. Most of the jokes (and a lot of the plot) revolve around voluminous alcohol consumption. This could have got tired very quickly if the performances from Coyle, Brady and Roddy weren't so endearing. Chalk and Cheese partnerships are a staple of film and television plots to the point of nausea. However there's real chemistry and romantic tension between Coyle as O'Shea and Brady as Nolan. Supporting cast members also put in good turns. Russell Tovey (who's done a lot of T.V. work in the U.K.) is the weak link; his portrayal of Dr. Smith comes across as amateurish compared to his fellow actors. He's not plausible as the rival to O'Shea for Nolan's affections. Creature effects are a joy to behold thanks to Shaune Harrison who supervised them. He's a veteran of prosthetics and special makeup effects, having worked on huge releases like 'Star Wars: The Phantom Menace' and 'Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Parts 1 & 2'. A lot of care and attention to detail went in to making the 'Grabbers' as believable as possible. The sight of a brood of baby aliens exploring the pub bar is just fantastic and beats the lazy C.G.I that's too often employed in movies these days. Unfortunately the big storm that cuts links between Erin Island and the mainland and increases 'Grabber activity' (they like the wet) is badly mishandled. No stock footage of actual storms is used, instead water sprinklers are relied on and the result isn't remotely credible. Production values are high and direction tight enough to satisfy multiplex audiences and if given a wider release I'm sure 'Grabbers' would do very well at the box office – with the popularity of titles like 'Hot Fuzz'. Horror lovers will be disappointed (as was I) that there're no decent scares to be had. Grabber kills are predictable and pretty gore free. The humour is all light hearted and superficial, which is fine but there are no belly laughs or 'what the hell' moments as in classic horror comedies like 'Braindead'. Overall 'Grabbers' is a fun way to spend an hour and a half of your life even if it's a bit one dimensional.

With a title like that, how could I resist! This is the first feature film from director Boris Rodriguez who, on the strength of this movie, I predict great things from in the future. Mixing horror with comedy is a delicate balance. Here though, equilibrium is mostly achieved. Humour is genuinely funny whilst Eddie's kills are suitably gruesome. Lars Olafssen, (Thure Lindhart) an artist who's slipped from the limelight he once graced, takes a job at an art school in an isolated Canadian town called Koda Lake. He's been very unproductive recently, to the annoyance of his quote spewing agent (the wonderful Stephen McHattie). At his new home, Olafssen unwittingly finds himself taking in Eddie; a lovable mute with learning difficulties who's been left homeless after the death of his aunt; a major patron of the art school. Eddie is shy and good natured, apart from his habit of going on sleepwalking killing sprees when he's under emotional stress. Olafssen finds this bloodletting to be his muse, enabling him to start painting again. But will he keep encouraging Eddie's homicidal wanderings in order to keep up his own productivity? And how long will it be before sardonic Police Chief Verner (Paul Braunstein) catches up with the duo? Casting for this movie is near perfect. Rodriguez wanted a natural star for the role of Olafssen. Unable to find any in his native country, he looked abroad and found Lindhart; who manages to purvey his character so well that even when he's manipulating Eddie into ripping folk apart, the audience still roots for him. Eddie is played by Dylan Smith (also known as Dylan Scott Smith). He gives Eddie's two natures such distinctiveness that sometimes it's hard to equate the Eddie smeared in blood chasing victims with the Eddie who sits quietly and smiles bashfully when his paintings are praised. Smith and Lindhardt are an effective team. When Olfassen deliberately tries to upset Eddie (so that he goes out to kill) it is genuinely unpleasant as we can believe that Eddie loves him. Look out for Smith in the 2012 'Total Recall', where he has a small role. Another important character is Lesley (Georgina Reilly), who also teaches at the art school. She provides Olafssen's love interest, drawn to him by his former fame and how the paintings he's suddenly producing are financing the school's survival. There's nothing particularly noteworthy about Reilly's handling of the role, but importantly, she holds her own with the leads. Humour is jet black farce and surrealism, helped along with some snappy dialogue; especially from Chief Verner. Only once does the comedy fail – the voice-over during the beginning of the closing credits felt too silly and at odds with the rest of the movie. I also thought the end plot twist was unnecessary Interestingly, the original script had a writer getting inspiration from the killings of a werewolf he befriends. Rodriguez drew inspiration from David Lynch's high tone approach to horror and the performances in the Cohen Brother's 1996 release 'Fargo' whilst directing. If you are a fan of horror movies, or dark comedies you are almost guaranteed to enjoy this film. Rodriguez has been so taken with the reception horror lovers have given his work that he now plans to work in the genre again. Let's hope he does.

This black comedy is the big screen adaptation of synonymous play by famous author Tracy Letts. Fittingly enough the first version of the play was staged at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in 1994, as the U.K. Premier Gala was held to open the Edinburgh International Film Festival in 2012.

Director William Freidkin describes the film as being about 'All the Old Testament vanities' (I.E. sins), which is appropriate given the plot. Chris Smith, played by Emile Hirsch gets into debt to a local drug dealer after Chris' alcoholic mother sells the stash of cocaine he was meant to be selling on. A furious Chris goes to see his none too bright father Ansel (Thomas Haden Church) and step mom Sharla (Gina Gershon). Together they hatch a scheme to have Chris' mother killed so the insurance company will pay out on her large life policy. If successful, the money will go to Chris' sister Dotty (Juno Temple), an unusual girl who lives in her own little world. The others would then convince her to split the windfall four ways, after paying the assassin's fee.

At a friend's suggestion, Chris hires 'Killer Joe', a Police Detective who moonlights as a hit-man. Matthew McConaughey is cast as Joe, in a radical departure from his usual mainstream roles. When the Smiths can't afford to pay Joe upfront like he insists, it looks like the plan will fall through. Joe comes up with a solution. Instead of a retainer, the Smiths can give him Dottie, whom he became infatuated with at first sight, as collateral. Dottie's father and step mom engineer a 'date' between her and Joe and soon he moves into their trailer to take full advantage of his new plaything. Chris grows increasingly horrified by what's happening to his sister, especially as she seems to have fallen for Joe. But he leaves it too late to try and stop the deal. Events turn increasingly violent as Chris tries to rescue Dottie from Joe's possession before he takes her away forever and Sharla's loyalty is called into question.

Being based on a play, most of the film is driven by quick-fire, sharp dialogue. Ansel provides a lot of the humour due to his sheer stupidity and Haden Church gives a gleeful turn as the greedy redneck. Gina Gershon is almost unrecognisable as 'trailer trash' Sharla. Her performance is so convincing that seeing her at the gala premier dressed in finery was incongruous. It was also a bit embarrassing as a few minutes into the feature there's a close up shot of her naked crotch! Dotty, a pivotal character in the plot is brought to life by Juno Temple. She mixes sweetness with an unpredictable dark undercurrent in a way that makes her fascinating to watch. Emile Hirsch is a capable actor; he was brilliant as Cleve Jones in 2008 biopic 'Milk'. Yet the last time I saw him was in execrable 2011 Sci-Fi flick 'The Darkest Hour'. Here he steps up to the plate again and is excellent portraying Chris' internal struggle as he has to decide whether to support a scheme that will make him rich for the price of whoring out the sister he loves. Matthew McConaughey is to be commended for taking another decent character as he continues to shed his pretty boy image. 'Joe' is a role requiring charisma, sleazy charm and brutal menace. On the whole McConaughey pulls it off; the sequence involving him, Gershon and a piece of fried chicken will stick in your mind long after you watch it. But he lacks some of the natural screen presence that someone like Woody Harrelson could have provided.

As director, Freidkin sticks to what he does best; building tension to an explosive finale, keeping things moving at a decent pace and getting the most out of his cast. Whilst not up there with his crowning glory 'The French Connection', he shows us that he is more than capable of making a movie reminiscent of the Cohen Brothers' early work.

'Killer Joe' is darkly amusing and brutal in equal measures with strong characters played by a sterling cast. It doesn't deliver anything particularly groundbreaking and in spite of the pornographic violence and degradation it isn't actually that shocking for the most part; perhaps because the bar on what's shocking is set so high these days.

Kid-Thing is a gut wrenching study of childhood alienation, loneliness and despair; layered with bleak humour. Annie, played by Sydney Aguirre, is an eleven year old girl living with her redneck father in rural Texas. Her days consist of skipping school, spending time consistently alone engaged in thoughtless petty destruction. This behaviour increasingly strikes the viewer as a display of nihilism. She shoplifts but doesn't seem to find any real pleasure in what she steals. A colourful lollipop is enjoyed as a treat for a little while then smashed against a tree. There is no adult governance or mentoring in Annie's life apart from in the soccer team she plays with. Her Dad Marvin (Nathan Zellner, brother of the film's director) is preoccupied with running his failing farm and drinking heavily. Marvin has no chance of success. He's no idea how to raise a daughter, and no real interest in doing so. Not because he's a bad person, but because he's dull minded. Out in the woods one day, Annie is startled by eerie shouts for help coming from an old well shaft. At first she's terrified and runs. Next day curiosity gets the better of her and she returns. Annie discovers a woman named Ester (voiced by Susan Tyrrell), who remains out of sight, is trapped down the well. First off Annie asks if she's the Devil, a reasonable question for a child hearing a voice from underground. Not one to be told what to do, Annie doesn't fetch help but over a couple of visits, provides Ester with food and drink, plus a walkie talkie so the two can communicate at distance. The first time Annie turns on her walkie talkie, she hears Ester sobbing uncontrollably. Later that night, Annie and Ester get into a conversation over the airwaves. Increasingly desperate for Annie to bring help to get her out of the well due to her worsening condition, Ester raises her voice. They argue, calling each other 'The Devil' tit for tat. Static and misery gives Ester's voice a sinister edge which is unsettling to hear. Ester starts crying again and the communication ends. After a while, Annie hails Ester again to offer a deal; she'll free Ester if Ester will take Annie away with her. No reply comes from Ester. In spite of the deal being unconfirmed, Annie goes to the well again with some supplies and repeats the offer. She's delayed reaching the well as her bike's stolen from outside the store, ironically during the only visit she pays for good instead of stealing them. There's still no response from Ester, so Annie throws down the supplies and returns home. There she witnesses Marvin have a heart attack, but does not help him. Whether this is from fear or malice is left for the viewer to decide. Annie goes to the well a final time for a heartbreakingly tragic finale. Director David Zellner (who also plays the role of 'Caleb') draws viewers into the confined universe inhabited by Annie using close camera shots at all times. Thus the audience share some of the character's imprisoned existence. Heat parched, monotonous rural Texas life is shown in macro, reflecting Annie's boring life. This boredom, along with acute loneliness gives birth to her unwittingly nihilistic behaviour; which finds ultimate expression in some of the most effective and brilliantly unsettling scenes of the movie. We see a family preparing to celebrate the daughter's birthday outside their house. Firstly the Mother brings out the daughter, who's around Annie's age and wheelchair bound, and sets her by a table. Party decorations festoon the property, bright colours clashing against sun bleached paint as if cheer is being determinedly forced into a sphere of depression. Although it's a happy occasion, the Mother seems so sad that she's about to cry – an expression that clashes with the 'Happy Birthday' headpiece she's wearing. The mother brings a cake, and then the father places two wrapped gifts on the table. Not a word is spoken until the father can't find the birthday candles and the mother goes back into the house to help him look, leaving the girl alone in her wheelchair. Annie suddenly appears, eyeing the girl with hostility and brandishing a baseball bat. She uses the bat to obliterate the cake, grabs one of the presents and runs off. Neither she nor the girl says anything. When they come out and see the damage, both parents look utterly bewildered. Violence coming from an indefinable rage at the human condition is woven beautifully with black comedy; inescapable misery and pathos to set your spine tingling. Sydney Aguirre does a sterling job as Annie. For someone so young she doesn't seem to even notice the camera that is focused on her for most of the 83 minutes. Her default sullen expression only cracks to display fear when she first hears Ester's cries for help, and when she comes close to smiling whilst on a fairground ride. Aguirre thus convincingly demonstrates Annie's crippled emotional being. For Annie has been dehumanised by the life she's drifting through, with no meaningful relationships or developmental support. The title, Kid-Thing alludes to this state of affairs. Even though some of her behaviour is reprehensible, the viewer cannot help pitying Annie. She's as trapped in her directionless, mediocre sphere of existence as Ester is trapped in the well. Viewers never sees Ester, nor discovers if the reason she falls silent is death or escape. David Zellner does this to infect the audience with Annie's early suspicion that Ester is demonic; tempting the young girl to her doom by offering false hope of a better life. Kid thing delivers a punch to the soul that can be felt long after the final credits roll. It proves that there's no need for convoluted plot, smart dialogue or frenetic pacing for a film to be infectiously watchable. Should you fail to catch this at the E.I.F.F. I recommend you see it as soon as possible.

There was a time when Tim Burton films were pretty much guaranteed to be worth viewing. The same used to be true about films starring Johnny Depp. Combine the two and you had cinematic gold. Since those days, both have been involved with titles that can charitably be described as mediocre. As a result, when I found out about 'Dark Shadows' I wasn't as excited by the news as I once would have been.

Originally, 'Dark Shadows' was a U.S. daytime soap featuring various supernatural characters and story lines. Running for over 1200 episodes between 1966 and 1971, it garnered a cult following.

The T.V. series, often described as a Gothic soap, was full of convoluted story arcs that involved a large cast, magic and even time travel. It was a sense of this that the screenwriters were trying to give by making the plot of the movie overly complex and full of so many characters. This succeeds in part, however there was a lot to follow during the 113 minutes, and not enough reward for doing so. None of the sub plots contributed much to the overall story and a simpler screenplay would have been welcome. Yes, this would have negated the soap opera feel that was being aimed at, but is this meant to be a homage for 'Dark Shadows' fans, or a Hollywood movie which the average punter can access and enjoy? For my money it fell between those two stools.

Another problem is that apart from Barnabas and to a lesser extent Angelique, characters have so little screen-time or memorable actions that they almost seem part of the set rather than actual people. The camera remains relentlessly on Depp, to the point that it was in danger of becoming a vanity project. Depp has said he was 'obsessed' by the series whilst growing up, and he was instrumental in bringing Burton aboard the project. He obviously relishes the chance to play Barnabas, and his enjoyment of the part does come across in his performance. Inspirations for Depp's portrayal of Barnabas came from Max Schrek as the vampire in 1922's 'Nosferatu' and Jonathan Frid who played Barnabas in the series. Frid, and a couple of other actors from the T.V. show had cameos as party guests in the movie, which was Frid's last screen appearance as he died shortly after.

Barnabas is a novel character, and the premise of the plot is an interesting one. Not enough is made of the battle between his two natures; a human who cares about his family and vampire who craves nourishment. He is just described as a good man who does bad things (I.E. kill people and drink their blood) because of the curse. From what I understand there was a lot more to the T.V. Barnabas, he couldn't be described as a good man compelled to do evil. If the part in the movie had been made darker, there would have been more interest for viewers. As it stands Barnabas on the big screen is shallow whilst other characters are gossamer thin.

Introducing humour to the plot was an unwise decision in my opinion. The series was not comical, putting a strong humorous vein into the movie gives the idea that it is meant to be a loving parody for those 'in the know' rather than an actual adaptation for the general cinema goer. Gags are not great, Barnabas tearing apart the T.V. to try and reveal the 'tiny songstress' in a scene that could come from any 'character out of time-period' plot is as funny as it gets. Alice Cooper has a cameo performing at a Ball thrown by the Collins to ingratiate themselves to the townspeople. Naturally Barnabas thinks Cooper is 'The ugliest woman I have ever seen'.

Creation of a Gothic atmosphere through set design and cinematography is pleasing; this is Burton's forte after all. The Production Designer; Editor; Costume Designer and film score composer (the prolific Danny Elfman) have all worked with Burton before so know how to deliver his vision.

Due to its self indulgent nature that is neither a straight big screen revival, nor an out and out parody; 'Dark Shadows' is not a satisfying experience. There are things to enjoy here, particularly for hardcore Depp and Burton fans. Overall though, I wish the film had more depth and bite (if you'll pardon the pun).

I'm a fan of Sacha Baron Cohen, getting hooked during his early 'Ali G' days on Britain's Channel 4. His humour is always crude, vulgar, childish and extremely silly. Yet at times it is also heavily satirical, aimed at those, like racists, who deserve such treatment. By remaining so convincingly in character, always pushing the limits of bad taste, Baron Cohen is often downright hilarious. 2004's 'Ali G In Da House – The Movie' was a let down as his trademark windups and improvised humour were replaced by a mundane script. 'Borat: Cultural Learnings Of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation Of Kazakhstan' in 2006 capitalised on what made that character great by focussing on real life prank interviews with only a small scripted element. This was so popular that Baron Cohen's third alter ego 'Bruno' got his own film in 2009, which for my money was even funnier than 'Borat…' as it skewered some very worthy targets, I.E. homophobes and celebrity/fashion culture. Baron Cohen also took roles in other titles, including playing 'Adolfo Pirelli' alongside Johnny Depp in 'Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barbour of Fleet Street', released 2007. But after using all three of his famous characters, and becoming too well known to be able to pull pranks, what solo projects could Baron Cohen tackle next? Sadly, the answer is 2012's 'The Dictator', where he plays 'Admiral General Aladeen', the brutal, childish ruler of fictional Wadiya. Predictably, Aladeen has to travel to America to address the U.N. regarding his 'peaceful' nuclear programme. There, he is left wandering New York incognito after a botched assassination attempt that sees his idiot double 'Efawadh' (also Baron Cohen) take his place as ruler to do the bidding of Aladeen's Uncle Tamir, who's played by Ben Kingsley. Why an actor of Kingsley's ability keeps ending up in demeaning roles like this is a mystery. His low point was surely playing 'The Evil Hood' in the dire live action 'Thunderbirds' of 2004. Anyways, Aladeen is befriended by American left wing activist Zoey (Ana Faris, best known from the 'Scary Movie' franchise), who fails to recognise him as the dictator she's been campaigning against in a rally outside the U.N. building. He also enlists the help of former Wadiyan nuclear scientist Nadal (Jason Mantzoukas) whose execution Aladeen had ordered on a whim some years before. It turns out that all Aladeen's execution order victims were smuggled to the U.S. by the Wadiyan resistance. The rest of the plot concerns Aladeen and Nadal trying to prevent Efawadh declaring Wadiya a democracy in a speech to the U.N, so that Tamir can get rich selling oil to outsiders. Inevitably, along the way Zoey and Aladeen fall in love, he defeats the plot against him and after a change of heart brings (cosmetic) democracy to Wadiya. You'd be forgiven for thinking this is a recipe for success, after all playing outrageously unpolitically correct foreigners is Sacha Baron Cohen's forte. Whilst there are some genuinely funny moments, like Aladeen's 'Munich Olympics' Wii game in which the player guns down Jewish athletes; 'The Dictator is badly let down by a poor script, the same problem that crippled 'Ali G In Da House'. In 'Borat…' and a lesser degree in 'Bruno' the script was just a frame to hang pranks from. So it didn't matter how fluid it was. Whereas 'The Dictator' is all scripted, thus requiring decent plot, characterisation and professional direction, none of which it gets. A lot of humour generated by the Borat and Bruno characters came from watching real people's reactions to them. Naturally this humour is missing from 'The Dictator'. Instead, visual slapstick and dialogue are used, to weak effect. For every joke that's funny, such as Aladeen trying to throw away a newborn when he sees it's a girl, there's about five others, like the Chinese official paying male Hollywood stars to fellate him, that fall flat. The satire is spelled out to such a degree that all mirth is wrung out of it. More damage is done as the writers try to give Aladeen a sympathetic edge. All he really wants is true love, the one thing his power and wealth cannot get him. Sure, he can pay Michael Bay reject Megan Fox for sex, but he can't make her cuddle afterwards. Sacha Baron Cohen's other creations have no redeeming characteristics at all, that's part of why they're so amusing. Humanising Aladeen detracts from his entertainment value and sits awkwardly alongside gags about him molesting fourteen year old boys who subsequently commit suicide. Is this someone the audience is meant to root for? I was made to laugh out loud during 'The Dictator', just not nearly as often as I'd expected. Hopefully Sacha Baron Cohen will put more thought into any future projects of his, or stick to appearing in other people's films.

A follow up to 2010's surprise hit remake 'Piranha 3D', this movie sees the killer fish return to menace another resort. This time it's a water park, 'Wet And Wild' run by the sleazy and unscrupulous Chet, played by David Koechner. His step daughter, and 49% owner of the park, Maddy (Danielle Panabaker) is aghast when he reveals the latest attraction – an 'Adult Pool'. Of course, this pool is complete with strippers and model female lifeguards. But that's only the start of Maddy's troubles as soon the prehistoric killer piranha are found in the lake next door, into which the resort drains water. Chet, along with corrupt Sheriff Deputy, and Maddy's ex boyfriend, Kyle (Chris Zylka) suppress the news to prevent Wet And Wild's opening being delayed. Christopher Lloyd revises his character Mr. Goodman (to whom Maddy turns for advice) from the first movie and is as watchable as ever. Ving Rhames also returns as Deputy Fallon, although this character was seen dying in the last instalment. The story is that only his legs got eaten. Yeah, right! He's only included to provide another continuity link between the films which seems unnecessary, even if he has been fitted with Robert Rodriguez-esque prosthetics. Inevitably piranha get into the water park, leading to mass bloodletting. 'Piranha 3D' was so popular due to its black humour, explicit gore and nudity – including a 3D naked Kelly Brook! From the double entendre title 'Piranha 3DD, and the promotion material, viewers would naturally expect this release to be even more extreme. In reality, even though there are graphic mutilations, decapitations, a severed manhood, naked women and large breasts – it's actually tamer than the original! Being an ex gore junkie I can confidently state there's a lot more creatively shed claret in 'Piranha 3D', almost up in the same league as 'Braindead'. Characters in '…3DD' are more generic, less thought has gone into their creation. Another factor to consider is the inclusion of David Hasselhoff playing himself, acting as the washed up celebrity opening 'Wet And Wild'. To start with it's amusing watching 'The Hoff' send himself up, but the joke gets flogged to death and gets tired very quickly. I preferred his cameo in 'Spongebob Squarepants The Movie'. Perhaps my biggest gripe is the outtakes and deleted scenes shown over the closing credits. When a film does this I almost always find it an unforgivable breach of the fourth wall, except in Jackie Chan titles. The ending sets up for another sequel, that if made will be a case of even further diminished returns for the audience.

'Lockout' is like a relic dug up from the '90s because the plot is a composite of elements taken from 'Escape from L.A.', 'Fortress 2' and many other action/Sci-Fi flicks from that era. I can only surmise screen writers James Mather and Stephen St. Leger wanted to make a retro tribute – if that was the intention they succeeded. Guy Pearce plays futuristic CIA agent Snow, who's framed for murder when a mission goes wrong. Fortunately for him the President's daughter Emilie Warnock, (played by Maggie Grace) is taken hostage during a fact finding visit to a high security space station prison where the convicts are kept in stasis. So Snow gets the chance to redeem himself by going to rescue her. Formulaic to the nth degree, the plot proceeds as the escaped convicts take over the prison. They are led by two Scottish brothers; Alex (Vincent Regan) and the deeply psychotic Hydell, brilliantly portrayed by Joe Gilgun. As you expect, Snow and Emilie have to team up to fight off the inmates and escape the space station. Further complication is added as one prisoner holds the key to clearing character name's record. What lets this movie down is its predictability. You can almost guess character name's one liners before he says them. Nothing in the plot is a surprise or even vaguely innovative. Without Joe Gilgun's character all the cast would have been one dimensional movie stereotypes. Emilie is a throw back female lead, only there to be threatened and rescued. She doesn't seriously try to fight back or take control, it's all down to character name to do the hard work whilst she complains and makes the inevitable switch from hostility to romance. Having said all that, I did have a nostalgic fondness for 'Lockout', I can imagine renting it on VHS from my local shop or watching it on ITV late night on the small portable I had when I was a teenager living with my parents. If you fancy a trip down memory lane and have a couple of hours to kill then go see it, but you'd be best saving some money and waiting for the home release.

Jason Statham (known for his hard man persona rather than his acting skills) takes the lead in this competent slice of action nonsense. Playing Luke Wright, a down and out cage fighter with a mysterious past, he gets his life back on track when he intervenes to rescue a young Chinese girl from men who're chasing her. The girl, Mei (Catherine Chan) is a genius who is used by the Triads to memorise long codes to prevent them being hacked or stolen. Wright makes it his task to protect Mei, putting him on a collision course with the Triads, corrupt cops and the Russian mobsters who murdered his wife. Cue martial arts combat, car chases and some old school shoot outs. No fancy camera work or editing get in the way (Michael Bay take note); cinematography is basic yet suits the movie's style. There's no ham fisted attempts at comic relief either. Whilst the screenplay is hardly original (how many times have we seen a tough guy protect a vulnerable ward) the director, Boaz Yakin, knows the key to success is keeping the action and wisecracks flowing fast. None of the cast will ever win an Academy Award, however their acting is never bad enough to be annoying. If this movie had been made fifteen years or so ago it would have starred Steven Segal or Jean Claude Van Dam. Fans of their work will be more than satisfied with 'Safe'.

Joss Wedon, the man behind cult T.V. shows 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer' and 'Firefly' directs and co-writes this imaginative spin on a classic horror film scenario. From the generic title to worn out plot premise (four young people go to a creepy cabin deep in the woods only to be attacked by monsters), clichés are gleefully used; often with great comic effect, such as a sinister redneck gas station owner. The twist is that all that happens to the youngsters, their behaviour and even their personalities are being manipulated from a hi-tech control room by a large team of scientist and technicians. I won't spoil it by saying to what purpose. Bradley Whitford (Hadley) and Richard Jenkins (Sitterson) steal the show as the lead scientists, all other actors give satisfying performances that gel well with the plot. Characters and dialogue are very 'Whedonesque' which will appeal to fans of his work. Made to appeal to geeks and horror buffs such as myself, not everyone will appreciate or 'get' this movie. Some will even be annoyed by the plot holes. But if you know your ghouls from your zombies, you'll be highly entertained.

This is a difficult film to get into, but stick with it and you'll be hooked. Rampart is a character study, following a corrupt cop with a twisted personal life as the net closes around him and he becomes increasingly paranoid. Hard hitting and at times uncomfortable, watching Officer Brown (Woody Harrelson) self destruct is morbidly fascinating. Harrelson deserves an Academy Award for his performance; he mesmerises with natural charisma and gives the character an all too believable psychotic edge. Other notable performances are Sigourney Weaver as Confrey and (amazingly) Ice Cube as Timkins. Bobby Bukowski does a fantastic job with the cinematography, using a range of shots and low key effects to maximise the key moments in the plot. The open ending is a bit of a let down, a wrapping up of the story would have been preferable. However, this is still the best movie I've seen for a while.

This is a thriller that focuses more on action rather than intrigue. The plot doesn't insult viewer's intelligence but at the same time it doesn't try to be overly complex or ambitious. Solid performances from all cast members help drive the movie along from one shoot out to another, all filmed in the de-saturated style beloved of action thrillers that want to be taken seriously. All fight sequences are tense and gritty, including a brutal one involving shards of glass that'll make you wince. I was a bit dubious about pairing the excellent Denzel Washington with the less inspiring Ryan Reynolds; however they work well as a team. The obvious question of why, once the safe house is breached, Weston doesn't just take Frost to the Consulate is dealt with semi-plausibly and doesn't sink the storyline. Although why the demonstration against unemployment in South Africa that a pursuit gets tangled in carries placards exclusively in English is unexplained

Man On A Ledge is a popcorn action thriller with a fast plot and slick direction that allows viewers to turn off critical faculties and go with the flow. This is what the Hollywood industry is best at, providing movies with broad appeal that provide an escape from everyday life. There's no time for boredom as ex cop Nick Cassidy (Sam Worthington) and his brother Joey (Jamie Bell) put their scheme into action to prove he's innocent of a diamond theft. Ed Harris is always a dependable bad guy; the only problem here is that he's a much higher calibre of actor than the other cast members. I found Angie (played by the fabulously named Genesis Rodriguez) a bit annoying, her character seems to be there to only inject some comic relief and strip down to her underwear. Both of which aren't necessary. Don't think about it too hard and you'll enjoy this movie.

I love Jim Henson's work, from 'Sesame Street' to 'Fraggle Rock' via 'The Muppet Show'. That his creations are still going years after his sad demise is a testament to how much he entertained the world with zany puppet-powered madness. 'The Muppets' are no strangers to the big screen, having debuted in 'The Muppet Movie' of 1979. Here they return to re-conquer cinema in the name of fun. One the whole they succeed, giving us a light soufflé of corny jokes, visual gags and a lot of celebrity cameos. Chris Cooper obviously has a ball playing Tex Richman, the oil tycoon set on destroying the Muppet Studios. An interesting fact is that Jason Segel is both a screen writer and star in this feature. He's Gary, brother to puppet Walter who's the world's biggest Muppet fan. At Walter's insistence they, along with Gary's long suffering girlfriend Mary (Amy Adams) try to reunite The Muppets and save the studios. It's a basic plot that's been done before in countless films and T.V. shows, but here it doesn't feel worn out. Instead it's used as an excuse to re-introduce all the main Muppets as they're brought back from their new lives. Most entertainingly Fozzie Bear is working in a tribute band called 'The Moopets', which includes Dave Grohl as 'Animool'. Having brothers where one's human and the other's a puppet as main characters is inspired and leads to the fantastic song 'Man or Muppet'. Of course, if you're not a fan of The Muppets or the style of humour they use you won't like this movie. However, if you are a fan I guarantee you'll enjoy this and be laughing as much as me when 80's Robot turns on his Modem. Whilst it doesn't reach the highs of 'The Muppets Christmas Carol' or 'Muppets Treasure Island'; 'The Muppets' gives us more of what we know and love.

fans say, the original trilogy are not the best films ever made. Their faults are numerous and have been the butt of many jokes in shows such as 'Family Guy'. Lucas' success was creating a fully immersive universe full of iconic characters that allow us to escape reality. So when he announced that the prequels were being made, excitement was off the scale. I remember sitting waiting for the curtain to go up for 'The Phantom Menace' when it was released in 1999 and bursting with expectation. Then I remember the crushing disappointment that followed as the horror unfolded on screen. Back to 2012. 'The Phantom Menace' is re-released in 3D. Do I A) Remember how bad it is and avoid? Or B) Part with some hard earned cash to make George a little bit richer? Those who went for 'B' give yourselves a gold star. From the start, boredom reigns supreme. The introductory scrolling text is about taxation of trade routes and a blockade by 'The Trade Federation'. Who needs Rebel Alliances or Galactic Empires when you can base a plot around trade disputes! Much of the film is bogged down in tedious political plots and manoeuvring. What action there is centres around the Jedi Qui Gon Jinn (Liam Neeson) and his apprentice Obi Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) as they battle the Droid army of the Trade Federation. Unlike Storm Troopers, the Droids make terrible bad guys. Sure, Storm Troopers are pretty useless but the Droids make them look like the S.A.S. Not only do the standard Battle Droids look like Games Workshop rejects but they offer all the resistance of a wet paper bag. You never feel they're a genuine threat. Their limited dialogue is meant to be humorous but instead makes them seem completely stupid. Why would somebody design an army of robots, spend billions on constructing it only to make them as effective as 'The Three Stooges'? Darth Maul, the Dark Jedi who takes on the heroes, finally brings some credibility to proceedings but it is too little too late. He is the only colour in a mire of drab characters. Unfortunately the other stand out is Jar Jar Binks. So much bile and hatred has been written about him over the years (and rightly so), that all I'll say is 'Worst movie decision ever'. Anakin Skywalker (A.K.A. a young Darth Vader) falls into the category of 'annoying movie brat'. His infatuation with the teenage Queen Amidala (Natalie Portman), which is central to the plot of the prequels, is messed up as the age gap between them is so great. Oh, and get this. Anakin Skywalker built C3 P0. To provide more of a link with the original trilogy, Lucas decides to provide us with the back stories of not only C3 P0 but R2 D2 as well. This truly jumps the shark. We also get more explanation about The Force. Jedi can harness it due to having a high count of midi-chlorians in their blood – microscopic organisms that allow them to connect with the force. The higher their midi-chlorian count; the stronger the Jedi. So instead of being a mystical field of energy that unites all living things, a metaphysical and ubiquitous power, The Force is reduced to the status of a virus. How were the Jedi wiped out? Someone prescribed them Tamiflu. Ridiculousness reaches new levels when we learn that Anakin Skywalker was 'immaculately conceived' by the midi-chlorians. By now fans are starting to get seriously hacked off. Another noteworthy happening is during the underwater journey from Gungan City to save Queen Amidala (who was apparently elected to server her people, surely a first for royalty) from the Trade Federation invasion. Qui Gon and Obi Wan's craft is caught by a giant predator, only to be saved when the attacker is snapped up by a bigger creature. Five minutes or so later, exactly the same thing happens again. I'm not kidding, it's like the film was made by a five year old; 'Again Daddy, do it again'. Dialogue is horrendous throughout, especially that given to Trade Federation characters. We know Lucas can't write dialogue worth toffee from the earlier Star Wars movies, but he hits a new low here. Even Liam Neeson can't make bring it to life, which is saying something. Acting is equally cringe worthy. The CGI characters give the same level of performance as the humans. 'The Phantom Menace' reveals George Lucas as the hack who got lucky he really is. If he'd released this instead of 'A New Hope' back in 1978 the franchise would have sunk without a trace. Of course, then we'd have to believe that he had all six movies mapped out from the beginning, which I don't. How could he have got things so wrong? Possibly because nobody at the studio says 'No' to him. All his ideas are assumed to be guaranteed money spinners and are green-lighted automatically. There's so much fiction set in the Star Wars universe; both published and fan. It would have been so easy to get a writer or two with the knowledge and love of the series to construct a decent plot. Unfortunately Lucas is given God-like control over proceedings. He might as well have urinated on the fans whilst stealing their wallets. Re-releasing 'The Phantom Menace' in 3D can only be seen as a cynical ploy to increase his personal fortune. As it wasn't filmed with 3D in mind it has been post rendered which makes the whole thing a pointless exercise. I hear by solemnly swear that I will never, ever, watch 'The Phantom Menace' again.

Chronicle is almost a good movie. The plot revolves around three adolescent guys (two of whom, Andrew and Matt, are cousins) who develop superpowers after encountering an extra terrestrial object that I like to imagine is a fragment of the planet Krypton. Strangely they only use their powers (including flying) to lark around; none of them decides to become a superhero. Andrew (Dane DeHaan), the social outcast of the group, utilises his new skills to gain acceptance from his peers in school. This starts off well but leads to his humiliation at a party. On top of the abuse from his Father, his Mother's illness and the family being unable to afford her meds pushes Andrew over the edge and leads to a spectacular showdown with Matt (Alex Russell) as they battle across Seattle. Sadly, somewhere along the line, the screenwriters decided to film most of the action as if captured by Andrew's hand-held camera. The amateur footage gimmick has been flogged like a dead horse by movie makers; it's no longer innovative, shocking, or convincing enough to appeal to savvy audiences. Director Josh Trank must have found that not all the plot was filmable from Andrew's point of view, because during the film, especially at the final battle, the shots swap to footage from other cameras, e.g. Police surveillance tapes. Which begs the question why the pushed ahead with the idea in the first place. You find yourself longing for conventional filming after about five minutes. Special effects are decent, apart from some of the flying scenes, where it is painfully obvious from the way the actor's bodies are positioned that they're on wires. A scene where Andrew uses his power to pull a spider apart is impressive though. DeHaan's believable as Andrew, portraying his angst and growing hatred of the world in a convincing manner. Russell and Michael B. Jordan who plays the third gifted teen give capable performances with the material they're given. To conclude, Chronicle is worth watching if you have some time on your hands, but don't go out of your way to see it.