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Reviews
Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)
Three Women
In 1998, a malevolent Arnold terminator kills John Connor.
In the present day, Dylann Roof and a weather beaten, f-bomb dropping Sarah Connor team up to protect a tiny Mexican woman (who is the new John Connor) from the latest evil terminator, REV-9. Long into the film, they meet up with the Arnold terminator that killed John Connor. After committing the act, the Arnold terminator named himself Carl, settled down and had a family, and started his own drapery business. Arnold joins team girl power to battle the bad terminator.
The REV-9 is really two terminators in one. An endoskeleton, and an outer ectoplasm that can break away. This is actually the only thing that I liked about this film.
Dark Fate is a checklist of all the things that make modern day Hollywood so fetid. An unnecessary sequel. Excessive CGI. Overlong running time. PC pandering. This is the worst in the series and deserved to flop. Every sequel after T2 has progressively flopped worse than the previous one, yet they continue to make them. Is it a cover for money laundering? Or maybe a tax write off?
Final Exam (1981)
The Night He Came to Campus
A shadowy figure randomly decides to stop at a small college campus and stalk the student body.
Final Exam is an anomaly of the early 80s slasher craze. It eschews blood, gore, and sex, in favor of characters and atmosphere.
For me this film succeeds for all the reasons that most viewers consider it a failure. The character development actually works.
The characters are all stereotypes. The virgin, the tramp, the airhead, the nerd, the jock, and the preppy. But three of those characters are really memorable. Courtney the virgin, (Cecile Bagdadi), is so likeable and believable. Radish the nerd, (Joel S. Rice) is annoying yet endearing. Wildman the jock, (Ralph Brown) is a total goofball. I really enjoyed watching these people interact.
The killing doesn't commence until the last third of the film, but it's really atmospheric with the killer stalking his victims on the dark, deserted campus. Limestone College in Gaffney, SC where this was filmed was the perfect location and really adds to the atmosphere.
The killer having no motive actually works much better than having some convoluted motive. The killer not wearing a mask, but mostly being in the shadows is very effective. Roaming the campus wearing a mask when it's not even Halloween would've been kind of conspicuous.
If you want to time travel back to 1981 at the peak of the slasher craze, watch Final Exam. Then watch The Burning and The Prowler.
Get Out (2017)
Zero Shades of Grey
A Black man named Chris goes with his White girlfriend Rose to visit her rich parents in the country. Chris finds tension in the situation. The White people are too ingratiating (Obama was the greatest president ever). The few Black people aren't ghetto enough (shaking hands instead of fist bumping).
Rose's mother is an expert hypnotist who puts Chris under just by tapping her spoon on a saucer. Rose has lured Chris there so that rich White people can bid on his Black body. Rose's father is a neurosurgeon who attempts to transplant some old, blind, White guy's brain into Chris' body. Chris foils the hypnosis by stuffing cotton into his ears. He basically kills all the evil White people.
Get Out is just a mediocre grade B thriller with a political axe to grind that tapped into the current anti-White zeitgeist. It really isn't clever. Or creative. Or even entertaining. Much of it doesn't make sense. Why is the hypnosis even necessary? Why not just drug the Black victims in preparation for the neurosurgery? Once the victim's brain has been replaced, how can their consciousness still be present as a "passenger"? Why did Rose's grandparents want to be servants after they commandeered the Black bodies? Why choose Black people specifically for the transplants? Wouldn't the old, decrepit, White people want to have a young, White body so that they could keep their White privilege?
Get Out is an insight into the confused psyche of Writer/Director Jordan Peele. Paranoia and narcissism. White people want to enslave Black people because of envy. From the words of the blind guy that wanted Chris' body : Black people are faster, stronger, and cooler than Whites. Inversion of reality. Blacks live in a constant state of fear of repression and violence at the hands of Whites. Crime statistics show the opposite to be the truth.
If you want an example of what a sorry state that present day Hollywood is in, this film was actually nominated for best picture.
The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
Andy n Red
Andy is an innocent man who gets sent to prison for murdering his wife. He endures many hardships such as listening to opera records, and having to do the taxes of prison guards for free. He falls in love with an old black guy named Red, who likes to narrate things. Red is a very wise man who says things like "Get busy living, or get busy dying" and "Show me the money".
Andy gets tired of being in prison and steals the warden's shoes and escapes. The warden blows his brains out because Andy stole his shoes. Red misses Andy and leaves prison to go live with him on the beach.
This is definitely the greatest movie ever made. Except for "Overboard". The one with Goldie Hawn and Kurt Douglas. Not the new one.
The Alien Factor (1978)
Blue Jeans Monster
Strange creatures are killing the residents of a small town. The inept sheriff and deputy are powerless to do anything about it. The sheriff seems more interested in eating breakfast than actually doing anything. Then a mysterious stranger comes to town who seems to know a little too much about the monsters. He claims to be a sort of freelance astronomer, you know, because there really is such a thing. The dippy mayor takes an instant liking to the stranger. Causing much resentment in the brown nosing sheriff. Predictable twist ending ensues.
Director Don Dohler's first film is for me his best. The creature effects are actually pretty cool. There's an insect man thing that looks like a leather masked S&M enthusiast. A centaur on stilts that moves much too slowly to actually catch anybody, because it's on stilts. A shirtless, blue jeans wearing, burnt meatloaf man. And a translucent, giant lizard. A toothbrush holder shot from a forced perspective stands in as a crashed spaceship in one goofy scene.
Other classic scenes include Dohler's kids playing in slow motion with a beach ball while someone plucks away at a synthesizer. And the bar scene where a band, whose lead singer wears a pirate shirt, performs in front of two female groupies who are dancing in such a confined space that they're trying not to bump into each other. Also look for a scene where the woman doctor explains that the desiccated body of a victim looks like it died from progeria. Then explains that it couldn't have been progeria, only to have the deputy say " and that's what Ed Miller died of? " Also of note is Dick Dyszel hamming it up as the mayor. Count Gore De Vol to those of us from the Baltimore/DC area who watched late night TV in the 70s.
This film just oozes of DIY goodness made by someone with a passion for movies and not just churning out product. Shot in Don Dohler's basement and the woods behind his house, with the help of his family and friends. I salute you Mr. Dohler for creating something that can still entertain me after all these years. Long after Hollywood has died.
White Lies (1981)
Lady in Lavender
A woman (Ariel Bock) is getting made up for a party. She removes cream from her face. She stands nude in front of a full length mirror, trying to maneuver herself into a flimsy purple dress. Her boyfriend (Willem Dafoe) is sitting in the kitchen wearing a white tee shirt and watching TV. They bicker over the program he is watching. These characters are never given names.
The guests have arrived. Purple Dress Woman makes small talk and generally seems bored. She keeps glancing at White Shirt Man, who is across the room flirting with another woman. Purple Dress Woman is embarrassed when a woman who is conversing with her forgets her name. Purple Dress Woman is insecure about her looks, and keeps asking White Shirt Man if she looks okay. Then Purple Dress Woman feels humiliated when White Shirt Man leaves her on the dance floor alone. She sees him dancing with the woman whom he was flirting with earlier. Purple Dress Woman and White Shirt Man retreat to the kitchen to argue some more. As the guests are leaving, Purple Dress Woman catches White Shirt Man out in the hallway making out with flirty woman. The film ends with Purple Dress Woman dancing with another man.
This is a bizarre little film with lots of quick cut editing and a catchy synth score that gets stuck in your head. It has lots of strange goings on interspersed with the party scenes. Two women are lying in bed together while Dafoe wanders passed them like a zombie. One of the women is flirty woman. The women speak in echoes. Bock stands nude in a doorway and observes a younger version of herself dancing in the purple dress. The line " Will she be the woman you are?" is repeated over and over.
Fans of the USA Network late night weekend show Night Flight may remember White Lies. That's where I saw it a handful of times in the mid 80s. It's main claim to fame would be as one of Willem Dafoe's earliest roles. I really dig the lead actress Ariel Bock. She's in every scene and is mighty fine in her slinky, slit up the thigh, purple dress. Ms. Bock was a seemingly obscure New York actress, who apparently is now a Shakespearean stage actress. It's a shame she didn't have more of a career.
Jim, the World's Greatest (1975)
Jim the World's Morosest
Jim Nolan (Gregory Harrison) is a somewhat typical teenager. He plays on his high school football team. He works at a fast food restaurant (Jack in the Box). And he lives with his father (Angus Scrimm here billed as Rory Guy) and little brother Kelly (Robbie Wolcott). But Jim is sullen and mopey all the time. The problem is that Jim's father is a worthless drunk that is abusive towards Kelly. Their mother has abandoned the family.
Eventually Jim gets fed up with his father and throws him out. One day while Jim is at work his father sneaks back home and murders Kelly. Jim stalks the local bars with a kitchen knife seeking to kill his father. When he finally catches up to his father he can't go through with it. Jim spends most of the rest of the film driving around in a daze. Finally Jim befriends a little boy playing basketball, presumably a surrogate for Kelly. The film ends with Jim again driving around dazed while a catchy song by America plays.
This is a pretty well acted film. Harrison and Wolcott have great chemistry as the brothers. Scrimm is both menacing and a little bit sympathetic. It's a pretty well made film considering that it was made by a couple of teenagers with the help of their family and friends. But the film somewhat falls apart after Kelly is murdered. It's almost as if murdering a child isn't even a crime. Scrimm's character is free to roam skid row with seemingly no hint of the police even searching for him. But overall I really liked it.
Don Coscarelli's Phantasm is one of my favorite movies. This was his first film and it's interesting to see how it influenced Phantasm. Both concern a younger boy who idolizes his older brother. Both have the brothers in a sense being orphans. In Phantasm the parents were actually dead. In Jim the mother is absent and the drunken father is essentially absent. Both have plot lines of the older brother trying to protect the younger from a menacing older man (even played by the same actor). Gregory Harrison strongly resembles Bill Thornbury, the older brother in Phantasm.
For me Phantasm, Kenny & Co, and Jim the Worlds Greatest are Coscarelli's best films. It's kind of a shame his career went downhill after that. So much potential for such a young guy. I wished that instead of making Beastmaster, he would've made Phantasm 2 in the early 80s.
Survival Earth (1985)
Apocalypse Frugal
Post apocalyptic story that follows a young couple named John and Miranda. We know that there was an apocalypse from the stock footage of riots interspersed with views of a nuclear power plant which plays during the opening credits. John is a retro hippie looking dude with a beard and dirty, ragged clothing. Miranda is an attractive, lean blonde who dresses like a sexy jungle girl. She sort of looks like a pretty, non-albino version of Anne Heche. They also have a dog. They live in the remnants of an old stone house located in a park. It's basically just two walls, it doesn't even have a roof. I can't help but wonder what they did when it rained.
They spend their time listening to John read poetry and wax nostalgic for the old days. Miranda has no memory of the world before "the fall" as John calls it. We learn that Miranda is a mutant. What this entails I have no idea, because she looks perfectly normal. We are told that Miranda was once purple, but it went away. Sometimes they have to stave off attacks by vandals/ mutants. These are just scruffy guys in ragged clothing. The film can't seem to make up it's mind whether they are vandals or mutants. The main characters use the two terms as if they are interchangeable.
One day when John and Miranda are out walking and playing fetch with the dog, it runs away. Upon returning home they encounter a soldier named Simon. They aren't to happy with Simon's presence, but he has a rifle. He is cooking a piece of meat over a fire. The piece of meat looks to be only slightly bigger than a chicken. Yep, it's supposedly the dog. Simon starts demanding salt for his meat. Which John just happens to have laying around. The salt is really some kind of drug that knocks out Simon. Simon awakens the next day bound with rope. John opts to untie Simon rather than kill him. They then become allies of a sort. Now John and Simon can both bore Miranda with stories of the old world.
We learn that there was a financial meltdown in 1986, and some kind of nuclear accidents or something. John bemoans the loss of his brand new 1986 Honda Civic. We also learn that John's father was a scientist who was involved in cloning research.
The rest of the film is just lots of talking leading up to a final confrontation with the mutants/ vandals. John is wounded. John's clone shows up and rescues Miranda before himself being killed. The film ends with the three main characters back at the old stone house and Miranda reading poetry.
This is an extremely low budget affair, shot with a camcorder in the local park. Besides the three main characters, there are about a dozen extras as mutants/ vandals. The only actually good thing about this is Nancy Cser, who played Miranda. She looks mighty fine in her jungle girl outfit and even has a brief skinny dipping scene. She was also in the 80s Canadian soft core skin flick " Perfect Timing", which I highly recommend.