This show started out interesting about someone conflicted coming home from war who gets tricked into becoming a 'hitman' but then devolves into utter revisionist social justice warrior / politically correct hogwash. I grew up in the 70's where this takes place and the mixture of gay characterization, black suppression and white guilt is freaking abominable!! It's literally like they're superimposing current 'societal woes' upon the 70's while mixing in the worst of that time with the optimum of what it might be and constantly trying to 'prove' that even hit men have a personal life that's no different than you or I...it's FU@@ED! no 2 ways about it. Avoid unless you really want to watch a moustache argue with a supermodel about every day life and the screw their problems away....
Reviews
15 Reviews
Maximum Ride
(I) (2016)
Abysmal
30 August 2016
Warning: Spoilers
Well, I haven't read the books as many who have posted in the 'talk about' section have so I have no way to compare it to it's source material BUT I can qualitatively say that whoever wrote the screenplay and created this movie is woefully inept as this is only HALF a movie! Entire chunks of backstory, characterization, motive, explanation and much, MUCH more are inexplicably missing from this project. How anyone could see this without reading the books (like me) and walk away without saying WTF?!? would be a minor miracle.
To sum up, some 'experimented' upon kids who can fly (never explained how) get busted out of the facility they're kept in and relocated to the middle of nowhere where their liberator disappears (also never explained) and left to fend for themselves. Seeing as they're kids, with no money or resources, how in god's name they feed , clothe and generally provide for themselves is never addressed. (WTF???) Besides flying, some of them also have abilities like ESP and adult tech skills, SOMEHOW... once again, never explained nor even fully actualized... just, THERE, like when movie 'hackers' clack away at a keyboard and all of a sudden crack the FBI database or whatever.
Issues like this are just the tip of the proverbial iceberg of totally unexplainable and inexplicable bullshit that is rampant through the movie. I've heard of turning your brain off to enjoy a film but you'd have to be baseline retarded for this. (really no offence to mentally challenged, they have a leg up on this garbage).
Don't bother unless you're a glutton to see a favourite book of yours butchered.... also, on a side note that I found insanely laughable.... the 'flying' sequences were some of the worst I've seen since 'Flash Gordon: Saviour of the Universe' back in the late 70's... seriously... maybe even worse! I've seen higher quality visual effects from my 12 year old niece! Whoever did the SFX, you're never working in the industry again I'm afraid, unless the whole point of this thing was to launder money.
The acting wasn't horrible... that's about the only good thing I have to offer. Beware of this tripe.
To sum up, some 'experimented' upon kids who can fly (never explained how) get busted out of the facility they're kept in and relocated to the middle of nowhere where their liberator disappears (also never explained) and left to fend for themselves. Seeing as they're kids, with no money or resources, how in god's name they feed , clothe and generally provide for themselves is never addressed. (WTF???) Besides flying, some of them also have abilities like ESP and adult tech skills, SOMEHOW... once again, never explained nor even fully actualized... just, THERE, like when movie 'hackers' clack away at a keyboard and all of a sudden crack the FBI database or whatever.
Issues like this are just the tip of the proverbial iceberg of totally unexplainable and inexplicable bullshit that is rampant through the movie. I've heard of turning your brain off to enjoy a film but you'd have to be baseline retarded for this. (really no offence to mentally challenged, they have a leg up on this garbage).
Don't bother unless you're a glutton to see a favourite book of yours butchered.... also, on a side note that I found insanely laughable.... the 'flying' sequences were some of the worst I've seen since 'Flash Gordon: Saviour of the Universe' back in the late 70's... seriously... maybe even worse! I've seen higher quality visual effects from my 12 year old niece! Whoever did the SFX, you're never working in the industry again I'm afraid, unless the whole point of this thing was to launder money.
The acting wasn't horrible... that's about the only good thing I have to offer. Beware of this tripe.
Midnight Special
(2016)
Tonight's 'Midnight Special' is a 'Cleveland Steamer'
22 April 2016
Well, I didn't think it was possible but M. Night Shamalama-ding-dong has a contender for 'People Who Should Never Make Another Movie'. This pile of twaddle is not only boring and inscrutable, it relentlessly takes you on a journey to literally nowhere while explaining absolutely NOTHING! You want motivation? doesn't exist... you want reasoning? not there... you want ANY kind of explanation or exposition? impossibly lacking in this film! Top all that off with insane plot holes and I seriously have no clue how this flick even got made. The writer/director must have the most talented mouth on the planet is all I can figure... either that, or so much blackmail material on hand it would make Satan blush. Do yourself a favour and avoid this mess at all costs.
Tentacle 8
(2014)
Good acting, bad script
18 August 2015
Warning: Spoilers
Tentacle 8 is every conspiracy theorist, spy geeks wet dream on steroids and while the acting is very good, some of the dialogue is abysmally pretentious and the whole convoluted story is preposterous to say it lightly. The basic outline is thus... past middle age NSA spy nerd gets dragged into a vast conspiracy unwittingly while knocking up a hot spy babe he knows for all of ten minutes, gets renditioned and then manages to 'turn the tables' because, and I quote, 'he has a moral compass that's in the 0.5% OF the 0.5% of everyone tested' for this mythical 'Tentacle 8" program that NOBODY is aware of... not even him and HE'S in it!! Btw that percentile essentially makes him 'one in a billion'.... gag me with a spoon.
The movie tries desperately to make this entire intelligence community seem convoluted and entangled as all hell but the WAY they do it is by non-sensical dialogue that has no definitives and basically not explaining ANYTHING which is a crime in any movie because it just leaves the viewer confused, trying to fill in information that just doesn't exist. None of the characters have any back story or context except for the main guy and even his is minimal so trying to sort out where anybody stands is a chore unto itself and determining motivations is IMPOSSIBLE! I can't stress that one enough.
The pace of the movie is maddeningly slow to boot, possibly to 'aid' the viewer in trying to make sense of this opaque mess... so much so I almost turned it off and about half way through it starts playing with the order of things which REALLY didn't help things. I can only suggest this movie to people who really like being kept in the dark and like to confuse lack of information with depth... otherwise, I'd suggest leaving this one to steam in it's own pile.
The movie tries desperately to make this entire intelligence community seem convoluted and entangled as all hell but the WAY they do it is by non-sensical dialogue that has no definitives and basically not explaining ANYTHING which is a crime in any movie because it just leaves the viewer confused, trying to fill in information that just doesn't exist. None of the characters have any back story or context except for the main guy and even his is minimal so trying to sort out where anybody stands is a chore unto itself and determining motivations is IMPOSSIBLE! I can't stress that one enough.
The pace of the movie is maddeningly slow to boot, possibly to 'aid' the viewer in trying to make sense of this opaque mess... so much so I almost turned it off and about half way through it starts playing with the order of things which REALLY didn't help things. I can only suggest this movie to people who really like being kept in the dark and like to confuse lack of information with depth... otherwise, I'd suggest leaving this one to steam in it's own pile.
Attack on Titan Part 1
(2015)
HIGHLY disappointing!
15 August 2015
Warning: Spoilers
Well, I have no clue WHAT was going on in the director's and writer's heads when they decided to MASSIVELY mess with the characters and story line. I know the comic to movie medium needs some alterations/compromise, but in this representation, the entire first 3/4 of the movie is pretty much butchered from the original manga AND anime... dropping the entire reasoning behind the characters motivations, leaving out key characters and replacing it with some truly pedantic filler that views much more like a plodding mess rather than developing intriguing characters who get into the action viscerally.
I can understand skipping the 'training' arc for expediency and the swap of horses for vehicles as horses would be an unnecessary nightmare to control in a movie like this but after the first Titan attack (15 mins in) to the next Titan confrontation (55 mins in), we are faced with some of the most drudging, shoehorned garbage I've seen in a loooong time. What the heck was the purpose of the two 'lovebirds' and their interaction?? pointless filler, and they're not the only ones.
It really feels like the director spent too much energy trying to get the 'feel' of the manoeuvre gear and Titans rather than putting more effort into the actual characters and with the film clocking in at just 90 minutes, they really could have extended it another half hour and put some real development into the actual 'world building' and characters so people could feel invested in the story.
The effects were surprisingly good... it's just a shame the story fails on so many levels and I'm saying that as a movie fan, not as a fan of the series itself. I really liked the recent 'Parasite' live adaptation because there was enough in there to build a good story even though a LOT was sacrificed from the original material.
Ah well, maybe the second part will redeem the production... I certainly hope so!
I can understand skipping the 'training' arc for expediency and the swap of horses for vehicles as horses would be an unnecessary nightmare to control in a movie like this but after the first Titan attack (15 mins in) to the next Titan confrontation (55 mins in), we are faced with some of the most drudging, shoehorned garbage I've seen in a loooong time. What the heck was the purpose of the two 'lovebirds' and their interaction?? pointless filler, and they're not the only ones.
It really feels like the director spent too much energy trying to get the 'feel' of the manoeuvre gear and Titans rather than putting more effort into the actual characters and with the film clocking in at just 90 minutes, they really could have extended it another half hour and put some real development into the actual 'world building' and characters so people could feel invested in the story.
The effects were surprisingly good... it's just a shame the story fails on so many levels and I'm saying that as a movie fan, not as a fan of the series itself. I really liked the recent 'Parasite' live adaptation because there was enough in there to build a good story even though a LOT was sacrificed from the original material.
Ah well, maybe the second part will redeem the production... I certainly hope so!
Parasyte: Part 1
(2014)
Decent movie adaptation!
4 August 2015
I haven't read the manga this is based on, but I HAVE seen the anime of it which was one of my favourites in the past few years and while the plot in this movie adaptation is very sped up, it is extremely well done! The story is cohesive enough even though plot points had to be edited and the special effects are superb considering what they COULD have been... beat the socks off San Andreas which was nothing BUT one long CGI sequence. Hollywood, take note... sometimes less IS more.
I can understand people who are new or haven't been exposed to the story possibly having a tough time 'getting it', but there really is enough to hang a story on... even with a giant chunk missing here and there. As for the detractors going on about how the original has been butchered, give it a rest would ya?? The anime clocked in at somewhere near 9 hours in it's entirety and yes, it was condensed from the manga, but what the heck do you need to be satisfied with a movie adaptation? Five to six full length movies? a few 3 hour movies?? get real here... there's an old saying that goes 'A movies length should be no longer than the average viewer's bladder capacity'. Get off your fandom, 'purist' snotty attitudes and accept it for what it is... a wholly ORIGINAL and satisfying experience that Hollywood could do FAR worse to emulate!
I can understand people who are new or haven't been exposed to the story possibly having a tough time 'getting it', but there really is enough to hang a story on... even with a giant chunk missing here and there. As for the detractors going on about how the original has been butchered, give it a rest would ya?? The anime clocked in at somewhere near 9 hours in it's entirety and yes, it was condensed from the manga, but what the heck do you need to be satisfied with a movie adaptation? Five to six full length movies? a few 3 hour movies?? get real here... there's an old saying that goes 'A movies length should be no longer than the average viewer's bladder capacity'. Get off your fandom, 'purist' snotty attitudes and accept it for what it is... a wholly ORIGINAL and satisfying experience that Hollywood could do FAR worse to emulate!
Encryption
(2014– )
Rubbish
17 November 2014
This was so bad, I honestly thought it was done by either TV Ontario (public access) or some awful CBC government funded pile surrounding LGBT programming. Never in a million years would I expect this to be British TV or even British student TV.... it is just insanely bad.
Right from the terrible acting, the whiny, discordant soundtrack where the sound levels go from whispering in a shoebox to blasting your ears off all the way to the dragged out unnecessary scenes of people taking three minutes to answer their phone or showing tidbits with no discernible function toward forwarding the story.... this 'production' is so beyond amateurish, dull and irritating as to be almost unwatchable.
Avoid at all costs unless you can somehow make a drinking game of it like whenever the show decides to blast your eardrums with melancholy, weepy music after you had to notch up the volume to make out the whispering of the poor, sad main character.
Right from the terrible acting, the whiny, discordant soundtrack where the sound levels go from whispering in a shoebox to blasting your ears off all the way to the dragged out unnecessary scenes of people taking three minutes to answer their phone or showing tidbits with no discernible function toward forwarding the story.... this 'production' is so beyond amateurish, dull and irritating as to be almost unwatchable.
Avoid at all costs unless you can somehow make a drinking game of it like whenever the show decides to blast your eardrums with melancholy, weepy music after you had to notch up the volume to make out the whispering of the poor, sad main character.
Loups=Garous
(2010)
Disjointed and Pointless.
3 May 2013
I''m a large fan of good Anime , preferring the more 'adult' themed titles in general (NOT pornographic or fetish) and while this Anime did have an adult oriented theme running through it, it was mostly child based characters. This wasn't what detracted from the film though, it was the plot of a serial killer hunting girls that didn't have ANY cohesion to it whatsoever, a misleading title that means 'werewolf' in french but has nothing of the sort in the film and the most tenuous of connections to a 'lone wolf' that I've ever seen and characters that were boring bordering on inane. For example: the main 'boy' character's main feature was no character whatsoever... he was akin to an emotionless robot and the main 'girl' character... well she was annoying on multiple levels with he inability to communicate.. not that she couldn't, she has some kind of 'disorder' but the fact that over half of her utterances are just sighs, moans, 'ooohs' and 'ahhs' to the point that it almost seems like audio porn. Irritating and disgusting considering it's a 12 year old.
All in all, the story refused to explain itself throughout and ended with such an anti-climax I wanted to smash the screen in rage. Just because it's an adult oriented Anime with mature themes and pretty artwork does NOT make it any more palatable than an episode of Teletubbies!
Stay away from this one and save yourself an hour and a half of your time.
All in all, the story refused to explain itself throughout and ended with such an anti-climax I wanted to smash the screen in rage. Just because it's an adult oriented Anime with mature themes and pretty artwork does NOT make it any more palatable than an episode of Teletubbies!
Stay away from this one and save yourself an hour and a half of your time.
Survival Code
(2013 TV Movie)
Alright for a pilot.
28 March 2013
This was a pilot for a TV series and was O.K., not the massive, breathtaking, wonderful production the top SEVEN reviews are gushing about and have OBVIOUSLY come from either people associated with the production or have some stake in it's continued(?) success.
For example, there's even a review from some guy in POLAND who's English is spot on and come ON get real people, there's no way this ever reached Polish TV, rental shops or whatever.... if you're going to post fake reviews, at least make them SEEM legit!
For a semi-scifi story, it's interesting enough and the acting is TV quality at best but it was better than a lot of the schlock that's being tossed our way these days. If it ever gets picked up for a full run, it might catch on for the plain fact that there IS so much garbage out there but I'm not holding my breath waiting for it to become a reality.... it just wasn't THAT engaging.
For example, there's even a review from some guy in POLAND who's English is spot on and come ON get real people, there's no way this ever reached Polish TV, rental shops or whatever.... if you're going to post fake reviews, at least make them SEEM legit!
For a semi-scifi story, it's interesting enough and the acting is TV quality at best but it was better than a lot of the schlock that's being tossed our way these days. If it ever gets picked up for a full run, it might catch on for the plain fact that there IS so much garbage out there but I'm not holding my breath waiting for it to become a reality.... it just wasn't THAT engaging.
Love
(I) (2011)
Love spelt beginning with S and ending with T. a lot of HI in middle
10 November 2011
Warning: Spoilers
An utter waste of time. This was nothing but an ego production... massaging someones attempts at writing and film making. While TECHNICALLY solid, there was NO story to be had, no conclusions and definitely no LOVE barring the grease spread so thoroughly around to get this piece made. (just check out all the credits and you can tell many, many people were schmoozed). I really don't care that it was made with a budget of $500 K, Clerks was made with just over $12 K and makes this look like a silk sow's ear.
Some of the visuals were nice and the camera work was solid but the movie fails on so many accounts I seriously don't know where to begin but I'll end it with this:
DON'T BOTHER.
Some of the visuals were nice and the camera work was solid but the movie fails on so many accounts I seriously don't know where to begin but I'll end it with this:
DON'T BOTHER.
Snow Beast
(2011)
Beastly Bad
9 November 2011
Warning: Spoilers
Wow was this ever bad. From terrible acting to the recycled beast face from The Fifth Element (a GOOD movie) stuck onto a shag carpet man-suit to the insanely moronic behaviour of the characters that I can only assume had to do the things they did because they were in the script as nobody could even imagine being that stupid.
Stupidity in no particular order.... snowmobile gets trashed by some 'big hairy thing' but we'll check it in the morning, not leave... record film of giant hairy beast CLEARLY from multiple angles via remote cameras but no one can tell what it is 'it's a thing'... have run in with beast and get away back to cottage but we'll leave in the morning even though we're scared senseless... one person awakes really early before they take off so they can go look for Beast, leaves tranq gun in car because, well, why not?... bring bait to distract Beast but instead of a bag, drag it on a garbage can lid on a rope for miles... and on and on.
At one point in the movie, you can see the opening the 'actor' uses to get into the suit... they didn't even try to hide it, just let it look like a really bad stripe down is carpeted back.
Avoid like it as if it WERE a Beast trying to hunt you down!! unless you're going to make it a drinking game where you have one every time someone does something stupid or the daughter pouts... you should be plastered by the end.
Stupidity in no particular order.... snowmobile gets trashed by some 'big hairy thing' but we'll check it in the morning, not leave... record film of giant hairy beast CLEARLY from multiple angles via remote cameras but no one can tell what it is 'it's a thing'... have run in with beast and get away back to cottage but we'll leave in the morning even though we're scared senseless... one person awakes really early before they take off so they can go look for Beast, leaves tranq gun in car because, well, why not?... bring bait to distract Beast but instead of a bag, drag it on a garbage can lid on a rope for miles... and on and on.
At one point in the movie, you can see the opening the 'actor' uses to get into the suit... they didn't even try to hide it, just let it look like a really bad stripe down is carpeted back.
Avoid like it as if it WERE a Beast trying to hunt you down!! unless you're going to make it a drinking game where you have one every time someone does something stupid or the daughter pouts... you should be plastered by the end.
Wasteland
(I) (2011)
Good time waster
24 October 2011
Right out of the gate, you can tell this is not the highest budget, big production movie of the year... but that's OK! Hollywood should take notice of little indie films like this that do a lot with very little.
The movie itself is a mishmash of Mad Max, survival wasteland and some chop-socky tossed in for flavour. If you can look past the low budget and the 'slightly' over the top acting, it really isn't a half-bad movie! Certainly entertained me more than 'Drive' which I watched earlier this evening.
Fans of cult films will certainly get a kick out of this (pun intended)and I hope the makers do more in the future. I think with a big studio behind them, they could really create something special.... maybe even the next Matrix or Saw, who knows?
The movie itself is a mishmash of Mad Max, survival wasteland and some chop-socky tossed in for flavour. If you can look past the low budget and the 'slightly' over the top acting, it really isn't a half-bad movie! Certainly entertained me more than 'Drive' which I watched earlier this evening.
Fans of cult films will certainly get a kick out of this (pun intended)and I hope the makers do more in the future. I think with a big studio behind them, they could really create something special.... maybe even the next Matrix or Saw, who knows?
The Scarf
(2009)
Not UFO's, Gods alien vengeance.....
24 August 2011
Warning: Spoilers
Very bad student(?) movie about kids doing a school report on UFO's... or that's what the movie leads you to believe at the beginning. They slyly work GOD into the picture (have you been to church? why not?) and the crux of the movie turns out to be that if you believe in the occult or space men, YOU WILL BURN!! and I do mean burn, literally!
At points in the movie while trying to hunt down a UFO 'experience' the one girl gets harassed by 'lights' that burn her and is only rescued by her friend praying for God's intervention. After that point, the 'burn' victim quite quickly becomes a nasty piece of work while losing her grip, blaming everything around her for how bad it all is... very, very stupid way of saying if you don't have God in your life, it will all go to sh!t.
As a parting note, the title comes from a scarf that the disbelievers grandmother gave her who also believed in powers of esp and is the main impetus for the girl being bothered by these wicked, evil lights from above. All in all a call to join the ranks of the church and a terrible story to promote that agenda.... if this is what they're offering in that big 'ol white building with the cross I see everywhere, I'm staying far, FAR away!!
At points in the movie while trying to hunt down a UFO 'experience' the one girl gets harassed by 'lights' that burn her and is only rescued by her friend praying for God's intervention. After that point, the 'burn' victim quite quickly becomes a nasty piece of work while losing her grip, blaming everything around her for how bad it all is... very, very stupid way of saying if you don't have God in your life, it will all go to sh!t.
As a parting note, the title comes from a scarf that the disbelievers grandmother gave her who also believed in powers of esp and is the main impetus for the girl being bothered by these wicked, evil lights from above. All in all a call to join the ranks of the church and a terrible story to promote that agenda.... if this is what they're offering in that big 'ol white building with the cross I see everywhere, I'm staying far, FAR away!!
Scanners III: The Takeover
(1991)
Garbage... a shame to be associated with the first 2 movies
7 July 2011
The first two Scanner movies were actually palatable... this however reeked of exploitation of a good series name, asinine acting, shoddy special effects, HORRIBLE dialogue and story.
Whoever has given this a decent rating has either never seen a decent movie in their lives or is somehow attached to the making/production or distribution of this pile of dog crap. It's movies like this that make Canadian cinema regarded as a joke world-wide.
I swear to god this was a (mostly) Government funded vacation for some sleazebags who wanted to go to Thailand without paying for it and attached a movie production to it to get the grants.
Avoid at all costs. Not even campy enough for a laugh. Someone here mentioned the scanner 'powers' consisted of making dirty faces at each other until someone died or flew away... pretty much on the money except I'd add doing your best 'retard' conniption fit at the same time. Excellent example of horrible french-Canadian cinema.
Whoever has given this a decent rating has either never seen a decent movie in their lives or is somehow attached to the making/production or distribution of this pile of dog crap. It's movies like this that make Canadian cinema regarded as a joke world-wide.
I swear to god this was a (mostly) Government funded vacation for some sleazebags who wanted to go to Thailand without paying for it and attached a movie production to it to get the grants.
Avoid at all costs. Not even campy enough for a laugh. Someone here mentioned the scanner 'powers' consisted of making dirty faces at each other until someone died or flew away... pretty much on the money except I'd add doing your best 'retard' conniption fit at the same time. Excellent example of horrible french-Canadian cinema.
Space Battleship Yamato
(2010)
A visual and nostalgic treat!
7 July 2011
I watched and loved the anime 'Starblazers' as a kid and now 30+ years on I find out they've made a live action version of the series that I knew absolutely nothing about! Well, I just HAD to watch it, not expecting anything great.... putting my hopes as high as a SciFy movie of the week or a campy Godzilla movie.
Boy was I surprised! The movie does leap right into things without the background development of the main 'spaceship' or real character introductions, but to enjoy the movie, especially if you have any familiarity with the source cartoon, it really didn't hinder it that much. When the 'Yamamoto' took off and the special effects were introduced, I almost crapped my pants! It looked FANTASTIC!! Exactly like my 9 year old mind pictured as if it were brought to life!
This movie is FAR from Shakespeare, but for an action space romp, popcorn munching entertainment vehicle... it sure impressed me silly... especially compared to the dreck coming out of Hollywood these days.
If you have fond memories of 'Starblazers', this is a MUST SEE... even if you never saw the cartoon, I'd highly recommend this as a decent time waster.... you could do far worse!
Boy was I surprised! The movie does leap right into things without the background development of the main 'spaceship' or real character introductions, but to enjoy the movie, especially if you have any familiarity with the source cartoon, it really didn't hinder it that much. When the 'Yamamoto' took off and the special effects were introduced, I almost crapped my pants! It looked FANTASTIC!! Exactly like my 9 year old mind pictured as if it were brought to life!
This movie is FAR from Shakespeare, but for an action space romp, popcorn munching entertainment vehicle... it sure impressed me silly... especially compared to the dreck coming out of Hollywood these days.
If you have fond memories of 'Starblazers', this is a MUST SEE... even if you never saw the cartoon, I'd highly recommend this as a decent time waster.... you could do far worse!
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