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Robborg2003
Reviews
The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence) (2015)
Very disappointing waste of time
Ill start off by saying I never feel the need to write a review for a film, unless its REALLY bad. This movie honestly takes the cake.
I felt the first in the series had some really twisted ideas, it wasn't brilliant but it was OK. And then I felt the second film was a really well made horror film, it was stylish, twisted and most importantly truly sickening. One of my favorite parts was the only part in color - the brown sh-t. I was eagerly awaiting the third film in the series. How let down was I!
I am so glad the copy I watched had English subtitles as the German lead, Dieter Lasar, (playing a Texan) was truly awful. If there were no subtitles I would have had no idea what he was saying. Most of the movie is this absolutely awful actor ranting and raving at the top of his lungs in what can only be described as the worst dialogue I've ever heard. The rest of the cast is actually pretty good (Laurence Harvey and Bree Olsen particularly, even Eric Roberts is likable). Unfortunately Lasar completely sinks the ship.
Now if you think I'm lying about his ranting and raving going on for what seems like forever, you don't actually see the "centipede" until 86 minutes into the movie, that's right, 86 minutes in! And then its only for a brief few minutes!
The "film" (?) lacks any real gore, other than an early castration scene that's fun. Other than that its pretty tame... And boring. And to top it off we have the director, Tom Six, making an unwanted appearance as himself (Tom your not that famous) with characters asking for his signature!
I really am shocked at how much of a dud this one was. I gave this film a 2 out of 10 and honestly, that's generous.
Machete Kills (2013)
Haven't walked out of a movie in years until now.
I just wanted to tell people about the AWFUL "Machete Kills." I did really enjoy the first film and it had some impressive visual gags, creative kills and was fun to watch.
Then came this absolute piece of CRAP. There were 4 people in the cinema, and I did not hear one laugh the entire film (The trailer for "Bad Grandpa" got more laughs).
Ill point out some terrible points about the movie. Machete goes from one fight scene to the next with virtually a different cameo actor in each scene (After about an hour your begging for it to end). The scenes are boring, uncreative and mainly repetitive.
After about 85 minutes through the movie (where it clearly should have ended) I got out my phone and found out the film still had a good half an hour left.
Both myself and my friend left the cinema. It wasn't because of the cheesy violence, its because it was downright boring.
Curse of Chucky (2013)
Don Mancini needs to stop changing MAJOR plot lines.
I am a huge fan of Chucky, ever since the first film. I have loved all the sequels (except maybe part 3) and the inclusion of Jennifer Tilly in Part 4 and 5 was true genius.
After watching "Curse" last night, which was, don't get me wrong, very enjoyable, I have to say Don Mancini needs to stop changing major plot lines. Cant he remember his own scripts? Does he really think the fans are idiots?? A major plot line of Part 5 was that Chucky was "Made in Japan", even though in part 2 we visited the doll factory - clearly set in Chicago.
Part 6 has even worse plot holes. If this film is set between part 3 and 4, which we are lead to believe, Chucky should still be ripped up from the blades at the end of part 3. In Curse of Chucky, he already has his scars that Tiffany sews into his face. Much Later in the film, the beginning of Part 4 happens. So Chucky has his scars before he is given to Tiffany... Huh?? The continuity is just an absolute mess.
Am I the only one to know the scripts well enough to know the order of events? There are some great moments, but really, Don Mancini should know the Chucky anthology better than anyone - but he dosn't.
Another really annoying thing about "Curse" is Chucky's look. When he is a doll, he looks almost feminine, his hair is ridiculously long and his mouth just seems wrong. Then when he comes alive, his hair is actually shorter and he has a completely different look. I blame Tony Gardner for this. Even though he did the effects for "Seed", "Curse" has a completely different look to the doll.
No where near as creative as Bride or Seed, this film promised to take Chucky back to his darker roots, however but the last quarter its just a comedy again.
The best part is easily the Jennifer Tilly cameo, its a shame it was just so short.
Piranha 3DD (2012)
B Grade movie delivers exactly what it promises.
The film is advertised as having "Double the D's"... What are you expecting to watch; "The Last Emperor" ?? I actually found this better than the first one (and even more importantly better than James Camerons original sequel "Piranha 2: Flying Killers"). 3DD is quicker paced,more tackier and fun to watch. 3DD also delivers heaps of bouncing boobs and really thats what the 14 year old boys who go to see this want to see. Like honestly how serious can you take a movie with lines like: "Josh cut off his penis because something came out of my vagina!!" My one complaint would have to be the running time. It felt like it was over in an hour. Like honestly we have to pay extra to see a 3D movie, that doesn't mean the studios can make shorter movies.. Does it?