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Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
Absolute shameless hackery. But at least it's not Cats.
It's hard to write a single review on Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker because so much happens of so little consequence that it's almost impossible to pinpoint what to talk about and what to completely ignore.
It was pretty well known that Kathleen Kennedy and JJ Abrams royally screwed up when they didn't bother planning a three-movie franchise from the beginning of the first film's pre-production, even when George Lucas himself handed them a book full of ideas and a cohesive trilogy outline (they just threw that in the garbage). This screw up solidified with The Last Jedi, in which Kennedy just told Rian Johnson to just do whatever, nobody cares they'll buy it anyway. And they did buy it, since they didn't know what kind of disaster Rian had barfed into existence.
With Last Jedi, those former fans know better, and considering what I'd seen, I'm glad, because even in trying to undo TLJ, it manages to be just as awful in its own special panicked neurotic way. I've never seen JJ Abrams trip on himself this clumsily since reluctantly directing Star Trek Into Darkness, and Into Darkness looks downright magnificent by comparison to this trash.
I'll just skip to near the end when the truly heinous crap goes down.
After a bunch of nonsensical romping through several equally forgettable planets and a handful of beloved character death fakeouts and one actual character death that should've happened in TLJ when Carrie Fisher actually passed away, Rey Skywalker Palpatine Solo finds out that Emperor Sheev Palpatine came back from the dead, cloned himself (which ended up being Snoke because of course it did), and had a kid who ended up giving birth to Rey. Kylo "Ben Solo" Ren Skywalker is still evil but also still in love (wait, JJ later confirmed that he was still in "friendship") with Rey. They end up fighting each other, who cares, blah blah blah, and then Kylo fights Sheev, who throws him down a cliff or something. Then Rey uses two lightsabers to knock Sheev's lightning back at him until he doesn't exist anymore and then dies.
Then Kylo comes back and uses force healing to bring her back, and then he dies.
Then Rey decides her name is Skywalker.
The End.
Pad that with a bunch of useless spectacle nonsense and you have the epic conclusion to the Skywalker saga: a movie that managed to be worse than Phantom Menace. Well done.
Watchmen (2019)
Almost, but not quite, entirely unlike Watchmen.
Damon Lindelof is a hack. It's been known for a very long time. His film credits as a writer are always either bland (Cowboys & Aliens, World War Z) or asinine (Star Trek: Into Darkness, Prometheus), painfully unfinished (Lost, The Leftovers) or even just plain butchery of another's work (Tomorrowland, Watchmen). Note how Watchmen is an example, and this is for good reason, as Lindelof himself in an open letter confirmed that he had one thing in mind when it came to making a sequel to Watchmen: destroying and dismantling Alan Moore's arguable masterwork and replacing it with his own story that had almost nothing to do with it. To be fair, he succeeded.
If he had made his own surreal racially charged supernatural cop drama that would've been one thing, and despite his efforts it might even have worked, but he didn't. He had to throw in and thoroughly misunderstand characters from the beloved comic series in the hope that it would draw attention. Again, to be fair, he succeeded. For better or worse.
What we ended up getting was a snarky mess of a series filled with unlikable characters on every side of the political spectrum, obvious plotting and even more obvious plot twists, one-liners so stupid that they've managed to enter meme territory, classic characters who are essentially the complete opposite of how they ended up by the end of the comic regardless of the amount of sense it makes, and Jeremy Irons putting in far too much effort in a show that never gave a damn.
I will say this much. The segments involving Irons are legitimately interesting and actually do feel at least somewhat Watchmen-like, though more of a Grant Morrison affair than an Alan Moore one. They entertained and the simple escape plot was actually enough for even Lindelof to manage to figure out. But then again, it climaxed with a fart joke, so take that as an indicator.
But hey, now that it's probably cancelled, at least Lindelof managed to do the impossible and prove Dr. Manhattan wrong. Some things do end.
Joe Pera Talks with You (2018)
True sincerity from the most unexpected source.
When I sat down on Youtube and took a look at some of the free clips from Joe Pera Talks with You, I expected typical Adult Swim fare. Sarcastic dry humor against a surreal and even occasionally horrifying backdrop. It's the kind of humor I enjoy, and it's the reason I tune into Adult Swim's stranger lineup.
What I got instead was something, simply put, beautiful. I say this without irony, without sarcasm, without hesitation. Joe Pera Talks with You is a beautiful series.
Writer/creator/producer Joe Pera stars as a fictionalized version of himself, a quietly passionate, socially awkward, and exceptionally kind choir teacher who wanders through his small Michigan town pondering on life, friendship, worldly and personal problems, love, the subtle complexities of ordering breakfast in a diner, and whether a fractured soul can be whole again. At 11 minutes per episode (aside from a few special 22 minute epics), its meandering, calm pace never overstays its welcome and despite an intentionally "boring" approach never actually bores, largely thanks to its well shot setting and beautifully chosen music.
Its humor is sharp when it chooses to sneak in, stunning you with surprised fits of laughter with pinpoint precision, and its dramatic moments are heartfelt, natural, and incredibly moving, without ever getting preachy.
The performances are all enjoyable if relaxingly simplistic, but Pera himself takes the show and powerfully drives it, wearing the grandfatherly guise, posture, and wisdom of a man sixty years his senior as though it was always who he was.
There is a sincerity in Joe Pera Talks with You that cannot be ignored, and it plays out with a truly positive outlook that chooses to lovingly coexist with its negative world, rather than ignore it outright.
Joe Pera Talks with You will make you feel good. It's as simple as that.