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cookmat
Reviews
Farmhouse Facelift (2021)
Starts a bit cheesy but gets great!
So, the first couple of episodes are a bit overplayed, though never ad bad as many "reality" reno shows (property brothers is disturbing). It does have somewhat of a feel goof trashy reality tv bibe, but it's the mildest i've coke across. The content is interesting. There ate lots of good ideas. It's not as technival as tbisnold bluse or an instuctional, but it's somewhete in between. I don't think it's fake. Thr lady does design, and the guy seems to be doing consteuction. Of course they get other people in. They are project managers with particlar desgn and craftwork skills.
Red Notice (2021)
Hudson Hawk meets Tango and Cash, covered in The Fast and the Furious sauce!
It's every action and action comedy romp thrown into one half aware, and half unaware romp. I think... it's bad, but I watched it and it was kinda fun. Like aquaman
..
Little Women (2019)
Maybe authentic... but not good
I only kind of remember the 1990s version, and I never read the book, so maybe this version is totally accurate, but it is NOT GOOD. I know it's an older story, and the story is probably meant to be caricaturish ,but every character is simple to the point of incredulity. Most of the plot is unbelieveable. The characters are set up to be flawed in very obvious and petty ways, so that they have lessons to learn and room to grow, but it's so blatant that it's groan inducing. In the last quarter of the movie, the lessons are suddenly learned and maturity is reached but the process is either not shown at all or completely unbelievable. So the movie is full of totally unbelievable characters undergoing completely unbelievable transformations to end up at a completely unbelievable conclusion. Also the narrative structure is very choppy, and, though you can follow, it's quite annoying at times. The movie means well but who cares. It sucks. You can have fun if you're watching it with someone/s who are willing to make fun of it the whole time.
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
Not oscar worthy? Not eyeball worthy!
I see reviewa saying "hey this is an acruon movie and not an oscar nominee, so judge it accordingly". Ok, fair enough. I jusge it to be poop.
Look at the firsr wonder woman and rhen loom at this (or better yet, don't), and you will find one is enjoyable and not poop and the other is very very boring and ceingey and poop. Both are the same style of movie... but one is very bad.
The Highwaymen (2019)
Apparently this movie feels slow to some but I never felt it
I'm surprised this movie doesn't have a higher rating, though I am happy to see that most of the people taking the time to write a review have rated it quite highly.
Transformers it is not. I think "slow" is the only thing that makes sense for the serious and patient men, depicted in the story. Even when things they are fast they are 1934 fast. I don't say this as a criticism, I say it as a reflection. This movie has a good sense of reality. It feels solid. If that's your sort of thing, you'll like it. Think Hoosiers meets hunting down bank robbers.
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
Good graphics, style and moments but mostly garbage
The characters sucm. Their behaviour towards each other is incomprehensible. They don't seem like real people and their motivations just flip ad the plot requires it. The dialogue is painful. The plot is bland and full of unbelievable conveniences. Drama is created just by misdirection and then resolved without explanation or even titillation.
There is a strand or two that feel like they could be something good. The story of Ben's journey back from the Dark side could have been compelling, but it's not really fleshed out and seems to happen almost randomly. He's jacked up Vader for most of the movie. Look at all the stuff he does just like Vader but more... oh maybe I won't. Rey is just... divine and oh BTW remember we were making a big deal out of who she was... well... wet fart... she's a Palpatine. Oh... and Palpatine's back. How? Somehow! Urgh. Could be cool but just tooooo vapid and painful.
Alita: Battle Angel (2019)
Points for graphics and that's it
I spent this movie baffled. How were all of the characters so simple. Why were their choices all so stupid, and so convenient to the plot. This was more immature than 99% of kids movies. Why does she love that guy? He is the worst. Why does he like her? She is the worst. There are some pretty cool graphics and fight scenes but even they are mostly ruined by ridiculous finger knives and moronic characters with nonsensical motivations. This movie makes Transformers seem intellectual. For deluded teenagers, if anyone.
Undeclared (2001)
Seemed to make no chronological sense
I don't know if this is because I watched it on netflix, and perhaps there are some alternative time lines or something (I didn't notice any mention of that) but this show seemed to alter it's time line at random.
More than once the plot seemed to ignore events that had happened and revert to previous time lines. Steve and Lizzie's relationship seemed to start and stop from episode to episode without any logical sequence of events. Similarly Lizzie and Jeff seemed to be boyfriend and girlfriend or broken up somewhat at random.
This could all be due to me not really paying attention at times, but even if it's quickly explained here and there, it still makes for an annoyingly repetitive sequence of events.
So, although the characters are fairly interesting, and the humor overall isn't terrible, the show goes nowhere and the characters seem to go through the same paces, while the story jumps around, and characters disappear and reappear at random.
Due to this, the show kinda sucked.
Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)
I hated every minute of it
The acting sucked (Keanu woah reeves plays a Brit: "woah a crumpet"), I don't always hate Keanu, but this was just not him. Similarly Winona Rider makes a good nut case or cutesy wootesy girl, but not a good Victorian Brit and vampire. The only scenes she sells are the ones where she's overcome by vampire horny-ness.
The story jumped all over the place without connection, and the cinematography made it look like a porn, there were enough breast scenes, even a sex scene with a possessed woman and a werewolf. How did the woman become possessed, why is Gary Oldman a slimy vampire on a boat and then suddenly a werewolf having sex with some red head? Don't ask, don't even think to ask, and perhaps the movie will hang together for you.
You might like the a bit if your favorite movie ever is Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. The whole movie is like the scene where the floor is bleeding and everyone turns into a dinosaur, and it was filmed like someone was copying Tim Burton, on acid, and poorly.
Worst movie ever.