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Reviews
Legion of Fire: Killer Ants! (1998)
Dumb, dumber, dumbest...
The movie is about a scientist who is about to save a small town from hordes of killer ants. Already from this it is possible to draw conclusions about the quality of the movie, i guess...
In this movie no one say or do anything that is logical and reasonable. Already in the beginning this becomes clear when the main character Jim ask the helicopter-pilot if a volcano they see is active or not: "No it just burps once in a while"(!!) Well, that indeed means that it IS active.....Most things have already been said about this disaster but i guess my favorite scene is when the two police officers are at the farm and the farmer who live there have dug holes in the ground and poured gasoline into them to kill the ants, one of the cops fall into one of the pits and the other one runs over there and shout: "Don't use your gun, the place will blow up!" And what does he do? Well, then he just HAVE to do exactly that...After all, what good could it do to fire a gun in that situation at all...? And the worst thing is he already knew that there was gasoline there...Basically all scenes in the movie are of this intelligence. The solution to this whole thing is obviously to blow up a dam so the ants will drown but also the town will be flooded. There is absolutely NO logic in that decision, and consequently he also have to admit later: "I don't know if this did any good, i actually can't say that the problem is solved at all..." (uhu...) Plot, script, acting,... it doesn't get cheesier than this...the absurdities are heaped on top of each other non stop. I guess the kid should be given an Oscar just for being able to keep a straight face when he see the two main characters come rolling down the street on that mini-scooter.....
Conclusion: This is the kind of movie where you start to suspect that the scriptwriters, the director etc. actually laugh among each other later about how many stupid things they could make stupid people say and do in front of a camera, kind of.....It isn't even so bad its good, it's even worse...
10,000 BC (2008)
An OK movie....Judged in the right way...
As a fact-based movie true to around the year 10000BC it won't work, i believe the movie makers should have called this flick "X thousand BC" or something. Then they could have avoided this discussion....But anyway, as an action-movie it is rather entertaining although it is clear that the story is thin. In my opinion this movie is all about the visual effects and CGI. I don't think its worthy of a 1 or 2 star rating, i have seen worse, way worse movies...That the actors doesn't look like real cavemen is something that have to be taken for what it is. This isn 't exactly the first movie where you can come with that objection. Also in many other movies the actors doesn't look completely credible many times. Considering the large budget they had it is somewhat depressing that they couldn't come up with a better script and plot. The movie could have been better, there was potential for it.
All in all, a rather entertaining movie that isn't worse than many others. But i believe it was all about the marketing with this one, when people had bought the movie-tickets and where at the cinema they perhaps started realizing that it wasn't what had been promised, but then they had already bought the ticket, indeed......
Anaconda (1997)
Watchable, but nothing to remember.
One of the more watchable movies, i assume, in this genre, but perhaps only because it includes celebrities like Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube...The plot? A bunch of people go into the Amazon jungle to make a documentary about a remote Indian tribe but soon get other things to think of. Movies like this always contain typical stereotype propaganda and this one may take the price in that department anyway. First it is Jon Voight who plays an ex-priest(!) turned snake-hunter and then the bimbo lady that is a must and her naive boyfriend. Then the European (in this case British) who is the typical dork who only seem to care about playing golf and listen to opera... One can figure out who is going to survive already from the start basically, the "coolest" people of course... The acting isn't a complete disaster according to me but nothing to write home about either. The plot in itself isn't that credible either, i doubt that a bunch like this would undertake to go on an adventure like the one they had in mind. The sceneries and the environment look rather good, although in one scene when they are done battling the snake the waterfall seem to run uphill....An unfortunate miss i'm sure. In conclusion, the characters are so stereotypical and surreal in some way that it just doesn't do it as a good movie even in this genre. If you have nothing else to do it could work as reasonable entertainment, and then just shake it off you, kind of. I think the movie makers figured that more people would watch it if it starred Jennifer Lopez and perhaps they thought right if so.
Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002)
Probably the stupidest i have ever seen.....
I know that "dangerous animals-movies" is a bad genre in general but sometimes everyone involved at least try. Not this time...Not ONE scene in this movie really makes sense, i honestly think this was intended to be a joke. First of all it is basically a porn-movie between the actual porn-scenes, kind of the "foreplay" all the time and all the "actors" look like if they were in that business prior to this movie. Quality-wise it just isn't more skillfully done than that concerning acting and all round atmosphere and setting..But since it is supposed to be something else it just doesn't work, it is your total "turkey"-movie. Already in the first scenes this became rather obvious when the cigar-smoking captain comes in and with the dubbed voice sound like the cartoon figure "Popeye" or something. The museum janitor that sounds like if he is dead drunk (perhaps he was, maybe that made it funnier to participate in this farce...) Then when Ben (Barrowman) is given coffee at the bar in the beginning he is served by one lady in the first angle but in the second it is another lady (you can tell because in the second angle she isn't wearing that white pearl arm brace any longer...) And then when the nude couple are taking a swim (not only that obviously) and the Meg appear to tare the tiger shark into pieces it later lies on the beach without as much as a scratch... Then on to the pot-smoking computer-supervisors or whatever it is...These are just a couple of scenes that no one else seem to have commented on. This movie could be entertaining as comedy indeed but if you think of watching it to be enriched (or scared) in some way, just forget it. If the crew attempted to make horror, too bad for them, this movie is as crappy as they come, i cant even understand who would produce mind-poison like this. Actors who cant find the word "actor" in a dictionary and just want to fool around and use nasty language it seems like. The plot? No, don't even think about it...The scriptwriters must have come up with this in one afternoon at the most. As i said, not one scene is flawless but others have commented enough on most things so i wont do it too. Another strange thing is that in the Shark Attack movies the sharks have also started to sound like an entire lion zoo... Not one character is something else than a complete caricature. Should you give this movie a miss? To quote one character: ABSO-F-CKING-LUTELY!