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1/10
What the....?
5 February 2007
Warning: Spoilers
Now, this is probably only the second time I've been so infuriated with a film that I felt the need the write something about it. Normally, if a film is rubbish there are plenty of reviews that will back up my thoughts and I can feel better about myself. But when I read the reviews on here saying it's the best thing sliced bread, I felt I didn't have a choice.

I came across this film when my house mate had read a very positive review in a film magazine (I won't say which one, but you will TOTALly know what FILM magazine I mean). I decided to give it a chance, being a fan of crude jokes and animation but I was severely let down on both points. And a heap load more as well.

When I first switched it on, I could just about put up with the dodgy, and to be honest, crass animation. (I mean, was some college kid doing his A Level Media Studies in charge or something?) What really drove me mad was the voice of Turkel though. Now, I know I'm only talking about the English Version here, and I haven't seen the original (nor do I have any intention of doing so), but what the hell was Adrian Edmondson doing with Turkel's voice? No wonder he was getting bullied. Swinging a bag of cats against the wall would have sounded better. What's the point of having a film where, as an audience member, you can't sympathise or even feel anything for the main character? They might as well have had a stick in Turkel's place. The performance wouldn't have been so wooden then.

The film had no plot. Basically stuff happened and someone happened to be there to record it. You get better videos on youtube. The jokes were so far and few between you needed a map and compass to find them. And when you did find them, it was Dad saying 'No' every time. Side splitting stuff, I can tell you. I found funnier stuff at the bottom of my garden underneath a rock. The use of swearing was misused. You can't just try and put in a load of swear words to make something funny.

The only highlight in the whole sorry affair was Johnny Vegas. Playing the role he so easily plays in all his acting roles: the Drunk. Now, I don't know about you, but it's hardly a stretch for him is it? It's like asking Hugh Grant to play the bumbling Englishman. Good performances, but not really pushing themselves are they?

I seriously don't understand how people can rave about this film. It's like the whole thing was made by 12 and 13 year olds, who had eaten too much sweets and told to make a film about bullying with lots of swearing. I'm not saying the F word isn't funny. It is, but not when you beat the audience over the head with it about a thousand times a minute.
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Superman (1978)
5/10
It wasn't a SUPER film!
12 December 2003
Warning: Spoilers
This film, like so many others, is way way way over hyped. It's a good film ONCE IT GETS GOING, but thats like after an hour and by that time you've either fallen asleep or noticed that your shoes could do with a clean. The whole planet thing blowing up, baby goes to earth, Clark learning his powers blah blah blah I DON'T CARE is way to long. I mean it takes other films only a couple of scenes to tell the background of the hero. This film took 14 scenes for f**ks sake! Even after that, it was still annoying, but only a few scenes, however. The whole 'can you read my mind?' thing. BORING!! I nearly fell asleep for the seventh time and had realised that my shoes really did need a clean. Has anyone noticed as well, when Superman spins the earth around to go back in time, what happens to the seas and moon's gravity? (A tedious point but one I felt had nothing to with this review. Just like jam!) The casting was good (finally a positive comment) and everyone suited their roles.Gene Hackman as Lex was brilliant and the guy who played superman was... zzzz. Whhhaaa? Oh sorry, just thinking about this film made me fall asleep. Look, if you've got a couple of spare hours and like self torture, watch this film. If you don't, don't watch it. Now, where's that shoe cleaner?
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