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Bullet Train (2022)
I can't give it zero stars here...
'Bullet Train' (2022)
This movie stars Brad Pitt, the voice of Sandra Bullock, and a few cameos from recognizable names, (I can't say for certain who they are beyond the first, because even getting as far as I did into the film was an absolute chore).
In screenwriting, one of the golden rules is to avoid having the dialogue deliver exposition, at all cost, wherever possible. The films starts with a moment of promise, and rapidly slides into a script so amateur that at times it felt like cast was speaking the bits between the dialogue, rather than the dialogue itself.
As for the dialogue, when it wasn't exposition delivered like someone rewriting a shopping list, it was - to put it kindly - banal at best.
The gratuitous violence at points seemed to be there to embellish pointless conversations, simply to extend the films runtime.
The trailer made it look like a combination of Quentin Tarantino and Guy Ritchie's films. The result is a combination of Quentin's Tarantino and Guy Ritchie's films if they were translated through the eyes of a film school drop out who worships those filmmakers, but bailed their education before getting past the Logline class saying, 'I got this', and strutting off with all the confidence of Mike Tyson in his prime, while weighing in at a sickly 135lbs and sucking a vape pen for 90% of his waking hours.
If clichés and tropes could speak, they'd tell you this movie is tragically so full of them that if feels less like it was written, and more like it was assembled of all the worst bits of those other filmmakers' filmographies.
I've watched a lot of movies and tv series over the years. And yes, sometimes I've tapped the 'fast forward' button in some slow parts. I've even watched them at 2x speed to get through some of the worst offenders quicker. In this film, I kept wishing the theatre had a fast forward option... including for some of the fight scenes.
Making a feature film is a monumental effort. As a viewer, I'm someone who commits to a film. I'm someone who believes that if you've reached the half-way point, you owe it to the filmmakers and the story to finish it, out of respect for their efforts.
And yet despite my best effort, sitting through 3/4 of 'Bullet Train', it stands as the worst movie I've seen in decades, becoming the 3rd movie I've ever walked out of in my entire life.
Everyone watching this movie is getting robbed. Even if you see it for free.
Save your money. And your time. Heck, this movie wasn't even worth its poster.
It gets a well-earned 0/10.
Burn Out (2017)
I liked it more than expected... script needed work
I'm being generous with a 6/10 because I love the bikes, (and we don't get enough scripted motorbike movies on the screen) and that the acting was decent. I watched a dubbed version so by acting, I'm focused more on the cast's physical/emotive performance over the voice actors doing the English dubbing.
The somewhat predictable story makes this a mostly 'plug and play' script. There were a couple of things don't make sense to me though...
1) Why would a smuggler want to go so fast as to be all but guaranteed to attract the wrong kind of attention for him? If he's doing a smuggling run, the best thing he could do is the speed limit, following the rules of the road perfectly. The bad guy says 'he's only got 2 hours' but we're never told WHY he only has 2 hours, and why it can't take a bit longer. Without knowing a legitimate reason for the 2 hour time limit, the whole 'need to race to the drop point' immediately becomes less plausible because all of the answers we come up with on our own to explain that are so convoluted that they break our suspension of disbelief.
2) The ending makes little sense to me because, if he got away with things in the end, why is he out riding illegally (covered plate suggests that he's going to go speeding around)? Is he doing that because he lost his race career and just needs to go fast because he's addicted to speed? Because if that's the case, then his character growth throughout the film is nothing... all the hope we have for him making his family more important than his bike (which is the reason his girl left him according to her), when he gets out clean and has his family back, gets flushed away. And if he ISN'T going out there to do anything but have a nice mellow, legal cruise around, why did he cover his plate? And why were the police waiting to snag him when he got to the traffic light (for that matter, the cop car just sat there at the red light, with its lights on... a cop in pursuit would run the light to get a suspect)? If they weren't after him, why were their lights on, why did they clearly wait for him - since cops don't need to stop at red lights when in pursuit? They were clearly after him because they waited for him to go, then followed... but we have no idea what crime or evidence they have on him, if anything. Did he and his gang buddy take over the business and he's doing night-runs/drop-offs between the Arabs and his gang buddy? If so, see point #1... and also the fact that his character growth has been flushed away with that ending as well.
Roswell, New Mexico: Pilot (2019)
Ouch. #hardpass
Ham-fisted SJW garbage writing.
Zero chemistry between the leads (any of them).
This isn't even a pale version of the first go round, it's a hollow 'echo' (as Max puts it). I don't know why it won't let me give this show a zero rating.
If you to watch a decent show, watch the original.
As for this one, #hardpass
FBI (2018)
Decent (spoilers)
Clearly agenda driven, which is a bit heavy-handed at times, but overall it's got a good chance of becoming a pretty good show. Missy (Maggie) is always awesome. Sela (Dana) is a legend (with little to do here other than spout profile possibilities, and prop up Maggie's confidence). Zeeko (OA) is good, but I'd like to see him step out of the shadows a bit. Hopefully that comes as his character grows. Jeremy (Jubal) needs more to do than just spout exposition (give us a story where someone he's tried capturing before comes back to haunt him and the audience learns about Jubal through the team hunting this guy again - something like the movie 'Se7en' would be a great dynamic). Ebonee(Kristen) needs more to do too. She's the tech, so give the team a hunt where they have to really rely on her skills to help them find someone... maybe like 'The Cell', find the victim before the clock runs out.
It's kind of missing the romance angle (she's still grieving her dead husband), but I'm actually kind of happy that it doesn't have that crutch at the moment. (Rookie Blue started out decent then unfortunately fell into the 'sleep-around soap opera' nonsense by the end.)
FBI's current faults for me lie with the far too many characters that simply exist to spout a line or two of exposition, and the plot points coming via radio/phone. I don't know if that's just my perception, or it it is the reality - either way, I cringe each time Jubal skates through a scene and lobs a word salad to get everyone up to speed, and then Kristen pops up with all the magical information 3 times an episode.
And I'd like to see a series arc at some point. Procedurals are ok, but they're cotton candy when audiences these days are more into binging shows with season arcs. We want substance!
The potential is there, I hope it finds some traction soon. Ease up on the agenda stuff... it doesn't have to be blatant to be effective, and give the actors more to work with. And never put Maggie and OA in a romantic situation... let them have significant others, just never each other because it's a trap that all of these shows fall into. And don't dumb any of it down.
Gone Baby Gone (2007)
Stellar.
I can't recommend this movie enough. Ben's done a very fine job crafting an intelligent and engaging film in both the visuals and as co-writer.
Sincerely one of the best movies I've seen in a very long time (and I see scores of movies). Everyone brings their best. It was great to see Morgan Freeman in this type of role, something a bit different than usual. Ed Harris is always watchable. Casey nailed the role, Michelle was great too.
I feel bad for not being able to support this film when it did its theatre run, but I bought the DVD hoping to make up for it. I feel even worse that it had a bit of a bumpy launch due to tragic situations beyond their control. Bad luck, sad situation.
In the end though, it's just a fantastic film.
Aquaman (2006)
Yep... a mistake on CW's part
I was really impressed. Obviously the pilot had a lot of loot dumped into it, and I imagine that subsequent episodes would have to be scaled back a bit, but ultimately I really enjoyed it.
I am a Smallville fan and I felt like they really nailed the 'Smallville' feel with Aquaman. There is real potential for a great show here. I honestly hope the people at the top reconsider and green light the series.
Miller/Gough have developed a fantastic formula for this type of show. There is a quality to the shows that they work on that is simply missing in other productions.