Reviews

There is nothing in the movie that wasn't in the trailer. Indeed, the trailer might have had a better plot. Here's a short summary: Spaceman comes to earth. Earthlings freak out. US government reveals its arrogance through an unconvincing secretary of defense. Through an implausible series of events, spaceman meets earthwoman. Superintelligent spaceman taught a lesson or two by humble earthman. Tears. Spaceman must decide fate of world.

Only things giving this three stars are the performances of Reeves (who doesn't need makeup to look like a spaceman) and Smith. Everyone else seems to be sleepwalking.

You could swallow all of that, but it seems the producers ran out of money for special effects pretty quickly -- which adds insult to injury in such a poorly conceived remake of a classic. The only reason to remake a classic sci-fi flick is to bump up the special effects, but I'd guess the original must have had a bigger special effects budget than this remake.

It's hard to comment on how stupid this movie is without giving away the main plot devise, but before I do, if you want to see a bunch of cool car chases and some unbelievable special effects -- unbelievable in the sense that the laws of physics wouldn't allow this -- you could find worse places to waste your money.

(spoiler)

But let me get this straight: There's one man on earth (who through the grace of God has allowed his vocal chords to develop exactly like his twin brother's did -- flu for flu, adolescence for adolescence)who can allow Aria to kill off the leadership, and the best way she can figure to get him to Washington is to make him the country's most wanted terrorist and send him through a ragged series of near-death experiences with the FBI and everyone else trying to gun him down? She has to get a crystal in the capital, and her best plan is to put it around the neck of a distraught mother making the same insane race to the Capitol? Her best plan for activating the crystal is to hope a nervous 8-year-old hits the perfect difficult note on a difficult instrument? And the whole plan involves "activiating" a dozen or so other operatives as minor cogs in her whole evil scheme, showing that she doesn't understand that the more moving parts you have the more likely something will go wrong? No one ever told her: Keep it simple? And this is a super-duper-i-can-even-read-vibrations-in-a-coffee-cup- made-by-a-cel-phone's-tiny-speaker computer?

(end of spoiler)

I think we're safe for a while.

Right off the bat, I gave this film two stars instead of one because the makers did the almost-impossible: They made a film about a sports/gaming event where you don't care about who wins the BIG game. That must have taken some skill. And I give them credit for doing it on purpose. They must have, right? I'd bet on it.

Like others who have commented, I'm a big poker fan and player, and the idea of a chick flick about poker seemed too good to be true. I could get points with my wife, and still enjoy a movie! Sadly, the relationship side of of this film was as predictable as a fish overplaying a gut-shot (a new player betting too much on an inside straight draw), while the card play is as disappointing as watching everyone fold to your pocket bullets pre-flop (having a great hand -- two aces -- but no one to play against).

Let's walk through the plot and see if you can spot the surprise: Pro player revving up for the big game (the World Series of Poker) meets out-of-town cutie hoping to kick-start her singing career in Vegas. Player doesn't have the entry fee. (Substitute player and poker with driver and racing, and you've got "Viva Las Vegas!") Player and father (a big-name pro player) are kind of estranged, kind of not. Player gets and loses entry fee repeatedly, while singer gives up on it all and goes back to the sticks. Player gets the entry fee (again) just in time to play the big game. Rapid fire cameos of poker greats generally not playing cards. Player shows humility and gets the girl. All this with poker slang crowbarred into the script so it all feels authentic.

The surprise? That the real poker stars agreed to do this film at all. I guess they were all building a stake for the next big game.

I'm a great fan for horror, suspense, thrillers ... you name it .. and I was excited about the trailers for this one. But I was very disappointed. Camera work is nice, but just about everything else fell flat. I can enjoy low-budget films as long as the plot holds, but this one doesn't. Ar every turn there's something implausible.

++POSSIBLE SPOILER++

Someone else has already commented the Amazing Man Who Can Hold His Breath For Hours (not to mention who trusts a kind-hearted victim to do his dirty work with perfection despite a lack of any real oversight), but wouldn't you expect this amazing man to have the strength, stamina, agility, time, and even money needed to put together these clever traps and execute them? This guy must be getting some great drugs.

++END SPOILER++

If anyone can find a rhyme or reason to this killer's choice of victims, please tell me. Doc I can understand. But the others? Especially the only guy in the film to show some compassion? Perhaps the filmmakers should have taken a 19th day to think about the script and fill these holes, tie up the loose ends, and give the characters some character.

I give it a two ... because "ones" can at least be unintentionally enjoyable.