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The Hitcher (2007)
1/10
Enough with bad remakes already!
21 January 2007
Warning: Spoilers
The original was highly enjoyable and Rutger Hauer had never been creepier.Jennifer Jason Leigh was memorable too,as she always is,even if she had limited screen time.In the remake they have sped everything up and added lots of more gore.The gore bit pleases all the bloodthirsty kids who usually shoot people's heads off in lame shoot-em-up video-games.More irritating still this one is shot like some long music video with totally out of place music.Sean Bean better watch out.Silent Hill was bad enough and he appeared in the ultra-silly Equilibrium as well.Now this.Fortunately the critics have given terrible reviews and this abysmal remake really deserves it.If you've seen the original don't EVER watch this remake.Learn this.Remakes are in 9 out of 10 cases a lot worse than the originals.Only remakes that are superior that come to mind is "the Fly" and "the Thing".
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Ultraviolet (2006)
1/10
Horrible in ways one cannot describe
19 January 2007
Yet another mega-flop from Kurt-the idiot-Wimmer.The studio were kind enough to give him another chance after the failure Equilibrium which flopped heavily in cinemas and for good reason too.For some strange reason that turd of a movie found buyers on DVD.Anyway the studio saw Wimmer's version of Ultraviolet and were shocked how bad it was,so they cut it down heavily and tried to market it as a brain-less action-flick for kids.It flopped anyway since no amount of re-cutting can make any difference if the material is utter rubbish.So I guess we won't see more of his ultra-crappy movies no more.Sure Paul Anderson is a hack and Uwe Boll totally useless but at least they don't try to make pretentious pseudo-philosophic trash.Michael Bay is one-dimensional and his films are all flash and bling,but at least they are well made.Even Ed Wood had a heart in his unintentionally funny films.I am grateful this one flopped.That means lots of horrible films won't ever be made.Avoid this film like the plague.If you like it seek help.
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Equilibrium (2002)
1/10
Unbelievable
13 January 2007
Warning: Spoilers
Plan 9 from outer space was bad but at least it had a heart and was unintentionally funny.Equilibrium on the other hand is dreadful in ways I cannot describe.It is painfully obvious it copies Fahrenheit451,the Matrix,THX1138,Brave New World,Logan's run,1984,Metropolis to name a few.Kids that have never seen above mentioned believe they're getting a new idea.Add a absurd plot about feelings being the cause of war.Gun-Kata made me laugh out loudly.Statistics can make you dodge bullets,what a crazy idea.According to the story they shouldn't feel a thing yet the boss of Bale's hits his fist on the table in rage,clearly he is feeling.His rival is apparently jealous of him and has a smirk in his face.The soldiers show fear and panic.There's plenty of feelings in all of them!In fact the whole premise that feelings cause wars is laughably silly.If we felt more we could feel sympathy of the victims and never go to war due to stupid politicians.Oh,and the puppy scene made me say loudly:"What a seriously bad movie!".Kurt-the idiot-Wimmer wondered how he could convince the audience how cruel the society was and thought:"hey everybody loves cute puppies,let them kill puppies to provoke disgust among the audience".Clearly he is a totally incompetent writer and has a mindset of a 7 year old.I wish they could find all copies of this turd of a movie and burn them.It flopped but found buyers on DVD for some strange reason.Anyway Kurt-the idiot-Wimmer later did Ultraviolet which was both a critic-and audience mega-flop so we won't see more of his ultra crappy movies in all likelihood.Obviously the studio saw his version of Ultraviolet and were shocked how bad it was,so they cut it down heavily and marketed it as a brain-less action-flick,but it flopped anyway.Hopefully this dung-heap of a movie will fall into obscurity and oblivion in a few years time.On the rottentomatoes site this movie got a rotten rating at 32%.The majority of course saw the movie as unbelievably stupid but I was totally convinced this movie clearly should have had a 0% rating there.Some critics like the action.I thought that was lame too.Anyway avoid this movie like the plague.If you like it seek help.
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