This movie, like most of the lower-tier spaghetti westerns, is pretty low on thrills and frills. What you do get is competent acting, surprisingly crisp gun battles, and a very nice zinger ending. While it doesn't have the novelty of Sabata or Keoma, it stands on it's own pretty well. I'm hesitant to evaluate the original based on this terrible DVD because it looks like about 20 minutes is just completely missing. If you're watching this, you go in knowing that most spaghetti westerns are crap-awful, so when you find one like this that's actually capable of entertaining you, it's a welcome event. This certainly isn't one for fans of the genre to pass up.
Reviews
16 Reviews
The AristoCats
(1970)
Probably One of Disney's Worst Features
22 February 2008
This movie is disappointing on so many levels. Much like the more recent Ratatouille, it seems to be a children's film hijacked and saddled with a slew of themes and environments better suited for octogenarians. Even in 1970, I doubt there were many 5 year olds who ached for jazz-loving bohemian cats in belle epoch Paris. It is immediately apparent that the Disney folks (on their own for the first time since Walt croaked) were lost - it takes almost 8 or 9 minutes for ANYTHING even remotely interesting to a child to occur. A five year old will be ready to leave before the disc has been spinning more than a few minutes. And it never goes anywhere. It never really tugs your heartstrings and instead wallows in this strange slapstick humor that undermines the drama. Perhaps most disappointing is the quality of the animation. It sports a rough look - almost like they just took practice sheets and frantically turned them into cels. You can practically see the pencil lines appearing. Animation-wise, it's God-awful.
Graveyard of Honor
(2002)
Strangely Boring and Derivative For Miike
18 October 2007
This film, despite some thoughtful stuff in the final act, is strangely derivative of Takeshi Kitano (which isn't necessarily a good thing in my book). Much like Sonatine we've got a non-expressive, self-destructive protagonist who does some violent stuff while a repetitive low-rent jazz soundtrack warbles in the background. And the editing is sadistic - watch a guy slip around on ice for 45 seconds straight, watch a guy climb a rooftop ladder for 35 seconds, watch seemingly identical rape scenes, watch seemingly identical heroin usage scenes, and my personal favorite: watch the lead actor scowl into the camera over and over and over, blah blah blah. While there is no doubt that it is a Miike in the final analysis, I find it almost sacrilegious to see him borrowing so blatantly from the hack playbook of Beat Takeshi. He even put him in Izo, for cryin' out loud.
Modern Girls
(1986)
Not quite a classic, but a perfect 1980s time capsule!
9 September 2007
This is one of those movies that no one ever saw in the theater. However, it ran in super-high rotation on HBO and Showtime in the late 80s. I must have watched it 20 times in junior high, and I watched it again when it was on cable last night. It has surprisingly crisp writing. The jokes and plot, while not groundbreaking, are above average considering the other films of this era in this same genre. There's some nice social commentary and some very heartfelt interactions between Clifton and the girls. But what really sets this movie apart is the way it presents 1980s LA night life. You see bouncers, themed clubs, themed drinks, vapid people, what could be the first on-screen use of "E", and all the synth-pop music you could ever ask for! The music, by the way, is top-notch - most of the tracks sound radio-worthy instead of the random crap you'd usually get with these flicks.
Andromedia
(1998)
Sucktastic Bomb - Notable Only For the Miike Influence
28 May 2007
Wow. This movie is a serious stinker. Bad special effects, terrible plot points seemingly ripped straight out of the Matrix and Tron, and meanderings into N*Sync dance routines really hamstring this movie from the get-go. I didn't exactly hate it, but it was one of the last domestically available Miike flicks that I hadn't seen and now I know how this one filtered down to the bottom of the list. Sure, there are a handful of scenes that could be called Miike-ian: (the assassin guy turning and looking pensively down the illuminated hallway, the bats flying in the city street, the blossoms falling beneath the beach sakura tree . . .). But for the most part, the film is just a cheesy vehicle for Speed to try and prove that they can act. No dice, ladies.
The Yakuza Way
(1999)
For Riki Takeuchi Enthusiasts.
21 November 2006
Seriously . . . why would you really watch this movie? If you aren't a fan of Riki Takeuchi, this movie will make your head spin with it's apparent suckitude. However, as a Riki Takeuchi movie that features him speaking English and shooting up Los Angeles, it's a seriously awesome flick. Basically, it's a terrible 80s-style action movie. The production values, over-the-top action, and ridiculous plot would have been de rigeur in 1986. But being a late-90s movie, it's even sillier. The cheese is laid on thick, but not unintentionally. It's very tongue-in-cheek in a way. Takeuchi's performance is strong, as usual, even given the crappy trappings. He sneers, shows off his coiffed doo, and impales people on katanas - all bases covered. And there's a Chevy Nova SS for no reason! And it's pee-yellow - where else are you going to see that?
Return of the Tiger
(1977)
One of Bruce Li's Best
26 October 2006
I'm so sick of people judging these classic kung fu movies by completely ridiculous criteria. So what if the dubbing is bad or the cinematography isn't up to snuff. These were meant as entertainment and should be judged as such. Were you entertained? Yes? Then it's a good movie and shut the f up! This particular movie's got a little bit of everything. Strippers, bad guys who dress like Bing Crosby, Lung Fei's worst hairdo ever, Angela Mao lookin' hot in a metallic jumpsuit, and Bruce Li sporting some major badass swagger. Oh yeah, and did I mention that the fat dude from Robin Williams' Popeye is in it. I won't tell you how he croaks, but let's just say that they don't make 'em like this anymore. And the theme song . . .the theme song ROCKS! I had it stuck in my head for days. If you're a fan of the late 70s / early 80s kung fu genre, then you owe it to yourself to check this out.
The Pride and the Passion
(1957)
Speechless With Disappointment - Visual Sominex
3 June 2006
Warning: Spoilers
Great cats, this movie bites!!! This movie is 2+ hours of your life that you are not getting back. As stated in just about every review here, the concept of this film is enticing: Sinatra, Grant, and Loren in a historical epic by way of C.S. Lewis. How could you possibly screw that up? Yeah, the acting is pretty shoddy. I'm sure there was a lot of behind-the-scenes reasons for this (Sinatra taking a phony-accent-n-wig job just to stalk Ava Gardner in Spain, Cary Grant supposedly hiding out from his crappy marriage, and Sophia Loren just starting out). But even good acting wouldn't save this script. It's just a story about moving a silly cannon from point A to point B and getting in some cliché adventures along the way. Then they try to dress up that weak plot with a lot of contrived nonsense about patriotism and honor (Can anyone other that Spaniards get teary eyed over the Peninsular War?). Maybe that was enough to shut up a Cold War audience, but the whole thing rings phony in the 21st century. Its even more disappointing because the cinematography is actually pretty good. Ignoring the ages of the actors involved, I would have staked quite a bit of money on this being from the mid-60s, not the late 50s.
The Professional
(1981)
The Good, The Bad, and the Silly
22 April 2006
Warning: Spoilers
This movie irked me for the first 45 minutes or so. The plot it seriously flimsy, the hero is a middle aged droopy guy who looks more like a florist than an asskicker, and it reeks of 80s eurocheese. What's more, Beaumont (aside from being a droopy nebbish in a Member's Only pleather jacket) is a cad who's stringing along his wife and one of his hot coworkers. But then someone flips a switch and the movie gets much more interesting. This movie must have seriously inspired Luc Besson and the newer crop of French filmmakers - especially the showdown with Rosen and the fact that Valera has a Goldorak robot and Leiji Matsumoto manga on the walls of his flat. This had to be the inspiration for Jean Reno's character in Wasabi. I still don't buy Belmondo as someone chicks would want to have sex with, but his haymaker punches and karate kicks were quite amusing. Who else would put a searing-hot just-fired Magnum .44 in their trousers after blowing someone away?
The House of Mirth
(2000)
Edith Wharton as visualized by a Lifetime Channel movie . . .
19 April 2006
Warning: Spoilers
I'll get right to the point - this is a cheap-ass movie. Forget what other people have said about the lush interiors and vintage costumes. When you put this movie in, you will wonder if it was ever shown on theater screens or if it went straight to the Lifetime Channel. Even the film-stock and cinematography scream "BBC Television". I can't forgive the stilted delivery that sinks the movie in the first 5 minutes. In the book, Lily Bart shows little weakness publicly - she's a master of her appearance and presentation. In the movie, Gillian Anderson is waxing philosophic and pouting from her first meeting with Seldon. This effectively destroys all of the subtext for their future dealings. Was Terrence Davies reading the Cliff's Notes instead of the book? Dear Mr. Davies - the character of Gerty Farrish is KEY to the meaning of the whole story. Combining her with Grace Stepney was totally uncalled for, save for your convenience. The ending of the novel calls for the reader to interpret for his/herself whether Lily committed suicide or made yet another poor judgement call. The movie makes it pretty clear that she took her own life and eliminates any interpretation on the part of the viewer.
The Killer Meteors
(1976)
You you don't like this, then you don't like ice cream and kittens!!! (SPOILERS!!!)
15 October 2005
Warning: Spoilers
I'll be completely honest and get right to the point - 90% of the people who give this movie terrible reviews are being harsh for one obvious and inexcusable reason: they are Johnny-come-lately Jackie Chan fans who got into him through Rumble in the Bronx and have absolutely no exposure or familiarity with classic kung fu, it's staple elements or it's classic stars. This entire situation is compounded by the fact that several "autobiographies" by Jackie dismiss this film as a "favor to Lo Wei". If you are a Jackie-lubber, then this film is sure to wrinkle your feathers. I don't think it's much of a spoiler to reveal that Jacky is the bad guy, but he's also a complete loser who gets bitch-slapped for all time. Jimmy Wang Yu is the star of this movie. Jimmy Wang Yu doesn't do crazy choreography. Jimmy Wang Yu doesn't doesn't give Laurence Olivier acting performances. But I'll tell you what Jimmy Wang Yu does: Jimmy Wang Yu kicks the crap out of people, wisecracks and smirks while he does it, and likes girls. The story is based on a novel by Taiwanese wuxia writer Gu Long. All you have to do is read two pages of a Gu Long novel to realize that this movie captures all of his setpieces and dialogue to a fault. And this is Gu Long the novelist, not be be confused with Ku Lung the ACTOR. Morons in the kung fu movie media (and this means YOU, Ric Meyers!!) are constantly making this mistake. Another notable standout for this film is that the dubbing is by the usual Ocean Shores/ Vaughan Savidge actors . . . but there is clearly something special about their delivery - almost as if a more deliberate approach was taken to put the project together. It should also be noted that the film is no where near as confusing as everyone is making it sound. The Scimitar and Columbia DVD releases contain about 15 minutes of crucial plot scenes that were omitted from the old VHS releases which I suspect some of these folks have been basing their reviews on. The plot is riddled with intrigue and implausible backstabbing, but the movie as a whole has a very well delineated beginning, middle, and end. Using this as a criteria for a film of this genre is suspect anyway, given that most of them end abruptly at the 90 minute mark with a freeze frame and a "THE END" overlay. One has to imagine Jimmy's character of Mi Wei as a Clint Eastwood type. He's already got the skills. You're not going to see him carrying water, strapping iron to his feet, attacking wooden men - fans of the ubiquitous training scenes need not apply. You're also not going to see Mi Wei backing down from a fight. He actively goads people into fighting with him and he usually takes them down in 30 seconds with a brilliantly violent ending . . . and smiles while he does it. You know - the same kind of smile that guys like John Liu and Hwang Jang Lee give when they take someone out in a flick. This doesn't sit well with folks who's rather watch Jackie monkey around with glass jars and do fart jokes. You know who you are. The Killer Meteors is an excellent film that is criticized for unwarranted reasons. Anyone seeking a unique and interesting 1970s kung fu experience should check it out with a completely open mind. Free your mind from the rank-n-file kung fu hacks who've slammed this movie.
Sabu
(2002 TV Movie)
Brings Attention to Miike's Underrated Skills
18 September 2005
This is a really instructive example of the directorial skills that Takishi Miike exhibits in most of his films. His abilities are often lost on many viewers because they're too infatuated with cowheads, necrophilia, and bazookas. A coherent, dramatically-charged jidaigeki like this might challenge the patience and attention spans of some Miike-devotees. There are long stretches of this film that feature two characters facing one another and speaking. Being more plot-driven than action-driven, I can see how some might be bored to death, but it's this more cerebral pacing that highlights the kind of mastery that Miike is capable of. This movie should go a long way towards silencing critics who accuse him of being too dependant on yakuza mayhem and the usual clichés (bestiality, scat, necrophilia, homosexual rape, mutilation, etc.) That being said, this is a competent period film that stands on it's own. It is only slightly apparent to the viewer that it was made for television - it really has all the trappings of a regular film (casting & sets). All of the actors nail their performances and the "making of" featurette included on the R1 DVD shows the care and commitment that went into producing it.
Throw Down
(2004)
A Major Bummer
15 September 2005
I thought I was a Johnny To fan. I loved PTU, Running on Karma, and Fulltime Killer. I rank Yesterday Once More as one of my favorite films of all time. But I watched Throwdown with my mouth agape in horror at the sheer lameness of it all.
I will not even try to lie - I didn't understand what was going on, not even for five minutes. I still can't explain to you what I just watched. Characters' motivations fluctuated wildly, no background was given until your interest had long since waned, and the martial arts sequences were short and unsatisfying in relation to the western marketing and box copy.
Tai Seng's translation and subtitling department needs a rework. There is one major scene in a restaurant with about 8 characters talking at once - the subtitling does NOTHING to try to keep up with the important dialogue. Instead of taking a note from Animeigo or ADV and using different colors and stacking lines of text, Tai Seng took the cheapie way out and presented it in a way that was frustrating.
I will not even try to lie - I didn't understand what was going on, not even for five minutes. I still can't explain to you what I just watched. Characters' motivations fluctuated wildly, no background was given until your interest had long since waned, and the martial arts sequences were short and unsatisfying in relation to the western marketing and box copy.
Tai Seng's translation and subtitling department needs a rework. There is one major scene in a restaurant with about 8 characters talking at once - the subtitling does NOTHING to try to keep up with the important dialogue. Instead of taking a note from Animeigo or ADV and using different colors and stacking lines of text, Tai Seng took the cheapie way out and presented it in a way that was frustrating.
Parasite Dolls
(2003)
Not up to snuff for 2002
6 August 2005
I was really interested to see AIC produce another anime that takes place in the Bubblegum Crisis universe. They tried to tout this as a taking place in the Bubblegum Crisis/Bubblegum Crash/A.D. Police Files universe, but it really has very little to do with those OVAs. I didn't actually know that this was produced in 2002. Looking at the quality of the animation and the character designs, you'd be hard pressed to not think that it was churned out in 1997 or so. It's lackluster in almost every conceivable way.
I will say that there are some really artful and stylistic moments, particularly in the last 15 minutes (dominos falling, certain death sequences, neat placement of characters), but Naoyuki Onda's character designs (which are hideous and simplistic in the "Kite" vein) make this a mostly painful viewing experience. Even the lowest budget video games and straight-to-video anime boast better computer effects than this did - the ubiquitous heads-up-display and thermal imaging graphics are so crappy for a 21st century production.
Maybe anime has gone down this road too many times before. Cyberpunk has become so banal that visiting this Blade Runner/BGC universe is just a rehash of the same stale concepts: what does it mean to be alive vs. synthetic, how do you maintain justice in a world of corrupt corporations, blah blah blah. There wasn't really anything fresh or groundbreaking through all three episodes.
In the original BGC, Boomers were mostly human beings who had received cybernetic upgrades. There were more simplistic all-synthetic boomers that served coffee, did manufacturing, etc, but they didn't really possess any ability to function on their own (until A.D.A.M. in Bubblegum Crash). Parasite Dolls deviates from this story arc completely - we've got fully factory built AI Boomers that radio show producers and A.D. Police detectives of all things!!!! That was hard to swallow and it showed that the material wasn't really as faithful to the original as it tries to make itself sound.
I will say that there are some really artful and stylistic moments, particularly in the last 15 minutes (dominos falling, certain death sequences, neat placement of characters), but Naoyuki Onda's character designs (which are hideous and simplistic in the "Kite" vein) make this a mostly painful viewing experience. Even the lowest budget video games and straight-to-video anime boast better computer effects than this did - the ubiquitous heads-up-display and thermal imaging graphics are so crappy for a 21st century production.
Maybe anime has gone down this road too many times before. Cyberpunk has become so banal that visiting this Blade Runner/BGC universe is just a rehash of the same stale concepts: what does it mean to be alive vs. synthetic, how do you maintain justice in a world of corrupt corporations, blah blah blah. There wasn't really anything fresh or groundbreaking through all three episodes.
In the original BGC, Boomers were mostly human beings who had received cybernetic upgrades. There were more simplistic all-synthetic boomers that served coffee, did manufacturing, etc, but they didn't really possess any ability to function on their own (until A.D.A.M. in Bubblegum Crash). Parasite Dolls deviates from this story arc completely - we've got fully factory built AI Boomers that radio show producers and A.D. Police detectives of all things!!!! That was hard to swallow and it showed that the material wasn't really as faithful to the original as it tries to make itself sound.
Django Strikes Again
(1987)
Commando: Italian Style
12 December 2004
This film is very interesting. Many people will scoff at it's production values, but when you consider it's era, it's really not that far off from its contemporaries. Many people make the mistake of comparing this movie to the Rambo franchise.
I suppose this is based on the way the Italians chose to market the film (with Nero with a headband and giant veiny muscles). But the more appropriate comparison should be with Arnold Schwartzenegger's "Commando".
In both films, a burly guy trying to forget his violent past has his daughter kidnapped and is forced to kill hundreds of ethnic stereotyped Hispanic folks to get her back. It's even got exploding guard towers and guys getting stabbed in Arnie "stick around!" style!!!
I suppose this is based on the way the Italians chose to market the film (with Nero with a headband and giant veiny muscles). But the more appropriate comparison should be with Arnold Schwartzenegger's "Commando".
In both films, a burly guy trying to forget his violent past has his daughter kidnapped and is forced to kill hundreds of ethnic stereotyped Hispanic folks to get her back. It's even got exploding guard towers and guys getting stabbed in Arnie "stick around!" style!!!
The Princess Blade
(2001)
A passable futuristic swordplay actioner.
15 February 2004
Apparently, movies of this type are reviewed with unrealistic expectations. They need to be viewed for what they are: action films. You need not expect weighty plot, character development, or over-the-top effects. You need only expect to be entertained and taken to another place for 95 minutes. This movie succeeds in that mission quite adequately.
I'm usually a harsh critic of Japanese filmmaking for it's amateurish look, but this movie proves that even indie films in Asia are approaching the level of fit and finish that we've come to expect from their other manufactured products. I was amazed at how gritty and realistic that the effects were (especially the scene early where Yuki dodges a hail of gunfire). It goes to prove that you don't need Matrix-esque delusions of grandure to pull off good action films.
The film also boasts a very natural look with the requisite forest and lake scenes that would have been a great fit in any RPG. You'll also love the awesome retro decor of Takashi's awesome frontier gas station (shades of Road Warrior came to mind here).
The Matrix comparisons stop at the wardrobe department. Actually, I found myself frequently thinking of Jean-Claude Van Damme's "Cyborg" when watching this movie. The kind of schtick: set up a big political/social frame which you don't even attempt to explain, and then hang all of your subsequent action around it.
It should also be noted that any Japanese movie which doesn't resort to a giant monster/creature/mutation destroying everything as an "ending" should be applauded. No tentacle rapes, vampires, zombies, or psychic powers rear their ugly heads to ruin the day either!!!
All of that said, it's a cool movie that doesn't necessarily break any ground, but certainly doesn't deserve the 2/10 that someone gave it here. The movie doesn't pretend to be anything but a cool movie. I only ask you contrast that mentality with a movie like "Battlefield Earth" which tried to "say something". Think about it. 7/10 Stars.
I'm usually a harsh critic of Japanese filmmaking for it's amateurish look, but this movie proves that even indie films in Asia are approaching the level of fit and finish that we've come to expect from their other manufactured products. I was amazed at how gritty and realistic that the effects were (especially the scene early where Yuki dodges a hail of gunfire). It goes to prove that you don't need Matrix-esque delusions of grandure to pull off good action films.
The film also boasts a very natural look with the requisite forest and lake scenes that would have been a great fit in any RPG. You'll also love the awesome retro decor of Takashi's awesome frontier gas station (shades of Road Warrior came to mind here).
The Matrix comparisons stop at the wardrobe department. Actually, I found myself frequently thinking of Jean-Claude Van Damme's "Cyborg" when watching this movie. The kind of schtick: set up a big political/social frame which you don't even attempt to explain, and then hang all of your subsequent action around it.
It should also be noted that any Japanese movie which doesn't resort to a giant monster/creature/mutation destroying everything as an "ending" should be applauded. No tentacle rapes, vampires, zombies, or psychic powers rear their ugly heads to ruin the day either!!!
All of that said, it's a cool movie that doesn't necessarily break any ground, but certainly doesn't deserve the 2/10 that someone gave it here. The movie doesn't pretend to be anything but a cool movie. I only ask you contrast that mentality with a movie like "Battlefield Earth" which tried to "say something". Think about it. 7/10 Stars.
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