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hugowobschall
Reviews
This Means War (2012)
Staggeringly Bad
We can just imagine the scene in their agents' offices. "Chris, Tom - we have a lovely movie for you. The audience will love you. This will help establish you both as romantic leads. We need to know you can do romance and comedy. You guys will be wonderful together. It's a beautiful script." Who do we feel more sorry for? Us for watching this drivel or them for having to do the round of media interviews and pretending they have anything remotely interesting to say about this useless crap. I know. I feel sorry for me for being so stupid as to pay money to watch it. At least they got paid for doing it. The joke's on me. What I really want to know is how this got made. What was the actual process from script to screen. How did it get signed off? If the script had allowed the 2 guys to get together in the end at least there would have been something different. A little bit of courage. We are expected to laugh at them using massive resources to spy on a girl they want to get into bed. That's funny? They fight and crash and sabotage. That's funny? This is less funny than 2.5 Men. And that's the least funny show I have ever watched.
Meet Joe Black (1998)
What a load of ****
I saw this some time ago with a friend who urged me to watch it. Saying how beautiful it was. I settled down happily on a Sunday afternoon after a big night out. Glass of wine. Bowl of crisps. The film starts - good production values. Brad Pitt gets killed. Good shock value. Didn't expect that. We meet Tony Hopkins as some corporate big wig (but what a great guy!) pacing around his office. Meets Death now in Brad Pitt's body. Death intends to take a holiday with Tony and put on hold a fatal heart attack. Mm. Okay so far. Then with increasing horror I realise we are being subjected to a load of syrupy(?) nonsense which drags on and on and on and has this stupid STUPID sub plot about corporate shenanigans. The worst part is that the film clearly believes that it is great and important and really saying something important. The camera spends a lot of time lingering over Brad Pitt and there is a scene where he makes love, def not sex, but love to the girl. Which involves him coldly laying on top of her and doing nothing. But gosh, he's so beautiful she gets off on it. Or doesn't. Why can't they make these films with a healthy dose of cynicism they had in the 1930s and 40s? Who signed off on this? Why did my friend think it was a great film?
North by Northwest (1959)
The very best
This is still one of the very best adventure movies ever made. And why? Because it's one of the very best screenplays ever written. It's almost impossible to make a good movie from a bad script but very easy to make a bad film from a good script. And here we have 2 of the best joining together to make a film that only asks us to enjoy. But unlike other films that do that this one stays in the memory and will be talked about as long as we talk about film. I hope. It's also a lesson in the importance of strong direction. Mm - a strong director. I understand that Cary Grant was not shy in putting forward his ideas. A big star with a weak director can easily ruin a movie changing everything to make their part bigger. Or simply imposing bad ideas because they are a big star. Let's face it, most actors can barely sign their own name. The suit has been talked about at length in other places and in a brilliant essay taking the suits point of view. The very best thing I think is the wonderful use of colour in every frame. There are lots of scenes where you can hit the pause button and just marvel at the colour and the composition of the frame. And of course one of the most enduring images in film - with Cary Grant running from the plane. Only bad part of that sequence is where the plane crashes into the truck. Doesn't quite work.
The Passion of the Christ (2004)
Passion for right wing Cathlocism
Brilliantly made but we can see the theme. It's not that the move is anti Semitic it's that it's pro religious fascism. Just like Birth of a Nation is outstanding from a story telling view point its sympathies are terrible. The Clan are the good guys. Passion asks us to prostrate ourselves before God and Jesus once again. God allows his son to be tortured to death for our supposed sins. Really? Thanks dad. I left the movie in awe at Mel Gibson's ability as a director. But then got angry at his message. It seems that the leaders in ancient Rome were hapless weaklings doing the bidding of the Jewish people. There is a scene in the movie (in Aramaic) where a Jewish mob asks for Jesus's blood to pour onto the heads of its children. This by the way is written in only one of four Gospels - that contradict each other. This is all part of the movie's intention to damn the Jews and propagate disgusting lies spread 2,000 years ago. Yes, let's tackle the Jewish question again and the fact that we are supposed to believe they had Jesus Christ killed. This has been handed down through the centuries. Be in no doubt - this movie wants us to convert to Catholicism as the one true belief.
Avatar (2009)
Why the story is bad
I still can't believe that so many people like Avatar. The best that can be said is that once again James Cameron has pushed the technical boundaries as much as he can. But often his technical brilliance is on the level of brilliant computer programming. The scene with the big birds which they have to ride and tame - a very silly scene and a bugger nature scene which rejoices in enslaving the birds - is exactly what I would expect to see on my xBox. Compare that with an action scene in Lawrence of Arabia and you will understand just how poor that scene is. That awful woman with the blue face. Oh sorry, Neytiri, who so loves being angry. She has only just met Jake Sully, and wants to get upset. Oh and the rituals you have to go through. These people are in touch with nature? Which means they live in the equivalent of tents. And that's a good thing? Doesn't stop them enslaving large angry birds for their own deviant pleasure. Surely a cup of tea and an Aston Martin is more enjoyable. And their God. Sorry, I mean the forest which watches over everything and is very very wise. Ugh! God rules once again. Amazing. Travel light years to a different planet and you still have to prostrate yourself to some nosy entity. The big bad corporation looms again. Where do people think our wealth and comfy houses comes from. If we like nature that much let's go back to living in the forest and hunting for our food each day. Because that's what nature is. And what happens when you spend all your time hunting? You have no time to do anything else. No time to build or invent..... or think. If anything, the Corporation should be applauded for its engineering ability and using that expertise to increase the wealth of its employees and for paying taxes and the distribution of wealth that paying taxes means. The Sigourney Weaver character. We know she's tough – she smokes. And how much she cares. We know she cares because she tells us she cares. And why did they invite her anyway? And why does her opinion count? I enjoyed a lot of Avatar and there were moments I thought I was watching a great film. But overall it's a simplistic story made by a digital 3D evangelist whose real master piece is, of course, Aliens.