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Skinwalkers (2006)
8/10
Winston's wolves are evolved.
12 August 2007
I have to admit, I didn't walk into the theater with high hopes. All the talk about it not being great creep-ed me out and I braced myself for disappointment. But it didn't come. The movie did have some down points that could have been avoided, but that wasn't enough to make it bad.

Rhona Mitra's acting was great, and she was insanely cute in the movie. Sarah Carter was not much to watch. She didn't really bring anything special to the screen, and her acting was very robotic. The rest of the cast was awesome.

I think the best part about the movie was the Cinematography. I really enjoyed the effects and the camera movements were highly skilled and a joy to watch.

Now the bad part. For all the people out there that are fans of Stan Winston and like his work, you could be in for a wild ride. His old school effects are a sight to behold.

One other thing I didn't fancy about the movie was Kim Coates...character actor from The Island, Silent Hill, Black Hawk Down, Waterworld, Bad Boys, etc... Out of all the characters, he was very one dimensional.

You have to to try to like it for what it is and not hate it for what it should be. Oh, and don't bring you little kiddies to this. There are a few gore scenes(not to explicit but enough) and some mature content. I wouldn't have categorized it as horror, but it does have a certain atmosphere that gives you the chills. I highly recommend this movie for it is the best werewolf movie you will probably ever run into. I rate it 9/10
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Motel Hell (1980)
8/10
Guilty fun!
10 April 2007
We begin with Vincent calmly sitting on his motel's front porch. The farmer collects his shotgun and other equipment before setting on an early morning hunt. At the same time, Terry and her bearded boyfriend Bo are cruising down the highway on a hog with sidecar. The girl is sitting behind her man, not in the sidecar, and neither have helmets on. Vincent sees the violent crash when a tire blows (the blowout is for reasons suspected, but not confirmed until later). The hunter turned rescuer loads the injured girl into his truck and takes her home. Ida, who throughout the movie will display some medical knowledge, is given the task of nursing Terry back to health. When she does regain consciousness, she is told that Bo died in the crash and that Vincent buried him in the local cemetery.

Bob shows up for a surprise inspection of Vincent's pigs the next day. Poor Bob, the scriptwriters conspired to laden him with onerous pig comparisons. Vincent says, "Go on in, make yourself at home." when he enters the pig sty; then Bob clumsily falls into a large mud puddle when surprised by the farmer. Between oink sounds, the inspector does have time to take notice of a secret garden on a remote part of the farm/motel property. He sneaks back that evening to take a peak, but displays the same level of stealth as a lumbering sow (he drives past the motel with his car lights off). In the garden a horrifying discovery is made: burlap sacks cover human heads! The people are still alive, but buried up to their necks in the soil. Their vocal cords have been cut as well. Before he can fully comprehend the situation, Vincent whacks Bob on the head with a shovel.

A marijuana-smoking band, Ivan & The Terribles, is on the road when their luck takes a turn for the worse. A number of steel traps litter the road; one of them causes a tire to blow and the van rolls down an embankment. In a moment of foreshadowing, Ivan says something about "finding a place to crash" just before the accident. Despite rolling several times, the musicians are all unharmed. But, before they can extricate themselves from the wreck, Vincent trots down the slope and feeds a tube through a window. He turns on the tank and chloroform (or something) fills the van.

There is a conversation between Vincent and Ida that tells volumes about this movie's lure. He joyfully talks about how important the traps are to him. Not necessarily the steel bear traps, he means the different ways of catching people. The pair are honestly happy with what they do: catching, burying, and finally harvesting people. The unlucky folks are used in "Farmer Vincent's" famous meat products. The movie is so incongruous, with cannibalism and honest country living freely mixed, as to be fantastically entertaining.

The main characters (Vincent, Ida, Terry, and Bruce) have a nice picnic where the story of how Vincent started is told. It turns out that years ago a mangy old dog was bothering grandma Smith (that is family's last name). Her loyal grandson caught the animal, smoked it, and presented the canine jerky to his beloved grandmother. She loved it! Terry is a little shocked by her hosts laughing and reminiscing. Ida starts to say something about Vincent's secret ingredients, but he punches her in the solar plexus.

We also are treated to seeing the herd of buried humans at feed time. The farmer attaches funnels to their heads and scoops the food in. Try not to giggle at the sight. You will be unsuccessful.

Personally, were I an unfortunate human turnip, I would be worried about what was being stuffed into the funnel. The sicko ran my car off the road, buried me in the ground, cut my vocal cords, and is planning to cook me. He could put anything in that funnel: lye, Windex, or even molten lead (sometimes reading fantasy novels leads to paranoia).

Bruce takes Terry to the drive-in one evening. By which I mean they park on a hill far above the screen. Before settling in, he has to disperse some vehicles full of couples making out. He does this with the lights and sirens (Bruce is sort of a one trick pony). Several moments of chaos occur as cars scatter in all directions and one confused girl runs willy nilly in her birthday suit. (Why did she get out of the car in the first place?) Following that, they sit back to watch the movie through binoculars, with the sound pumped in over the radio. Bruce attempts to get crassly sexual, but his effort is interrupted by a woman screaming over the CB.

The woman calling for help over citizens' band was Vincent's latest catch. He has her safely planted in the ground before Bruce ever comes around to see if his older brother or sister heard anything at the motel. Ida explains the hysterical call was probably some kids having fun.

The enlightened sheriff finds Terry and shakes her awake. She is horrified by the story, but Ida overhears their conversation and Bruce is no match for his big sister. Add to the mounting tension that the planted stock of humans manages to dig themselves free (should have bound their arms) and you have the makings of a climatic ending. It looks like a zombie film at times, since the newly liberated human herd is uncoordinated and covered with mud. The movie is not a zombie flick and we are treated to Vincent discussing theology and sociology. The main attraction is the final confrontation between Vincent and Bruce. Both are armed with chainsaws and the crazed farmer is wearing a mask made from a pig's head! "Motel Hell" is well worth your time, especially for connoisseurs of 1980's cult movies.
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7/10
Do we need a remake?
10 April 2007
Who said action figures couldn't make for a great movie? Well, this film actually, but it is pretty darn amusing. The acting is really something else, half the time I'm wondering why He-Man sounds so damn happy. Considering that Castle Greyskull has fallen to a surprise attack by Skeletor and the Sorceress is his prisoner, this guy should be a little worried.

Soon he discovers how the forces of evil penetrated their defenses, a slightly insane Dwarf who created the ultimate key. This key, which sounds like it was manufactured by Yamaha, can open anything - even doorways between dimensions. Which is how the group ends up on Earth, though the device which brought them there lands some distance away.

This gives a neat reason to include a budding Courteney (not a joke about her breasts, well maybe) and her A-Ha idolizing boyfriend, because they find the Cosmic Key and immediately begin playing with it.

Skeletor's forces lock in on the signals and battles rage through the suburbs. Surprise, surprise the good guys lose the first encounter and He-Man is taken in chains back to Greyskull, everyone else is left alive on Earth to rot.

Of course Gwildor MacGuyvers up a makeshift Cosmic key and Kevin remembers the song to open the gateway to Eternia. He-Man sees his friends, breaks free, and recovers his sword for a final battle with a Skeletor (who has just absorbed the power of the universe, as if that would matter. He's the BAD guy, Dolph is the GOOD guy - he's screwed).

Okay, the film is very predictable, but combine the premise with a "motivating" fantasy score and I start cracking up. They should play this music in mental wards, though having two hundred people in gowns acting like Conan would probably be bad...
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Domino (2005)
domino domino
25 February 2006
ahhh, domino! I have to say that i sat to watch this movie and i wanted to hate it. despise it. swear off mr. tony "topgun" scott forever. everyone i know saw the film and hated it. critics, aside from Paid Off and Ebert, belittled it. I did hear of one girl that liked it. Her name isn't important.

all i can say is that "Domino" is pure pulp at its finest. brings back early days of Tony Scott and his true romancing of a Tarantino scripted film that featured a glorious Gary Oldman with gold teeth, a poetic Sam Jackson, Tom at his peak Sizemore, Val Kilmer, a stoned Brad Pitt, a beauty named patricia arquette, a flash in the pan Christian Slater, a little bit of Hopper, a dash of Walken and the late but still great Chris Penn.

what Domino is doesn't really matter unless you know the truth behind the real Domino and Tony Scott who has known her since a young girl. This film has no moral value but it depicts chaos of life and unknowing at a breakneck pace that will leave one wondering what in the hell they're watching.

This is truly brilliant pulp. A terrific love letter to a woman that left this earth far too early.

HEADS you live, TALES you leave us with Domino Harvey. RIP
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the great escape
13 October 2005
I went into this film with three years of sobriety, left and headed straight to the bar. The only laughter in the theater were the burton sisters laughing at their own jokes. How funny! I was crying by the end of it, concocting a tale in my head of why I had to leave...a root canal would've been more pleasant. I don't understand how films like this are made. I've got an mfa in writing and these girls graduated from the buffalo community college of inept film-making. Gag me with some more syrup and I'll stick around for your next picture. Why don't you research some talent for your next pic. Wendie Malick saved the film.
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