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vincentcrusifix
Reviews
The Hills Have Eyes (2006)
There are RULES to Making a Good Horror Film
The ONLY reason this movie deserves two stars, is because of just how entertaining it was to watch the baby's father stab some mutant in the head with the American flag. That's it. No other reason.
There are a few reasons this movie is not a good horror movie. A lot of people have mentioned about how the villainous mutant freaks are unrealistic, and thus not scary or anything else for that matter except for disturbing, and I definitely have to agree with that.
The thing that REALLY ruined this movie though, was the scripting. Every single one of the characters were completely ignorant to everything going on around them, and made just plain stupid decisions. If you are stranded in the middle of the desert, and your dog runs off, do you chase after it for more than a mile off of the main road, when you know there are dangerous animals around? When you SEE that your dog is dead and gutted, do you say nothing to your family until it is too late, not ONLY that, but run after your other dog who runs away too, and then run outside to an OBVIOUS fake barking person's voice and letting your family be attacked while you prove your own stupidity? This is NOT realistic! And this is only one person's mistakes! Don't get me started on the Brother in law who has no peripheral vision and runs past his sister in law being raped right across the room from him, and can't tell when a burning man is crispy enough that it doesn't matter anymore and he needs to give up and help the family. ...you don't stab a man in the leg who has a gun, UNLESS you have someone ready to take him out the second that you do. This movie just keeps playing on the character's stupidity to make this a 'scary' movie, which it is absolutely not in the slightest. And I think the worst part was seeing the ex cop shooting blindly into the night because he 'heard voices', and then got into his car without checking his back seat. HOW STUPID DOES THE DIRECTOR OF THIS FILM THINK WE ARE?!
To make a movie scary, you need intelligent characters who are -just- dumb enough to fall for a few things. You can't just let them be complete morons. They need to be relate-able, otherwise you never feel anything about them dying or their plight. This film was a piece of garbage. Not really worth anyone's time, although if you put up with the ridiculousness of it all, it may be a decent time passer.
Special (2006)
Intriguing Premise, Poor Execution
The idea of someone having an adverse reaction to a drug and plotting a movie around that has not been done, at least not very often before. The plot was good, with several holes, but over all, it can be forgiven. The same can be said for the characters, Even the cliché brother duo 'villains' played their roles well enough that the cliché can be forgiven.
What can't be forgiven, is the most obvious thing I noticed in this film. I have read reviews by other people who mention a movie having bad, or shaky filming, but most of the time I never notice. But this movie, the filming is so shaky its ridiculous. I felt like I was watching a high school made movie from that alone, not even enough credit for a college movie.
I will try to avoid bashing this movie, because for the most part I didn't mind it. It was a decent time passer, but a few more things I have to mention are the music, and the ending, the 'comedy', and the subjective viewing of the movie.
The movie has you see both sides of the scenario at times, seeing how his friends see what happens and how he sees it. But at times, it makes it confusing if not impossible to follow what is happening. **Spoiler** For example, the scene in the park where the brother is chasing him, he teleports behind him and punches him in the face. Honestly there is no explanation given for this or a few other things that happen, like him getting from his friends car to the top of a building in a split second. It was as if the people making this movie didn't know if they actually WANTED him to have powers or for it to be in his head.
This movie is in no way shape or form a comedy. From the very bleak outlook of every situation and the dark and serious tones of most every scene, to the extremely poor choice of music even for a sad movie, this movie was nothing but depressing. Not a tragedy, i can't give it that much credit, just depressing to watch and listen to.
And my last qualm on my mind is the ending. If you are going to make a movie like this, you need to have a good ending, with a lesson or a reason, or something that makes sense to the madness. You do NOT have the main character say what he says, then completely ruin what he just said, then just end it with no real closure in the slightest.. I would have rated it lower, but I really didn't hate it. It was a decent movie if you are looking for something a little different.
Hobo with a Shotgun (2011)
Why is this movie so popular?
I have just recently watched this movie and all I can say is how terrible of a movie it was.
The thing about this movie is that if it had just gone with one of the two themes it tried to follow, it might have been a decent movie. First is the most obvious, just stupid, disgusting, nonstop, and unrealistic, blood gore and violence. This allows the people who came to see a hobo just kill a ton of people with no real thought involved the satisfaction of not having to think about their film and just watch body part and blood fly. And although I am definitely not a fan of that kind of thing, it did it well (for those that do). On the flip side of that coin, they have a subplot of some very surreal ideals and a fighting goal of making the world a better place. And as they slowly built on these ideas, I actually thought this might be a four star movie (for me) if they ended it well and followed through with what they started. Suffice it to say that they did not. **Spoiler** I wanted to see her become a teacher and have a POINT to this ridiculous film dammit!!!
Otherwise, everything else is as you would expect from what I just said. The filming is abominable, the acting is horrendous, and the visuals are a complete travesty. I somehow sat through this movie without too many complaints, but as soon as the 'bad guy' called in "THE PLAGUE" that was it, I was sick of it. It was the stupidest thing I had ever seen when they appeared.
I can never understand how this world is so screwed up that this movie has over 6 stars. Super did a lot of the same things, and DESERVES its ranking. People who gave this movie over 4 stars should be locked away, and even some of the 3's should probably be put on medication..
...Horrible movie...
Love at First Hiccup (2009)
Like Any Train Wreck, You Can't Look Away
Love At First Hiccup seemed like a very good movie when I saw the trailers for it. It seemed like it would be like a classic, wholesome family movie, specifically generated for kids. Unfortunately I was wrong. This movie has all the right things in all the wrong places. The pacing is horribly sporadic, the acting is harshly unforgiving, the filming looks like it was done by the two kids in the movie who -are- filming a movie, and it seeed that they could never figure out who their intended target was, and ended up alienating all except those who enjoy awkward and perverse humor, The trailers made it seem like a kids movie, it was overly vulgar, with way too much reference to sexual activity, and acceptance of it as a culturally acceptable past time...This is officially not a kids movie. I don't remember laughing even once during this entire movie. If the main character had acted the same way he did in his Nickelodeon TV show, I think it actually could have been kind of cute. Unfortunately, he did not, instead making every scene he was in awkward, which, occasionally is OK as it was an intentional thing, but every scene, even when he is with his friends is just ridiculous and doesn't make him seem cute so much as simply annoying. None of the characters had any appeal to them AT ALL, and some of the 'humor' relied too much on people's stupidity for even a kid to think 'Ooh that's realistic and funny because they didn't notice what was right in front of their faces or look to the side for a moment since no character in this movie has any peripheral vision..' All in all, this movie was a chore to watch,and I would have graded it lower, but I figured I'd give it a little bit of credit for being like any gruesome train wreck and not letting me take my eyes away until the end, and I will admit that it did have a few cute moments.