Reviews

I tried to like it, I really did I even listened to an extra episode but I just could not get past all the faults. It's so many minutes out of my life I will unfortunately never get back.

The main character is insufferable, and is given totally unrealistic lines. The writers have you used the other characters to point out I don't know how many times that she works too much, her coworkers even have to argue with her to go home so she doesn't miss a flight to go meet her ailing Mom. She'd rather work to the last minute (btw they are lead researchers trying to find a cure for the epidemic that this podcast is about, and her mom suddenly gets). Each conversation or situation the lead act character has with people isn't realistic, it's an exercise in stereotype, real people don't act or talk like this, only 10 year olds who have watched a lot of B movies and soap operas would write dialogue like this. How a person with this lack of patience ever got to the position she's in would never happen in real life.

Two episodes in and there's more talk about how this character works too much and her arguments with other people then there is about the podcast's main supposedly science fiction subject,- the epidemic and the virus. If you want a soap opera with overly dramatic characters who act like martyrs in every single conversation then this is the right podcast for you. If you want hard science fiction this is not the podcast for you.

Let's get this straight right off the bat, a force of one Chuck Norris is equal to all the armies in the world put together times 11, you heard me right pal.

So Chuck Norris is the force of one, except there's a lot of other actors in the movie for some reason I don't know why, all you need is Chuck Norris but there are people that I recognize unlike his usual movies, so maybe the movie isn't that bad compared to other Chuck Norris movies. I don't know you'll have to go see it to find out if it's bad or not, all I'm telling you is that I recognize a lot of the other actors so maybe they actually put a little money into this movie. Hopefully they paid for acting lessons for Chuck cuz he really needs them even though it's acting, not martial arts, that are Chuck Norris's strength. That being said, this is a movie about one person who tries to help other people through education of martial arts and being a force.

So I just glanced at the TV and the female cop looks pretty heartfelt about some sad situation and Chucky's trying to look empathetic but it's hard cuz he's got like a big seventies hairdo and a big seventies mustache (bigger than hers), and he looks like a pornstar, but he's trying, goshdarnit, and that's what matters. Except where Chuck Norris is concerned cuz Chuck just does things, he doesn't try. (that's called the Chuck Norris paradox by the way, is it possible for Chuck Norris to just try when in fact he just does? I mean if he tries to try he's really doing, not trying. You figure it out).

I don't know how much you have to actually watch of the movie to be able to review it (I did see Chuck kick a guy a couple times when he was with the real cop and that looks like police brutality to me cuz he didn't even read the guy his rights or anything just up and kicked him even though the guy was nice enough to pull a knife out to help with (i think) cutting the poor girl's gangrenous arms off (you should just say no to drugs), but I did look at the screen a couple of times and read what the TV guide had to say about it, so I rate this movie more than a 10 I'd like to rate it a Chuckillion Norrisillion bazillion million and 2 stars. And then I guess the rest of the cast and crew deserve another 3 stars cuz they did go to the effort of showing up to work when everyone knows that Chuck Norris is the one and only star and the only person that people look at in the movie in fact you could block everyone else out and just have Chuck Norris walking around the screen talking to empty air and everybody would think it was the same great movie, ammiright?? Except that I just noticed Ron O'Neall is in it, he's a cool guy i would think. SUPERFLY! Or is it SUPERFUZZ!

Okay after some slow mo echoey fight stuff (at least he's not whispering to himself in his own mind like he did the last movie) Chuck is forced not to kill the guy by the chick with the gun who's a cop cuz the guys helpless but then the guy miraculously recovers & picks up the big box and throws it at Chuck, and Chuck destroys it with one hand. But then they're in the same situation as a sec ago and she lets him kill the guy this time cuz apparently he didn't fight fair, and then they embrace bittersweet, again in slow mo. What can i say? A Chuck Norris movie is a Chuck Norris movie. Also, I guess he gives his wife credit for choreography for part of the fight scenes. That's probably for tax reasons. Thats chuck for you, always thinking one step ahead.

The usual Chuck Norris fare, bad acting, lame, stilted dialogue you say? . Wait! Ninjas are terrorists! (or are terrorists ninjas?) And they are Nazis too apparently! Chuck goes undercover to figure this out with the bad acting & lame dialogue that the Chuck Norris Fanboy club loves so much. A car chase early on sets the mood (no actual crash mind you that would cost more money in production). 'How is the acting' you ask? Well, the actors do get in front of the camera and they do speak words, so there's that. 'What words?' you ask? Well, when Chuck decides to go undercover and join the hillbilly version of a ninja training camp (whose storefront cover is, of course, a square dancing school) he is asked "well, you speak any Slope or A-rab?". And then he is told he looks like the 'constipated type'. Twice mind you. But good old Chucky doesn't take the bait, he keeps his cool, stays undercover, and moves the plot forward.

And then, Wowzee, we get to hear Chuck talk to himself in his own mind (but I'm not sure quite why he's whispering? Fanboyz, help me out here pls).

And then some more things happen, and then some other things and then Lee Van Cleef shows up again (I think he was there earlier I'm not sure). Oh but yeah right before Lee shows up the lead actress gives a horribly overacted Street scene, I'm not sure why she didn't get an academy award for this overacting cuz it's like she's overacting the overacting, which is really hard. Okay now there's a Jeep, cool! And then some more mind whispering and a big hug w a brunette because it's just destined not to be right now, got fightin' to do (melancholy sadness- poor girl). And then there's some somersaults and rolls and big sticks ninja style!! And then a ninja almost gets the better of Chuck but boy oh boy does Chuck let him have it woowee yowza!! (is there anything better than an exclamation point because Chuck Norris certainly deserves it!!!!). And then the ninjas come at Chuck one by one (why don't they ever attack all at once?) and Chuck dispenses some Chuck Justice!! And then the guys from the barracks come out cuz they heard the noise and the first guy out is fully dressed except he's doing up his zipper? Hmmm doesn't say good things about the bad guys, right? I mean a bad guy is still a bad guy even if he's on the right side of lgbtq+. I mean are they coming out of the barracks or the closet?

Then OH NO IT'S A TRAP. Chuck Norris is trapped and he has to fight the big master Sakura (or somebody in a ninja outfit except there's a red hood), then I think they used the film from when they were practicing and blocking the sword fights out, either that or everybody was getting tired. And then Chuck beats everybody up. But NO! The ninja that he kicked into the fire comes back out to fight him again and Chuck mercifully deals out some more Chuck Justice finale-style this time. And then all of a sudden the HillBilly's (or Hell's Bellys) revolt against the ninja nazi teachers cuz they think they're Nazis and there's a big big fight, of course Chuck and Sakura are fighting.

Then a brunette leads a couple guys into battle cuz it's 6-on-one wait no 5 on, no, 4 on one. Wow Chuck dispenses those ninjas so quickly so then the big fight probably maybe a car chase before that? I don't know but hopefully cuz that's a sweet looking red Camaro they borrowed off of somebody the day before the shoot (don't want to dent that baby). Then there's a big truck and some flammable liquid and the guy who almost drops a grenade (totally unscripted but wow imagine if he dropped it?) and then it's just Chuck and the other guy in the woods after the compound is destroyed. So much for training w those Nazi ninja bastahds!!!!!! I'm not going to spoil it & tell :you who wins between Sakura and Chuck cuz that would defeat the whole purpose of watching the movie you'll just have to watch it to find out who wins.

And then after the big fight it's just the winner of the fight in the sunset of the fully dramatic evening sky. And then the credits come on. All in all I rate this movie not just a 10 but a 10 cazillion twillion Norrisillions (thats a real lot, trust me, more than a bazillion I think). And I give it another hizillion for Chuck's acting, cuz it's the acting, not the martial arts, that's Chuck's real strength.

If you read David W Maurer's book "The Big Con" you will find that virtually all the elements and different cons presented in this movie are true to life, from the betting room to the call in from the corner phone to the fake chicken blood (which was called a cackle-bladder), used to end a con when you couldn't cool a mark off properly, to the nose flick, everything is exactly what they used to do from @1910 through 1940s. After reading the above book I went back and watched to the movie again and picked up many more things that you wouldn't ordinarily notice.

Predictable storyline that's been done probably a dozen times or more (think Pale Rider, Fistfull of Dollars, gosh, even Blazing Saddles in basic plot) yet the director keeps it moving along quickly enough so you don't mind knowing what's probably coming next. Fairly well acted, good production values, and there's no extra baggage plotwise. And while it doesn't have the gravity or grittiness of say, Unforgiven, it's serious enough in its own way. I would recommend this movie.