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3/10
Every film cliché ever jammed into 100 minutes
12 April 2008
Warning: Spoilers
I liked this film better when it was called the Karate Kid. Sure, there is nothing new under the sun and every film borrows something from other films that have come before it, but this is bordering on copyright infringement.

If I had to write a Karate Kid summary in 3 sentences, this is what I would write: Kid moves to a new town. Kid gets the living crap beaten out of him by the town bad boy. Kid starts some heavy duty Karate training so he can get revenge by kicking the bad boys ass while simultaneously winning the heart of the hottest girl in town.

Now, if I had to write a summary for this film in 3 sentences it would be as follows: Kid moves to a new town. Kid gets the living crap beaten out of him by the town bad boy. Kid starts some heavy duty Mixed Martial Arts training so he can get revenge by kicking the bad boys ass while simultaneously winning the heart of the hottest girl in town.

The plot is literally exactly the same. The only difference is that when it came to the soundtrack they replaced Peter Cetera with nu metal in the vein of Linkin Park and the most pivotal characters in this film were cell phones.

People have commented that the fight scenes were pretty good. I tend to disagree. They were pretty weak. Instead of watching this film just watch the Karate Kid and have a computer handy. When the fight scenes are on in the Karate Kid, just turn away and watch some UFC fights on youtube. You'll have practically the same film as Never Back Down, just much much better.

I was surprised at the lack of tits in this film. Usually a film with a script of this caliber has a heap of tits. This was obviously an oversight from the producers and I'm sure that will be fixed if they make a sequel.

I do respect the fact that they were able to jam every 80's film cliché ever into the little over 90 minutes. When writing a film review on this site you have the option of checking the "contains spoilers" box. This feature could easily be disabled for Never Back Down. It is impossible to spoil the content of this film as everybody has already seen it, at least 1000 times, just with a different title.

Will the good kid defeat the bad kid in a no holes barred fight? Who knows? Well actually everybody.
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Teen Wolf Too (1987)
3/10
Realistic and funny
20 September 2004
Unfortunately Teen Wolf Too Is neither. I know what you're thinking, 'it's a film about a teenage who can turn into a werewolf, or course it's not meant to be realistic'. Fair point, but I know that whenever I see a person turn into a werewolf I at least react, usually by saying 'what the s**t is going on here?' That's the main problem I have with film. Jason Bateman turns into the werewolf in the middle of a boxing bout and the whole school starts cheering for the wolf, without even thinking 'wow, a dude just turned into a werewolf, that's a little unique'. THEY DIDN'T EVEN GIVE IT A SECOND THOUGHT. Possibly because the cast had seen the original Teen Wolf and knew that it is possible for college sports stars to morph into werewolves when they face adversity.

Unfortunately the rest of the film is pretty weak, with alleged jokes misfiring at regular intervals and Teen Wolf singing 'do you love me'. Don't really have to say anymore about that…

I wont give away the end, just in case people are reading this and thinking 'wow, its been out for 18 years but it's only now that I feel the need to get amongst this cinematic masterpiece', but will Teen wolf decide to face the world as himself or as the wolf? Only time will tell.
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4/10
Best Film Ever!
14 June 2004
Hard Rock Zombies has to be the best film of all time! Why? Because anyone who could pen a script so derivative and devoid of almost all entertainment value and still get it made is a genius.

The premise is fantastic…a hard rock band travels to the small town of Grand Guignol to perform. The band's lead singer falls in love with a local girl named Cassie who appears to be about half his age. Some evil dudes kill the band but luckily the bands lead singer wrote a killer bass riff that when played brings dead things back to life. He recorded this number on his ghetto blaster and Cassie played it bringing these rockers back from the grave to save her and the town.

The introduction of Hitler as a main character was a masterstroke. I often wondered if Hitler had faked his own death after WWII and what he'd be doing now. Hard Rock Zombies provided me with a realistic take on the events that may have transpired after WWII for everyone's favourite Nazi leader. Hitler obviously faked his own death, moved to a s***e small US town, and bided his time until a touring hard rock band came through, so that he kill them and some how take over the world. Magic.

On top of that you have the best soundtrack of any movie ever, with sick riffs even Eddie van Halen would be proud of. If you haven't seen hard rock zombies, then do so as it will make everything you see after it seem watchable, maybe even Son in Law with Paulie Shore.
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