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justinaddis7
Reviews
The Day After Tomorrow (2004)
Hey...this movie has CGI too!
Ah, summer. When a young man's fancies lightly turn to BLOCKBUSTERS. Which brings us to The Day After Tomorrow. Following gamely in the hallowed footsteps of such time honored natural disaster flicks as The Perfect Storm, Twister, Earthquake, Volcano, Volcano II (a.k.a. Dante's Peak), Driving Miss Daisy, and maybe a thousand others, this movie proves that science is a bunch of hooey. And that you really don't need to have a great personal vision in making film. It just impedes popcorn intake.
This film makes the viewer all to aware that the Earth is an evil menace which should be stamped out as soon as possible. This has nothing to do with the subject matter, but the film itself. Entertaining, yes. It does deliver the sort of thrilling adventure that it promises in the trailer, while at the same time managing to wind up being a public service announcement on the dangers of your can of hairspray. This film does have you rooting, if in confusion, for the main characters. Laced with rather well timed gags and jokes, mingled with jokes that hit you like anvils and make you feel about as happy (Mexico closing the boarders...CLANG), it allows you to like the characters without really caring.
The non-ugly Quaid (Jack Hall) works with the flat script as best he can, delivering lines but pretty much just winds up saying "we're in trouble," "I've got to find my son," and "Oh my God." His son (and America's next Tobey Maguire) Jake Gyllenhall, is one of those run-of-the-mill genius, shy, yet capable of dealing with the end of the world in total stride characters.
Against my better judgment, I bought it, and most of the other characters too. The problem is how these characters work in the plot, which is almost the template for the summer blockbuster (hell, Independence Day boy made it)
The wolves, for example. We saw it a mile away, in fact we saw it before we got in the theater. The fact that every character seemed to be utterly unaware of the biblical cataclysm which had suddenly rolled over the world. The fact that Jack Hall's meeting on environmental issues takes place right before the disaster he prophesied takes place. The arrogant politicians poo-pooing the entire thing. The film's demi-heroine wading back into the flood for a purse because of PASSPORTS - which is good, because you never know when Immigration will start hounding at you after the apocalypse. A gentle reminder: if there's a hundred foot wall of water, complete with refuse from the Hudson and East River spilling towards you at a hundred miles an hour and you realize you've left something behind...let it go, sweetie.
Anyone notice that a leitmotif of Roland Emmerich's films is that he hates New York and L.A.? He can't leave them alone. First it's aliens, then bad weather. Word of advice: don't let him in either city, he'll probably start smashing things with a hammer.
In any event, amidst all the noise and special effects, there is one dignified moment with Ian Holm and his cohorts in Scotland. However, any sympathy for them is shattered when the movie decides to absolutely forget that they ever existed. What about Adrian Lester's kid? They could've said something about him. And the President of the U.S., whose death is greeted with mild apathy most of the time. Loose ends galore. And please don't try and put a timeline on this film. Just assume that whenever there's a cut between scenes, time passes.
Still, the film teaches an important lesson that exists in all of Emmerich's films: when something bad happens, even if it's a nuclear blast from an alien ship or typhoons or -150 degree ice, the best way to save yourself from it is find a door of some sort, go through it, and shut it at the last second. And also stop warming the globe. Don't look at me, I take the subway.
Bring a girlfriend to see this, but if you do, make sure she's loud and is capable of doing a play-by-play of the film, and make sure you're sitting next to me. In addition, trust and obey your neighborhood scientists. Worship them, pay homage to them at the university of your choice. Amen.
Van Helsing (2004)
Don't look too hard...
WARNING, SPOILERS - Continue at your own discretion
What do you get when you take one part Vampire Hunter D, one part Young Frankenstein, a little Castlevaynia, sight-gags, CGI action sequences, and then hand it all over to the guy who pumped out The Mummy series?
Nothing terribly outstanding, actually.
That said, it's an entertaining movie with a few good jokes, a couple of decent scares (more like intense startles brought about by loud noise), fairly good action sequences, semi-hip and vaguely humorous dialogue, and a passion for people falling down (try counting the number of times you see people falling and or swinging in this film - you'll run out of fingers to count on in the first ten minutes).
The problem is that it's a summer blockbuster, which doesn't mean it's a throwaway, but it's not meant to be anything. It's not someone's personal vision, which I think we can all understand and forgive, but even for a bit of entertainment, it's pretty shallow. The plot (rather decent, considering) moves at a breakneck pace, but not in the good way. Rather than being designed to keep you on the edge of your seat in suspense and have your knuckles white in anxiety, the film seems to offer an apologia for it's lack of substance by hurtling the film forward so as to keep the audience from looking too hard.
Another problem is that it tries to present the movie from too many different angles. It attempts to pay tribute to the classic horror films and stories, and at the same time make a halfhearted attempt at Indiana Jones-esque comedy, while simultaneously trying to eche out a place in the overflowing world of action films. The film seems almost confused as to which direction it's heading at any given time. Kind of like The Mummy, but with less effort.
The biggest problem is a lack of sympathy for the characters. I couldn't find it in me to feel anything for Van Helsing - an introspective, wry, ominous hero played by Jackman, a man who's fast becoming well known for playing just such a character. Forget trying to equate this Van Helsing with the academic Van Helsing from Stoker's work. It'll make your head hurt and possibly make your eyes cross from the effort. You also have his token comic relief assistant, Carl (another category with almost limitless and unvarying examples) who actually does have a few good funny moments. Then there's Count Dracula, a character I knew I wouldn't care about for one reason - there are more Dracula films running around in this world than there are grains of sand, and most of them are about as indistinguishable.
The only two characters I found myself interested in were those of Anna, played by the almost incapacitatingly gorgeous Kate Beckinsdale (she seems to have found a niche in flicks where vampires fight werewolves), and that of Igor played by Kevin O'Conner (any similarity between Igor and Beni from The Mummy is entirely...obvious?). Still, and here comes the spoiler part, when Anna dies at the end of the film, it really didn't matter to me.
The rest of the cast is pretty throw away, along with the characters they play. Frankenstein's monster is in it. Not really important. We never really get why anything is going on or how it's happening. Many plots are dealt with very briefly and then dropped. Like Van Helsing's origins - presumably he's the angel Gabriel and he's been fighting for hundreds upon hundreds of years? Who knows!? They never even bother to entice you with the knowledge of the truth!
On a plus side, there's a guy in this flick who looks and acts so much like Riff Raff from Rocky Horror Picture Show that it's disturbing! I kept waiting for the entire cast to break into the Time Warp! And then I would've been angry. Mostly disturbed.
In summation, take your chick to this film. Otherwise just watch the trailer and realize that you've just seen the entire film. Not a BAD film, but...well you know.
The Punisher (2004)
Strike Two!
SPOILER ALERT
Proof that a Punisher film can be lousy without Dolph! This movie apparently tried to tackle the Punisher series in three different fashions, without every really succeeding.
Firstly, it tried it from a purely comic book sense: they created a film filled with one liners and poses. In that way, they missed out on the no-nonsense feeling that the Punisher comic book presents. He's not Spiderman - quipping away. He's The Punisher!
Secondly, they went for the movie feel: bringing a comic book to film means adapting it for people who aren't fans, and unfortunately this was handled poorly. For it to be The Punisher, it's gotta be New York! Florida!? Tampa!? These words mean Superbowl, not the setting for Frank Castle's war against crime. And his family being run over. We've just seen 30 other family members get mowed down by killers, but the filmmakers soften the death of Frank's wife and son (what happened to his daughter...?) by just running them over.
Thirdly, they attempted to bring Garth Ennis' revitalized version of The Punisher into play. Ennis gave the comic book a much more gritty version of Frank Castle (if that's possible), loosing all of the technobabble that some authors wrote into the character. The Punisher was put back to basics, and while that sort of holds true in the movie, the attempt to use Ennis' story lines is all but demolished by the previous two items on this list. If you're going to use it, use it all the way.
Then the character of Punisher himself was dealt with haphazardly. The Punisher is the archetype of the man who has lost it all and is now fighting without hope of redemption. He does what he does because it's all that is left to him. Delivering lines like "I'm fine. He isn't." over the corpse of the Russian is funny, but it sort of misses what makes him different from other comic book characters. Making the Castle an alcoholic misses the point too. Frank is a machine, functioning towards one goal without distraction. It's another thing that makes him cool - that he doesn't work within the parameters of "normal" society. I don't think he's the kind of guy that drowns his sorrows.
The other characters and the actors behind them are pretty much standard and disposable. Thomas Jane does his best with the faulty script. The wormy snitch that Castle utilizes (if they'd written it right, Castle would've killed him at the end, too) means nothing. The mobbed up bad guys who never can be seen out of black clothing were standard. Rebbeca Romijn-Stamos plays a woefully overwritten Joan (again - if you're gonna do Ennis, do it right!). The only characters that really seemed like something appropriate were Bumpo, Spacker Dave, and The Russian (and next time, give Kevin Nash some lines, that's what made The Russian cool and funny!). Oh, and Travolta played a sinister, sleek bad guy. Wow. So what?
Apart from the distinct lack of a good script, the action sequences try to drag the film to the finish line. Not great, not terrible. Some sequences were deserving of the Punisher, but most times it was just lousy. A sawed-off shotgun? A BOW!? When I think of The Punisher, I think of an M60, a sniper rifle, or something else that is practical to an ex-marine who's sole thought is punish criminals. I don't think of Robin Hood and his Merry Men.
That said, it WAS entertaining (parts of it), so, whatever, take a girlfriend and see it. At least I got a complimentary comic book of The Punisher's first appearance and some bags of Tic-Tacs.
Oh, and go see Kill Bill 2. I haven't seen it, because it was sold out. So I wasted 10 bucks on The Punisher because I was already out.
City Limits (1984)
Appealing
I know that this film isn't the peak of cinema, but maybe there's something to be said for not scrutinizing a film so hard that you miss the basic intention. While people will argue over whether or not it is entertaining, I found it to be so, mostly because I wanted to be in it. Not the film, but the story. I actually bought into the plot, enjoyed the premise of a world without parents where angst filled, reckless and rebellious comic book lovers were left to their own devices, and yet seemed to make it work! The music was very good, and the imagery was very nice (especially Mick's "Metropolis" shirt). I know the outfits seem a little stupid, but has anyone been in the East Village recently? Not an excuse, but simply a reminder that extravagance isn't necessarily contrivance. No, the action sequences weren't brilliant, but they were fun. And the stars in the film, despite the fact that many will say they were slumming, all do their best and I think it shows. I just really like this film. Not the stuff of The Oscars, but a fun, retrospective look back into the 80s subcultures.