Change Your Image
s3045278
Reviews
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)
HitchHikers Guide to Mediocrity
I just saw the movie an hour ago.
It BLEW.
Don't get me wrong - it wasn't TOTAL crap. In fact it was funny at times. "at times" the key words. Y'know why I say it Blows? Not cuz it was a total ****fest but rather it had the potential to be great but settles in to be truly mediocre. Thats why it BLOWS.
I've read 3 of the books and I enjoyed them but I'm not what you call a "true fan". I just enjoyed them for what they were- fun reads. And keep in mind the humour in the book was quirky and British. Not just quirky for the hell of being quirky. Thats what the movie is and thats what makes it unfunny.
I Think Americans might lap this up cuz the humour is geared towards what they expect to be "quirky". But ppl from outside America (I honestly believe its a cultural thing, no offense) who've read the books will get what I mean. Its like one of the first proper reviews that came out for this film (not that AICN suck up garbage) said - its like most of the jokes are from the book and are in the movie, but with out any punch lines from the books. There's other things like the crappy CRAPPY romance that turns the Movie into A love story movie and its just Executed in a really lousy manner. Plus Zaphods Character is just done stupidly. Yeah, he's zany an all- and you laugh at his antics for about ten minutes - and then his shtick gets old really quick. adding to the woes there's a major cop-out at the end (again something I believe geared towards pleasing American audiences) ***SPOILERS****
They reconstruct the fricken earth again with all the ppl just as it was before it got blown up. Utter crap. A "happy" ending of sorts thats really just not needed. Why cant Arthur and trillian be the last two humans and go on adventures like the in books? Why cant the whole earth being destroyed and staying that way be a "bitter sweet irony" thing and leave it at that without the whole "play Crowds BS happy forever" ending? **SPOILERS OVER*** Then there's the plot itself. Ppl who haven't read the book will NOT be able to make any sense of this movie. It zips from one plot point to the other too quickly, never really establishing anything properly (apart from the crappy romance subplot) and in the end doesn't make much sense unless you have some prior knowledge of the book. It depends too much on its characters wackyness and fails as a result. I honestly fear mainstream audiences will not get what the hell is going on.
Whats done well? Marvin The robot voiced by Alan rickman - again done decently but still could have been so much better. The guide - the animations inside the guide are great and are ACTUALLY FUNNY. Thats how you do humour with a Quirky edge. The Dolphin song at the start. The vogons were done decently as well - but by the end of the movie were just way overused.
Man, this movie just erks me. There's potential there for it to be brilliant - for it to be totally faithful to the spirit of the book. Hell there's MOMENTS of genius. But by the end its all P*SSED away. Its a pale imitation of what made the novels funny.It just tries to Hard to be funny/zany and ends up being substandard for the most part. Its like its got a sign that says "Look at me - Look how funny I am, I'm quirky, I'm weird I'm cool" but like most try-hards just ends up being lame. Thats what erks me so bad. A badly missed opportunity. 3/10
Man-Thing (2005)
A decent Slasher/Monster flick
There are reviews out there that claim this movie is horrid. um, you expected what exactly from a movie called "MAN-thing"? I'm familiar with the comic and sure, they've changed things like they did for the Blade character in his movies. Honestly I don't know what else they could of done without making this a goofy teen comedy about some ones "man thing" (ok now that penis joke is out of my system!!) This is B movie, pure and simple. Its a slasher/monster flick and when u view it as just that, not some citizen kane like master piece, then you'll enjoy it. It has some good Cheap scares and a monster tree that goes around butchering people. Did I mention that there is a lot of gore and plenty of violent deaths that would make a Friday the 13th fan happy? Graphic Tree tentacle/root impalings are the order of the day. The special effects are fine, the story does the job for this sort of movie, and its probably the bloodiest Marvel movie yet (I kid u not) The only thing that got to me was some of the casting. Now I know a lot of no name Australian Actors were cast for this movie and well... Aussies cant pull a southern accent off for crap. Its not a major problem, 15 minutes into it and you don't really notice (in between all the tree branch impalings!!) But I have to say that Jack Thompson and the female lead are the worst offenders in this regard. The rest of the cast do a decent job. Oh, and I've read some reviews on certain sites that the ManThing monster is hardly shown. Thats BS. The director takes the jaws route at the start of the movie, showing very little of the monster but by the last half hour u get to see plenty of him. And for a low budget flick, the monster effects are pretty cool - better than say - the monster effects in StarShip troopers 2, another low budget direct to video flick. Overall for a Direct to video movie, ManThing does the job. It would have been a misfire to release this theatrically, but for a sci fi channel/Direct to DVD movie this one is much much better than some of the other Direct to video movies (Boa Vs Python, dragon slayer etc etc) Worth a watch if ur into B movies or slasher or monster flicks with lotsa gore. 6/10
The Passion of the Christ (2004)
This movie should be called "the Perversion of Mel, the Floggin' of his christ"
yep thats right. Wanna see a grown man get absolutely butchered for two hours straight? well then, Mel gibsons "the passion of the christ" will be right up your alley. I can almost see mel gibson doing a casting call on this movie: "No that guy does look jewish enough, he's just doesnt have a hooked nose and he's just not ugly enough, and that guys too handsome to be a jew ... lets make him an Apostle!"
For all you Macho guys out there, this movie is a godsend (no pun intended) Not only will you get to see Jesus get his ass kicked in a multitude of ways, you'll get to see enough blood that would make george romero get a hard on.
Dont kid yourselves people, this movie isnt about christ, its not even biblicly accurate. its really about Mel gibsons Daddy using his sons money to make a nice little Anti Semitic propoganda movie. And what a thorough Nut job that man is. I wish someone would ask Mels pop what he thinks of 9/11 and jews again. Maybe it could be broadcast like a presidential speech or something. Betcha the BO take wont be full of "passion" when that happens.
I cant wait for "the Passion 2: I've made a crapload of money of the first one so I'm dropping all pretext, Jews are Evil" and maybe this time instead of two hours worth of torture, Mel can fit in 4 hours worth, cuz it will make it twice as meaningful and holy. Roman: Take that Jesus 2! Jesus 2: No, please no! I'm meant to be in heaven by now!aaaa! aaaaaaahhhhh!!! arrrrrrrgghhhhhh!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrghhhhh!!
Wow! thats as authentic as The Passion part 1. its Just like it is in the in the bible!