Varboro's Reviews

The Thaw (2009)

1/10

13 June 2013

How disappointing ! I was expecting a good movie about a very interesting subject, but the only interesting thing here is the opening credits. Cliché, caricatured characters, spoiled idea, lame acting, After the 15th fist minutes you make your own movie about the deja vu feeling. You can guess the rest of the movie and you'll sure win because it is more than predictable, just add cliché after cliché. No, I must admit there is something I couldn't predict : There is no explicit sex or nudity exposed, not even that to save this poor movie from oblivion.

The base idea was good, the cast OK, the layout excellent, and everything went wrong. Why ? I don't dare to say because it is a mundane American low-end movie just to make some money out of minimal investment. Keep this for teenagers willing to spend an evening and needing an excuse to give to their parents while they are doing anything but actually WATCH the movie. And they should really do something else, like homework. and for grown adults, I see no excuse to waste time watching this when there is more interesting things to do, like wash the dish or fix a leaking pipe in the bathroom. Don't be fooled, this is not about ecology, it is a cheap would be horror movie. There are lots of better movies, and a few worse, but you are on your freewill. I just give my own opinion here. If I have sacrificed 1h30 of my own life to spare it to some people I'll be content.

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Dread (2009)

1/10

I didn't get it

9 June 2013

Wasting time watching a boring movie is a pain already. But when the movie is that long, boredom becomes a torture. If there is something I'll keep from this movie it is the fear to have to watch it again.

I didn't read Barker's short story, and I hope it fails as an adaptation, otherwise it means it is a bad novel. The plot is so thin it could fit on the back of a post stamp. It deserved to be released as a short movie, 10-15 minutes, not 108 minutes.

The story is inconsistent, but I won't discuss it here, because I don't learn philosophy or psychology by watching movies, I seek entertainment, I got none here. Moreover, I fell for the infamous abstruse trap : As I already wasted my time and money I forced myself to watch it to the end instead of stopping it and do something I like. This is the positive side : I learned from my mistake, and had the occasion to experiment auto manipulation and stubborn persistence, practical psychology in action.

Acting is good but the characters are so artificial and shallow they act like morons, not like human beings. Problem, it is not a sci-fi movie featuring martians, they are supposed to be earthlings. But it is hard to believe.

Perhaps it is good for Clive Barker's fans, or some people more used to this kind of movies, feeling things differently, I don't know. I just share my own feelings, and for me it is a complete failure, and one of the worst movies I had the misfortune to watch.

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The Theatre Bizarre (2011)

8/10

Sick movie

7 June 2013

6 short stories of uneven quality full of gore, violence, sex, drug, nudity, candy, profanity and utterly mad people. never frightening but disturbing and often disgusting. Really, really, really unsuitable for young public.

The stories are very different, Too bad the first one makes a bad first impression. It is the only one I found misplaced here, it is a classic horror story with a Lovecraft background and shallow mundane characters. It could be good in a longer better written and more developed version. But all the others are about a lot of madness and twisted love, culminating with the last one, surrealistic and blasphemous, ending with a perverted vision of Da Vinci last supper. I like it. A lot. Of course I wouldn't watch this kind of movies everyday but for a change it is very nice... Well, nice is not exactly the word.

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Santo and Blue Demon vs. Dracula and the Wolf Man (1973)

7/10

Muy bueno

12 April 2008

Sit back and relax. You are back in the seventies, and this is not a bad movie.I heard of Santo movies for a long time but never could get any until this one. It is very difficult, if not impossible to get it in zone 2 dubbed or subtitled, and I could only watch it in Spanish.

Well, the movie is a good one. Adventure movie, that is. It is surprisingly well filmed with bright colors,The characters are well defined, and the acting is good with a good plot : Santo y Dlue Demon save the world from the undead invasion. Of course don't wait great GFX, you are back in 73, but some recent movies are far worse than this one, even with a lot of CGI. See Van Helsing if you don't trust me. a lot of action, a lot of brawling and wrestling and some funny make up. I had exactly what I paid for : 1h40 of entertainment.

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Fantom kiler 3 (2003 Video)

4/10

time to stop the series

27 March 2008

The fantom kiler saga is something worth viewing. The plot, if I dare to call this a plot, is the same in the 3 movies. A girl strips with a lot of fog, blue-red lights and appropriate music. At the end of the show she is killed by a masked character. next day 2 stupid policemen arrive and take some pictures of the crime scene. After some uninteresting discussion about their own incompetence they leave and all is set for the next sequence. Identical, but with a different girl. It is not bad as the actresses are beautiful, and the murders are not realistic at all. It certainly can't be taken seriously. The girls killed in one episode are back, alive and well in the next, ready to be butchered again. Good for them and for us as they are very cute. This 3rd episode, as usual is an erotic movies, with a loose story to link the strip sequences. Here the story is a bit more elaborated. We even get some clue about the masked killer. There is some gore when a woman get a chainsaw and cut the owner of a garage and his assistant in small bits. Funny and surprising for a fantom kiler movie but the sequence is too long. In fact, all is too long in this movie, and it is boring. You get your usual batch of stripping and slashing but the naive charm of the 2 others is gone. Beware ! This is absolutely not great cinema. It is pointless to speak about acting, story or direction, and the FX are limited to a smoke machine, blue-red lights and some zoom effects. If you are new to the series this one is not the best to begin. My advice is to watch the 2 others but this one can be skipped.

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Les rois maudits (1972–1973)

10/10

You can trust me, I wouldn't joke about the 14th century

12 March 2005

When you see the names of Maurice Druon, Marcel Jullian and Claude Barma you can expect something clever and good ! You are right, this one is great. Not much more to say. 6 of the 7 books written by Maurice Druon were adapted for this TV series. Jean Piat, a major french actor, is the main character, Robert d'Artois, and the series is about this character, beginning with the sad "affaires des brus du roy", to his death during the premises of the "guerre de 100 ans". It's probably the most difficult part of France and England history and some clues are given here about the usurpation of the crown of St Louis by the family of Valois against the more legitimate heirs, Edward III of England and Charles d'Evreux ( Charles le mauvais, Roi de Navarre). Well, about this the film is quite confusing, but Caveat ! It is not historically accurate, it is a novel about Robert D'Artois, and must be taken as a novel featuring real historical characters in an historical background. It is very interesting, but some events are inaccurate, or wrong. The talent of Maurice Druon is to make all this realistic, and he did quite a job of historian and writer ! Chapeau bas !

Anyway, it is wonderful for any foreigner (or even any french student). I don't like TV, and I don't own one myself, but when I see such a pure jewel, I must admit sometimes TV can be clever and even brilliant. I am very glad to own a copy to watch on my computer, it was not easy to get even here in France. If they are available in your country, read the books, too ! don't hesitate to write me to exchange ideas, opinions or informations about the 14th century. I'd like to get some other TV series about the same period : Gaston Phebus and even more Catherine. It seems they are completely unavailable anywhere, even at the INA.

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Family Resemblances (1996)

9/10

yet another french movie for french people

20 December 2004

it is very easy to make a good french movie : In a jar you put Agnès Jaoui-J.p. Bacri as writers and actors, the delightful Jean pierre darroussin in a supporting play, an adaptation of a stage play and you shake all..... You get "cuisine et dépendances". A very good french movie... What ? Oh, yes, sorry for the mistake. You get "un air de famille".

By the way, who is this C. Klapisch ? Oh, yes, I remember this former porn director. I don't know his involvement in this movie as long as it's an adaptation of a stage play ( yes, you're right, cuisine et dépendance too).

A good movie for french people. If you are not french you can skip this one. Instead, search for JP Darroussin and Catherine Frot in some other movies ( there are many good ones), as they are as good actors as Agnès Jaoui-JP Bacri are good writers. It's only too bad the recipe is so easy, and has always the same taste.

And for Cedric Klapisch he is a good director sometimes. Just try "Chacun cherche son chat" and enjoy some good french cinema.

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Angélique (1964)

9/10

Very good movie

14 December 2004

This movie is old : 1964. Most IMDb users won't never watch it, as it is probably difficult to get a copy in other countries. The whole angelique series is a very very good example of what french cinema could be. My mother was very fond of the books, and I saw the films when I was a child. I liked them as adventure movies, and I watched them again as an adult and wasn't disappointed at all, even if as an adult i understood the adventure is secondary to the romance. But good romance it is ! Great story, good playing and... Well, All good.

IMHO only pirates of Caribbean black pearl reach the level of these as epic adventure watchable by the whole family. Another awesome movie in a very different way, but let's get back to Angelique...

French history of the time is not really acute, but is good enough. Quite good, indeed, even for an historian. Michele Mercier is great and Joffrey de peyrac is THE MAN every woman dreams of ( I mean Joffrey, not Robert Hossein). Underrated for sure, and this (and other following movies of the angelique series) is by far out of reach of nowadays french cinema, and alas, probably forever.

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Rendez-vous au tas de sable (1990)

10/10

Gotainer's fan ahoy

8 November 2004

This underdog is pure pleasure. The story of a music band, and Richard Gotainer 'OK, mais c'est juste pour dépanner' as the manager, and later the singer is far better and funnier than the blues brothers or spinal tap.

A great movie, indeed.

Too bad it made a real flop in theaters, and even in France it is very difficult to find a copy ( available only on VHS tapes). Richard Gotainer is a great name in advertising and song writer, and he shows a good actor, too. Django edwards as the heavy metal ( well, sorta) champion is delightful. Yes, a good one. I don't understand the poor rating. I am quite certain most people who rated this movie didn't even saw it, considering how difficult it is to get a copy nowadays. I heard Gotainer saying he was planning to make another movie, but many years passed and nothing came. Too bad. Let's go. I'll hear "3 vieux papys" one more time just to forget my concerns and my sorrows. long live to Gotainer !

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The American Beauty (1961)

I like it !!!

3 August 2004

I said many times how much I like Robert Dhery, Colette Brosset and the whole team we find in each of their movies( Jacques Legras, Henri Rollin, jacques Fabri, and many others, not to forget Louis de Funès... who became later the great star everybody knows) This makes a good simple comedy, just for a laugh and for good old time nostalgy, with a good story, good playing and very good dialogues. Don't expect a great and brilliant masterpiece. Just comedy and good realistic dialogues. Colette Brosset is lovely as ever, and Jacques Legras shows once more he could do better than Candid camera.

The story ? a man buys a (very) used motorcycle but his wife sees an ad in the paper selling a neat cadillac for the same price. So he buy the car, and his life change. no need to say more, the story itself is well written but not very important, the colourful characters and good dialogues are the goodie of this movie, as in others of Robert Dhery or Pierre Tchernia (whom we can see in this movie, during a scene shown on TV) If you watch some Robert Dhery or Branquignol's movies you'll notice the characters have the real name of the actors. For example, in this one, Jacques Balutin is the inspector Balutin. I recommend this movie to any people who like simple french comedies, want to sit in a comfortable armchair get a good time and forget all their problems during 1:25 hour If you like it see also ah, les belles bacchantes, allez France, Vos gueules les mouettes, Le petit Baigneur,le viager, pas de problème and most of Louis de Funès movies, as obviously he didn't forget to give a role to his old mates in later movies, when he was a star.

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Ah! The Beautiful Priestesses of Bacchus (1954)

8/10

very good but for french only

3 August 2004

I definitely can't agree with the previous comments. This movie is very good and very funny. It's not a De funès Movie, but a Branquignol's one, with Robert Dhery as himself, Colette brosset as a delicious ingénue, and De Funès is "le poulet" ( the chicken, this is the name we give to the policemen). He has only a supporting role. Of course, Mario David is the beautiful muscular man, jacqueline Maillan is herself ( Madame Maillan, the proprietary of the theatre) and Jacques Jouanneau the régisseur. Raymond Bussières is as good as usual,playing Raymond le plombier... the scene with Rosine Luguet at the beginning is really funny,and when he speaks to Robert Dhery about the diameter of the tubes it's very realistic. I'd say Jacques Legras ( as himself) is the main character. He is very good. Too bad he didn't make a great career later.

Well, the choreography is a parody of french music hall. Don't expect it to be good. it is not a musical movie but a parody. The 'défilé sans robes'(the dresses didn't come in time, so the girls make the show in underwear but Jacques Legras makes comment about the non existent taffetas dresses) is hilarious. Overall it is a good funny movie, a good adaptation of the stage performance.

There are many nude scenes, but this is no problem as it is quite normal for a french cabaret ( only Americans can pretend to make a movie about french cabaret without naked girls).

Louis de funès became a big star later.... In Pouic Pouic He was the husband of Jacqueline Maillan, and in Le petit Baigneur we find again Robert Dhery, Colette Brosset and Jacques Legras.... In Oscar mario David plays the same role, in "le grand restaurant" there is the same pianist and so on. This movie is full of reference for later movies of De Funès. I must admit only french from France can get all the fun from this movie and it is for limited audience, but it's from a time, and made by people who didn't even think their movie could be watched overseas or could last for 50 years. 'Vos gueules les mouettes' and 'Allez France' or les tontons flingueurs are better references (IMO) than la cage aux folles.

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Vipère au poing (1971 TV Movie)

9/10

Alice Sapritch rules !

26 May 2004

I first saw this movie when I was young, on TV. I just watched it again, and found it good again.

The novel is a really hard one, and the adaptation of Jean Louis Bory is good. Gratefully he removed some of the worst sequences. Hervé Bazin's novel can be classified as a french classic, the masterpiece of Herve Bazin, and this adaptation is quite close. We learn it at school here, but it's not easy, and it is really hard and cruel. This is definitely not a movie suitable for young children or for a family audience, and it may be quite difficult for international audience outside France ( and even in France, we are not different from other people).

It's about children-mother relations in rural France. Overall the acting is good, as in the novel the story is first person, told by the second son, "Brasse Bouillon". Yes, but the real main character is Folcoche, and Alice Sapritch is wonderful. Years later, she still kept the "folcoche syndrom". In the 2004 remake, it is a big challenge for Catherine Frot to make as good as A. Sapritch. I didn't watch it yet, I can't tell.

What more ? Pierre Cardinal made some good TV movies, and this one has nothing more, nothing less than others. On today's basis, it's not a "great" one. Jean Louis Bory did a very good job considering the difficulty of the novel. The result is a hard and cruel movie, very close to the novel. Very, very good, even for a TV and still after 30 years. Thumbs up !

It may be very difficult to find outside France. Too bad

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Get Out Your Handkerchiefs (1978)

4/10

first half funny, second half boring

17 May 2004

I saw this movie several times, as it's a classic we can see quite often on TV. I just watched it once more last night.

What do we have here ? Les valseuses revisited. This time with Carol Laure instead of Miou Miou, but the same "ménage à trois", with the male ambiguous friendship, the frigid or depressive hysterical woman, and the outsider who reveals her. This time, the third guy is a young boy. A thin difference.

The only good thing in this movie is the performance of the guys, Depardieu and Dewaere. They are even better than in les valseuses. The character played by Carole Laure is uninteresting, and the young boy is really awfully played and boring.

Before reading the comments here I didn't know this little misogynist comedy won an important award in some foreign country, and I still don't understand what makes it a winner.

Too bad, as Both B. Blier, Depardieu and Dewaere can be found together in better movies. Just watch Buffet Froid, Beau père and of course 'les valseuses'.

4/10

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Fear and Trembling (2003)

9/10

as good as the novel

9 May 2004

Warning: Spoilers

When I read a novel i like to imagine the character's face, and I liked to see Sylvie Testud as Amelie. The movie is very close to the novel, and in my opinion a good adaptation. All the action takes place in the office of the powerful Yumimoto company, where Amelie gets a job and fails because, even if she is born in japan she is an occidental. Hired as an interpret she soon realize she has no work, except to serve coffee but she is an occidental, and fatality, she fails. The occidental brain is inferior to japanese one. In the end she becomes janitor in the 44th floor toilets.

The movie refers to "merry christmas Mr Lawrence"(named 'Furyo'), another good movie about the opposition between occident and orient. Here we have a different point of view. The poor Amelie tries to conform to japanese way of life, do her best but fails, and don't really understand why all goes wrong ( nor do the spectator, and this is the comic of the movie).

One can find the strict limitation to the office frustrating, as we don't know anything about Amelie's life outside. Well, In the novel Amelie Nothomb writes : this could be leading to think I had no life outside the office, which is wrong. but for a schizophrenic reason, when I was at job in the 44th floor toilets of the yumimoto company I couldn't think of myself as the same person respected and loved by friends outside.

For a similar reason, The other characters remain schematic. Mr Omoshi and Mr Saito are seen through Amelie's eyes as monsters, and we know she is lost and nobody tries to help her or to explain anything.

Even Fubuki is not very developed as a character. Amelie don't know anything about her real life, except she is 29, she works in the company for 7 years and she is too old to marry. But Amelie is a dreamer and she sees Fubuki as the perfect japanese girl, and her imagination leads her from the interpret job to the toilet cleaning...

Sorry, sometimes things are hard to explain, as english is not my natural language, but I think this movie was worth the try. Maybe it is not a masterpiece, but it lies among my favorites. My advice is to see the movie first, then read the novel ( and the other ones from Amelie Nothomb as well)

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Cabin Fever (2002)

5/10

quick forgotten

6 May 2004

Hello, world ! an interesting plot, variation about the young-squad-in-a-cabin-lost-in-the-woods... Seems familiar ? Yes, of course ! Evil dead, friday the 13th and so on comes in mind, and this one is as good and as gory as any other.

Quite good ! Beyond the cliche there's some ideas. No slasher, no monster and no demon, but an unknown flesh eating virus. and the acting is good. Does it make difference ? It's up to you. If you are looking after a good teen-gore movie and have seen Evil Dead too many times, you could try this one. I won't dare to say it's refreshing, but... let's say it does something new with old ideas, and it is not disappointing.

After reading many comments on this movie I wonder why some people are so upset by the very tame 'sex scenes'... Seems it is alright to show people shooting, killing, and butchering each others, but a couple in bed or the seeing of a pair of tits is unbearable, even in such a gory movie ! Sure, children wouldn't watch it, BECAUSE of the sex scenes :-)

The DVD contains some bonus. Not really interesting, but some people do like bonus... some cartoon, the kung-fu kid and the usual 'making off' or 'behind the scenes' uninteresting stuffing. THis too is amazing. I read more about the bonus on the DVD than about the movie itself.

I personally don't buy a DVD for the bonus but for the jacket. And it is nice with a skull hologram and good graphics.

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Kitchen with Apartment (1993)

4/10

better on scene

14 April 2004

Almost was said by yamaelle, but I didn't like this movie, and I'll say why, this will answer, at least partly to the question 'why is this movie so low-rated ?'... the whole action is in a kitchen. OK, making a movie is a good way to promote an play, but is not enough. The reference adaptation of a french play is "le père noel". This is a postulat, but seems realistic. Here we have some people coming and going in the kitchen, as JP Bacri is the main character, as he is the one who stays the longer. But alas, he is misanthropic, depressing and asocial, so there is no rythm. The dynamic ones, Sam and Martine just make appearances. And the wondrous JP Darroussin and Agnès Jaoui have a supporting play. this is not enough. Le père Noel uses different stages ( the elevator, the drugstore, the café) for adding to the scene play, not this one. I found it fun once, because of JP Darroussin and JP Bacri, but I got bored very quickly ( Sorry for my bad english). Well. It was no fun for me, and I gave it a 4. Both JP Darroussin and JP Bacri are better in other comedies (le goût des autres,un air de famille, and above all mes meilleurs copains) Well. for me it is worth for fans of french play adaptations, but one can skip this one and seek for "mes meilleurs copains" or "un air de famille" instead

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Santa Claus Is a Stinker (1982)

10/10

The very best french movie around

14 April 2004

Everyone in France knows this movie by heart. Sure, most jokes must be very hard to translate, and may seem very rude (Je t'encule, Thèrèse !), but there is quite a solid story, the acting is excellent and Jean Marie Poiré is at his best. Even Michel Blanc who is not appearing in the movie ( only a voice on phone) is good. The dreaded Anemone is really fun (once in her life) and for Josiane Balasko it is her very best movie ( except maybe for "les hommes préfèrent les grosses"). Not to mention the wonderful Bruno Moynot and Martin Lamotte. Too bad we don't see them more often on the screen. Too bad, too, France will never more produce such jewel, but annoying Asterix, and other visitors. Looks like Christian Clavier by itself is no fun and Alain Chabat is not very good ( I never liked him, nor "les nuls". Le père Noël may be qualified minimalist, or cheap production, but it is THE french movie of the 20th century. I gave it a 10, and I'm going to watch it one more time ( maybe the 200th time)

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Les hommes préfèrent les grosses (1981)

7/10

typical french comedy

14 April 2004

Obviously not designed for international audience, this movie is underrated as an example of the french humor. Luis Rego is big fun, as usual, and in my opinion this is the very best movie (I hesitate for 'le père Noël est une ordure') for Josiane Balasko. This is a french movie, about french social relations ( we found another good example in 'elle court elle court la banlieue') and lodging in Paris. a disgraced lower middle-class girl ( Josiane Balasko) seeks love and shares a flat with a glamour model who don't care about feelings.... Seems a quite complicated story at first but easy to watch and understand while you are in. There is not too much vulgarity in this movie ( for a french one, I mean) and the jokes and humorous situations are most often very good. A special mention to Luis Rego and Xavier Saint Macary. Just put the DVD in the box, relax and laugh. Don't think further more forget your sorrows and have a good time, that is my advice. France can produce good comedy, this is a very good example

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Elle court, elle court la banlieue (1973)

8/10

Just for fun... Well, for non french people

14 April 2004

the movie is 1973, but is about a very actual problem : Lodging and working in Paris, and maintaining of a couple life. Everyone in France knows this is impossible, and this movie show why and how things happen. Jacques Higelin is good as an actor (Well... He is better as a singer) and Marthe Keller is perfect as the main character. I saw this movie years ago, when I was young, living and working in Paris, and trying to find a flat to dwell with my wife and newborn son... Now I'm old, far from Paris and I laugh as all is true and very acurate. Seems to be My own history. I can't but give this one a very high rating. The best in this movie is the portrait gallery of the secondary characters, the peddler, the dentist, the girl in the bar, and even the angry Alice Sapritch... All this makes a very watchable movie. There are far more better examples of french comedy, but you should give this one a try. The worst it could do is to waste 1:30 hour of your time, the same the character in the movie spend in the transports every morning

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The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961)

1/10

I want my money back !

14 April 2004

Warning: Spoilers

I bought this so-called 'movie' in a pack of '50 classic horror movies'. Where is the movie ? spoiler : A fat guy ( described as a russian scientist, but why ?) walks in the desert. He seems to get burned ( me too, buying it) get a scar on the face, strangle a moron and in the end of this poor short movie get shot by two other morons. That's all. OOps, I forgot : The wonderful dialog is "UUURHH, Grunt, Grunt !" I can't believe this is the actual movie. It's so ridiculous it is not even fun in any way. Just boring.

The only positive thing about it is that it is definitely not the worst movie I've ever seen as this piece of crap doesn't even qualify as a movie. Avoid it if you can.

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Shakma (1990)

2/10

Poor little monkey

8 April 2004

Warning: Spoilers

The only good character in this movie is the poor little monkey. Too bad he's killed at the end ( of course. He could not win anyway).

Well. I don't even remember the other characters, as they are insipid and uninteresting. Good thing Shakma clean the world of them, considering they tried to kill him first.

A good thing in this movie, the monkey kills about everybody. The "hero" seems badly wounded at the end of the movie and I like to think he will die of his wounds before he gets some outside help. Well, I hope so.

I'm not sure, but I think there is some story in this movie. A bunch of pseudo-scientist students and professor makes experiences on animals, kill a baboon and play a rolegame after school hours in the building. The game seems pretty boring, but they enjoy it anyway. Tadaaa ! The monkey is not really dead, he awakes very angry ( I can understand that) and kills everyone. They deserve it. There is a scene with a girl in a car and two morons throwing forks at her, and some other scenes like this one to make the movie last 1 1/2 hour long.

Maybe it was necessary to make a movie about a killer baboon ( there is even movies with killer tomatoes, so why not monkeys ?) but there is no need to watch it. If you really like killer baboons on a campus try creepshow instead. Well, seriously, I gave it 3 because the monkey is so cute, but this is REALLY a bad movie

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