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Sisu (2022)
It's a mystery
...why anyone would find this even remotely entertaining. And as for people comparing this to Tarantino, they must never have seen, and more importantly, HEARD a Tarantino film. His classics are based on clever, usually witty, dialogue. The violence is secondary . What does this film do to make a comparison to Tarantino plausible ? It's just one ridiculous, super human scene after another. Maybe Marvel could pick up this character and fit him in to one of there crappy projects !
Honestly, viewers must vbe struggling to find anything decent to watch if this is the pinnacle of their cinematic entertainment.
Utter crud and my 3 marks are only for the cinematography.
The Killer (2023)
Pointless
I was looking forward to this as Fincher normally turns out something, at least, interesting. This is a very odd film and completely without character depth for the main character or any of the few bit part players. Just a a bit of narration from Fassbender that doesn't explain anything at all really. He's just a killer and not a particularly good one at that. He wouldn't last a few long in the company of Denzel, Damon or Liam :) There really isn't a lot to like or say about the film. It's ok for filling a gap but hardly a Fincher masterpiece like Minehunters or Fight Club. I think these Netflix/Apple productions all seem a bit rushed and rather shallow.
Oh well. Next !!!
Fast X (2023)
An unpleasant, surreal experience
When you wake up in the morning and you're not sure you dreamt this or it was actually real. You know, one of those dreams that are completely random yet seem real and disturbing at the same time. Characters that look familiar but their behaviour is way off kilter.
I don't even know where to start because the film itself is a complete mess. It appears to be made up on the spot and ad-libbed by the cast.
Was Jason Samosa supposed to be a trans-female ? His effeminate actions and ott gay voice was very odd. He can't act for peanuts at the best of times, but this was a particularly atrocious performance it must be said. His whole routine was basically standing with his arms outstretched as if he was Jesus making various quips in a strange voice.
The one actor who I usually enjoy in these latest romps has been Jason Statham yet even his incredibly brief appearance just added to the mass confusion. WTAF was the body bag scene about ?
No, this was written or directed by professional filmmakers. This was a concoction of farscape cartoons brought to life. I've seen worse films in my time, but not for the massive budget this steaming POS was made on. $340m . Think on that.
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023)
Script goes missing, actors ad lib
Another nail in the coffin of quality entertainment. When did this style of filmmaking begin ? You know, the ones where there really is no script or plot and the director just leaves it to the actors to cobble together some terrible quips and, fingers crossed, nobody will notice that the entire film is a series of very poor CGI set pieces and vivid colours ? The barrel has been scraped and we are now entering an even darker period of awful films and TV shows.
I watched Superman (C. Reeve and Gene Hackman)the other day and it was so enjoyable compared to this clanger. I can't see how the film industry will get back on track. Soon all the great directors will be gone and we will be left with Ryan Reynolds and Chris Pine etc quipping their way through dreary, nonsensical action films aimed at 3 year olds and the mentally deficient.
65 (2023)
Complete nonsense
I must admit I didn't know what to expect from this. All I knew was it had a good lead actor so the budget must have been at least decent.
Well, my mistake. This was utterly awful in every department. It wasn't even imaginative. A bit like "Prey" where the tiny ickle girl saves the day with her incredible fighting skills that she acquired from God knows where ?? Massive (black) holes in the ridiculous plot just made it more of a light comedy than a serious sci-fi film.
The 3 marks I did generously award this turkey were for a few good CGI critters that turned up near the end. The alligator type things were at least quite well done.
Your Honor (2020)
A Sequel ? Really ?
How in the world did they manage this con trick ? The first series was an embarrassing mess of a show with plot holes big enough to sail the Titanic through. Acting was terrible and the characters were even worse. The soft wit who plays Cranston's son is the most abysmal actor I've seen since Hayden Christensen. There most be some nepotism going on here to wangle a new series out of the pile of crud that was tossed out before. It's hard to imagine the producers trying to big this up for another series. Bryan Cranston must have know this was a dud and should have walked away and found something decent.
Dog (2022)
Disappointing
I'm up for any movie featuring a dog as the star and most of them are more than decent entertainment, Some are truly excellent such as Marley and Me, Hachi: A Dog's Tale and a few others. Sorry but this doesn't even come close to those. Channing Tatum is the star in this and he mumbles and stumbles his way through a bizarre story that really should have been straightforward .
The script is non-existent. The only dialogue of note is Tatum's unintelligible quips that appear to me to be adlibbed ! It's rare a dog movie misses an open goal. I wasn't expecting much as Tatum is a terrible actor but I can't pin all the blame on him for this effort. The writers really need to step up.
Nope (2022)
Poor imitation
Clearly this started out as a fairly standard remake of Tremors albeit with a different enemy. Unfortunately it ended up as a complete mess.
So many problems it's difficult to know where to begin. Perhaps mentioning the positives would be easier.
The photography and overall feel of the film is superb. It looks exactly like Tremors !
That's it.
It forgot to add witty dialogue or even any meaningful dialogue.
Characters and a sub plot that had nothing whatsoever to do with the main film. "Gordy" possibly would have been a better film !
The alien enemy is a parachute.
No explanation as to why it doesn't eat you if you don't look at it. Bizarre !
No mention of why it has only just started eating people.
A very silly film that isn't at all scary or funny. Very disappointing.
Elvis (2022)
Close to razzie level
If not for the incredible performance by Austin Butler, this was borderline razzy material. Chaotic montages and clips piled on top of one another and a hysterical portrayal of Colonel Parker by Tom "Goldmember" Hanks. Quite why he gave the man a comical Dutch accent is a mystery as there are many interviews with Parker that clearly show he barely had an accent at all !
Austin Butler though. Wow. Saved the entire movie along with Olivia de Jong and a couple of impressive musical numbers near the end that were significantly improved by being uninterrupted by the usual Baz Luhrmann epileptic fit inducing editing.
This film had so much potential but missed the boat on too many occasions. It could have been as good as Walk the Line. Pity.
Thirteen Lives (2022)
Pointless Hollywood interference
Love Ron Howard most of the time but these is absolutely no point in making this as the real life documentary, The Rescue, is light years better.
I can't fathom why they would waste millions on a project like this that already has a definitive version. Perhaps they would have been better off dramatizing the court battle involving Mr, jacka55 himself, Elon Muck !!
Free Guy (2021)
Could have been great
First things first. Ryan Reynolds is not my favourite actor by a long chalk. Anything with him in it could be improved 300% by having a decent quality actor in his place. He's acceptable in this role but still highly annoying if you feel as I do about his goofy, unfunny quips and ridiculous one dimensional persona.
This is a great idea for a film and really needed a serious take on the story rather than the silly, glib effort that we got. NPC's developing their own thoughts and acting on them opens up a multitude of options but we're stuck with (free) guy loves girl bs. A dark comedy would have been superb for this material. It reminded me a bit of the infinitely superior Stranger Than Fiction.
Still good fun but, RR, arghhhh !
Artemis Fowl (2020)
This is stunningly bad
I don't know where to begin. Obviously it's supposed to be a kids movie so maybe the entire thing was way out of my range but there were so many monumental failings, it's impossible to ignore after so much hype.
I was under the impression Artemis Fowl (jr) was the main character. He comes across as a bit part. Judi Dench and Lara McDonnell are the headliners with Colin Farrell bringing up the rear. Perhaps a better, more experienced child actor could have been an improvement as Artemis Foul but honestly, the writing was so bad it probably made no difference, It was cliche after cliche with some embarrassing "cool kids" lingo chucked in to enhance the cringe factor even more.
Mechanically operated fairies that live under the sea...was that in the book ?? I swear some of the puppets were straight out of the 1982 Jim Henson catalog !
Pure garbage apart from the opening scenes in Ireland.
The Simpsons Movie (2007)
One for the Kids
This wasn't at all what I expected. Sadly, The Simpsons Movie has fallen into the "let's dumb this down for the masses" trap. Big time. I am one of those sad losers who thought The Simpsons, in their prime, were the greatest thing since sliced bread. Off beat, intelligent humour that had an ability to draw you into each episode like nothing else on T.V. at the time. Recently it has lost it's originality and that is to be expected from such a long running series. As soon as they killed off Flanders' wife it was obvious, to me, that they had reached the bottom of the creative well. So, as happens when they the creators are desperate to keep the show afloat, they start writing sub Tom and Jerry style slapstick with plenty of prepubescent story lines and boring, bandwagon current affairs themes. And so it carries on with The Simpsons Movie. A mixed bag of rehashed old jokes with a virtually no original gags apart from SpiderPig and that was washed clean of laughs because some company f-wit thought it would be a riot to show it on all the trailers ! What a waste. They also tried to cram every single previous character into this film. Obviously, they couldn't so it leaves everyone wondering where their particular favourites were. Sideshow Bob etc. Would it have been impossible to write a plot that revolves strictly around certain characters without the need for the stupid cameos ? All this and I won't even begin to mention what I thought of the Bart skate boarding scene or Homer making advances to the pig scene. The Simpsons in their heyday never needed to resort to this sort of low level garbage for laughs. In the long run this film will be forgotten. Banished to the sin bin of movie waste products and the classic episodes can be re-run forever.
Diary of a Cannibal (2007)
Warning.
As no one has yet commented on this piece of trash I think it is my civic duty to warn people not to be tempted by the title into watching this. It is not a horror movie. There is no tension, no frights and very little gore, and that is badly done. I know Ulli Lommel has produced some of worst movies in history but this surpasses even those god awful efforts. Maybe Lommel's parents are to blame for encouraging him or maybe he's just some spoilt rich kid with more money than sense but either way, he should stop making films immediately. I believe the movie is taken from a book called "Diary of a Cannibal". I'm intrigued enough by the awfulness of the film to seek out this book and see if it is better. It must be.The entire movie is made up of flashbacks that are, more often than not, repeated over and over. The whole thing looks like it was shot through the bottom of a jam jar and the main actors do nothing of consequence throughout the whole turgid 80 minutes or so. If somebody offers "Cannibal" to you for free, don't take it. Just walk away because you will, most surely, regret the experience for the rest of your life.
Happy Feet (2006)
Crazy, Confused Messages
Happy Feet was strange, to say the least. I realise the movie was trying desperately to send a "message" but at the expense of entertainment ? Sorry, other films manage to combine both but Happy Feet missed the boat entirely. A bit like Mumble, actually. God knows what kids make of it. I can see them coming out of cinema's across the country wondering what the heck that was all about. Tap dancing penguin entertains humans at a zoo thousands of miles from his home. Penguin is released with locating beeper attached and returns home to insist that the only way to get the food chain back on track is to stop singing rhythm and blues and start tap dancing. That way the humans will be entertained and they will stop fishing in their sea ? I applaud the animators and the idea's behind this film but it needed cohesion and a decent script. Cutsie baby penguins are all well and good, but my teeth were grinding after 20 minutes of this drivel Also, was it necessary to show seals in with such realism ? We are aware that penguins are on their menu but, yikes, that seal was ferocious !
Batman Begins (2005)
Good, but no cigar.
It was an entertaining film but I thought it lacked a lot in some important departments. Before slating the weaker points, I must say I was impressed with C.Bale as Batman. I've seen his previous film, "The Machinist", and could not believe how he managed to fill the role of the caped crusader. Michael Caine was, as always, marvellous in a supporting role. A little too cockney for the role of Alfred, but that's just personal opinion. He really helped to hold this movie together along with Morgan Freeman as Lucius Fox. Gary Oldman was wasted as Jim Gordon. Dear Mr.C. Nolan, Gary Oldman is best playing borderline psychopaths. A little bit like***Dr. Jonathan Crane***! Cillian Murphy, while pretty good in this role, just would not be able to hold a candle to G.Oldman !
The martial arts segments were not well choreographed. The camera work was too close to the participants in most of the fights and it looked messy. Mr.Nolan should have taken a look at some Bruce Lee films beforehand or perhaps the more recent "Ong-Bak".
The locations were not well thought out. Bruce Wayne's mansion was obviously shot somewhere in England(Marlborough House ?)when it was supposed to be on the outskirts of Gotham City. It didn't seem to fit with the story. Gotham City itself had no sense of size or structure. You see a couple of shots of the skyline but mostly it's all filmed in garbage strewn alley ways. The asylum was cool but not really used to full effect. It was the most menacing feature in the film.
Katie Holmes was dreadful. Not at all believable in her role as a District Attorney. She did not create the illusion of an intelligent, tough woman working in a corrupt city full of gangsters, thugs and other low-life's. Weird choice in an otherwise great cast list.
Much of the dialogue was po-faced rubbish. Especially the scenes between Christian Bale and Katie Holmes. Absolutely terrible.
Now, if Robert Rodriguez could be persuaded to do a "Sin City" on Batman, I think it would be getting closer to my ideal. Obviously without the language and gore, but the comic book feel of that was spot on.
Midnight Run (1988)
Sheer Excellence
They don't come any better than Midnight Run. It has everything except a few Academy Awards and that's a mystery in itself. Dialogue, action, comic timing, stunts and all around fabulous acting ability from everyone involved. If you haven't seen this film yet, dig up a copy from somewhere, get a few beers and prepare to be captivated from beginning to end. To think that only 10,000 or so have voted for this film on IMDb and it's not even in the top 250 is a complete travesty. I know, there are other films just as worthy that are not in the top 250 but this is the one that get's me riled up. There are no weak moments or poor scenes in the whole film and the ending is pure joy. Someone please explain why this didn't clean up when it was released because I can't see anything else that came out in '88 that comes close to Midnight Run.
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)
So that's it ?
This was a fantastic action film brought crashing to it's knees by the most god awful acting I've ever seen. Hayden Christensen is perfectly set to follow Mark Hamill into the bargain bins of Hollywood. He was the worst culprit but most of the other actors were not far behind. And if we are rating this film on ALL of its merits, then acting must be taken into account. Perhaps the script writers should take the blame but someone has to hold their hands up and admit there was a monumental flaw in the film and it had nothing to do with the tremendous battles or the excellent CGI. So I rate it a 6 out of 10. Before Hayden and Co opened their mouths I would have given it a 9.
The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
It Will Alter You In Some Way
The finest movie ever made, no question. If you can sit through this and not be moved by the sheer power of the story, performances and imagery you are not of this earth. I had already read the Stephen King short story so the ending was no surprise but, guess what, it didn't matter ! That was just the cherry on top of a supreme masterpiece of chocolate cake. This is the current yard stick by which all other movies should be measured against. The basic foundation of the film is so strong that all the other parts must have dropped into place with ,seemingly, effortless ease. Hopefully one day something better will come along that will shift the goal posts once again. But for now, The Shawshank Redemption is a more than worthy No. 1 on IMDb.
O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000)
Just perfect
I can't think of a more enjoyable film I've seen in the last 10 years or so. It's a feel good movie that does just that. Others have said it's a film that can be watched over and over. That's very true. For those that just don't get it, or harp on about the Homers Odyssey tie in, I really think you've gone to see the film without an open mind. I never read a thing about the movie before I saw it except it was a Coen Bros film. That's all I needed to know. Millers Crossing, Raising Arizona, Barton Fink, Fargo..etc etc. Have any other filmmakers turned out so many classics in such a short space of time ? O Brother is another Coen classic. 10 out of 10.