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7/10
The most good-natured slasher film ever made
21 October 2020
In case you were worried that a movie called "Microwave Massacre" might take itself too seriously, the filmmakers set the tone very early on: a woman is walking aimlessly through a construction site, being ogled by the miscreant men around her. She happens upon a plank of wood with some holes cut out about chest high. Inexplicably, with zero attempt to explain her reasoning, she puts her bare breasts through the holes, enticing one of the creeps to come over and attempt to give her a honkin', only to have his efforts rebuffed.

This is stupid. Incredibly stupid. And exploitative. But also deftly goofy. At no point does this film evince the slightest bit of mean spiritness. From start to finish it is an incredibly joyful affair.

The film stars Jackie Vernon, an old timey stand up comedian whom those of us born after 1945 or so will most likely remember only as the voice of Frosty the Snowman. Vernon was a rotund man with a kind face who was known for his gentle, deadpan delivery. This makes him, by far, the least scary psycho killer in the history of slasher films.

Now, no one is going to claim this is a tightly constructive film, and it falls far short of the upper echelon of 70's horror pictures. But it's still very enjoyable. Most of the jokes land. The premise is just absurd enough to keep you engaged. And, unlike most low-budget horror comedies, at no point does script become unfollowable. It seems professional in spite of its cheapness. The cast and crew all seem like they were having a wonderful time making it.

I don't have anything intelligent or especially insightful to say about Microwave Massacre other than that it's a very enjoyable film. Anyone who doesn't take themselves or their movies too seriously should check it out.
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6/10
A messy film with some saving graces
23 September 2020
Much has been written about this film's troubled development--rushed dailies apparently led to ruined shots, forcing a reliance on recycled footage, and upward of an hour was cut post-production. I'm judging the film as it actually appears on the screen, not what it could have been.

And what appears on screen is messy. It feels like it was shot from a first draft of a script. There's no real character development, the pacing is nonsensical even by slasher movie standards, and the script introduces key plot elements without regard to the fact that they were completely missing from the previous films in the series. Also, the two protagonists are flat and lifeless and unappealing played.

In spite of these setbacks, the film is still pretty enjoyable. The script is messy but not incomprehensible. Most importantly, the practical effects are far and away the best in the series--memorable kills combined with some very cool body horror elements. While the main characters aren't engaging, the supporting cast is great. Steven Williams shines as the bizarrely out of place bounty hunter, and Rusty Schwimmer damn near steals the show as a venal, domineering cafe owner with an undersized boyfriend and a thick Wisconsin accent.

This is far from a necessary picture, but it's plenty enjoyable if you're looking for a goofy slasher movie with great, gory effects.
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8/10
Innovative, unsettling, imperfect
6 July 2017
The horror films I enjoy usually fall into one of two categories: excellently made, or not well-made but still enjoyable in a trashy or kitschy way. This is a rare example that straddles the line between the two.

The film was obviously made with very little budget and by people with only minimal experience in film. But the cast and crew still had experience in the art world. They had good ideas. They knew how much a movie could be driven by its aesthetics.

To start with the negatives: the pacing is off, the acting is sometimes amateurish, and while the dialogue is okay, the script is hard to follow. You don't walk away understanding much regarding character motivation, or how action A led to consequence B.

But those are secondary concerns if a film is pleasurable overall, which this one is. The framing and lighting are disquieting throughout, with some dream-like scenes producing eerie effects that I've never quite seen before. Certain images--such as a closeup to a distorted view of the main girl's head wrapped in plastic, or a tracking shot of a bleeding man being slung across a ceiling in some kind of otherwise purposeless contraption--will haunt the view regardless of whether or not she could follow the plot.

The film's strongest aspect is probably its sound effects and minimalist score, which a blu-ray extra explains were made by a duo consisting of the director's older brother and a man who had been a military audiologist (seriously). The "weaponized" sound effects overcame technical limitations to produce a simulacra of bass-heavy "fear notes," the likes of which were copied and stolen by hundreds of horror pictures.

Overall, I'd consider this an important film if it were more well-known. I'm not exactly a horror buff, but I'm somewhat knowledgeable and I'd never heard of it until it was released on Blu Ray by Arrow Films (it's not even mentioned in the Psychotronic Video Guide). But its effects upon trash and horror cinema are palpable, and it's plenty enjoyable for anyone who has a moderate interest in such films.
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Saleslady (1938)
3/10
The lead actor made me feel violated
26 January 2017
The rich lady is pretty but her character is given less depth than a dishrag. She interacts with her grandfather and a streetwise dame at a boarding house and everything is going along fine, just some nice and digestible pre-war pabulum, but then the main dude arrives and he just pollutes the screen. I wanted to invent a time machine so I go back and kick his ass. He looks like if you tried to make a old time "handsome man" mask out of biscuit dough. His voice is nasally and his laugh lines made my pelvis hurt, as if I were bracing for a kick. And worst of all his character is a gross jerk. But the dumb rich woman falls for him and so he sticks around. Whenever he's not on screen the movie is completely tolerable but then he comes back and it's bad again.
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9/10
An excellent fairy tale (no pun intended)
30 July 2010
Watched a great movie last night: R.W. Fassbinder's Fox and Friends. It's the one that stars Fassbinder as a gay dude. He lost a lot of weight for the part because he's fully naked like ten times and that's pretty weird because he's got one of those muscleless skinnyfat bodies, where 60% of his bodyweight is in the chin. But it's easy to get past that. Him being all weirdlooking is part of his scrappy appeal. He's like the David Eckstein of fat directors who lost a bunch of weight in order to star as naked gay guys in their own movies.

The picture was gorgeous, since Fassbinder made it. A few observations:

-I don't know anything about European gay culture before the advent of dance music. Like, nothing. The stuff I know about American gay culture is all sad and historical, then happened Stonewall and, well, my main insights into it up until the 90s or so are John Waters movies. No need to dig any further. Things were different in Europe, it seems. Or—I hope. I wish to god that Fassbinder movies were real life. The sleazy gay bar that Fox hangs out in is maybe the most prettiest place I've ever seen on film. It had the same lighting and color scheme as the castle from Suspiria and the lamps and gimcracks look like they all came from, or were won on, what a 70's daytime gameshow would have looked like if the Nazis won the war.

-Good god, is Fassbinder a lot like Douglas Sirk. (Sirk, it turns out, was from also Germany. I never knew that). German critics dismissed him for the same reason American critics dismissed Sirk. And, neat enough, it was only when each director started getting respect in other countries that they were taken seriously in their homelands.

Anyhow, they both made what critics now call "melodramas" but I prefer to call "fairy tales," and I don't mean the use of "fairy" as a slur. The lessons are heavyhanded and depressing. Everything and everyone is handsome and bluntly, boldly representative of some breed of actual person that disinterested viewers are guaranteed to either adore or despise. Romance happens. Just, it happens. Tragedy strikes. Men drink too much and get sloppy, women have large passions that they get punished for expressing, and no one ever understands the decency of picture's main character.

I've nothing against realism. But I like my fairy tales to be fairy tales. I want them blunt and pretty and I really, really hate it when they're made light or believable. That's why Kate Hudson movies suck so hard—not because they're stupid but because they're too tame. If you want to make a movie that's supposed to make me feel really bad or really good then please, for the love of god, beat me over the head with it. Abandon all restraint and try to actually craft a movie, make something that's genuinely funny or pretty or interesting and I'll forget to nitpick about whether or not it's believable.
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8/10
Unique, Creepy, Slow
15 September 2007
Caught this at an art theater last night, and the crowd afterward was split about 50/50 as to how they received the film.

One side admitted that the film was unique while avoiding any trace of pretentiousness and that Loktev was captivating. Still, these people felt that the film’s incredibly slow pace was too much to bear. I understand this sentiment, but I don't agree with it. Likewise, just about everyone thought the film was very creepy, and while this turned on many in the art-house crowd, it repelled nearly as many.

Personally, I like creepy movies, and I thought the creepiness was magnified wonderfully by the slow pace. It felt like a snuff film combined with soft-core child porn combined with _The Passion of Joan of Arc_. Seriously, it was that creepy. And that added creepiness greatly to the suspense—I literally jumped a little bit out of my chair at one point, and I can only remember doing that a handful of times in my history of movie-going.

Still, I don’t know whether or not the slow pace would hold up well to repeated viewings, and it's not like the pacing was perfect; shaving ten minutes overall probably would have helped. But I still think the film was effective and unique enough to deserve a high rating.
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Cartoon Noir (1999)
7/10
Certainly a mixed bag
29 May 2006
I hate to parrot the typical line, but yes, "The Story of the Cat and the Moon" is hands-down the best thing on this disc. And, since it makes up less than five of the 83 minutes on this disc, a lot of people have been very disappointed with the rest of the selections, I figured each of them deserves their own, mini review: "Club of the Discarded" Stop motion mannequins going about their lives. The film would have been serviceable had it have ended halfway through, but it goes from mildly interesting abstraction to incoherent stupidity when the injection of a "plot" is attempted-when new mannequins come into the old mannequin's turf and a painfully uninteresting battle ensues.

Many of the film's more striking images (that of a limp-necked female mannequin shooting her head up as an invocation of thought or of a family of mannequins sitting down to eat a dinner consisting of paint and newspaper) are ruined by incessant repetition. The film's other images, with range from mediocre (a mannequin man falling down the stairs on his way to work) to juvenile attempts at humor/shock (mannequins having sex), which I was barely able to stomach, get downright frustrating with all of their repetitions. Actually, repetitions make up about 2/3rds of the movie.

I don't mind abstraction without plot, but that abstraction should at lest be interesting. This isn't.

GRADE: F "Ape" A man and wife sit down to eat a dead ape. It is implied that the woman had sex with the ape before she cooked it. SHOCKING!!! Very stylized. Some great images, some so so images. A painfully amateurish vocal track doesn't help matters much, but at lest it's too short to be offensive.

GRADE: C- "Abductees" Audio interviews with some real-life "victims" of alien abduction are played over lush visual representations of those abductions. The varied mix of visual styles and the slow but measured pace of the film is creepy and oddly affecting-it turns out that TV shows typically only show the interesting parts of abductees' stories, but some of the mundane parts are actually quite fascinating.

GRADE: B+ "Joy Street" What at first seems like a typical art student film takes an abrupt and thankful turn for the weird. The beginning of the film features an incredibly depressed young lady sitting around and being depressed. It's nicely-drawn but too technical, not really approachable and the character's can't really emote. I was ready to dismiss this as pretentiousness until the woman falls asleep and her cartoon ashtray comes to life and starts dancing around in a world of Disney happiness, trying to revive her from a suicide attempt.

It's a bit long, especially with all the imagery near the end (had it lasted a few minutes more, I probably would have screamed out "I get it!"), but overall it's a greatly enjoyable little film.

GRADE: B
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Death Scenes 2 (1992 Video)
8/10
The best at what it tries to be
4 February 2006
This isn't a "Good" movie in any normal sense. Or any sense, really. I have only a vague idea of why I've given it a high score and even then I'm a bit ashamed at giving it anything aside from a one-a little afraid someone who matters might see the score and think me a weirdo.

It's certainly not because I enjoyed it. It-it was more like I was fulfilled by it.

This is what young kids imagine "Faces of Death" to be. This is what very old people think that Marilyn Manson concerts are like. This--this is about as genuinely depraved as something can be. No other death video comes close. It's as depressing and sick and sad as humanity, and in that respect it deserves laudation. No other film has ever so accurately captured the misery that is life, the retardation that is war, and the sad transience of all those impulses, feelings, and moments that make us humans ever think we are anything but a collection of cells that will someday wither and die.
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3/10
Too corny for its own good
25 January 2006
A series of country-fried, saccharine-sweet vignettes follow the growth of my hometown's own Sullivan brothers from quickly-angered little boys to grown men getting sunk on a battleship.

The film has little substance aside from being a great example of morale boasting propaganda designed to pick up a nation's spirits as the battle for the Pacific got bloodier and bloodier. The childsploitation of the nauseatingly cute brothers-as-children is the most shameless this side of John John's salute, and the tales of family togetherness and the accepting of traditional roles are so predictable that they allow no room for real character growth-or real characters, for that matter. I felt about as sad at the end of this film as I would have had it been nothing more than a shot of five cardboard cutouts being burned. The walking-on-the-clouds ending was laugh-out-loud corny and the scenes leading up to it ranged from boring to mildly amusing.

That's not to say that the picture didn't have any good points. Some scenes are genuinely amusing and, when they're not going too far overboard, those kids are genuinely cute, but still its flaws outweigh its positives.
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8/10
Very enjoyable
21 January 2006
Warning: Spoilers
When looked at as the sum of its parts, _Me and You and Everyone We Know_ is a love story dealing with the complications that accompany love in all of its familiar forms and stages. The pain of recovering from a lost love, the curiosity and embarrassment of early sexual exploration, the not necessarily compatible nature of physical and psychological attraction, and the need, equally pathetic and beautiful, to feel loved, in spite of or maybe even because of your faults. The film explores these issues through the insinuation that all the characters involved, those dealing with the issues, are playacting, copying half-comprehended examples given to them through television, movies, their friends and family.

Weighty stuff, huh? When you hear that summary and do a little research on the film—find out that it's as art-house as can be and was written and directed by Miranda July, a woman who is best known for her horrendous spoken-word records and creepy modern art pieces, it's okay to approach this film with low expectations. When looked at part by part, however, the film is delightfully irreverent, touching in its humility and hilarious in its honesty.

The film follows a loose narrative that tells its story by presenting a portrait of several richly- detailed characters, along the lines of _Happiness_ or _Gummo_—already I hear a lot of you moving the mouse pointer up to the "Back" button, but please stick with me. The main focus is a budding romance between Richard, a recently-divorced shoe salesman with a strange philosophical streak, and Christine, a struggling modern artist. They seem to be the only two characters who are cognizant of the nature of the system in which they live, of the playacting. The two meet by chance and are immediately drawn to each other's refreshingly strange way of speaking. Christine begins to stalk Richard as he walks to his car, and they liken what they see as the beginning of their potential relationship to the walk: the first street is insane joy, the next several are routine and boredom, the end of their walk will be pain.

How this film differs from others like it is that is that the characters it presents are extremely likable, and the world in which they live, despite its weight, is not very bleak at all. The parts that, when described laconically, seem incredibly pretentious or stupid, are presented with such charm and humor that they are, remarkably, affective. Take for example a scene early in the film, right after Christine and her elderly father have left a store. They notice that the driver of the SUV in front of them has just purchased a goldfish and accidentally left it on top of their car. The pair philosophize; discuss in very plain terms how the only way it could possible survive is if the SUV stays at a steady pace forever, never stops moving. Christine goes so far as to give the fish a little requiem, tell it that it will die loved.

Sounds horrible, right? There are so many easy symbols there, and they just kind of bash you over the head with them. But it's just so wonderfully done! Christine and her father read their lines with a strange stiffness not seen anywhere else in the movie, as if they are mocking the weight of their words. The cuts are comical, in between their philosophy we are given close ups of the empty, thoughtless eyes of the fish.

This film isn't for everyone, and it certainly isn't perfect. But it's unique, to say the least. It's rare that a vision as fresh and abstract as July's manages to present itself with such humility and tact, and its rare that such a profound film manages to be so entertaining.
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Roger Waters: Radio K.A.O.S. (1988 Music Video)
2/10
I adore the album, but...
14 August 2005
I really, really, really like Roger Waters' music. He was probably the first musician I ever obsessed over, buying all of his work with the Floyd, all of his solo albums, and every video and bootleg I could get my hands on. That's not to mention shirts, posters, vintage memorabilia, LPs of albums I already owned on CD, books, magazines, et cetera.

Unlike a lot of Pink Floyd fans, I really like Waters' solo stuff, too. It might not have been as musically competent as David Gimour's solo output, or as desperate and creepy as Barrett's, but the lyrical intensity and earnest emotion of Waters' late work struck a cord with the young me, and I gobbled up his solo albums like candy.

I didn't buy a copy of *Radio KAOS* until I was 15, which would have been 1998, and even though the album's 80s-ness was quite aged by that time the incredibe quality of the songwriting was strong enough to rise above the superfluous synths and backup singers of the era and I loved the album. It came from a time when making slick pop music was easier than ever as studio innovations and synthesizers had replaced effort and talent and both coasts were pumping out little more than pasteurized, soulless crap. KAOS worked because it was sincere despite coming from such an insincere era.

KAOS was the fourth story album in the row for Waters. The first two, Pink Floyd's *The Wall* and its unfairly maligned little brother *The Final Cut* were harrowing self-portraits that looked at how Waters' life was adversely affected by the Second World War. Weighty stuff, as you can imagine, all full of brash emotion and screeched vocals. His first solo album after Floyd was the poorly-received *The Pros and Cons of Hitchhiking*, a musical trip through a man's semi-consciousness as he drifts in and out of dreams before waking up in the morning. Although lighter than the two war albums, Hitchhiking's narrative was remarkably similar: splintered and mysterious, not lending itself very well to a visual reproduction.

KAOS, on the other hand, seems tailor-made for film. The album's plot is almost linear and fully coherent (not to mention incredibly cool): A paralyzed boy named Billy, who cannot walk or move or even speak, uses the overcompensatory strength of his mind to break into computer systems and telephones. He can call people up and talk to them in a creepy, computer-generated voice. He can break into government systems and launch nuclear missiles. Also, he hears radio waves in his head.

Okay, so maybe the plot isn't *completely* coherent, but it works quite well as an album, and, in the hands of a fairly skilled and somewhat imaginative filmmaker, it would have worked well as a short film. Unfortunately, "skillful" and "imaginative" are among the last adjectives I would ever use in the describing the videos that make up this collection.

These videos are little more than clichéd 80s pap, and not in a good way. Dayglo outfits, bad lighting, a lead singer perpetually besunglassed and surrounded in smoke: they're all here, in their grand, uncomfortable glory. I can only rightfully liken this to seeing Lou Reed sporting a mullet on a mid 80's appearance on "Late Night With David Letterman--" I just wanted to reach into the TV screen and cry out "Why oh why are you doing this horrible crap." KAOS is a good album not because it's cheesy, but because it manages to rise above its cheesiness and actually put some of that 80sness to good use. The dark sincerity of the album is completely erased and replaced with exactly what it originally rose up against.
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Gummo (1997)
9/10
Give the swine what they bellow for
1 June 2005
Warning: Spoilers
If you've never lived in a small midwestern town (predominately white, predominately poor) then I suppose that the immediate power of this film would be lost on you, though it's really not that hard to translate the myriad of sick and twisted characters in Gummo to whatever community you live in. I have been a poor white person my entire life and although I've never come across a retarded girl being pimped out by her brother or a pair of kids killing cats to sell to a Chinese joint for meat, I have cut through the back yards and sat beneath the windows of the buildings where these kinds of things may very well have happened. They most likely didn't, of course. But they just might have...

Gummo is a look at things that just might be. What Might Be going on down the street. What horrible secrets Might your neighbors Be hiding? We all play this game; we think of the worst things that people might do, and we hope, in a sick way, that they might actually be doing them.

"Old Man Johnson, with the hook for the hand? You know he got that hook reaching into the woman's bathroom in the school, some girl took a knife and just cut it off." "The guy across the street, and I heard this from Judy who is friends with his ex-wife, she says that he used to dress up like a clown and give out candy, but one day he was caught with this little kid, doing stuff. What you mean, what kind of stuff. Dirty stuff, you know." Sometimes these displays are ridiculous and funny, sometimes they're disgusting, and sometimes they're truly horrible, but they are always enthralling. Gummo is a series of these displays.

No, there isn't a cohesive plot and I know that more than a few simple film goers will be genuinely confused and possibly even angered by this point (I might suggest that these people go watch some Buñuel, or at least try not to have such a narrow conception of film). Gummo really acts more like a portrait than a traditional film, playing on the viewer's emotions through characters instead of plot.

There are no social or political implications to Gummo, which may lead to the mistaken but commonly-held belief that this is somehow an exploitation film. This is not a story of a town in need of a savior that will not come or even of problems that need to be solved. The lack of narrative ensures a lack of message: this is a neither a criticism nor a sympathetic portrait. It's a raw feed, without morals, and it's shot and acted so realistically that it might seem as if Korine were shoot a faux-documentary. The characters are just exaggerations of people that you may have come across, characters that you've already created--the ADD boy who plays tennis and has the world's coolest mullet, the young girls who put electric tape on their nipples to make them perkier, the creepy little glue-sniffing boys who murder housecats and pay to sleep with a retarded girl. These aren't real people and Korine doesn't want you to think that they are. They are merely what we've always thought our neighbors capable of and we've always, in a sick way, almost wanted to believe. Why else would urban legends stick around so long? Why else is most disgusting gossip usually the most interesting? Gummo gives us all what we want, unflinchingly, and doesn't ask to be thanked.
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1/10
Bad, even for what it is
1 June 2005
I remember finding a copy of this when I was 11 and being so excited I hopped up and down until my head hurt. Why? I really don't know. Maybe it's because that glandular disorder the doctors keep yapping about. Or maybe, just maybe, it's because so few of the things that are legally verboten to a kid of a eleven actually interest a kid of eleven . I cared not for smokes or beer, and since my dad's magic cable box provided me with all of the softcore porn that I could handle, death videos were the only cool things that were completely out of reach. I was attracted to shiniest of the forbidden fruits.

This was before you had so many choices in death videos, bear in mind. The special interest section at Dollar Video has at least twenty of them nowadays, ranging from the rather benign "Traces of Death" to the surprisingly gruesome "Banned from Television." In 1992 it was either "Faces of Death" or "Mondo Cane," so this was the FIRST time that I had ever seen anything like this. I called over a friend and we popped in the tape.

Total disappointment.

It was so friggin staged that even at such a young age and even without knowing a damn thing about death videos I could tell that most of it was fake. Horribly produced fake newscasts introduced poorly acted scenes, dulling whatever effect the rare shots of actual cadavers might have had.

I do find appeal in intense gore and watching horrific videos, even to this day, as I know a surprising amount of other people do. I don't consider this a perversion since I gain no recognizable gratification from doing it, but I am well aware it is still a very socially unacceptable thing to do. But unlike most of my other aberrant habits (and trust me, there are many), I've never bothered to come up with a justification for my gore fascination: I get nothing out of it, it serves no purpose, and it's creepy. So why do I do it? Raw stimulation, I think. That's my best guess, and since a more complicated explanation would most likely be the convoluted result of a tired mind trying to justify himself to himself (rather than to those he is explaining himself to), I will leave it at those two simple words. Raw stimulation. Seeing things that you have never seen before and so feeling things that you've never quite felt before. Bud Dwyer's fountain flowing fast like a faucet. Vic Morrow's helicopter blades. Beheadings. Immolation. Things you never see on TV making you think thoughts you've never thought before without having to read or interpret. Nothing gets you thinking like death, and nothing gives you death better than moving pictures.

And that's exactly why "Faces of Death" sucks. It takes horror and waters it down. It's like opium diluted with talcum powder. When I want a quick fix, I want the hard stuff. Don't insult an addict, that's how you get cut.
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8/10
Excellence in originality
1 June 2005
I'm still reeling after wasting 9.50 to see that god-awful remake of "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre," which soiled not only the good name of the original movie-which is, for my money, the most frightening American horror film ever made-but the reputation of Mr. Ed Gein. That affront to Mr. Gein's good name was the straw that broke the camel's back: After sitting through the horrible likes of "House of a 1000 Corpses," "House on Haunted Hill," "House of the Dead," and "House IV," I had finally accepted the fact that horror peaked in the 1970s and that any scary movie made for a large American audience these days was going to be nothing but crap.

And that's what the trailers for "Shaun of the Dead" made it look like: a retarded, platitude-filled mess of awful humor. What's worse, every review I came across (granted, I didn't read them too carefully) made sure to mention in the first sentence or two that this was a "parody" of zombie films. Goody, I thought, the British version of "Scary Movie 3." There was no way in hell that I was going to watch it.

But then I was lucky enough to catch a few episodes of the British comedy "Spaced" on Trio one evening, and I loved it. During commercial breaks the announcer was sure to mention that the people who made "Spaced" had also made Shaun of the Dead, and then they'd show the trailer for the film. This confused me. How could the makers of such an original, funny program be responsible for what looked like a horrible film? Could it--could it be that TV was lying to me? Or was the distributor of this film somehow trying to dumb down its image to make it more palatable to the simple tastes of American middle-schoolers, that all-important demographic that 99.9% of all Hollywood films made in the last five years have been geared towards? It was all too confusing; I had to find solace in drink. When I woke up there was a copy of Shaun of the Dead on DVD lying next to me. I popped it in and was blown away.

The humor is original. I cannot stress that enough, as I cannot remember the last time I saw anything bordering on original humor in a horror film. The plot may be middle of the road but it's saved by its refusal to stick to the usual zombie film contrivances in which five of ten character archetypes (tough guy, sissy guy, sassy black woman, et cetera) are pitted against zombies in one of three different situations.

Even if the plot for Shaun of the Dead were as clichéd and moronic as "House of Wax," the characters would have made it an enjoyable film. They don't stick to pre-determined roles (aside from Dylan Moran's David), and are actually well-rounded and *gasp* charming. The gory special effects are wondrous, the pacing is great, and the Spaced-like cinematography transfers perfectly to the big screen.

My sole complaint is with the character David, played by "Black Book's" Dylan Moran. Moran's Bernard Black, a surly alcoholic who owns a bookstore, is one of the funniest characters I've seen imported to America in years. Moran's talent is wasted as the 2-dimensional foil to Simon Pegg's incredibly likable Shaun; he does a tired job of whining his way through his lines and doesn't garner a single laugh.
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1/10
My least-favorite film of all time
1 June 2005
When it comes to the worst movies ever made, most are so bad that in a sick way you can enjoy them. If you have a decent imagination and a sardonic sense of humor then it's easy to find *something* to amuse yourself with. J-Lo's atrocious acting has made me laugh several times, so has Coleman Francis' magnetic screen presence. In some small way these little joys make sitting through "Red Zone Cuba" or "Enough" tolerable, and, if things get really bad, you might have enough material to genuinely enjoy yourself.

Taking this into consideration, I can say with no small amount of certainty that "Making Contact" is my least favorite film of all time. There is no consolation prize; nothing comes to speed things along. It's just drudgery. Little things that are usually enjoyable, even in bad films, are stripped of anything decent: 80's clichés fail to bring back fond memories, painfully bad acting fails to elicit any laughs, and the convoluted story fails to surprise or interest the reader. You neither love nor hate the characters-you take absolutely no stake in Ralph's adventure. Everything's flat and uninteresting. This film is completely worthless.
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Overlord (1975)
8/10
Excellent. Just excellent.
16 May 2005
When I heard that this film consisted of about 1/3 newsreel footage, I was expecting the worst. Stock footage blended with studio footage is something you'd find in an MST3k movie; three people in a car driving quickly away from a giant lizard and then cut to a different film grain shot of an iguana in a lab and then back to the car. Oh no, the Iguana is chasing us.

The effect can be jarring, to say the least.

But Cooper, so far as I have heard, actually wrote the screenplay for Overlord with the stock footage he was going to use already in mind, tailoring his script so that the footage actually made sense. The movie is shot so that the switch from studio to stock lighting and film quality is barely noticeable. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's seamless--it does take a little while to get used to, but after the first fifteen minutes or so you don't even notice it.

And that's a good sign, that you have to "get used to" the picture for a little while before you feel comfortable watching it. That's the sign of originality. This is a brooding and slow-paced war film, but unlike other such films it maintains a certain lightness in spite of its weighty subject and so avoids coming off as ponderous. No viewpoints are shoved in your face. Hard questions are asked, yes, but you're given plenty of time to try and sort them out for yourself.

This is a movie you have to be wide awake while watching--it demands your full attention, and if you're not willing to give that up then you're probably not going to enjoy it. Overlord is most certainly not mindless entertainment. It provokes thought, and if thought makes you uncomfortable it's simply not the movie for you.
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