Reviews

Give this thing a pass. First, it's bad in itself, despite having the iconic South African character actor Arnold Vosloo as the villain and the star of Norwegian crime series "Varg Veum", Trond Espen Seim, as the protagonist. They pointlessly wander around, Seim forced to spout clichéd "antisocial jerk" lines at whoever's available, mostly Boris Kodjoe's Snook, and Vosloo being pretty much nonexistent. The rest of the cast isn't much better, if not outright worse, with Marcin Dorocinski's Coolidge wandering around hungover and Isolda Dychauk's Irina being nothing more than swimsuit-clad eye candy. And to add insult to injury, even the quality of the camera work itself tanks for the last two episodes, the scene of human trafficking/murder investigation being shut down in episode 5 being particularly painful to watch. Second, it's a bad adaptation of the source material. The original A-plot involving the Mauser Killer was mangled to shoehorn Arnold Vosloo's Robin van Rees, a character not present in the book, as the mastermind behind the Killer's roaring rampage of revenge, despite leaving the most important detail of said rampage untouched. Worse yet, the bunch of nonsensical B-plots were tacked on instead of the book's bank robberies, and awkwardly tied into the main story, just to make Vosloo's villain even more villainous, and cartoonishly so. Third, the source material is a bad knockoff of the 1983 Clint Eastwood vehicle "Sudden Impact". That in itself should have made the decision to film it questionable, even twenty years after publication and over thirty since "Sudden Impact" premiered, if only for the shocking lack of originality. Seriously, you might want to watch "Sudden Impact" instead.

What's it all about? In short: there are two groups of people gifted with supernatural powers: the Warriors of Light and Warriors of Darkness, maintaining balance by watching over each other. The "Night Watch" keeps an eye on the Warriors of Darkness, led by a guy with an impressive silvery fringe, named "Zavulon" (like some sorta drug...). The main character, notoriously hungover Anton, joins the Night Watch after trying to cut a shady deal with a witch - the Watch burst in the middle of a ritual involving something not very nice, and Anton...saw them. Yep, the Night Watch can turn invisible and you can't see them unless you are Different (that means, you have powers). So, Anton was trained and joined the team, running under the cover of Moscow Lighting Department, or "Gorsvet". All the fuss is about a child. Y'know, like in Star Wars: there will be born The One, who will turn the tide against one side or the other... We know how's it gonna end. We also have trouble with a vampire in love with her creator (who's got dusted by the Watch - and now she's totally P.O.'d) and a powerful curse that came only Devil knows where from. Maybe it's dumb and over the top, but in this genre it's hard to be original. Audiovisually, it's all right. F/X are top-notch (well, maybe some scenes are over the top), the acting's not that bad (but the hero looks like plagued by a monstrous hangover all the time - I don't know if it's on purpose), and the soundtrack is OK (if we are calling those three or so pieces a "soundtrack"...). If there's something to sneer at, it's more about dumb dialogues, hungover hero and over-exposed product placement than not-so-special effects.

Rating? Invite friends, buy a crate of beer and make a lot of popcorn. Dumb, but fun.

The game blows. Took me four hours to make it run and then I discovered how can one screw up a good engine that Source is. Indestructible bottles, goth chicks in red tights (look at them - their faces lack any details! They're just dancing mannequins with flat, low-res masks!) and no reason for using the physics system - remember where you had to put a stack of bricks on a plank to go further in HL2? And how can one screw up a good pen&paper roleplaying system that VtM is. Overly clichéd characters (a Prince with a three feet long stick up his a**, eight-foot tall Sheriff from nowhere, two Malkavians in one body, a Thinblood prophet - probably some Malkavian reject), equally clichéd scenario (couldn't that damn sarcophagus do anything else than go BOOM? I'd expect an Antediluvian or some Inconnu emerging and whacking everyone about!), not mentioning completely stupid way some of the Disciplines (mostly Domination, Auspex and Thaumaturgy) are designed and, what hurt me most, robbing your beginner character of half the dots a beginner character should have (yes, my Brujah made accordingly with VtM Rulebook has 3 Str, 4 Dex and 3 Sta while in Bloodlines I have lame-ass 1 Str, 3 Dex and 2 Sta - WTF is that? Am I Steven Hawking or something?!). To be quite honest, with my "rulebook beginner" stats the game is nothing more than an action/adventure game (I don't spend experience points I gain - no need for that). I just go here, whack one crazy sucker, go there, whack another one... The game was released done in maybe 1/3: screwed beta version of Source engine resulting in bulletproof glass and near-lack of using the physics system, flat-faced clubbers (take note of the girls with Sailor Moon hairdo and red tights - their faces lack any details), some weird teleportation magic going on in the chantry (no matter where you go, you'll get to Regent's room - the 'click' is noticeable, if not, try leaving an item on the last turn before Regent's room (glowing corridor), then turn back and walk into the other corridor - you'll pop almost right where you dropped the item!) and simply turning most NPCs into snacks on two legs makes this game to be stamped with a huge red "SUCKS" stamp. Bloodlines are boring and overrated. Some cool moments (haunted hotel and house of the dead) can't save it. Sorry, you're flushed.

*sigh* So, there we have a new breed of super agent. Beefed-up wise guy with anarchistic tendencies. That's who Xander Cage (Diesel) is - and hell, I like characters like that. First: we have an insane terrorist threatening the world with a prototype WMD. Overdone to death. And that organization name... "Anarchy 99" - who the heck invented this one?! I understand that Rob Cohen was on that anti-globalist hype and bearded guys in woodland cameo don't necessarily sell well, but anarchy has no sense whatsoever. Second: we have spy gadgets - not too little, not too much. The GTO is somewhat a pastiche or parody of "super spy car" - and that's planned. Three: we have evident mistakes, ie. Prague is shown being close to snowy mountains and and a medieval castle while in fact it's not - not counting the second motorbike escape scene it could be fixed with adding some travel scenes. Four: not all characters are played on equal level. Yes, you can fall in love with Asia Argento (I did ;) ), Samuel L. Jackson as Gibbons is nice to watch and Vin Diesel as the "tough-cookie smart-ass" is okay too, but Marton Csokas as Yorgi is terribly cheesy. I don't know if he was told to act like a mad villain from 60's movies or did he screw it all up himself, but he's irritating.

To be honest: it IS stupid, but which super spy movie isn't? I think only "The World Is Not Enough" tried to be quasi-realistic, but this is a matter for another discussion. Anyway, XXX is stupid and that's why it's fun to watch. Because you know it's not serious.

I had fun. 7/10.

James Bond can still kick ass if you don't give him his toys. And he damn does. I think it's the best of the series, as it's dark and quite realistic for a James Bond movie. The "superspy" is forced to act quickly, hide in shadows and think fast. Doesn't have his miraculous gadgetry (apart from the warehouse scene, when he uses the hidden Stinger to take out the helicopter), so the plot is automatically less cheesy. The pipeline chase and finale might be over the top, but apart from that, the film is well made. We even see M herself recalling old operative tricks.

The actors play their parts well, even Goldie (who's a DJ, not a professional actor) isn't bad as Zukovski's clumsy aide. Anyway, when you have Pierce Brosnan, Sophie Marceau and Judi Dench, they simply can't screw up.

Action is well-balanced too, as some directors tend to go overboard and blow stuff up through 3/4 of the film (John Woo, anyone?). Even the villain isn't THAT cliché - "I'm gonna die anyway, so I'll better do it with a bang." I don't recall many movies with a plot like that.

9/10. Own a DVD, because this film owns.