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4/10
Great setup. No punchline.
20 February 2013
This movie is like that joke you heard on the bus from some kid you didn't know when you were in grade school. It has a really elaborate setup, and you're really excited to get to the punchline, but when you hear it. the whole thing falls flat.

Because the setup for this movie is really good. You've got a maverick politician running against a traditional party hack, whose candidacy had energized not just the hopeful young interns on his staff, but also his jaded, faded, seen-it-all manager. And he's given a new hope to his junior campaign manager, and idealistic young man who was beginning to lose faith in the political system.

There's even a cute subplot about Our Hero getting involved with a perky little intern who is even younger and more idealistic than he is.

Of course, as soon as you see this setup, you know that the perfect candidate is going to do something perfectly awful to bring everyone's hopes crashing down. You settle in for a political thriller and wait for the bodies, literally or figuratively, to pile up.

And then?

Nothing really happens, and what little that happens is wholly unbelievable.

Without dropping any big spoilers, I can tell you that the perfectly awful thing would-be President Clooney does is the kind of rookie mistake that a man of his age, intelligence and political sophistication would never make. This is the kind of trouble high school boys get into on Friday nights.

Not only that, as perfectly awful things go, it's a pretty pedestrian mistake, and one that would be easy to sweep under the rug.

From this point on, the movie piles one unbelievable and unrealistic episode of top of another, and this great setup is lost in a farrago of events that strain our suspension of disbelief.

The most ridiculous of which is when a character that might as well have "Party-Line Sleazeball" tattooed on his forehead passes up a chance to blow his opponent's candidacy out of the water.

I can tell that this movie wants to teach me that no matter what their rhetoric is, all politicians are amoral finks; a bunch of conniving, backstabbing predators who will do and say anything to get elected and stay in power.

Yeah, I think most people got the memo on that during the Nixon Administration, and Tricky Dick's successors haven't really done much since 1974 to make us think otherwise.

Movie, even if you have nothing new to say, shouldn't you have at least said the same old thing in a better way?

It's a real shame that this movie turns out to be a whole lot of nothing going on, because the performances are very good and the actors are all extremely well cast. I'm giving it four stars for the structure and the performances.

Bottom line? I saw the first half hour of what promised to be a really great movie, and then the movie spent the last half hour breaking that promise, and delivering to me on a bright, shiny platter with the 2010's written all over it some old news from the 70's.

If you have to see everything that Ryan Gosling, or George Clooney or Phillip Seymour Hoffmann are in, because you are a big fan of one or more of them, see this movie for their performances. If not, skip it, because, trust me, you've seen this all before, and written a whole lot better.
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1/10
Batman calling, Mr. Nolan. Why so serious? He's suing you for libel.
14 August 2012
Warning: Spoilers
In order that this review doesn't sound like it came from the Department of Redundancy Department, I will try not to cover the same ground as my predecessors in declaring that the Emperor has no clothes. Rather, I will try and discuss the little things that made this a big, bad film.

Let me also say I am not a worshipper of Mr. Nolan, nor am I a staunch detractor of his. The Prestige is one of the best and most original films I have ever seen. I enjoyed Memento, and also Batman Begins.

I was not a fan of Inception, and my feelings on The Dark Knight are mixed. I very much enjoyed Heath Ledger's performance as the Joker, and the way the Joker's character was written. I thought the Joker's monologue in the hospital when he explained to Harvey Dent that the hokey pokey IS what it's all about was nothing short of brilliant.

I did not come to The Dark Knight Rises ready to hate it, or love it. I watched the film, objectively, and I saw it a second time from a better seat in a different theater, just to make sure I wasn't being unfair.

Nope.

Sorry Mr. Nolan, sir.

Your movie sucks.

Why? Because, as the Joker might remind us, the Devil is in the details.

Details, details, details, it is the little things that the mind notices. Some of us laugh and call "BS" when John Wayne gets eleven shots out of a six-shooter, but we believe it when Clint Eastwood or Bruce Willis never have to reload, because they swear and they have dirt and blood on their costumes and faces.

For example, the matter of Bruce Wayne's fingerprints.

Mr. Wayne is not only Batman, he is also a billionaire businessman. Surely, he would be a bit more, oh, perturbed that his fingerprints have been stolen. Let's be serious. If you found out that your fingerprints, or something else intimately connected to you, like your SSN or your signature had been stolen, wouldn't you be thinking about the possibility of identity theft? Wouldn't you be in a cold sweat that someone was going to use those fingerprints to perform a total cashectomy on you? Well, Bruce Wayne isn't. He's pretty cavalier about the whole thing. Ah, well, so somebody wants to steal my identity. Or my money. It's not like I'm a billionaire or I have a secret identity or anything.

Wait.

ALFRED! Ah, yes, but Alfred's not coming, Master Bruce. You see, he's so worried about you being completely unhinged, and unready to get back in the Bat-tights, and the possibility that you might be killed that he's just going to take it on his toes and leave you to your own devices when you're at your weakest point and you need him the most.

Hurm.

And then we have the matter of Miranda/Talia. Here I am thinking Tony Stark's the superhero who'll screw just about any interesting chick who's willing and available, but, well, Bruce has been having a bad month, we'll cut him some slack.

Except Tony has staff members who do background checks on his playmates, and staff who dismiss them when he's through playing.

With a few bucks and a non-disclosure statement, most likely.

You would think that before Bruce Wayne wagered HALF his assets on a business partnership with Miranda, he would have used his state-of-the-art, info-the-KGB-CIA-MI5-doesn't have supercomputer to do a thorough background check.

He is the goddamn Batman, after all.

Well, he didn't. Not did he do any research on her before they got involved, kind of out of the clear blue sky.

But he didn't find her sudden romantic interest fishy, and hey, she seemed like a nice girl, why not pass up Alfred, or Lucius Fox and just let her have the whole shebang.

And then, after we discover How Bruce Got His Groove Back, he decides to buy some pastel shirts and abscond to the continent, leaving Gotham, and the Batman legacy in the hands of some cop named Robin (groan) with another very nice girl who has shown him that she's a liar and a thief who probably doesn't have his best interests at heart.

Here's to you, Alfred. Sorry you're broke. Good luck with all those orphans and none of my money, relying on the city to keep you funded.

Burn the furniture in the rooms you're not using for heat if they cut you off for a few years. Get the boys some paper routes.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go return some videotapes.

Hurm, I say again, because this person doesn't sound like any Bruce Wayne I've ever encountered, in any of his many incarnations.

I mean, Adam West was a lot more on the ball in the old TV show. And if this is Bruce Wayne as an, ahem, realistic character? Realistically, this self-pitying, egocentric, blundering half-wit wouldn't have ever made it out of that Asian prison in the first movie.

Riddle me this? When is Bruce Wayne not Batman? In this film. Because there is no Devil in these details, indeed, if you are looking for The Dark Knight in Bruce Wayne as portrayed in this film, there is no-one there at all.
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The American (2010)
1/10
Not Good Enough To Be Pretentious Drivel
22 May 2012
Warning: Spoilers
O Best Beloved, dose anyone remember what Sam Peckinpah said when he was asked why he made the movies he did? He said "I like shoot-em-ups."

I mention Sam because I want to make the point that a film can be a serious, influential, quality film with an important message WITHOUT being dry, boring pretentious drivel.

In defence of films that are dry, boring, pretentious drivel, though, most of them do not feature stock characters and are impossible to predict.

This is the only redeeming quality of said films.

"The American" fails, even as dry, boring, pretentious drivel because it is chock-a-block with predicable plots and stock characters.

Whore with a heart of gold? Check. World-weary somehow magical priest? Check. Ageing professional hit-man who's tired of his profession? Check. Dubious boss who wants him dead? Check.

I could also add beautiful locale and entertaining locals, but you get the picture.

Also, it is possible to figure out the way the movie will turn out after about a half hour.

Hmm, I thought, I know how this will end.

Jack will fall in love with the prostitute, his boss has hired him to build a gun for the assassin who will kill him, he will resist the attempts of the priest to save his soul, and in killing his killers he will, himself, die, but not before he gets to see his lady love again.

And whaddya know, I was right!

The point of pretentious drivel is to be obtuse. This movie was not obtuse, it was transparent. Ergo, not pretentious drivel.

A movie of quality, at the very least, should make a clear statement that causes the audience to think.

The only thing clear about "The American" was that i9t was a faux-arty staging of the Same Old Hit-man Movie Plot

And, other than "Will anything happen?", "When is this going to be over" , and "Wow, is this guy nuts? He's going down on a working prostitute?", this movie didn't provoke any though in this viewer, at all.

Which makes "The American" a complete and utter failure.

See it if you have insomnia.
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