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2/10
Do not trust the glowing reviews for this movie
4 August 2015
**UPDATE 7th August*** So it looks like someone involved with the movie got upset with the negative reviews from real viewers and felt the need to post even MORE positive fake reviews on the 6th August under the following usernames......

AlvinJEllis AlvinJShort AlvinAScott AlvinaMGrace AltonJJames AlonzoEPuckett AlmaFSampson AllenNThompson AllenJRawlins AllenJGalvin AllanAHallam AlissaPVillarreal AlisonCChavez AlishiaPGonzales

I guess it could be just a coincidence that all 14 users who posted reviews that day had names that started with AL?

***Original review****

31 positive reviews for this movie (at the time of writing), 24 of them all joined IMDb on the same date 2 years and 6 months ago, and all 31 positive reviews were written on the same day, 9th June 2015. Obviously cast & crew were reviewing themselves and thought pretty highly of their work, they shouldn't have....

So the movie starts with 2 women dressed in skin tight black leather and Lycra fighting each other, with no explanation as to why or who is who, making the entire fight scene pointless because I don't care who wins or loses, and then a guy..... appears...... who..... talks...... so...... slow ...... overacting ..... that you immediately hope that he dies in the next scene. Then some more stuff happens and a character walks towards the camera and it goes out of focus briefly because whoever was meant to keep the character in focus didn't, they made a mistake and somehow the director and editor let it make it into the final cut. This is BEFORE the opening credits start.

The effects - When I saw the first werewolf in the opening scene I couldn't tell if it was bad stop motion or bad CGI, either way it looked bad. There are so many CGI effect shots in this that it gives the impression that a bunch of students from the local film school were all promised if they each did a CGI effect of their choice it would be written into the movie. There are too many effects, all of them are bad, and most of them are pointless and only serve to distract from....

The story - I lost interest. It's obviously meant to be one of these teen Mortal Instruments or Twilight type films, it just wasn't written very well. It ended up a muddled and confusing mess with no clear direction and things happening for seemingly no reason other than the writer thought "this would be cool" so he put it in the script, this is especially true for most of the sequences that involve effects, they're pointless and add nothing to the story. Characters do things that you don't understand because their motivations are unclear. You can't empathize with the characters because they aren't written well enough to feel like real people so you just don't end up caring about them. The story came across as an amateur attempt by a writer/director who lacked focus. It was not helped by....

The acting - Just not good. Eric Roberts is the best actor in this movie by a country mile, that should give you all the information that you need to know. There is one guy who sounds like Christian Bale doing his Batman voice whenever he talks, it's really funny to watch even though I think it's meant to be scary or intimidating, the rest of the cast are unbelievable at best, annoying and distracting at worst. I think the only thing we can blame for this is....

The directing - Where to begin? The director of this movie is also the writer, and his weaknesses in one compound the weaknesses in the other. For example, he writes weak dialogue for his actors and gets such bad performances from them as a director that in some scenes he has us hearing what the characters are thinking so they can explain what just happened. "did I really just say that?" thinks a girl who has just said something embarrassing to a guy she's flirting with, and then "nice save Amy!" when she says something cool in the next sentence to him, it reminded me of the type of thing that would happen in the TV show Scrubs. Remember that this is supposed to be a serious horror/fantasy movie, not a light hearted comedy. I can't say anything good about the directing in this movie, I've touched on a couple of the things already, the bad acting, the over reliance on cheap CGI effects, the technical issues like shots going out of focus, an incohesive story, conflicting tones, the list could go on, and at the end of the day these problems fall squarly on the directors shoulders. Someone should tell the director that filmmaking is about getting the basics right, to use a well known saying "you have to crawl before you can walk", this director tried to come out sprinting and fell flat on his face.

The final verdict - In case you haven't guessed, I don't rate this movie very highly. If you want a werewolf fix I suggest you watch Ginger Snaps or American Werewolf in London, and I can't believe I would ever write these words, go watch Twilight. That is how bad this movie is, I just recommended Twilight over it.

Lows - Acting, directing, story, effects, all worse than most low budget TV shows.

Highs - The bad guy who sounds like Christian Bale doing Batman, he really is funny to listen to, by the end of the movie we were in tears laughing every time he spoke.

If a tween in the house forces you to watch it I suggest alcohol to lessen the pain and increase the humour of the Batman voice guy - 2/10
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The Remaining (I) (2014)
6/10
Half decent movie
25 January 2015
Warning: Spoilers
I went into this film knowing that it was a religious production but hey, I'm a sucker for end of the world movies so I thought I'd give it a go even though I'm not religious at all.

Turned out to be not as preachy as I thought it would be, probably about the same amount of preaching as what Stephen Kings The Stand mini series from the 90's had in it.

The subject material makes for a good horror movie. The end of the world as we know it, earthquakes, fire & ice falling from the sky, strange dark creatures waiting to pounce from the darkness, it's decent horror fodder, it really is.

For me where this movie failed the most was in it's characters, they're just so boring, every last one of them. Everyone was so nice and well mannered during the apocalypse that it just made them feel like fake cardboard cutouts and not real people and I ended up not caring about them at all because they had no real personalities to speak of, they were as bland as bland could possibly be.

Production values are pretty high on this movie. The camera work is good (this is NOT a found footage movie) and the effects are pretty decent, you can definitely tell that a few dollars went into making this film.

If you like B-grade horror/action movies like Aftershock, Chernobyl Diaries, Darkest Hour etc then you probably won't mind spending a couple of hours with The Remaining.
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5/10
Not great and not bad, just not very funny....
3 January 2014
Warning: Spoilers
This wasn't a horrible movie. The biggest problem that this comedy had was it's identity, it was as if it didn't know what it wanted to be. I watched it thinking "When are the laughs going to happen?". One scene had an overly long monologue with a woman in tears talking to the camera about the loss of her mother, and for a comedy it seemed completely out of place, and it is not the only scene that will have you scratching your head and wondering whether you're watching a comedy or not. Characters that should be comic relief, like the constantly angry roommate or the rightly paranoid girlfriend, provide little to no laughs, it's as if their characters are in the wrong movie. Opportunities for comedy come and go without anybody taking them.

This is not a comedy spoof movie in the same comedy sub genre as Naked Gun, A Haunted House, Devil Baby, Scary Movie etc. It's filmed in the style of A Haunted House, a character carries a film camera the entire movie with angled shots provided by various video cameras that the characters have set up around the house, but it has absolutely none of the sight gags, one liners, or off the wall humor that those kind of spoof movies rely upon. This tries to poke fun at ghost movies the same way that Dale & Tucker vs Evil did to hillbilly slasher flicks, but unfortunately it just falls flat on it's face.

Some of the acting, or overacting, isn't the best. Carlos Santos is the standout actor, he is likable and seems to be one of those people who is gifted with being naturally funny without really having to do anything, I'd expect to see him being cast in supporting roles in larger comedies in the future and I would watch those comedies because of him. But really it's not the actors fault that this movie didn't succeed, you could of had a comedic genius like Leslie Nielsen in it and the horribly unfunny script would of swallowed him whole.

Maybe it will appeal to some peoples sense of humor. For reference I like comedies like Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Community, Louis, Judd Apatow movies, New Girl, most things with Seth Rogen in them, Blackadder, IT Crowd (or anything written by Graham Linehan), Monty Python, Arrested Development, to name just a few. I also enjoyed the original Naked Gun movies as well as the first couple of Scary Movie outings. This movie made me laugh out loud once and chuckle inwardly maybe 4 or 5 times.

5 stars out of 10 because as the first line of this review says "this is not a horrible movie", it's just not a very funny movie.
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