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Reviews
Furious 6 (2013)
Absolute garbage
I'd give this zero stars if I could. Everything about it was just awful. The weak script was made even weaker by the dry, emotionless, utterly unremarkable acting (Vin Diesel and Michelle Rodriguez being the worst perpetrators). A ten year old writing a creative essay for school could have come up with a better plot. What action there was was so meaningless and forced. To be specific:
1) Why have Gina Carano, who apparently is a mole in the crew, fight Michelle Rodriguez who, at the time, was working for the bad guys? They were both on the same side, so they wouldn't have needed to fight.
2)I'm sorry, but since when is a super-tank guarded by two unarmored jeeps with no turrets? And since when are tanks shipped with ammunition in them? And how do they know how to drive it? The squashing of all those random cars was a lame attempt at making the bad guy more detestable, but it was just laughable. And the way they brought it down was absurd and an insult to physics.
3) Probably my biggest gripe in the movie is in the same tank scene. As Rodriguez's character (I forget her name b/c she's so forgettable as a character. I think it was Larry or something)is about to fall off the tank and down to certain death, Vin Diesel scrambles to the hood of his car. Just as Rodriguez falls of a fast-moving tank, Vin Diesel jumps from his also fast-moving car (and apparently he has hops like Michael Jordan), catches her in mid-air, slams into a car on the other side of the highway, and is JUST FINE. Not a single scratch or bruise. Later on, Rodriguez asks him "How did you know that car would be there to break our fall?" WHAT. BREAK YOUR FALL? Since when do cars "break your fall"? The last time I checked, people who jump off of buildings and fall onto cars don't survive. THEY DIE. And at the speed they were both going, and the way Vin Diesel hit that car's windshield, they both would have died or at least suffered life-altering injuries.
4) The "plot twist" was also ridiculous. The bad guy is caught, but he threatens one person and they hand over a chip that can start WWIII? And then he conveniently has an AC-130 transport plane waiting for him?
5) The final 20 minutes of the movie I spent with a look of grotesque disbelief on my face. The plane is moving at take-off speed, about 150mph, throughout this ENTIRE scene, and yet it doesn't run out of runway? Where'd he find a 50 mile runway? And the rear door was conveniently left open the whole time so cars could keep driving up inside and wreaking havoc. Vin Diesel does this ridiculous flying headbutt. The bad guy gets jettisoned out of the windshield of a jeep he was trying to drive off the plane and yet the jeep was barely rolling when it shot him out of the plane. The plane is stopped from taking off by three lightweight cars affixed to its wings. A fourth little car SOMEHOW brings the whole thing down and wrecks it. It bursts into a ball of flames and Vin Diesel somehow drives a car from the cargo bay through the rest of the plane (which is impossible) and out the nose of the airplane while it's burning up and exploding. His car flips over a dozen times at over 100 mph and he not only survives but walks away unscathed.
6) The whole plot was just absurd to begin with. An uber-terrorist is trying to gain control of a computer chip that could start WWIII and instead of sending in some SFOD-D operators, Navy SEALs, CIA agents or whatever, they get a crew of criminals who only skills are driving fast and shooting unnaturally well? COME ON.
I can't say enough bad things about this movie. Bad acting, bad script, bad plot, and to top it all off it was too long. Hands down the worst movie of 2013.
Grave Encounters (2011)
One of the best horror films to date
This is a brilliant film, one of the best horror films I've ever seen. Everything about the movie gives you the chills: the location, the setting, the sound effects. The acting is superb all around, and you really believe that the terror they are expressing is real.
The movie has, for the most part, typical found-footage/paranormal activity type scares. You have dark rooms being portrayed through a grainy night-vision camera, you have the sudden sounds, subtle movements of a window, sudden closing of a door. But there are also some very big, psychological scares.
For me, the scariest part of the whole movie was when they try to break the front door open, only to reveal more hallway. It's obviously the door they came in through, complete with the chains that locked them in and the words painted on the outside. At that point, I knew that this was going to be a great movie. When they're looking for the stairs to the roof, and the camera man find the "Roof access" sign, you can hear the triumph and relief in his voice, but then to see the stairs inexplicably walled off, as if that wall had been there for as long as the building itself? Again, superb acting as you see him fall into utter despair as he knows that something supernatural (and malicious) is haunting them. There are just so many scary elements I could mention, how it somehow remains dark for days, how the caretaker never shows up, how they get those patient wristbands, and much more.
You truly cannot watch this movie and not enjoy it. Great acting, lots of scares, creepy setting/location throughout, and an excellent delivery of the plot. I do take one star off for the ending however. It was not as good as I thought it could have been, but it still worked. Highly recommended.
Forget Me Not (2009)
A pleasant surprise
A very good, scary movie. Better than what I was expecting from an Indie film. The special effects were actually pretty good. It was fairly predictable, but it was still frightening. The ghosts, or monsters, or whatever they were, did a very good job of being scary, from the way they moved to the sounds they made, to the way they looked. The ending was a nice little surprise, definitely breaking from the predictability of the rest of the movie. The acting was sub-par; better actors could have made this a really good movie. But as it is, it is a good movie, definitely worth watching if you're looking for a horror flick you've probably never seen.
The Final (2010)
I really want to give this a good review, I really do.
I came soooo close to liking this movie. I liked idea, and it had such potential. But it was ruined by iffy acting (though I thought Emily's role was done well), a groan-inducing script, and poor choices in the plot line.
First off, the movie could have been longer. At one point, I thought that the movie must only be half-way over at the most, but putting it on pause revealed that it only had 21 minutes left. And from there it all felt rushed. I won't give away any details of the movie, b/c there were some nice surprises.
This movie *almost* had me hooked. Frankly, if the directing had been better, and with a bigger budget, this could have been a real good movie. But I'm afraid I can only give it 4 stars.
The Tall Man (2012)
Interesting film, keeps you in the dark until the last 15 minutes
Okay, there's going to be spoilers here right away, as some of the negative reviews this movie has gotten need to be addressed. First, the movie is not saying that what Jessica Biel's character, Julia, does is morally right. It's not supporting kidnapping kids from poor families and giving them to rich families. I should think that would be obvious. It's posing a question to you, and then you can answer it to yourself. Does the end justify the means? Second, just because the movie outsmarted you with its twists, does not mean it is a bad film; it means quite the opposite, frankly. I love a movie that leaves a question mark in my mind until the very end (hence why one of my most favorite movies is "The Prestige" with Christian Bale).
Now the movie itself was excellent. As I've already noted, it had several twists in it; just when you thought you had figured out what was going on and who the bad guy was, the movie pulls the rug out from under you. It does a very good job of being a movie about questioning what is right and what is wrong without being overly preachy or radical. It keeps you in suspense and pulls you deep into the story. The acting was superb and the setting was beautiful. All in all, an excellent movie. As I said before, I always enjoy films that turn the tables on you, and also leave you with a question about morality. I wouldn't call it a "must see", but I would highly recommend it.
Lovely Molly (2011)
Honestly, I'm not even sure which way to go with this movie
I don't know if I can say this is a good movie or a bad movie. It was good in that it was suspenseful and (at times) scary. It was bad in the fact that it made no sense. Molly was apparently sexually abused by her father as a child after her mother died. I guess her sister Hannah knew about this, tried to get her father to stop, but he wouldn't so eventually she killed him. Life goes on, they seem to be living happily now as evidenced by Molly's marriage. But then Molly moves back into her old home after getting married. Now why on earth would you go back to a place in which you were severely traumatized? Well maybe she wanted to get some kind of closure, like face her past head on and defeat it. So I can look past this puzzling point in the movie.
But what I can't look past is the jumbled sense I got from this movie; the feeling that nothing fit together and any attempt at "twists" or "revelations" in the plot fall flat. For instance, what the devil did that deer have to do with anything? Why did Molly cut out pictures of horse heads and paste them over her father's face in family portraits? Horses have no significance in this movie, save for one time early on when you hear hoof beats. And what....just what in God's name was that deer...man...thing at the end? That was what did it for me, the part where the side of me that was going "Well, you know this movie actually is pretty good" just zipped his trap and gave in to the part of me that said "This is utter crap."
So like I said, I am not sure how to review this movie. It kept me in suspense most of the time, and there were some scary parts. But the plot *never* came together like I was expecting it to. Nothing was revealed, only vague hints of a plot. So I've decided to go with a 5 star rating. Maybe this movie just went way over my head, though I'm usually pretty good at figuring out the connections in movies.It was worth sitting through, but then fell on its face at the end. But I'll end this on a positive note and say that the acting was superb, especially the lead role. This was probably the only thing that kept this movie bearable, was the good acting. looking to get out of it.
Die (2010)
You won't be sorry watching this
First off, before I even get into the movie, I just want to say that everyone writing such scathing reviews against this movie need to stop. They're rating this movie based on what they wanted to see in it, and not what the director intended, which is as foolish as one can be. If your only gripe is that "it's like Saw without the gore", then you need to open your eyes.
Anyway, onto the movie. In a word: great. The reason stated above for why people think it's so bad is actually what makes the movie so good. It provides suspense, drama, and tough moral decisions without the senseless and excessive blood and guts. It's a little confusing at first, and if you don't pay attention you may find yourself lost later in the movie, so for that I take one star off of the rating. It also has one or two minor plot flaws, so for that I take off one more star; but on that detail, I dare you to show me just ONE movie that does not have even a single hole in the plot. You can't do it.
All in all, this was an outstanding movie, given that it doesn't have any big names in the acting, producing, or directing and it definitely deserves a lot of attention. The plot is absorbing, the characters are interesting, and the moral of the story really makes you think. I give it 8 out of 10, and would daresay that this is a "must-watch" movie, especially if you're bored on a weekend night and feel like watching something you haven't seen before.
V/H/S (2012)
Excellent, dark, and gritty
This is one of those horror movies that it supposed to tap into the most basic and primal fear that is in all of us: the fear of the unknown. And it does this very well. The basic plot is simple: this group of douchebags go around destroying property and assaulting women to videotape their boobs and sell the footage. They then get a "contract" or something to break into some guy's house and steal a particular VHS tape. Well, when they get there, the owner of the house is apparently dead, and he as a MOUNTAIN of VHS tapes. So as they're trying to find the one tape, one member of the group begins watching random tapes.
This is where the movie plays on your fear of the unknown. There's no backstory to any of these tapes. No explanations, no settings, no telling how this guy got these videos and why he has them. The tapes themselves are reminiscent of a Stephen King style short story, where the most depraved human behavior is showcased. Some of the tapes are legitimately scary, others are scary in a weird way, and some just make you hate the people in them.
All in all, this was a very well done movie. As I said before, it plays very well on your fear of the unknown by having no backstory, no explanations, no lines to connect. It just is. And as for the people who are giving this movie such scathing reviews, I guarantee they're the ones in the theater who are always whispering to their friends, "What's going on? What just happened? Wait, who's that? I thought he was a good guy! I'm lost!" If you're expecting this to be the type of movie where you have to connect the dots or there's some deep-seeded plot, then you will be disappointed. This movie is simply supposed to be scary, and that's all it is.
1666 (2011)
Could have been good
I read the other reviews of this movie, and I think they were a little harsh. The first half of the movie was very slow, comprised almost entirely of 4 young people driving around looking at places of infamous murders and pretty much reading pages from wikipedia. Once they arrive at the final house on their list, they finally balls up and go inside; and by they, I mean the girls, which was a little bit of humor as the boys were acting like babies.
But even when the "horror" is supposed to begin, it's still not scary. Imagine the Paranormal Activity movies, only with substantially less "edge of your seat moments" and even less of those sudden shock moments. Frankly, there were only three points in the movie where my heart beat picked up, but that's it. I wouldn't say this is necessarily a BAD movie, it was just very under-budgeted. Could have been a lot better. However, I give it 4 stars instead of 1 or 2 because I have seen worse than this. MUCH worse. Ever seen the movie "Nine Dead" which is on Netflix? Yeah, watch that and you'll see what I'm talking about.
Machine Gun Preacher (2011)
Will make you take a look at yourself in the mirror
A very powerful, very moving story about a man who goes from a drug- dealing gang-banger to a man of God who gives almost everything he has to help children on the other side of the world. This movie made me stop and think about what more I could do for people less fortunate than I. All in all, this movie had an excellent message and was very well done, with a strong performance from Gerard Butler. It was not all action, nor was it overly preachy; it struck just the right balance. The only negative reviews that it's been getting are people who are upset that it actually shows good Christians and not the crazies you see in the news (not sure why this makes it a bad movie, perhaps they are just hypocrites who claim to be open-minded yet shun any positive mentioning of religion in a public forum). Definitely worth watching.
Nine Dead (2009)
Good from start to (not quite) the finish
This movie was actually a pretty decent film. Nine strangers who apparently are connected are locked in a room, each with one hand hand- cuffed to a pole, by a masked man who tells them that he will kill one of them every ten minutes until they figure out that connection. And the whole movie is the people revealing their deep, dark secrets and you see just how monstrous these seemingly nice people can be). You have some real tense moments, some frightening moments, and moments of pure confusion. You find yourself right along with these people, desperately trying to make the connection.
SPOILER AHEAD. SPOILER AHEAD.
However, the fun ends abruptly with literally less than five minutes to go in the movie. The three people who have survived figure our why they're there. As promised, the masked man has informed the police (who are now right outside the building), he will turn himself in, and the survivors are free to go. He hands the key to unlock their handcuffs to the lawyer lady (who, as you see throughout the movie, is the worst monster of them all) who, after freeing herself, kicks their kidnapper in the groin, takes his gun, and shoots him. She then murders the other two survivors, one of whom turns out to be the father of her child, because she doesn't want what she told them to leave that room or else her career would be over. This part makes no sense; she's already a dead woman walking as the masked man had revealed that they had been on camera and it had been streamed for the police. And then, as the police are closing in, she just simply walks out of the building. The last few seconds show her calmly walking down a hallway, taking a right turn, and then it cuts to the credits.
This was by far the worst ending to any movie that I have ever even heard of. One, it makes no sense. And two, by this point you absolutely hate this woman and want her to reap the judgement she has sown for herself, but instead she gets away, leaving you with a bad taste in your mouth. They say that you are only as good as your last performance, that that is what you will be remembered for. The same principle applies here, in that the movie was only as good as its last scene, which was a miserable failure. That is why I give this movie 2 stars.