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PDragon616
Reviews
Ghostlight (2013)
Beyond Bad -- Suffers From Dreadful Writing and Ridiculous Acting
Okay it's an indie film, I get it, but Dennis Kleinsmith can't act. Please hire an actor capable of delivering a line in such a way that it's not obvious that he is acting--hint to the unaware: people don't actually talk like that. Secondly, don't have characters sing if they can't actually sing. During the opening sequence I was actually happy when the wife gets her throat cut on stage just so she would shut up and stop singing.
What's with the writing on this film? Who thought it would be a great idea to have a needlessly extended exposition by "Gideon Black" (can you come up with a more cheesy name by the way) that telegraphs everything that we're going to see later in the film so there are no surprises? How is it that the writer never got the age-old mantra of fiction writing "show, don't tell"?
This movie is a train wreck. The characters are completely unbelievable, and hopelessly melodramatic. The movie puts on an air of being some sort of classic ghost story but ends up being banal and amateurish. I half expected to see Ed Wood's name in the credits. They might have been able to pull it off by adjusting the formula to make it a campy comedy instead of a film intended to be taken seriously. Though that would have taken capable writing and acting, neither of which is evident here.
Do not waste your time or money on this film. There are a number of classic ghost stories out there that are actually spooky and well done. This film plays like a high school project.
Family Guy: Life of Brian (2013)
SPOILERS WITHIN -- This Episode is a Shark Jumper
So either they really killed off Brian or this is just a cheap stunt to gain attention and then they bring him back for Christmas.
It's not the first time they've done really stupid things with Brian's character (like making him friends with Rush Limbaugh, for example) but honestly, Seth of all people knows that Brian Griffin *is* Family Guy-- he is an essential character to the show no matter how much some people don't like him.
There's a strong dynamic between Brian and so many other main characters in the show. Brian-Quagmire (arch nemesis), Brian-Peter (loyal friend), Brian-Lois (Brian loves Lois), Brian-Stewie (best friends)--the show simply isn't Family Guy without him. By contrast there's nothing special about, say, Chris's interactions with any of the other characters. He's just someone for Seth Green to voice, and the show wouldn't change a whit if he disappeared. Whereas killing Brian is a bit like killing Scooby Doo--and no matter how many ways the creators of that cartoon classic kept messing it up by adding annoying unnecessary characters, they managed to avoid killing off the star of the show.
Anyway like a number of recent episodes the whole show feels contrived so as to set up a situation (like the one where Brian sleeps with Quagmire's father), and it's not particularly funny. This is the "we kill off Brian" episode and it shows, since clearly not much thought was given to anything else about the episode.
Who knows what the creators are thinking, but whatever, they knew this would anger fans and they did it anyway. My guess--cheap stunt and Brian will be back, and that's really unimpressive.
Blood Runs Cold (2011)
Dog-awful
The fact that a movie is low-budget doesn't make it a bad movie, however it doesn't mean that the movie's flaws should be forgiven as if they don't count.
This movie is dreadful. Interminably boring and with exceptionally poor dialog. I couldn't make it all the way through, none of the performances conveys any kind of fear at all. The worst actor is definitely the clown playing "Karl". I can see one of the ways they saved on budget was using people who don't know how to act.
Grainy cheap cameras I can forgive, but for Pete's sake, *don't* shoot "night" scenes during the day. It's (a) obvious that it isn't night and (b) confusing because sometimes a shot comes along and you can't figure out if it was "supposed to be night".
My recommendation is skip it. There is nothing to see here.
Artefacts (2007)
Looks like a Student Film -- No Production Values, Bad Camera Work, Bad Acting
Dear filmmakers: please do me a favor--don't put your student films on the shelves of my video store as if they are actual movies made by professionals. If you can't afford to build a set, you have to actually use LIGHTS to shoot. And on the subject of shooting, please use a real camera, and not a $200 hi-8 video camcorder to shoot your picture so it won't look like a grainy mess.
Dear potential viewers: save your money. Better yet go rent a movie that's actually worth watching. The doppleganger idea has been done before and there are a slew of movies that have done it better. Invasion of the body snatchers springs to mind.
Dead & Breakfast (2004)
A Movie With Nothing To Recommend It
It's appalling that the DVD sleeve for this movies compares it to Shaun of the Dead. This movie couldn't hold a candle to Shaun of the Dead if you lit it on fire.
This is supposed to be a horror/comedy, and it is supposed to be really bad, for those of us who love bad movies (like me). How do you do a dismal job of making a bad movie? Watch this oinker and you'll find out.
The "humor" was dull, predictable, and unfunny. Painfully unfunny. I'm sure poking fun at country bumpkins must seem like a clever new idea to somebody, but not anybody I know.
The "horror" had me yawning on a regular basis. And the infuriatingly annoying country singer who kept appearing and singing about the movie (a la Something About Mary) with his sad and pathetic attempts at humor was the only thing about this movie that scared me. I sat in dread of his next stupid number. Thank heavens for the mute button.
And that's pretty much the best thing I can say about this movie. Thank heavens you can fast forward, mute, or just switch it off and do something more entertaining... like boiling yourself in oil.
Most of the bad movies I've heard compared to this film were far superior. I loved Evil Dead, Dead Alive, Return of the Living Dead and a whole host of similarly bad horror movies with comedic threads. This movie is a dog... and a dead dog at that.
The Creature Wasn't Nice (1981)
Yes It's Bad, But Come On...
The WORST movie ever? Get real. Check out Manos the Hands of Fate. Better yet check out Savage Instinct by Troma Pictures. THEN you will have seen the face of truly awful.
Yes The Creature Wasn't Nice is indeed painfully bad, much of the humor is flat and the plot hangs together like cottage cheese. But it also has redeeming features. The irreverent character Rodzinski is good for yucks, as is the insane Doctor Stark is over the top with his goofball lines. "What are they going to call it? The JOHN organism? It's MINE!" I agree parts of the movie are gallingly bad, but get past them, and there are moments of merit here and there. It ain't Shakespeare but there are times when it is just what I need.