Reviews

There's an unwritten Law Of The Sequels that goes (more or less) like this : "Seldom shall a sequel be as good, let alone better, as the first film." This has its exceptions ("Batman", "Superman), and tons of examples, such as "Highlander", "Mortal Kombat"... and "Blade".

The movie takes up two years after the first film. It turns out that Whistler (Kris Kristofferson) did not die when he shot himself, and Blade goes out to the rescue, in order to bring him back to humanity. However, the good old man is only a bait for some vampires to propose a truce to Blade. Why? they need him to bring down an evolved way of vampires that feeds on both humans and vampires.

I never actually read a single comic book of "Blade". Perhaps the movie goes strictly as the comic and I'm b******tting it, but not doing it consciously, I will continue. I like watching vampire movies, and the concept of an evolved vampire is interesting, but when the creature looks like the son of Nosferatu (the original 1929 film) and Predator, I'm disappointed. Even more when I see Blade uttering things like "Oooh, how exciting", or having a romantic interest.

The movie also features lots of martial arts, some done by Wesley Snipes, other by CGI, and other by a stunt surely. A good thing is the cameo Donnie Yen plays. Unfortunately, it's too short and he only kicks butts once. The rest of the cast has Ron Perlman ("Hellboy"), the above mentioned Kristofferson and Yen , and large load of people I don't know.

In short, it has martial arts, action, but the story (and some performances) is weak. To put it otherwise, reminds me of "Van Helsing". You watch it to have fun, vampire fan or not.

5/10

After the success of "The Mummy" and "The Mummy Returns", someone thought it was a good idea making the movie of the bad guy, the "Scorpion King". That implied taking THe Rock into his own movie. Could things be worse?

Mathayus is the one of the last 3 Acadians, and is paid to kill the sorceress of the ruler, who allegedly is the key to his victories. Turns out he ends up being the sole survivor, and sent away, double-crossed by the son of his employer. And he returns for vengeance.

The movie is similar to "Conan". It is not "Ator" luckily. the Rock is awful at acting (just like the Governator was) but unlike Arnold, he does sound like a civilized person. The sorceress is played by Kelly HU (X2 - Martial Law - Cradle 2 the grave) who is HHHHOOOOTTTT!. The rest of the cast is irrelevant. Michael Clarke Duncan (Green Mile), Peter Facinelli (Fastlane) and the sumo who played Honda in Street Fighter.

Watch it to waste time. Other than that, skip it.

4/10

I wasn't sleepy last Sunday night and I chose to watch whatever was on TV. Channel 29 ("Space")was airing this, and I foolishly believed it was "Exorcist III". The movie lacks everything, but it's watchable.

John Jaspers made a deal with some sort of devil named "M" to clear M's way to world domination. Somewhere in the way, he repents and ends up in an asylum, where a pretty psychiatrist (or doctor, or whatever) visits him and hears his story. Jaspers claims "they" (M's band) are coming tonight. She hears it as if he was saying "1 + 1 is 3" but on his way out sees something "unusual" and runs away. Indeed, Jaspers is taken away and buried, while the girl calls a detective friend and is caught by the same guys before the cop arrives. Luckily for her, Jaspers is back as Faust, who should (given it's an horror film) look like a devil but most of the time is a red bug ("Bugman":::). Unfortunately, M won't give up, and the bulk of the movie starts there.

The cast is nothing spectacular. I wonder why Andrew Divoff keeps getting overlooked by the mainstream, since he's a hell of an actor. The girl who plays the shrink is OH beautiful, and M's chick seems to be taken out of a porn. Comic-based, it should be scary but it is not. However, despite everything, it's worth a watch, even to laugh a while.

4/10

In 1989, the first movie adaptation for "The Punisher" was made. Featuring the by then popular (now a good straight-to-video actor) Dolph Lundgren ("Rocky IV", "Masters of the Universe"). 15 years later, a second, non-sequel, adaptation was made.

This time, Frank Castle is played by Thomas Jane ("Deep blue Sea"). While the first film had Castle already on a vengeance rampage, with just a glimpse of the death of his family, this one shows us how his wife (played by Samantha Mathis) and kid are killed. Believed to be dead, Castle makes his return to make a living hell out of the life of the man responsible.

Apart from the aforementioned, the film features people like John Travolta, Will Patton, Roy Scheider, and the always beautiful Rebecca Romijn-Stamos. The plot is different, slightly more complex than the other, yet I can't say it's better or worse than Dolph's. Though violent, it has some comic moments.

In short, it's not Mel Gibson's "Payback", and lacks the gore of a "Kill Bill" (though it's better than the latter), so watch it. You won't be disappointed.

6/10

So, to curb the success of all MArvel-comic-based movies, a "Catwoman" movie was made. The result? Stick to Marvel, you won't be disappointed.

Halle Berry plays Patience Phillips, a submissive artist working for a beauty company. On the same day, she is asked out by a cop (Benjamin Bratt - "Demolition man"), is threatened with the sack by her boss (Lambert Wilson), saved by the sack by her boss' wife (SHARON STONE!!!!!) and hears too much of something and ends up... dead. Only that a cat breathes into her ("make me real, bring me to life"... Evanescence made that first, I think). She becomes Catwoman, and her character changes completely, and goes for revenge.

The movie is boring, pointless and weak. Rather than picking an actress to reprise Selina Kyle (original name), they chose the actress of the moment, regardless of the fact that CW was white, and changed everything(bah, compared to what I recall from "Batman Returns") Halle was fine as Patience, awful as the Catwoman, but her little ass looks great in leather.

I should give it a 0 but the minimum is 1, and also, I had the chance to see actors I don't see very often like Byron Mann, or Peter Wingfield. Watch it, merely to see her in leather. Only that is worth it.

1/10

"Dark City" is a weird movie. Strange. It's some sort of sci-fi. The cast is headed by RUfus Sewell, and features Kiefer "Jack Bauer" Sutherland, Jenniffer Connelly, and William Hurt. It is specially the two men aforementioned that I was surprised of seeing in a movie like this.

The director is Alex Proyas, a guy who gave us "I, Robot" and "The Crow 3". As in the last one, the ambient of the movie is dark. There is no sun, and some strange human-like creatures (I don't recall the name!) control people at will. Sewell sorts of escapes their control and is alone against everyone.

This movie has just joined "Nirvana" in the group of "better-than-the-Matrix" films, providing an original script, and not a "Terminator V" would-be. THe FX are a whole different thing. Visually impressive, this movie kicks ass, and tarnishes even more the supposed originality of "THe Matrix".

9/10

Andrew is a lawyer. One day, his partner (a nice-looking woman) takes him to an art exposition, where he meets Jane, a deaf woman who painted some of the stuff there. He also meets her violent husband. Soon, Jane calls in at his studio to ask him about the divorce. He goes to her house,while the husband's out, and the average for their meetings occur: sex.

During the second of these meetings, the husband calls in and Andrew, trying to defend himself, takes a gun from a shelf and shoots the husband. He throws the body to a river, but the police finds it and all the evidence points to Jane. He will defend her in the trial, but at what cost? After hearing loads about MArlee mAtlin, I finally saw a movie with her. She's rather good, rather pretty, and convincing in her role (yes, I did realize she's truly deaf). But the surprise is Michael Dudikoff here, in a sort of dramatic role. He's not as good as in the "Bounty Hunter" films but he is surprising as the lawyer. The rest of the cast is rather good too.

It is not a movie I would have rented, but after seeing it, it's worth it.

6/10

"Pitch Black" was on TV. Cool, I will have a sample of what the newest Riddick film is about. After seeing this, definitely, I am not renting it.

The story is basically like this: a ship carrying a top-security prisoner (guess who?) somehow falls on a deserted planet, and soon is cornered by creatures who live in the dark and like to eat flesh. Oh, how scary! The movie in itself is FX. The rest is a ripoff of "Red Planet" (but without Carrie Anne Moss walking out of the shower), "Star Wars" and "Men In Black" (the creatures...), and some dreadful b-sci-fi movies.

Diesel pulls out some sort of Dom (the guy he played in "Fast & FUrious"), while the rest of the cast spend their time trying to justify their being in this film.

I never thought a movie would deserve a 1. There's something always worth remarking. Well, it's not enough with FX, and the movie is too sorely bad. COnclussion: 1/10

I was watching TV and I caught the beginning of this film. I said "Why not?", considering the other choices were gossiping shows. And I don't regret that.

The movie revolves around an aspirant to journalist who looks forward to get big news to finally allow women to have their place in press. Note that it's Europe pre-1st WW. After some apparently unconnected murders, she finds the common pattern, and ends up meeting with the group in charge of it: The Assassination Bureau. He meets its chairman, Ivan Dragomilov, and offers 20 thousand pounds sterling to kill... Ivan Dragomilov. Instead of taking it as a joke, Ivan agrees to the proposition, and sets all his men to hunt himself. They will kill him, or he will kill them. Meanwhile, the aspirant to journalist is sent to follow Dragomilov by her boss, who turns out to be the vice-president of TAB, who wants the big chair for him.

Oliver Reed plays Dragomilov, a rather arrogant and self-confident guy, and he is convincing and hilarious. He should have had a chance as James BOnd (rather than Lazenby...). Diana RIgg plays the journalist (Miss WInter, to the point I recall). She's a tough female, reluctant to show her physical attributes. Some sort of Miss Emma Peel but without leather. The rest of the cast is as good.

I think the key of this film is that they don't take themselves too seriously. Of perhaps they did, but looking back now it seems silly. It's an interesting movie that must be remade, with someone like Jude Law or Colin Farrell playing Dragomilov, and some pretty Brit girl (Saffron Burrows?) as the journalist. Trust me, it's better than watching some of the dreadful recent films that have come out.

7/10

I had heard tons of good reviews of this movie so I said "Why not?". I was thoroughly disappointed at this. I had said not very good things about "Kill Bill" but compared to this, that's a great film!

By what it seemed to me, i should give it an 0/10. However there are two reasons why I give it a 2. One point is thanks to the first scene, a conversation about the connotation of "Like a virgin". The other is the scene where Michael Madsen (Mr. Blonde?) is torturing a guy. He makes it very funnily.

For the rest, I have no desire now to watch "Pulp Fiction", or "Jackie Brown" and when needing action, I'll just pick a John Woo film, or simply watch "Mean Guns" again (years go by, and it's still my favourite American action film)

2/10

Well... what to say about this? We have a couple of robbers, one of them is a pregnant woman. She gets shot by a cop and the other half of the band (unknown to the girl killer) wants revenge. So he will pass out as a reporter who wants to pull up the cop's career, which has gone down since the incident.

I wish I could say it's nice. The psycho is a really fun actor, some sort of red-haired Jim Carrey. Mitch (the cop) is pulled out rather bad, like with effort. Maggie, Mitch's girl, is played by a dull blonde that the best she does here is... the sex scene. The rest... oh forget it!

It's interesting for a while, but not something I would rent (A university pal lent me this one). So I give it a 3!

Simple: Schwarzenegger (wrote it right?) goes on a violent rage to rescue his daughter. Blood, violence, and lots of fun!.

The Governator is nice here. It doesn't take much to say while you're shooting at people like he does. Rae Dawn Chong ("UNiversal Soldier II") gets sort of kidnapped by him, and ends up helping him. Alyssa Milano ("Charmed") plays Arnie's 9-y-old daughter. Of course, she didn't look as now (unfortunately). My favourite character here is Bennett, played by Vernon Wells, who is ruthless and a very nice psycho. Fame (if any) didn't help him:years later, this actor ended up playing a baddie in one of the many Power Rangers series.

Recommended if you like action films. Don't expect insightful dialogues or whatever, after all, it's Schwarzenneger!

7/10

OK, so you've always wondered what the matrix would be like with a good leading actor (rather than the wooden Reeves), a better script, no spectacular action scenes, and low budget. This is your film. We have Chris Lambert in one of his best films (along with "Subway" and of course, "Highlander"), this is not his average film. The goal is to erase the game in which its main character is aware of his condition of "gamething" and is damned to live and die. This Super Mario working for the Mafia (Abatantuono) is terrifically great. Sergio Rubini is great too, and the whole cast in general kicks ass! What to do with low budget? THIS MOVIE!

8/10