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Reviews
Transformers (2007)
Another Michael Bay "classic".
THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS.
Anyone who has seen a previous Michael Bay movie knows exactly what to expect, so I went to the movie theater very cautious about what I was about to see, and tried not to think about it as a movie based on a beloved show from my childhood, and rather as a "big budget action fest with robots".
There are just too many problems with this movie. Like all Bay movies, its at least a half hour too long. It has both unnecessary scenes and too many characters, and thus, no character development. The action scenes are both drawn out and short at the same time. There are long periods of action, yes, but each Decepticon that is fought is generally defeated very quickly, so don't expect to see any decent robot-on-robot battles that last any longer than a few seconds. The action scenes, specifically the ones involving Transformers fighting each other, are very hard to follow. For example, I have no idea how Bumblebee lost its legs, or how exactly Optimus Prime lost his fight with Megatron (and neither did any of the people I was with). There are definitely plenty of explosions and a good deal of action...the only problem is that the action isn't actually any good.
Much of the dialog was cheesy, and half a dozen times people in the audience broke out in laughter in scenes that were definitely not meant to be funny, simply because of how bad the dialog was at times.
The movie portrays the Decepticons as unstoppable killing machines, but shows the Autobots as awkward, bumbling fools. The scene at the Witwicky's is especially bad, as the Autobots refuse to listen to Sam and apparently cannot movie with any hint of finesse, instead managing to crush anything near them or just trip over their own feet. The Autobots generally serve no purpose throughout the movie but to provide comic relief, and many of them have very little on-screen time or dialog. Are we supposed to believe that the Autobots can learn English from watching television, but cant learn anything about earth in the process? There are also a number of obvious plot holes in the movie that practically jump out and slap you across the face. A good example of this is how Megatron had been frozen for thousands of years but immediately after being resurrected could speak English perfectly.
As a Transformers movie, there is very little here resembling the original series. The characters all act and look very different from their G1 counterparts. The vehicles they transform into are now all brand new GM automobiles, which are featured throughout the movie. Other advertisements are rampant as well, for example the mountain dew soda machine that turns into a Transformer covered in mountain dew advertisements, and fires cans of mountain dew at people....which is probably the only way they could get anyone to drink it.
Unfortunately I couldn't enjoy this as a Transformers movie, or as a big budget action flick...it is just too horribly directed. When I saw it, a dozen people walked out, and many booed at the end. I cant blame them.
There's plenty of other flaws to point out, but unfortunately I just don't have that much free time. If you can turn off your brain and watch the movie without thinking about anything you are seeing, as a person has to do with any other of Bays films, you may enjoy it. If you like coherent story lines and character development then this movie is not for you.
Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation (2004)
the WORST MOVIE i have EVER seen, and I've seen some BAD movies.
There is a lot of bad things about this movie (in fact, i couldn't find one thing about it to justify paying the rental fee to see this), so i'll just be covering a few of them, though trust me, there's much MUCH more.
First off, this movie had a very very low budget, which really effected how it turned out. The first movie had a HUGE budget, and it was still only a mediocre movie.
There is almost NO new special effects made for this movie, instead they mostly just re-used the effects from the first, with horrible results. There is one particular scene that sticks out in my mind in particular. It's of a guy shooting at a bug, standing almost directly in front of it. Not only does it look like hes shooting at a big screen, but the damage from the bullets on the bugs are all coming from the side, (as it was in that same scene in the first movie), so it ends up looking like the bullets flew from the gun, flew around the right side of the bugs head, turned around, and hit him in the side of the body. Yep, bullets that defy the laws of gravity.
Also because of the low budget, the sets are terrible, and sometimes almost non-existent (just like "plan nine from outer space"), so there aren't many wide shots at all. most of the scenes, especially the action scenes, are close-ups of the actors reacting to their surroundings, making faces that repeatedly seem to say "oh no, I'm scared", over and over, and over, and over, and over again. repeat.
Speaking of the acting, i haven't seen anything this bad even in a 70s PORNO movie. This movie makes the 1975 'blacksploitation' film "TNT Jackson" (which was actually advertised as 'the worlds first topless kung-fu fight scene') look like "Life Is Beautiful" in comparison.
Avoid this movie. Avoid it.
If you have 91 minutes to waste, do your mind a favor and just sit and stare at a wall. It's a much better use of your time than watching this movie.
Fatty Drives the Bus (1999)
THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER MADE.
FATTY DRIVES THE BUS is simply the funniest, most original and entertaining piece of work i have ever had the pleasure of seeing.
this movie is by no means up to Hollywood standards, or even that of a straight-to-video movie fluff comedy starring terry "hulk" hogan, in terms of camera work, editing, acting, budget, or anything else.
what this movie DOES have though, is a very original and enjoyable story, and it is obviously done by people who love making it, and the enthusiasm of the all the cast and crew really break through all its budget and acting downfalls.
this movie proves that you don't need a huge budget or decent actors to make a great film, all you need are some original ideas and some passion for what your doing.
simply the best movie ever. i don't care how you get it, rent it, order it, steal it, download it, just see this movie.
now i just hope they make a DVD version.