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Reviews
The Happening (2008)
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
What is the deep message that people keep alluding to but never actually mention? And who cares anyway? A movie -first and foremost- is made for enjoyment. Now, enjoyment may take on many forms (pain, joy, excitement, laughter, etc.) but it HAS TO BE THERE, or else the thing fails. It must therefore either make sense or titillate the senses somehow. This movie doesn't do either- not for one nanosecond. And so- to say that M. Night (who I think is a brilliant director) has "left it up to us" to find depth and therefore enjoyment in an otherwise laughably conceived, written and acted piece of new-age tripe is to say that he has failed. And here he has- big time.
The Ringer (2005)
Abomination
This is the most offensive thing I've ever seen, and I love Blazing Saddles. Knoxville has all the charm and wit of an overflowing bedpan. I didn't even smile once, AND IT WAS CHRISTMASTIME! And the cast of primarily non-challenged actors force-acting like "tards" is an insult, not to the handicapped, but to human beings in general. I was thinking that the reason for using unchallenged actors is probably... Nope... can't even think of one, except that perhaps any self-respecting person with "a condition" would find the outcome of the film too preposterous, too PAINFUL to handle. In the end, however, The Ringer is aptly named as it reminds the viewer of a stain in a bathtub.
The Village (2004)
Deeper than it seems
The premise of The Village may seem at first to be completely ridiculous. But if you choose not to look at it literally, practically- if the village and its people are taken as a grouping of mentally unstable people (as the photos show them to be) shielding themselves emotionally from the outside world... Then the practical faults of the movie fall aside. The brilliantly spooky, non-special camera effects and the singular "eye" of M. Might Shyamalan can then be enjoyed. In fact, the unique, sparse cinematic techniques work to great effect and, along with his unwavering aim on the jugular (so to speak) make him a genius of sorts in my mind. I highly recommend this film.
Blazing Saddles (1974)
Funniest Movie EVER
You may convince me that there's a tie between B. Saddles and Young Frankenstein, but the world-class, drop-dead hilarity of this flick cannot be denied. Most scenes in Blazing Saddles are so good as to be able to stand alone as their own comedy bits. The fact that they can be watched as a single,continuous whole as opposed to as a sketch film ala Amazon Women on the Moon is incredible to me. I have seen it many times and come away with something else at which to laugh after each viewing. The cast is impeccable, the dialogue unrepentingly irreverent (where all the white women at?) and the jokes are nonstop. Run, do not walk to see it.
Lost in Translation (2003)
A postcard, and just as thin...
Beautifully shot but ultimately devoid of... anything, LIT just sort of hangs there like Bill Murray's jowls. Speaking of, Murray's rise to latter-day sainthood vis a vis Rushmore and Royal Tennenbaums is incredible to me. Especially here, the man simply looks and acts pathetic at all times. There is no depth to pathos or boredom in film; it exists at face value on the screen. Same goes for Scarlett Johanssen. She gives a performance that makes her worthy of the lead in "The Andie MacDowell Story". She, along with the story, is vapid and without any emotional depth. Maybe that is what being rich expatriates means to the heinously fake Sophia Coppola. Whatever the case LIT is as pretentious and shallow as "The Virgin Suicides". It is a sham of love story masquerading as an emotional flick.
Pi (1998)
Math...with a heart.
Pi is a great success. Even without the micro-budget and slipshod filming style qualifiers, it is a fun and challenging flick. Grainy black and white pictures and a "ghost in the machine" theme give it instant context. Indeed, the premise as stated by the protagonist (life can be understood and therefore "read" in terms of a mathematical system) becomes an acute brain cancer of sorts for the guy. For, as he moves seemingly closer to being able to interpret and "read" the world around us vis a vis his "organic" data set, the stock market, things become neither controllable nor effable to him. Machinations spin scarily around and migraine headaches sound increasingly fierce warnings as he approaches the still center of understanding.
The end-game leads to intellectual brick walls for himself and to exploitation from outside corporate and religious entities. However, all are ignoring the fly in the ointment...
A well acted and paced thriller laid over an undercurrent of intellect vs. emotion, I highly recommend Pi.
The Stepford Wives (2004)
Cannot believe this film was allowed out in public
Pornos generally have more coherent story lines than this thing. I want not to review it because doing so gives away that I actually SAW it. But I did. And this is my penance. With the star power generated prior to filming, you might expect from this flick AT THE VERY LEAST a story that has a beginning, middle, and an end that are in some way related to one another. Wouldn't you? Yes. Otherwise, what's the point of having the talented Glenn Close, Chris Walken, Matt Broderick and Bette Midler on board? None. Sadly, it is not to be for the Stepford Wives. And the only person who seems to fit into this disjointed miasma is Nicole Kidman. Her usual robot-like portrayal of humans jibes well with the film's fractured premise and inhumane population.
The Fly (1958)
creepy beyond compare
in terms of creepiness, this flick takes a back seat to no horror film. the goldblum et al remake is a gory over-the-top, special-effects show-off in comparison. instead this one grabs your psychological neck, shakes it about and forces you to answer serious questions regarding the scientific exploits of man. while doing so it hermetically seals you in a world of misguided, pitiless hubris. if that sounds like a bit too much, just give it your time and try to go to sleep without thinking, "why the hell would anyone proceed so far" and without thinking of ways to save the poor, doomed scientist. it is a tale of inevitability and loss that brings into stark contrast the foolish doings of man against a backdrop of an inhumane and unforgiving nature. view at your own risk... do not view at your own horror- enjoyment's peril!
The Usual Suspects (1995)
Cheezy Poof
the usual suspects is all flash and zero substance. in fact, it could be said that there is negative substance given the outcome. the dialogue is at times completely nonsensical. example- "he would rather see his children die than live another day..." well, he sees his children dead AND lives another day. also, with the exception of DelToro and Palmenterri, the acting is over the top and stilted for no apparent reason. generally speaking, Kevin Spacey gets far too much credit for what he does and this time is no exception.
That said, the visuals are pretty cool and the first time around we are nicely strung along by the flick's pacing. But, in the end there is nothing to grasp except the hot air blown by Spacey. Once you realize this fact, multiple viewings become impossible.
Cabin Fever (2002)
nothing.
this "movie" is a gross-out masquerading as an homage pretending to be a horror flick. while i applaud anybody seriously (or unseriously) taking on the horror genre, dilettantes and suck-ups need not apply. clearly these guys just decided that they were too cool for school and sought to make what they hoped would get them laid and/or lifetime invitations to goth parties. indeed the self-satisfied director's appearance as a commentator in Bravo's 100 Scariest Moments likely will stand as the apex of his career, if not life. it was also probably a great insult to people such as the great Wes Craven, John Landis and George Romero that he was featured along with them. also, those people who considered this flick a throwback to "real horror" should re-watch "Maniac" and then submit their resignations. all involved with the production of Cabin Fever along with any positive reviewers deserve the disease depicted therein.
American Beauty (1999)
off-the-scale pretentious
this movie is as moving and insightful as a fart. the director and his actors have no grasp whatsoever of the human condition. instead of giving an accurate or interesting snapshot of humanity they chose to create some sort of suburban nightmare and allow a bunch of hateful and inhumane people inhabit it. the scene wherein the paper blowing around is filmed and called "beautiful" by one of the "actors" in this flick sums it up for me. i.e. if you call it beauty, then people will want to fawn over, look and act like it. in this case, and in the case of the movie, it was just trash. you and i were scammed. and the academy did its usual part by praising this garbage to the sky. only in the case of titanic has a movie been less deserving of an award.