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The Beyond (1981)
1/10
Beyond the Pale
16 April 2020
Giallo is so overrated. I'm not sure how it came about, but somehow awful acting, dubbing, writing, and directing became a mark of quality.

I love all sorts of horror. Trashy, smart, independent, gory, psychological, and experimental. This is just poor filmmaking. Dress it up however you want, it's just bad. You could say the same for Argento, who apparently built a career on having multicoloured lightbulbs.

Amateurish at best.
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4/10
Not bad for a first time effort
1 March 2020
Reading the 'trivia' section changed my view of the film. Let's be clear from the start, it's not a good movie. The effects are mostly of the 'hold stick under your armpit' variety, and there's a bizarre CGI throat slash effect that is really jarring. Plus the slow-mo. Slow-mo death scenes always look terrible. In anything. Ever.

But for (I assume) a group of friends to make this on $3k in their spare time it's got its charms. There's a story between the characters, a couple of creative deaths, and there's usually stuff going on. On that budget it's a decent effort.
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Media Studies (2017)
6/10
Terrible Title
1 March 2020
OK film. Media Studies is a poor choice of title as any online search will just bring up lots of stuff about actual media studies courses.

The film tries to be an amateur detective story, following a girl's disappearance through a handful of interviews. This section plods along without any real character development or hints of anything sinister.

The last 25 minutes or so do up the tension considerably (despite several opportunities to call the cops), with a fairly grim twist. The very last shot makes sense if you paid attention earlier, which is admittedly difficult.
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Countrycide (2017)
1/10
Absolutely terrible
29 February 2020
I can be perfectly content with a bad movie if it has some charm and/or nic ideas. This film has neither.

The acting is more wooden than the forest setting. The sheriff appears to have had his dialogue dubbed (badly), and the writing is dreadful.

Honestly, if this was a school project it would fail.
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Pentagram (2019)
3/10
Pentagroan
1 February 2020
Warning: Spoilers
For those saying this at least has an original idea, it doesn't. It's a very poor imitation of The Devil Rides Out.

Most of the acting is decent enough, especially the addict. I don't even mind the fixed location. A well-written version of this could make a great play. Unfortunately the tension within the group is only loosely touched upon.

The tension is non-existent. Trying to get something out of reach? Clothing is the obvious (and not 'genius') option. One full candle short? Cut one or two existing candles in half and light the wick.

The demon is meh, but made worse by just repeating the same footage whenever it appears.

As for the ending? The mark was removed from her arm after her brother read the ritual. Why not display some of these magical powers this demon apparently promised? It would have been something at least.
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7/10
Never Judge a Book by its Cover
6 January 2020
Warning: Spoilers
The first thing to mention is that this isn't really a found footage film. Yes they're making a documentary, and yes a lot of the footage is filmed by them, but large swathes of the film are recorded by unexplained external sources (cctv in a toilet cubicle?). It's really just a stylistic choice, ironically often excessively rendered by shaky footage in ways that most legitimate FF films avoid.

There are Monsters (terrible title) starts weirdly. It uses footage from the middle of the film, which is then repeated in full later. It feels clunky, and prevents the story from becoming creepy in a more organic manner. Many of the early scenes would have been far more disturbing without the instant reveal. It ruins any chance of building tension.

Having said that, this film is full of unnerving moments. There's plenty of paranoia, which is to be expected in a 'Body Snatchers' story, along with more traditional horror. The acting is mostly good, the pacing works well, and the writing is surprisingly tight. I'm not as positive about the directing, but the grocery store scene was a standout moment.

It's an entertaining low budget horror that does a very good job of delivering scares.
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6/10
Oh What a Coincidence
5 January 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Hyde Pierce is extremely entertaining throughout, but this isn't an intricate cat and mouse chess game. It's incredibly sloppy writing. The leap from having the criminal randomly pick the home of an insane killer, to the insane killer happening to be the lieutenant investigating his crime is simply too far to ignore.

Good writing would have been to set this up in some way. The easiest being to have Hyde Pierce's character initiate an offer of assistance seemingly at random, only for it to be later revealed that he was tracking him from the very beginning. Something like that would have played into the 'always two moves ahead' sensibilities of the film.

As other have mentioned, the chess game, release, and stabbing was poor writing too. He could have just turned around and strangled him. It's not clever, it's just painfully contrived.

All the bad guys and girls essentially get away with it. I don't usually have a problem with those endings, but here it seemed cheap and dirty.

Still, the stuff it got right it got very right, and all of the performances were good. Just a shame about the leaps in logic.
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8/10
Good film...terrible survival guide
5 January 2020
This is one of the best FF films I've seen, and I've seen a lot.

The main character is filming a survival guide documentary in the Montana forests, and it starts off bright and cheerful. The lead is great as Bailey Rhodes. He seems like a well-rounded character; a bit cocky, nerdy, and almost childishly innocent. This is especially true when he first encounters hostility.

I think it's intentionally funny having him slowly contradicting his own advice, and his refusal to acknowledge that he's lost. Instead he's merely momentarily 'disoriented'.

As the film progresses the story becomes increasingly more unnerving, especially as the protagonist is likeable. There's a brilliant practical effect near the end that left an impression on me. Due to some stunning shots and the overall atmosphere of the setting, this is a film I'd watch again.
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8/10
A Good Drama. It's Not a Horror
4 January 2020
It's difficult to recommend this as it blends different genres in a very specific way. It's found footage with non-FF elements. It's mostly a drama about three grieving sisters, but with a supernatural undertone. For some it could be too much of a family drama. For others it could have too much creepy stuff.

I'm a fan of FF horror films, and that's what led me to The Midnight Swim. It starts to go down that path with the mythology of the lake, but for horror fans it's best to think of the film only dipping its toe in. The real story is the relationship between the sisters, and dealing with grief. Despite not expecting the film to go in that direction I was pleasantly surprised. There are some stunning shots, superb acting, and a moving exploration of dying and rebirth. All of which is interwoven into an old ghost story.
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Heidi (I) (2014)
8/10
Can't Hide from Heidi
3 January 2020
Definitely one of the better films in the FF genre.

I admit that I thought this was going to be awful after the irritating opening scene. My low expectations dipped when they found the doll, predicting a series back and forth shots where it's moved or disappeared. Instead it became more creative and creepy.

It was visually interesting, and actually quite varied in terms of locations and events. Yes the pacing stumbles at times, but it picks up in the third act. The ending (not the mid-credit scene) was genuinely unsettling. At the same time it added a bit of logic to the events of the film (I.e, how does a little doll actually do this stuff).

The acting is a mixed bag, and it's a bit worrying seeing children and animals looking distressed for real. It's certainly not without its problems, but it ends up being a fairly satisfying and unsettling story with characters generally behaving realistically.
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Watchmen (2019)
8/10
The Story Behind the Mask
29 December 2019
I wasn't expecting much, but this is a work of brilliance. Regina King and Jeremy Irons are outstanding throughout, and in my view this is a fitting extension of Moore's original story.

Risks are taken throughout, which will understandably alienate some viewers, but the story really pulls together. Upon a second viewing the series comes into its own, echoing Dr Manhattan's experiences of time as a simultaneous event. The Tulsa massacre, Vietnam, the New York incident, and contemporary events all overlap logically.

It's a series that requires commitment. The early episodes can be quite jarring, but it evolves over time and builds into a wonderful and powerful story.
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5/10
Star Chores
28 December 2019
Warning: Spoilers
First, the good things about this film. Visually it really is very impressive. It looks like a Star Wars film.

So that's the good stuff out of the way. The biggest problem with this film is that it treats its audience like idiots. Implausible scene follows implausible scene in ways that even 'the force' can't explain away. Admittedly this isn't a new issue. A New Hope has plenty of 'convenient' events. Even if you ignore all of the additional problems introduced by the prequels, ANH still has the droids happen to be bought and taken to Luke, who happens to know Old Ben Kenobi, who happens to live nearby. But this is palatable stuff in comparison to this film.

As a character I love Palpatine, so I will readily admit that I enjoyed seeing him again. However, there's no good reason for him being there that doesn't undermine the original and prequel trilogies in their entirety (unless Anakin's destiny was to have a daughter who gives birth to a dad-killing brat who shows up one day to lend Palpatine's inexplicably existing granddaughter some moral support and an extra lightsaber).

It's never clearly explained what he is. A clone? A corpse from RotJ? The original Sith Lord that just happens to look like Palpatine? When did he have a kid? Who was the mother? Did he raise his son? The most powerful man in the universe just happens to raise a nice guy who has the freedom to meet a nice girl, have their own daughter, and hide her away? When did that happen? Was this the first time any Sith Lord had offspring?

Why do Wayfinders even exist? Who made them and when? Why would Palpatine have one on the 2nd Death Star? Why would an ancient knife exist that highlights its location on said Death Star's crashed remains?

The logic of this film collapses like a house of cards in the slightest breeze. There's no story being told; it's just a series of random fetch quests and repeated beats of RotJ. Visually it's great, and an entertaining rollercoaster, but the story is held together with safety pins. Ren slaughters a load of people (including his dad), but has a change of heart when his mum dies. Rey says 'sure, why not' when given the choice to be possessed by her evil grandfather. Other people do other things that make no difference. Lando laughs a bit.

Even from a cynical cash grab perspective it doesn't make sense. Palpatine would have been desperate to find his granddaughter; seems like a good setup for a bunch of new and marketable bounty hunters to me. Instead just send Ren on a series of unsuccessful missions to kill her for no reason.
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The Irishman (2019)
9/10
The Great Re-Union
27 December 2019
I deliberately avoided reading reviews of this film as I wanted to discover it for myself. I knew Scorsese had assembled a classic cast, and it would be familiar mafia territory, but beyond that I really didn't know what to expect.

I'm not a huge Scorsese fan, but I recognise his ability to make great films. It took me a while to muster the enthusiasm to sit through a film of this length that would no doubt be yet another glorification of the seedy side of humanity (Wolf of Wall Street is bordering on evil with the way it glorifies the very worst of us), yet this was a piece of brilliance.

De Niro is wonderfully pensive and human throughout. Pascino nails the part of the manic but paranoid Hoffa. Between him and De Niro we get a beautiful display of emotional interaction featuring the greatest actors of their generation. Pascino gets to chew the scenery, but De Niro offers the perfect foil of the concerned onlooker that knows where his friend's actions will lead to. They were together for seconds in Heat, but this was the real coming together I've longed to see.

Intertwined within all of this is Pesci. He hardly says or does something throughout the film, but that's what makes his performance so superb. I think that part of it is Scorsese choosing an actor so well known for his aggression. We don't need to see it in action because we know it's there under the surface. The dead eyes, the assertive but calming words, the intent communicated with the minimum of facial expressions - he represents the unspoken power of the mob like an oracle.

I had no idea that this was a film primarily about Jimmy Hoffa. I've been intrigued by that story for many years, and it reeled me in at lightning speed. The A-List performers all turning up and striking gold with every hit simply left me smiling and appreciative. Thank you to all involved.
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Space Cop (2016 Video)
6/10
Space Schlock
26 December 2019
The issue I have with Space Cop is that it seems to pull its punches.

Mike, Jay, and Rich come across brilliantly on RLM, but their films feel like a nod and a wink to their existing audience. That's understandable, and for the most part it works well, but I feel that these guys are talented enough to go all in on a legitimate film that isn't relying on their fan-base.

Space Cop is entertaining. The opening hostage situation is old school slapstick, but it works as a set-up. I loved the matter of fact way that Space Cop seamlessly finds himself working for the local police without any attempt to hide his character, and Mike's trench coat revived detective creates a perfect comical partnership. Unfortunately I'm not a big fan of the scripted stuff. Yes there are funny moments, but it never felt like the natural and spontaneous chemistry between Rich and Mike was given any room. A lot of the humour came from seeing funny and talented guys from RLM performing in a film, rather than funny and talented guys simply being funny and talented. Clearly they're not going to make an unintentionally bad film, but why not try to make a genuinely good comedy film. They should back themselves with a bit of confidence in their ability, instead of hiding behind the 'nudge nudge wink wink' approach.

I'd love to see them try their hand at a found footage horror. Mike, Jay, and Rich performing deadpan in one of those cliched door-slamming, forest-running, cellar-screaming set-ups would be a sight to behold.
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4/10
Home Alone?
26 December 2019
Apparently not. Guy house-sits for some random woman, and for some reason he documents the experience. Inevitably some weird stuff takes place, though the emphasis is on 'some'.

The biggest problem with this film is the extensive amount of filler. Other micro-budget found footage films like Leaving D.C make the most of every minute, either with events that gradually move the plot along, or exposition that provides the protagonist with a personality. With A Stranger's Home every scene feels dragged out, even the good one. Even that scene loses its impact when the main character laughs it off the next day rather than call the police and drive miles away.

I may well have missed the explanation for the dodgy plot, due to the dialogue being so hard to hear, but given how the story progresses it makes absolutely no sense to give him chance after chance to get scared and run off.

It's not all bad. I liked the actor, and he has a very nice living room. I enjoyed that one scene around the middle point of the film, even if it didn't seem to have any real relevance to anything, and for a micro-budget project it's a reasonable little yarn.
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7/10
Home Insecurity
26 December 2019
One of the better found footage films I've watched recently. I liked the premise of an investigator tapping someone's home security system so he can put his feet up and do his job from home, only for things to get out of hand.

Decent actors, decent pace, I found it simple but effective. If you view it as a micro-budget film, they've made the most out of what they had to work with.
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9/10
Cardboard Now...
25 December 2019
Couldn't resist the Warren/Buffy reference.

I loved this film. Right from the opening scene it's clear that the rule book has been jettisoned, and we're in for a trip down the rabbit hole. Dave made a maze. It's bigger than it looks. He warned his friends and girlfriend not to go in after him.

Honestly this is a brilliant piece of creativity. The deadpan comedy is spot on (especially from the documentary crew), and it's visually stunning. There's so many great ideas crammed into each scene, and I could hardly take my eyes off it due to simply not knowing what was coming next. It's surreal, but the lead keeps it somehow anchored in normality.

This is a bizarre little world that is a pleasure to experience. A charming film that I'll definitely watch again.
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Leaving D.C. (2012)
8/10
Brilliant
24 December 2019
My guilty pleasure is found footage, and the vast majority is admittedly terrible.

This is one of the very best I've seen. The brilliance is its simplicity. An OCD guy reports his ventures into the wilderness back to his city-based support group, then meticulously charts the unusual stuff that starts going on.

I think it's let down a bit by the ending, but the journey is incredibly satisfying. The vast majority of the reactions are very realistic rather than the usual 'hmm, there's a strange noise coming from the basement that I should probably go and investigate' scenes.

The gem in this film is one of the creepiest and original moments I've ever seen in a horror. You'll know it when you see it.
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7/10
A slow burner
23 December 2019
This is a very strange film. If I hadn't written down the title a while ago it would be impossible to find. Google 'Albanian horror' and it's nowhere to be seen.

It's simultaneously a tourist promotional video of Albania's beauty spots, a political protest, and a stylish horror story.

It's beautifully shot, but has some strange issues. The actors talk in English, except when they don't. Not a problem if it had subtitles and the scenes didn't go on for ten minutes.

The main actor is very serious, but also painfully monotonous. It's just a drowning noise after a while. The film also includes a genuinely creepy shot of an actresses. It just goes on and on and on. I suspect the director is a good candidate for a certain register.

The horror element is good, and actually builds towards a fairly satisfying resolution.
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4/10
...but I did not write a plot, you see. 🎵
23 December 2019
Warning: Spoilers
The general concept is good (though apparently stolen), and it does start off quite creepy with a nice slow build. Sadly it suffered from extremely poor writing that seemed to think that ignoring all basic logic would just go unnoticed.

The only time the writer addressed the plot with any hint of realism was at the beginning. OK, he's locked a guy in the cellar. Let's see if he has, then argue about what to do next.

After that it just gets thrown up in the air. Husband and wife would just leave and phone the police. At the very least they'd ask why he thinks it's the devil, followed by how he caught him, seeing as he's, well...the devil. When wife hears the devil laughing and using her name, why doesn't she mention any of this to husband? That's what actual humans would do.

Then there's about 30 minutes of pointless filler. There is all sorts of psychological manipulation that could have dialled up the tension, but instead it's just lazy cliches like old newspaper headlines and dream sequences that add nothing.

The ending is dreadful. I can understand why she shoots the first cop (who doesn't bother checking the room), but I don't understand how she ends up dying as the second cop just stands around like a sitting duck before opening the door that has magically removed the padlocks.

It's just a poor ending as a result of dreadful writing. I can only assume that the writer thinks the general public has a similarly mediocre grasp of plot and continuity as they do.
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Matinee (1993)
7/10
A Blast from the Past
23 December 2019
I'd never even heard of this film until today. It's an enjoyable walk down memory lane in terms of familiar actors and the overall tone, and the Mant B-Movie is done brilliantly. John Goodman is great from beginning to end, with superb comic timing. His 'God willing' line when a kid says he'll see him soon just after almost electrocuting himself was magnificent in its subtlety.

I think the political message was well meaning, but a bit clumsy. Goodman saying 'adults are just making it all up as we go along' clearly tied in to the Bay of Pigs event, but I don't think this was the film to argue that point. It's a jarring combination; almost like The Goonies meets Schindler's List. There's no real meeting ground.

It wouldn't surprise me if the political undertone caused promotional issues. By all accounts the film is rarely aired, and global distribution is very limited. That can't be down to quality, as this is a very good film that should be far more recognised than it is.
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The Body Tree (2017)
8/10
Rooted in Familiar Horror Tropes
10 March 2018
The Body Tree is heavily influenced by films such as Ten Little Indians, and The Thing, with a group of people in an isolated location trying to second guess who the killer is. However, the plot turns things on their head in an original way.

Yes it's got plenty of cliched jump scares and slasher movie stereotypes, but this is definitely one of the better horrors I've seen in recent years. The Siberian setting (not the snowbound variety) is distinctive, the acting is decent enough, and the characters are developed enough to have some investment in their fates. Admittedly some are unpleasant.

The group are brought together to celebrate the life of a mutual friend who was murdered. There are some flashbacks that reveal more of the events of that incident, and it keeps the story flowing and entertaining.

It's well worth a watch, and I'm surprised it hasn't had a more positive reaction.
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Devil (2010)
8/10
Lift based horror on so many levels
2 December 2017
I tend to avoid anything even remotely associated with Shyamalame, and did the same to this after seeing his writing credit. I'm happy to say I took the plunge on this one.

The premise is simple. A random group of people get stuck in a lift. The tag lines give away the supernatural element, as does the title of the film. I can understand why they did that, but it would have worked better being left unknown.

It doesn't ruin it though. The mystery of who the devil is works well, and the daft plot is made to work by some great performances. This is a very watchable film with elements of horror and suspense, held together by solid characters.
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8/10
A Slow Burner
13 November 2017
I'm a fan of the found-footage genre in general as it occasionally provides opportunities for creative, low budget ideas. Usually they're just a clichéd mess.

I was close to switching this off after 20 minutes. It just seemed like two annoying teens setting up a dull Paranormal Activity-style bore. The only reason I kept going was James Caan, who played his role with understated menace well enough to reel me in.

By the halfway point I was genuinely enjoying the mystery, even if I was ultimately expecting a stereotypical conclusion. However this is a film defined by its brilliant ending; one that is true to the set-up and which has an impact rare in the majority of films.

My only criticism is that the way the film pretends to be one thing whilst actually being something else is likely to either alienate most of the audience it is being sold to, whilst at the same time not appealing to those who will really appreciate it.
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Inland Empire (2006)
8/10
Into the rabbit hole
3 October 2016
This feels like the natural culmination point of Lynch's films. Mulholland Drive was a masterpiece, whereas this feels like the indulgence that the latter film afforded him.

That's not meant derogatorily. Mulholland Drive was a perfect Lynch film, but Inland Empire felt like he'd finally got the green light to follow all of his artistic tendencies as far as he wanted (even jokingly acknowledged in the final scene). It's a descent into madness, and the rule book went out of the window.

This has some of Lynch's most memorable scenes, but it also pushes the viewer's natural inclination to apply order beyond the limit.

It's not free form stream of consciousness, but is right on the line. There are hints all over the place, but unlike Mulholland Drive there isn't a suggested interpretation that emerges. I have my own ideas about what this film is meant to be, but that's my personal reading. I believe that Lynch aimed to make a film that invited multiple interpretations, and which resisted definitive resolution. It's this open-ended approach that makes it such an enigmatic and imaginative film. It provokes your imagination.
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