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Tokarev (2014)
Stupid, pointless, phoned-in, with a touch of Hollywood racism
I'm watching the movie Rage and I'm thinking what the hell happened to Nicolas Cage's acting? Is this what happens when you do one too many Disney films? Then they trow this gratuitous racial crap in there. His character's daughter is kidnapped. Cage goes to some tough guys from his dark past for help. These tough guys go to a crack house to ask the neighborhood black junkie for info, because everyone knows junkies are well-informed on politically motivated kidnappings that happened only moments ago. He had the obligatory mattress on the floor in the corner and the graffiti on the walls. I'm remembering shows like Starsky & Hutch where they would turn to the black pimp, Huggy Bear for all the haps in da hood. Then, sure enough the black junkie is in the middle of getting his white girlfriend high on da stuff. Isn't that the ultimate fear in the movies, going back to the film Birth of a Nation (1915). Sometimes it's so tragic that it's funny (and then back to tragic again). Oh. and the junkie never had the info they were looking for so the entire scene was completely irrelevant to the story as was a lot of the action in this film.
Noah (2014)
God Awful Action Movie
Noah, the most bizarre and horrible Bible movie ever made. It has rock golems, gun powder, oracles, magic berries, and an action hero Noah kicking bad guy butt. This is the typical case of a project with too many chiefs and yes-men. It's hard to believe that no one, from the director all the way to the gaffer and best boy, didn't think they could have created a better story than this. Instead, everyone must have really trusted the whole Hollywood process to turn this crap into something likable. They must have been the same guys who told themselves to cast Russel Crowe in Le Miserables and maybe no one will notice that he can't carry a note. This film proves that there is a strong Hollywood element that looks down on the movie goers and thinks we are stupidly willing to love anything they release. Did they learn nothing from Water World or Krull? Were they planning to release action figures and Noah's Ark play-sets, because this movie has cookie cutter written all over it? Just because you have a CGI department, that doesn't mean you can use it to increase the speed of the movie assembly line. This movie is to Hollywood what the chicken nugget is to the fast food industry; quick fried junk for people that will put anything in their stomachs, regardless of quality. No stone goes unturned when Hollywood wants a good action movie. (Still more interesting than Man of Steel.)
An Idiot Abroad (2010)
Makes Wonderful people look like Sh*t
So, I've watched a season of An Idiot Abroad and I've gone from isn't this funny to this is actually offensive. Carl goes to Israel and they arranged to have him kidnapped by pretend terrorists that are actually actors. What's the point of that? Why associate Israel with kidnapping? If you are trying to get this idiot's reaction to a culture, then why involve stereotypical scenarios? When he was in Bejing they sent him to the strangest back alleys when there are great night clubs, restaurants and museums. I now think this show has a hidden agenda to do exactly the opposite of their stated goal. They say they are sending this close-minded person abroad for a good laugh, but the producers are the close minded ones, sending Carl to the sh*tiest places and representing these bad examples as the norm for foreign places.
Chico & Rita (2010)
Chico and Rita
Sometimes Netflix offers some hidden gems. The animated film Chico and Rita is a wonder to take in. It's a romance between two passionately involved musicians, that starts in a romanticized Havana, and has Chico chasing his love interest to a stylized New York during the short lived Bebop era. This film has, without a doubt the best blend of computer and hand drawn animation I've ever seen, mixed very smoothly with hand painted backgrounds and rotoscoping (tracing over live actors for realistic motion). To be honest, I've never seen the two techniques (computers and rotoscoping) used in the same production before. It's not a musical but it's all about the music that gives dignity to the Cuban culture and it musical contributions. Sadly for this reasons, Chico and Rita is one of those technical triumphs that might never get the recognition it deserves.
The Expendables 2 (2012)
Love A-Team or COD, You'll Love Expendables 2
OK kids, if my ancient history is correct, there were only three things to watch on TV in the 80's and 90's. The Cosby Show, Seinfeld, and the A-Team. If you loved the A-Team, you've got to love Expendables 2. Mindless action and bullets, bullets, bullets delivered by all the old geezers from my upbringing. It was just like the A-team: defenseless town terrorized by evil doers. And because it's the big screen, the McGuffin they are after is plutonium. The only person missing was Kevin Segal. Expendables 2 is better than it's first movie, which I fell asleep on both times I tried to watch. No one person has enough lines to actually accuse them of acting. The one surprise is that Dolph Lundgren comes off as the intelligent person that he is in real life. (Masters in Chemical Engineering from The Massachusetts Institute of Technology and The Royal Institute of Technology.) There are no surprises. No deep thinking needed. Yes, there is the mandatory final hand to hand combat showdown between good guy and bad guy on, wait for it, an abandoned warehouse catwalk. If you can enjoy playing Call of Duty, you can enjoy watching Expendables 2.
Mekurano Oichi monogatari: Makkana nagaradori (1969)
Crimson Bat, the Blind Swordswoman
The other critics are off base comparing Crimson Bat to Zatoichi. They are different films with different tones, delivering different messages. Zatoichi is highly dramatic and incorporates zen Bushido. Judged on it's own merits, Crimson Bat is a less preachy action flick with a female lead who kicks butt. It has a seventies feel due to its music, sound effects, and color schemes. I enjoy the use of dramatic lighting of black and white noir film applied to color. You get a sword fight in every town and on every road as Oichi rights injustice and avoids bounty hunters. More akin to television westerns, it has better production value than Bruce Lee films and is simply entertaining.