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lindzeyhh
Reviews
Gigli (2003)
I lost two hours of my life.
Things I would rather do than watch this movie ever again:
1.) Smash my head on a boulder. 2.) Lick a gas station toilet seat.
3.) Be attacked by a zombie. 4.) Send my paycheck to a Nigerian "prince" I met online. 5.) Make out with a chicken's butthole. 6.) Give myself a non-medicated root canal. 7.) Face off with a T-rex. 8.) Bathe with buffalo diarrhea. 9.) Swim in an active volcano. 10.) Eat aforementioned buffalo diarrhea.
It's long. It's horrible. Just. Don't. Gosh dang it, I have to add more stuff because I have to add at least 10 lines of text. Hmmm.... TWO AND A HALF FREAKING HOURS WASTED! OH the things I could have accomplished. But no... It was wasted on this horrible, awful, insulting, narcissistic-filled piece of crap. J-Lo is a lesbian in the beginning, but of course, Ben Asshat "turns" her straight. GTFO here, Ben. Did they really have to go there? Really... I am going to leave it at that. This film has taken enough of my time, and by typing this review, I am just reliving the garbage memories.
Kazaam (1996)
Who...dare... to rate ME?! (1 star?)
Twenty years later this movie is still a great movie!! I thought eh, what the heck... let's watch this cinematic adventure of Shaq as a genie after such a long time. It's true, EXTREMELY CORNY. But, isn't that what 90s nostalgia is all about? The junkfood scene, the Shaq in the "magical" shower scene...and of course... the coveted cassette... the WE GENIE rap. Ahhh...brings me back to a time of fruit by the foot, frotopia drinks and N64. If you're looking for a spectacular plot, a moving speech, tears.... you may want to look elsewhere. HOWEVER. If you are wanting a brief adventure back to 96' with a little chuckle here and there, enjoy KAZAAM! I am forcing my kids to watch this movie repeatedly until they admit it really is an awesome movie....