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BethLovesAlex
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It Chapter Two (2019)
Real life more terrifying than monsters
Despite how creepy and scary an evil clown monster is, the most disturbing scene was the with human-on-human violence early on. The horror from that scene definitely set a tone.
The VelociPastor (2018)
Even I couldn't love it
I love bad monster movies, but this was both too self-aware as a comedy AND tried too hard. I especially didn't like it breaking the fourth wall so soon in and for a dumb gag.
Cowboys vs Dinosaurs (2015)
Wonderfully Terrible
If you enjoy making fun of bad movies, this one is gold.
The weirdest thing for me, aside from the obvious stuff, is that all the women in the movie are 18-20 and super hot, and all the men are 30+. A 50-something man with thinning hair is married to a young hottie for some reason -- I thought she was supposed to be his daughter until they started taking off their clothes for sex.
Also, the raptors only kind of nibble artistically at their victims instead of fully feeding. For effect, I'm sure.
All that was more funny to me than annoying, though. My actual complaints are as follows:
1) The coolest lady in the film gets killed (the deputy, who should theoretically be able to take down a dino in a narrow hallway with a big gun, but she's missing testicles, so the "hero" had to take it down with a handgun once it murdered the deputy in a convenient location so the hero could escape his cell). If the movie had been about HER, or if she'd been the love interest since the waitress is clearly a wimp and dating someone else and not interested (and, honestly, going for a guy because he's obsessed enough to rescue you is not super wise), I might have rated this higher.
2) The main character is a rodeo star and, though he did ride A dinosaur, he did NOT ride the T-Rex, and that is unacceptable. You do NOT have a rodeo star in a movie like this and only let him ride an herbivore. It's a crime against over-the-top machismo and bad movies, both.
Mamula (2014)
The spoiler-laden rant I sent my husband after watching.
When a movie is called "Killer Mermaid," I think maybe the deadliness of the mermaid should be one of the core values of the movie. Sure, enchanting men to murder for you is quite lethal, but this isn't "Dangerous Mermaid" or the far more appropriate "Lazy Mermaid Who Won't Go Hunt For Herself." Even the cover is misleading -- that of a mermaid approaching a swimmer in shallow tropical sunny water, whereas no one actually went in the water until the last ten minutes and by that point it was night and swimming was, by necessity of not wanting to get eaten, brief. Up until that point, they basically just ran away from an old dude who fed his lady mermaid chopped up people parts.
Two and a half stars.
Criminal Minds: Zugzwang (2013)
Grrrr
HATED the ending. HATED IT. Reid is my favorite character and deserves happiness with a nice girl. J.J. manages to have a love life without her guy getting murdered, but does anyone else? Nope.
The moment I saw Reid talking to a girl in Maeve's first appearance, it made me the happiest I'd ever been watching this show (and I love this show). I was elated. I couldn't wait for another teaser of their relationship. I waited with bated breath.
When I learned by accident that Zugzwang would contain a confrontation with Maeve's stalker, I couldn't wait to see the happy conclusion to their story.
And now I'm crying.
Seriously, you jerks?! This ending had BETTER be a hoax, and she'd better come back in the next episode as simply injured and not at all dead.
*sniffle sniffle cry cry cry cry*
Rating is for acting. Acting was awesome.
Horrible horrible writers. I hate you. You'll let the team save anyone but the love interests.