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dgross116
Reviews
Lauchhammer - Tod in der Lausitz (2022)
Average at best. Voice actors are the worst
I love cop shows, and was hoping for something along the lines of Broadchurch. I don't love watching movies in dubbed English, but I had other things to accomplish while watching.
The show itself is fine. Too many flashbacks, etc., but overall - it was passable.
HOWEVER - my negative opinion is almost assuredly affected by the god-bloody-awful English speaking actors who did the voice-over work here. Add a few percentage points to your budget and get some actors, because hiring your Uncle Jimmy to do this was horrifying. For example -- some dude tried to sound gruff when voicing the old guy who discovers the dead body, but just sounded like a guy struggling to lower his voice for 1/2 a scene.
Overall, they were flat, uninterested, over-pronounced, and just plain cartoonish. No... most cartoons do far, far better.
Pass on this.
Crime Scene: The Vanishing at the Cecil Hotel (2021)
Swing and a miss
Take a real modern day mystery. Put it in a hotel with enough creepy history to rival The Overlook. Give it to super producer Brian Grazer. Sounds like success.
Nope.
At least 2 hours too long. Entire episodes are spent going down the rabbit hole of whackjob conspiracy theories as we listen to self-important, self-aggrandizing keyboard warriors who call themselves "web sleuths."
These mega-flakes waste our time first pointing out all the things we already know that are just odd.
Then they tell us how many thousands of hours their untrained and useless selves have spent "looking into it."
Then they devolve into theories of how the recording is tampered with, they know more than the entire LAPD and you can't trust autopsy reports. LAPD detectives must have worked with an employee of the hotel and someone gym the coroner's office just to hide the truth from THEM.
Meanwhile, these narcissists use this poor girl's tragedy to drive clicks and likes and subscriptions to their youtube page.
Skip. This. 💩.
Ava (2020)
Hard to watch
*** SPOILER ALERT ***
Chastain is fantastic, and I'm a huge fan of Malkovich AND Farrell... But this movie is so simplistic and over-the-top... When she has to fight her way out of trouble, and overpowers / out-fights / out-shoots more than a dozen German soldiers, the movie already starts to strain... All these soldiers are presumably as well trained as our hero (a former soldier). I nearly hurt myself from the eye-rolls.
After that, it's a string of cliches.... The writing just feels lazy.
Boiseu (2017)
Written by eighth graders
This show had potential and an interesting, semi-Sherlock-ian premise. It quickly turned into a collection of every B-movie cliche and the worst, most unbelievably bad police work. We are burdened with:
- the troubled, live-outside-the-lines detective with a vengeance;
- cops who apparently have never heard of handcuffs;
- thugs who conveniently attack 1 at a time so our hero can defeat everyone ever;
- a 10 to 30 second discussion before doing ANYTHING - including chasing a bad guy;
- the showdown- where our hero tells everyone to back off because "this one's personal."
Yes, it's that bad. At one point a detective stops mid- foot pursuit to take a phone call. Bad guy (dressed in standard, obvious Hitman uniform) gains another 100 yards in distance. Cop then says "let me catch this guy and I'll get back to you," and starts running again.
I could go on but why?
Gang Related (2014)
Wow, is this show bad!!!
Based on some of the reviews here, I checked this show out. It is essentially a soap opera. And the writing is barely up to that level. The premise itself is preposterous, but much of today's TV and movies have the same issue. It's just that most try hard not to suck.
The writing here is full of overused clichés and forced drama. The characters are horrific stereotypes, and the acting!!! GAH!!!! If one can call it that, the acting makes you cry it is so bad. It hurts your soul.
None of us mortals will ever know why the fantastic Terry O'Quinn signed on to this slow moving train wreck. You can see the tears he is fighting back as he delivers one bad line after another. One can only hope that he sees the error of his ways, and demands that the character kill himself.