Change Your Image
antiprice
Reviews
Bigger Stronger Faster* (2008)
Insightful, but dangerous
The crux of this doc is squarely on the perceived notions of what steroids do to an individual. I dare anybody to refute the fact that there are too many unknowns concerning steroids. This doc states that the side effects of steroids are reversible once steroids are stopped. True, but what isn't mentioned is the wasting of muscle tissue that breaks down into ketones. Unless a vigorous exercise ritual is maintained, then muscle mass dissipates into fatty bulk. This is what leads to heart problems.
Getting back to the film, it masterfully illustrates the hypnotic influence wrestling had on so many young boys; myself included. When I went to the Army, I worked my rear off to look like Brutus the Barber Beefcake. It never happened, but my ego was never bruised because of it. The "side effects of being American" don't come from the steroid culture. They come from a childhood of being told that we can do or become anything we want to be. Think about how different childhood would be if we were told exactly what our function would be at an early age. So much time otherwise spent dreaming of irrational careers could be spent preparing for an inevitable livelihood. That is not to say that people are their jobs. So much time could be spent enjoying the personal aspects of our lives rather than spending 20 plus years exploring how we make a living.
Doctor Who: Meglos: Part One (1980)
If you love cactus aliens...
One of the best parts of Doctor Who is the intro. All who doubt are subject to immediate fragging. This marked the first time I saw the new spacey intro to the series. That makes me slightly biased because the entire episode with a fresh look. Basically, the Doctor is harassed by a talking cactus. It craves some dodecahedron thing-a-majig and can only achieve that task though imitating people. The people have to have little cactus-like quills to remind the viewer that the bad guy is afoot. As in all my Doctor Who posts, I'm always amazed at the quality achieved with the tiny budget. This one rewards in spades. Nowhere will you get an alien cactus attempting to conquer space with a geometric energy device at a conventional film or TV show. Extreme kudos to the writing and acting on Tom Baker's part because this was in the later stages of his stint.
Doctor Who: The Invisible Enemy: Part One (1977)
Giant rubber shrimp conquers space
This is a truly underrated episode of Doctor Who. Most Whovians will only give props to this sparkling ep because of the debut of K-9. Personally, I never thought he brought anything worthy to the series. This ep has a unique quality in that we get a guided tour of the Doctor's mind. Although it's just fuzzy orbs and lights, there is a heightened sense of presentation that could have been seen in Planet of the Spiders. Tom Baker carries himself confidently through a diseased mind and actually feels at home! Fond memories swirl around me when I reflect upon this misunderstood gem. The highlight is the reveal of the enemy as a giant shrimp in a wheelchair. Anybody who is a fan of this show from the get-go obviously must understand that Doctor Who made the most of very little. Having said that, this ep has everything that a Whovian needs. I think that most Briti-files expect some highly theatrical flamboyance to their experience (a la Black Adder or Keeping up Appearances). This is your classic monster fest. All the haters can eat a wet sock monkey. I loved it and can only hope that this makes a splashing debut on DVD some day. My sole two complaints lie in that K-9 has never been a strong character and that this is only available on the End of the Universe collection of VHS tapes. Along with Megalos, this is a mandatory ep to view with a bowl of popcorn (or medicinal herb).
Howard the Duck (1986)
the critics were wrong
Take notice, people. This flick has more "loved it" reviews than "hated it." I urge you to take notice of this monumental moment. Of course the film has flaws, but it's a film with a talking duck!! It kicks the snot out of Kangaroo Jack, destroys Andre, and pummels Operation Dumbo Drop.
Meet Howard: everyday schmoe on his home planet filled with ducks. After some Douglas Adams-esqe exposition, Howard finds himself on our world circa 1986. The plot follows your basic fish out of water story until the planet is threatened by a horde of scorpion-like beings bent on possessing the planet.
Certain flicks have that rare quality of having "everything." I don't literally mean everything. What I mean is that it has everything within the confines of the story. You get a beer-swilling midget in a duck suit, a punk-rocking Lea Thompson, French kissing a cigarette lighter, ORIGINAL soundtrack, a neutron disintegrate, and Quack-fu. There's tons more but you get the idea. This flick rocks like Wilma Flintstone giving birth to Bam Bam.
I seriously doubt that anybody who liked the first Star Wars prequels will appreciate what Howard the Duck represents. This is all according to the ebb and flow of popular culture. Films like Big Trouble in Little China, Buckaroo Banzai, and Blues Brothers (at the time of release), were all panned. At present they all attain a crowning supremacy. Howard the Duck is not a perfect film in that it suffers from typical formulaic writing. The mistake was trying to make it appeal to the general public. I guess that makes sense if you've spent over thirty million on the budget. It should have ended with something less spectacular than an intergalactic invasion in order to lower the budget, yet appeal to a smaller market.
Everything else aside, this film is worth multiple viewings in that it presents a totally fictitious story with some blatant reality. For instance: Howard lands on Earth and immediately ponders about getting employment. This film actually takes into account the necessity of getting a job. Howard actually weighs the options of returning to "Duckworld" versus remaining on Earth whilst the bad dudes are immanently about to arrive on said Earth.
You are a fool to ignore the reviews on this site. Do not believe the hype that this film was a mistake. I have read the comics and they are far better than the film. However, just because the film does not live up to the comic does not mean that it is trash. You douche bags will sit through Waterworld, Episode I-III, and Hanibal. Give Howard the Duck a chance. You cannot honestly spend an evening renting Malibu's Most Wanted or the latest Jack Frost sequel. Do yourself a favor and get Howard the Duck. You will laugh your ass off and fund something worth a sequel. Beer may be involved in your viewing, but remember that George Lucas pays his electric bill with money from your slobbering attention to his worthless prequels to Star Wars.
Protocols of Zion (2005)
Neatly wrapped propaganda
Mark Levin does a wonderful job trying to gain sympathy from the audience. It would be a rational approach to something this accusatory. After all, any junior trial lawyer know the best way to win over the jury is to placate them through empathy.
Levin attacks the Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion. A book that has been debunked numerous times simply based on evidence of its appearance in France years before Russia. Some names were changed and the book basically boils down to an elaborate rehashing of Dialogues in Hell Between Machiavelli and Montesquieu. That's all that there really has to be said about the book.
Instead, Levin avoids simple facts like the ones above in order to beg for tears about the suffering of his people. He assumes that every single person can be summed up by labels and groups. As if every Muslim can be represented by Kalid Muhammed or every Israeli can be represented by Sharone. Levin chooses the Disney principle in presenting his defense of his people.
Why he tries to connect Muslim hatred and Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ is beyond me. The film reaches far for the most subtle of messages: Support the war. Levin even has the audacity to present man-on-the-street interviews as fact. Uneducated minority populations in urban landscapes hardly count as the pulse of America, Mr. Levin.
Does Levin even ask why this one book manages to "get around?" Never. That seems like a larger conspiracy than its authenticity. Anybody should check out the protocols just for some disturbing reading. Even if there isn't any fleet of boogie men planning the "goim's" demise, there is certainly a lot happening today that was written in the book. Are we then supposed to ignore everything because the book's origins are in question, Mr. Levin?
Keep in mind that there is a growing contingent of historians putting two and two together. A lot of folks are realizing that 911 was an inside job perpetrated by our own government. They had the means, plans, and most importantly the motive. This trumps any ideology. You see, those in power only use race and religion to divide us. 911 now represents a meme. That one phrase means so much to every American. Our own government created that meme. It siphons off of our fear and need for comfort. Think about the next time some clown dares to say that terrorists hate us because of our freedom. What BS! First tell me which freedoms that they hate. Funny, every freedom that I can think of is under attack, but not from terrorists. What moron would train hundreds of men, bankroll a huge web of supplies, engineer intricate attacks, and provoke the wrath of the mightiest nation on the planet--just because they hate our freedom? Doesn't make sense.
Mr. Levin, this is far more compelling than whatever you tried to pass off as a documentary. My guess is that you were trying to connect a distant memory with current events.
House on Bare Mountain (1962)
Ultimate Cheese
This film is for ultimate cheese freaks. I can guarantee that you've never seen classic Hammer monsters, frat party freakin', and fourteen tons of topless women in one flick.
Granny Goode "educates" young nubile females in the art of sophistication. Granny looks more like Uncle Fester than my mongoloid grandmother. There's plenty of whips, monsters, booze, and an odd jump rope scene. If HGL hosted a frat party, it would be this film.
What story you ask? None. It's really just a jiggle fest drenched in vodka. Here are the highlights in order of importance: 1. A woman with catheter bag-sized breasts wobbles down some stairs.
2. For no reason a woman zooms down a train track backwards with her ass exposed.
3. Fifteen pairs of breasts align side by side for "stretching" exercises followed by copious amounts of jump rope.
Fantastic Four (2005)
Plodding plot
Here is a simple case of great ingredients sprinkled into a poor recipe. That recipe being the plot. What was it that Doom was trying to do anyway? Take back his company? Get revenge? Even the over-done moment where the villain implores the hero/heroes to join him would have made better sense. Doom didn't even sound European to begin with. I'm getting side tracked.
Johnny Storm stole the show. This kid was the ONLY reason to keep watching and put up with blatant plot inconsistencies. Why did Sue have to get through the crowd at the bridge? How did that help the others navigate the way through? Only Johnny could save this train wreck. Instead of trying to save the Thing, why not try to save the group from fame. The issue was hinted at, but never followed through. The obligatory X-games scene was the most worthless scene yet in a comic book film. Weakly motivated and poorly justified. I guess the only reason was to have the team reach some weak conflict.
Everything else...blah. iehf[ haognkld'jsthia n'kivho'...kill me.
The Burning Moon (1992)
disturbing
Indie film at its most base. I really dug the whole segmented story line. However, the very last scene could shock the fur off a kitten. By then the drugs were kicking in anyway. This is the most horrific portrayal of Hell I have EVER seen. And I have seen a lot. The leg-ripping sequence alone is worth two quarts of Miller High Life. I feel sorry for the butcher shop that sponsored this film. He must have went broke. Was there a moral? Maybe. Perhaps we should all watch what we say to one another...blah blah blah. Or maybe we should drink from cans whilst watching a truly disturbing horror film because bottles spill when you bolt out of your chair after seeing a man eat his own eyeball.
Batman Begins (2005)
Not bad
The film is marvelous in vision. Gotham really pops as a real, grimy city. It's almost as if the writers wanted to see Batman in the real world where motivation is not cut and dried. In previous incarnations, emphasis was placed solely on Batman instead of Bruce Wayne. Here, Nolan rightfully explores this new Gotham through the eyes of Bruce. He, like us, is a newcomer to this rough grit.
Nolan really shines in terms of character which is brilliantly portrayed by the actors. It will be difficult to reassemble this cast for another film. Sadly, the action cuts are so fast that I really could not tell who threw what punch. Nolan is not an action-oriented director. I want to see Batman in full frame, stomping people flat.
Other worries were the tacked-on villain aspect. Was it really necessary to have the Scarecrow? Aside from appeasing those who read the comics, Scarecrow (brilliantly played by Murphy) did nothing in terms of structure. All of his screen time would be better invested in Ra's Al Ghul. This fellow is THE Moriarty of Batman. By the end, I had little interest in Ghul as an individual. He came across as iconic in that he was just a really smart bad guy. Batman is too good to simply beat up bad guys. This is the Cadillac of super heroes. A wealth of potential exists within the comics (Bride/Son of the Demon anyone?). Part of what makes Batman so appealing is the whole duality between him and the villain. How are they alike and where do they differ? More than one villain merely detracts from any connection I had with the characters as people, rather than icons.
I smell a sequel. STOP READING if you do not want to know A SERIOUS SPOILER....
I have serious fears as to how the sequel will deal with Joker. This is a character with such an amount of weight that he stands on equal ground with Batman (largely due to Jack Nicholson's stint). The rules of this new franchise must be followed. Gotham is a very scary place. I do not think that "the clown prince of crime" sort of Joker will be acceptable. Nor do I think that a likable Nicholson Joker will pass either. This Joker will have to be sickly perverted. I do not want to laugh with this Joker. He must be dark, nebulous, and sick.
Tremendous kudos to the cast and Nolan. I loved every set, costume, angle, etc. The cutting was too quick and the villains were shallow.