Change Your Image
Ozzdan85
Reviews
Date Movie (2006)
Blind Date Movie
I sometimes forget why I don't find myself in a movie theater anymore. People would ask me why...and I would find myself speechless, without any memory of reason.
That is, until, I got a free pass to go see DATE MOVIE (yeah...free and I still felt robbed...robbed of an hour and forty-minutes or so I could've spent sitting on my couch watching "REN and STIMPY" cartoons I got the night before).
My first question was this: how can a comedy spoof other comedies? It's unheard of and useless. I guess, in this case, all you do is take material and scenes from those films and mash them into a loaf, making once entertaining sequences and quotes a bleak excuse to waste a few hundred million on placing a roll on a reel.
Hey...It's not the cast's fault. Alyson Hannigan, as cute as she is talented, does what she can with the script that was thrown at her. It is nice to see her back on the screen, because I kind of dislike CBS's boring sitcom, HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER (trust me, she's the light on that otherwise dark, dreary Monday night time slot). Tim Meadows, a fine comic actor, seems to be out of work these days. Sure, we all loved him in LADIES MAN, and I was taken by surprise when he showed up in MEAN GIRLS (shut up...I liked that one, too). Hee hee...TV legend Fred Willard shows up a bit. Sadly, it's a far cry from his amazing performance in ANCHOR MAN and ends up just being a pitiful desperation to star in more movies. All else...none of the other cast members are worth mentioning. In fact, the whole movie in general isn't worth mentioning. The only thing I enjoyed here was Carmen Electra's nice cameo (it was ruined, however, by a KING KONG parody and a sex-crazed 12 year old native boy snapping pictures with his cell phone camera. The nerve).
I don't want to offend, but when I sat through what they claimed was a motion picture, I began to envy the seeing and hearing impaired, praying to God to have both placed upon me until the film's rolling credits were either starting or gone all together. Truly...I was that depressed by it.
Not laughing a single time reminded me of watching episodes of WHO'S LINE IS IT ANYWAY? or THE NANNY...hell, especially GIRLFRIENDS.
Hollywood seems to let it all happen: Scientology, Hugh Grant's blowjob, gay cowboys, and DATE MOVIE. Nothing works anymore. It's as dry as a hillbilly's shower curtain. I used to want to fight for the return of Hollywood's Golden Age...but right now I ask: is it worth it?
Face it folks, DATE MOVIE is proof that filmmakers will make anything and viewers will view anything. Which one is the dumber of the two is a decision I'll let you, the nice reader, figure out after the big summer blockbuster run. Enjoy what little you can.
From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)
Modern Horror Isn't All Bad...
An age-old horror theme taking a turn into the Tarantino generation results in what could be the most clever modern vampire epic since FRIGHT NIGHT, and in my opinion, has held, and probably will hold for a while, that rank.
FROM DUSK TIL DAWN will have you craving for vampire gore throughout much of the first hour or so, but the pacing is nice enough to let you glide gracefully until you reach the climax, until then, all the great Tarantino writing and the Robert Rodriguez style action keeps you entertained and interested.
Sure, this film isn't for all horror purists, but when was the last time a film was loved by every single viewer who ever watched it? You won't hear me complaining at all about FROM DUSK TIL DAWN. It's a prime example of what a modern vampire flick should be, since every other possible way to make a good one has already been the key essence of those blood-sucker films from the 1920s until the mid 1970s.
There is now a fictional universe that is understood by a handful of people. Mayhem is everyday life. Guns lock and load every second. Simple people are pulled into the character's troubles against their will. Big Kahuna Burger joints spring up as fast as any McDonald's or Taco Bell. Foul language is just kind, normal speech. This is a universe that is only fully recognized by its creator. This is the Tarantino Universe.
---(Don't forget to pop a Red Apple in your mouth and light up!)
-D.T.
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)
Relives most of the Spirit, but doesn't take us to EMPIRE and JEDI
by far the best of the prequel trilogy, since Episode I was playful, yet goofy, and Episode II was just nothing more than a stray. still, despite "Revenge of the Sith"'s high production quality, disturbing moments and vicious battles, it still lacks the great quotes people have been repeating since 1977, and the charm of actors like Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford and Billy Dee Williams. the connection to the original trilogy and the recent films is complete, yet still a little shaky. all in all, i'm not going to be picky about it. the film is nothing short of fantastic, and it is highly, HIGHLY entertaining. the characters, such as Yoda, Mace Windu and Darth Sidious (especially him)were so well handled by Lucas that it's enough to redeem him for all of his odd mistakes with the whole Star Wars saga. kudos to the man in plaid. we were waiting for one of the prequels to nearly live up to the original trilogy. i still prefer episodes IV, V and VI over the newer ones. then again, who doesn't?
Gojira vs. Biorante (1989)
Godzilla hails!!!
Being Toho's most mature kaiju film, "Godzilla vs. Biollante" placed Godzilla in the age of bio-terrorism. Your cliché 80's folks are seen here...the shy teen girl, the military hero, the villain with sunglasses and leather gloves, etc. What many fans don't like about this movie is the adult-oriented nature of it, considering that Godzilla films were seen as kiddie fun at this point. Personally, I would say this is the best of the series since "King Kong vs. Godzilla" (1962). The Godzilla design remains the best and most realistic to date, and the final form of Biollante is such an awesome sight, one of the most impressive screen monsters in film. Overall, "Godzilla vs. Biollante" stands out from the rest of the series, and has a poetic touch to it...something I've never seen in a monster movie. This film is much appreciated by me.
Plan 9 from Outer Space (1957)
so bad...it's fantastic!!!
Credited as Bela Lugosi's last film, "Plan 9" has all the makings of a terrible movie. In fact, it's so bad, it's quite amusing. Ed Wood had a knack for writing horrible dialogue, and that's clearer than ever in this here picture. Don't say I love this movie, but consider me a fan. Wood didn't care how the public would take it. All that mattered to him was how he himself thought of it. That, in my opinion, is the trait of a true director. This movie does deserve all the heat it receives...no argument there. But, when there is little to do and an escape from the real world is needed, "Plan 9 From Outer Space" is the perfect movie to watch and laugh at. However, Ed Wood never intended on it being a comedy (may he rest in peace). Oh well...it's still better than anything Devlin and Emmerich can come up with.
Gojira tai Hedora (1971)
Godzilla on acid...
This zany, out-of-the ordinary Godzilla flick is a cry for help. The world is being polluted!!! Since Big G knows about this tragedy as well, he wants to fight against it. Good for him, because of all the films he's starred in, this one remains today as the weirdest. I really don't know how to rate this movie, other than the fact that you have to be as stoned as the characters in the bar sequence to get the message. There's little 70's style cartoons, and a little boy who wears out his welcome real fast. That doesn't stop me from being disturbed as I watch it. Needless to say, it's such an odd entry into the Godzilla series, one cannot forget it. Personally, I enjoy "Godzilla vs. Hedorah" and I wish there were more films that could be as outspoken in such a funny and obvious way.
A Shot in the Dark (1964)
Clever humor at its best!!!
Had it not been for the Pink Panther series, I would've not been interested in writing comedies myself. Peter Sellers set the standards for clumsy authority, with his amazing facial expressions and witty comical dialogue. The man was brilliant. The film remains today as one of the best comedies ever made (in my opinion, but I'm sure others would agree with me). This was a time when below-the-waist humor was uncommon and often dismissed, but "A Shot In The Dark" holds up without all that (today's crowds are so cynical with older-fashioned comedy). Remember...before there was "The Naked Gun", before there was "Austin Powers", there was Inspector Clouseau.
Tillie's Punctured Romance (1914)
Slapstick...nothing like it!
As the first feature-length comedy, "'Tillie" is full of humor, entertainment, and charm. Charlie Chaplin, who would later become one of the great film gen1uses of the 20th century, protrays the character of the city crook so well and crafty. As the film goes on, it just gets funnier and funnier. People fall, get smacked around, and dance wildly. Yes...I've noticed that the existing prints aren't the most crisp from these years, but "Tillie's Punctured Romance" shines from the days when talkies were unheard of. One of my personal favorite movies, and, in my opinion, Chaplin's most outstanding performance. Trust me, if you have an appreciation for the films of the silent era, you'll laugh every second at this lovable comedy. Remember...this is back in the day when stunt performers weren't used, to an extent at least, and the real actors put forth the effort and took the pain of falling, getting hit, and being thrown into the ocean...just for the sake of making people laugh.