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Reviews
The Son of Kong (1933)
It's only Son of Kong but I like it!
This isn't really a good film, but I like it. It's very relaxing and you get to see Robert Armstrong make amends with his conscience by saving Kong's son. And you get to see Kong's son fighting a bunch of cool dinosaurs, and even a big black bear. Like the first movie there is about forty minutes of storyline before we even arrive at Skull Island. This I like. Makes you feel as if you're watching a play. Then when the stop-motion effects start, it's non-stop action till the end. This I like too. The very ending of this movie (Son's fate) is very weak, but the rest is fun. This isn't a great film -- nor is it a really good film -- but it's an all right way to spend an afternoon... or a late, late night.
Up Your Alley (1989)
A Terrific Time-Waster
This is a good movie. Entertaining through and through. It gives one hope in independent films, that is, true independent films, not ones pretending to be and, say, produced by someone famous but trying to be artistic. The Unknown Comic, Murray Langston, wrote and stars as a homeless guy who takes another newly homeless guy under his wing. Linda Blair co-stars as a journalist who writes a story from their perspective, hanging out, pretending to be homeless as well. The characters are good in this film, and there are many of them, and all have great lines and enough time to truly stand out. In other words, the side characters aren't merely prop-ups for the three leads. Even the bad guy is likable, and thus, realistic. I really recommend this film as an afternoon time-waster. It sure beats Mel Brooks' film -- which he'd make a few years later -- concerning the homeless called "Life Stinks", which does stink unlike this movie that I think you'll enjoy. I mean you'd have to be pretty grouchy not to laugh at some of the jokes, and, since this was written by Langston, a comedian, they come fast and furious, usually, 7 out of 10 times, hitting the right mark.
Lifeguard (1976)
Play it on a Loop
This is a movie I can never get tired of. You can watch it again and again, all day long. It's laid-back and entertaining, and doesn't ask much or expect much of you, the viewer. The story involves a thirty-something lifeguard who is naturally slick with the ladies, on and off the beach, and oh, saves lives too. Sam Elliot is a very cool actor and delivers otherwise simple lines with slow-burn perfection. Parker Stevenson is his young protégé who is in the film JUST enough, Anne Archer his perfect lady, and Kathleen Quinlin is a young girl, supposedly a teenager, who represents the last of Elliot's 'conquests' before settling down with Anne, who is his age. There is a part in the middle of the film that centers on Elliot's character feeling old and, after attending a 15 year high school reunion, trying to get a job selling cars. This is when he starts dating Archer, realizing she is someone he can settle down with and NOT just for 'fun'. In most films this part of the film would hinder the otherwise kickback feel, but in this movie's case, it flows along just as good as the beach scenes. It's a relaxing movie and you can play it on a loop on your DVD machine (now that it's finally on DVD) and I bet you won't get tired of it. If you do, just swim to shore a while... and I'm sure, soon enough, you'll want to see it again... and again... and again... LIFEGUARD!
Turk 182 (1985)
Worst Film Ever Made
This is the worst movie ever made. It's horrific. It's about a guy who is angry at the government because his drunk brother who is an off duty fireman tries to save a girl from a burning building and then gets injured. The mayor, played by overactor Robert Culp, won't help the brother so then Timothy Hutton, overacting mucho, writes graffiti on buildings. He is able to do things that not even Superman, Jesus and Einstein, working as a team, could have figured, and pulled off. The acting is horrible and so is the directing. Robert Urich also overacts. This movie is plain horrific. It's implausible and just plain stupid. Bob Clark had his BLEEP up his BLEEP when he made this garbage. Oh those aging hippies with their hearts on their sleeves... EEK!
Angel (1983)
The Ultimate B-Whore Movie!
This movie has it all. Action and hookers, gunfights, cursing, sex, murder, and did I mention hookers? Just what the b-movie doctor ordered on a late Saturday Night. You'll want to fog up the windows, feeling as if you're at a drive-in watching this (or not!). The story is simple. Plain girl at school by day; hot hooker chick at night. All taking place on Hollywood Boulevard. The actress who plays Angel looks like a young Sally Field... sort of. She can act better than most b-movie vixens; and a heck of a lot better than the two other actresses who carried on the "Angel legend" in two other lamer sequels. This movie is bad, but good. A good bad movie. Anyone who loves the genre knows what I mean. The cast is great actually. As in, all formerly great actors. Rory Calhoun stands out as a cowboy who claims he's Kit Carson; he's nutty but ya gotta love him; he's Angel's number one protector on the streets. Then there's Susan Tyrell, who overacts like birds fly, playing a tough lady who paints bad pictures and owns the cheap hotel where Angel lives with a supposed invalid mother. Cliff Gorman, who looks like a handsome version of Nick Tortelli from 'Cheers', plays Angel's father figure and mentor; a cop who wants to save her from the streets. And Dick Shawn plays a cross-dresser with a heart of gold. Oh, and John Diel as the bad guy; that's Cruiser from 'Stripes' if you really need to know. And so, I quite recommend this movie. As I said, it will entertain. And best of all, it's not boring. Suited perfect for a long weekend night!
Stingray (1978)
Terrycloth Rules!
Not only does this movie provide you with great dated seventies car chases, and a great car that proceeds the seventies, but we get to see one of the main characters, played by Les Lannon (Southern Comfort), wearing a yellow and navy blue long sleeve terrycloth shirt. Oh this brings back memories. But the movie doesn't. I never saw it as a kid. I probably would have liked it. It's a no brainer. Two young dudes buy a used car, a red Stingray, and in that car is a load of cocaine and a lot of money. Dudes get chased in car, and on foot, even on dirtbikes, by four hoods, one a tough woman who is very mean, and very hot. The hoods are, of course, dumb-and-tumble goons so that the audience doesn't have to fear for the lives of the main characters, who might as well be called 'Bo and Luke Puke' since they are very low rent car chasees. Chris Mitchum, son of Robert, stars in this and can't act very good. Les Lannon as his buddy is a good actor though; great in Southern Comfort and just good enough in this; he does what Hopper does with Fonda in Easy Rider but of course, you must realize, this movie is NO Easy Rider... but Lannon kind of legitimizes Mitchum as the lead since Lannon is sort of a goofball, and slightly odd looking. But STINGRAY will keep you entertained I think. I was. You should be too unless you're looking or Shakespeare. And if you are, I cannot help you there. "My kingdom for a Stingray..."
Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger (1977)
Harryhausen's ISHTAR
Ray Harryhausen fans beware. If you love the man who gave such great creatures for movies like JASON AND THE ARGONAUTS and THE GOLDEN VOYAGE OF SINBAD and THE 7TH VOYAGE OF SINBAD, don't buy this movie. It's horrible. Instead of having cool skeletons, or six armed god statues, we get to see a giant Walrus and a killer bumble bee. Oh boy! (There is NOTHING better than once inanimate things coming to life... I prefer that to giant Cyclops' or otherwise already living creatures, as far as Ray's work goes.) Patrick Wayne's acting is possibly worse than the storyline, and there is no storyline. This movie is Harryhausen the special effects genius in SLEEP MODE. Avoid it like the Black Plague.
Frogs (1972)
"Citizen Kermit"
This is the best killer frog movie ever made. Although for the most part, the Frogs are the conductor of the killing symphony of reptiles that surround a southern mansion owned by Ray Milland. Gators, snakes, and spiders do most of the dirty work; till the finale, anyhow. The frogs are always there though, watching. The one main thing I liked about this movie is that it didn't involve biological mutations caused by the American military, like so many other nature-gone-wrong films. Like JAWS (that came a few years after) this film is plain old nature's revenge on humanity, and nothing more. Sam Elliot is the 'Chief Brody', as it were, of this film, playing an ecologist (so then he's 'Brody' and 'Hooper' combined). The thing I liked also is that he - and the movie itself - wasn't a bit preachy like other environmental sci-fi type movies. The victims of nature aren't really bad guys, just rich and spoiled and miserable. The filmmakers left a couple of unresolved things: like did the African American butler, maid, and girlfriend of one of the dead family members, live? Did the dog live? Well, since we didn't see them die, I assumed they did. Also, the beginning credit sequence is one of my favorite of all time, especially when the title FROGS is shown. And there's a neat little cartoon treat after the final credits roll. Well, all in all, I really loved this movie. It's a laid back gem indeed. Sit and enjoy. And stay away from fancy french food after watching!
Paradise Alley (1978)
makes 'Over the Top' seem like 'Raging Bull'
This is one of the worst movies ever made. Stallone wrote it and stars in it, and made himself the talky character-actor character, and his acting is horrific. He tries to be the likes of Burt Young in ROCKY, and misses... oh how he misses. Some problems with the movie. Armand Assante begins as his nice older brother while Stallone is a jerk; then, after a collage of scenes, Assante becomes a cross between Michael Corleone and Mickey from ROCKY, and Darth Vadar. He becomes a sinister and evil man, and it makes no sense whatsoever. The plot, as little as it is, involves Stallone getting his other brother, a really big good looking guy who resembles a giant Marlon Brando (in his prime). But as a viewer I could care less about any of the characters. Oh, and if you really want a laugh, the main song, that appears during a horrific credit scene involving a rooftop race, is sung by Sly himself, sounding like Elvis imitating Frankenstein's monster. Another problem I had with this movie is the same problem I had with the main characters in SWING SHIFT and NEW YORK, NEW YORK, that is, all involves a guy who stays home and doesn't fight in the war. Now, for a Vietnam era movie this isn't bad; it happens all the time. But when it involved World War 2, it just doesn't cut it, and that character isn't likable... not to me. This movie is horrible. It's like a cartoon. Speaking of... the great character actor Kevin Conway (who played three different roles in FUNHOUSE by Tobe Hopper) plays a bar owner thug who talks like Bugs Bunny. I think he's trying for a Cagney, but fails. A lot of good actors fail in this bomb: Anne Archer, who seems like she's imitating an old corny movie on purpose; Frank McCrea, who, for no reason, jumps into a river and kills himself; and the great late cult actor Joe Spinell (the mob guy in ROCKY) as an evil, yet still goofy, wrestling promoter. This film tries to involve wrestling like ROCKY did boxing... and fails. Oh boy how it fails... on all counts... 3,2,1...
Magnum Force (1973)
Harry & Hutch (the Best, and most underrated, D.H. flick)
POSSIBLE SPOILERS HEREIN: this is the best of the Dirty Harry movies, but somehow it's been branded as the worst. the bad guys are fantastic, all great actors and also, future classic cult TV (and movie) stars, including, as a group of young hotshot patrol cops, Tim Matheson (Animal House), Robert Urich (Vegas), and the ringleader played by David Soul (Starsky & Hutch). the first half of the movie we see a number of deaths, what seems to be a single rogue cop killing a bunch of notorious, and even "famous", villains the likes of a pimp, a mafioso, and a drug dealer. the second half is Harry on his own private mission, seeking out the people that only he believes are the "bad guys". there are also some great scenes filtered in throughout the story, having nothing to do with the story itself but simply showing Harry at work, one a stakeout of a hold-up about to go down, and thus Harry taking care of the robbers like only he can (BANG BANG!), and there's a classically over-the-top scene in which Harry takes down some terrorists trying to overtake an airplane by posing as a pilot. the incredible over-actor Mitch Ryan co-stars as the red herring, as it were, playing a cop who's been on the beat just a beat too long, and who's the prime suspect of all the deaths that occur in the first half of the movie. and Hal Halbrook also co-stars as the slime-ball police chief who, obviously, hates Harry's guts for being... Harry. and then there's a brief (but memorable!) cameo by Suzanne Somers (to add to the cult TV stars), this being the same year she was featured in "American Graffiti". Ted Post, usually a television director whose directing career has been hasty at best (he also directed the second movie of another franchise, "Beneath the Planet of the Apes", possibly the worst science fiction movie of all time), does a great job at the helm; as do the writers, John Milius ("Apocolypes Now", "Big Wednesday") and Michael Cimino ("The Deer Hunter"). there's some great music too, a classic seventies funk groove soundtrack leading the way. so to sum it up, this movie, "Magnum Force", is the best Harry of all (even better than the first film, which was marred by the overacting of the Scorpio Killer played by Andrew Robinson, who makes William Shatner seem like Marlon Brando). "Magnum Force" works simply because it doesn't take itself too seriously. it's good action/fun and that's all it needs to be!