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A Haunting in Venice (2023)
can someone please stop Branagh from killing Poirot - again and again
You know the classic Poirot? The little chubby, clumsy, greedy belgian detective who dislikes every move but always tries to keep his temper and solve cases with his sharp mind and his grey cells? The one who is played very well by Sir Peter Ustinov and perfectly by David Suchet?
Branagh obviously doesn't know him. Branagh wants to play Poirot and Branagh can't do it any more than I can. But I don't do it and Branagh has already totally failed twice and here he is allowed to bumble around a third time: Why the harsh words?
Poirot does not run
Poirot does not doubt himself
You can see that Poirot likes chocolates and cherries
Poirot would never turn his back on a lady
Poirot always behaves impeccably
Poirot has no notebook
Poirot would know (from the newspaper) what festivities are being celebrated in the city
There are no jump scares in a real Poirot! (how wretched)
Poirot does not run !!!
It is a catastrophe. Watch the old BBC episodes - this rubbish is as much Poirot as Papa Smurf is a weightlifter.
L'année du requin (2022)
What is it for? - Please tell me!
I saw this movie as part of the programm of the Fantasy Film Fest. They usually chose movies, that are entertaining, good or in any way interesting even if they do not suit my preferences and that is fine. I do not get it, why they took this flic into their program, because I do absolutely not know, what this movie wants, is or deals with.
We have no real story, just episodes that lack a real connection. The episodes are neither funny nor horror. This movie here is tagged as "horror" and "comedy" so I expected that. I do not see any of it in it. This movie is really really bad in any occasion and it really insulted me and all other spectators in the cinema with its presence. I did not hear any positive comment when leaving the screenroom of the ones that stayed til the end.
Yes, it is a shark movie but no good one like Jaws and also, what is really hard to hit, not a trashy one. It is not that complicated to do a trashy shark movie that entertains. I saw 5 of 6 sharknados, other sharky b-movies and so on, but even if I skip their entertaining trashy part, they are even better than Year of the Shark.
I just can strongly recommend not to watch this movie.
Asher (2018)
Like "The Wrestler" with a killer instead of a wrestling guy - give it a try
I have not written many reviews - often there is one describing what I mean in a lot better wordings. I'll write a review over here, because I think the movie deserves it and I do not understand the average rating and the top review here that didn't like it, because I do.
This is no action movie, this is a movie about a lonely guy, thinking that he is ok, doing his job with routine and perfection. Besides that, he follows rituals because that lets him do his job. And the job is killing people for money. Movies with Ron Pearlman often have an action scheme and I think the booklet sounds also like there will be another movie with gunfights, wrestling etc.. Yes, there are killings, but they are silent, not spectacular. Do not expect a Ron Pearlman Movie. That will desolate you. And I think that is the problem here with the ratings. When I am expecting a rollercoaster ride, a nice book will not fulfill what I want in that moment.
This is also a movie, where more things happen without any words. I think the first word is some 4-letter-word after some minutes. I've watched the german dubbed version so I do not know the original word.
We have no fast pace, lots of repeated things (buying wine, cooking something, preparing shoes), but that creates a mood that I really liked. Yes, I like the movie. And I think, people should give it a try. It never will be an award-winning thing, but a good, calm movie I enjoyed and I am happy to have it watched and I would put it on a maybe 3rd or 4th place within the Pearlman movies - even it isn't one.
Spencer (2021)
Walking, running, puking, walking, walking, psychostrings!
As another reviewer has already written: it is simply disappointing what has been made of the possibilities. You accompany the royal family of a country without a licence, who happen to bear a resemblance to the British Royals, at a Christmas party on an estate in the English wasteland. If this performance isn't horrific enough, the whole thing is punctuated by completely over-the-top strings that just hurt your ears. Scenes drag on like chewing gum, the lead actress is supposed to be a hot Oscar candidate, I've heard - anyway - do they get an Academy Award for genuinely puking in front of the camera now? I nominate Steve-O for outstanding male performance. Kristen Stewart shows no real expression whatsoever, is stuck in pretty costumes and you're bored through the film, which is peppered with clumsy pictures that would be ok in a middle school essay (the scene at the snooker table, for example). At the end, because the film wasn't already excruciating enough, you have to watch minutes of clothes that correspond to real iconic Diana front page dresses and watch Diana run around and around again. They run and walk all the time in this movie, as if they had to stretch the thin story or the too-thin script to feature film lengths! Pointless! Save your time. Walk around yourself. It's no use. This film just hurts and in a bad way.
7 Zwerge - Der Wald ist nicht genug (2006)
As dumb as most of German TV-broadcasts - ban this from cinemas
I've seen the first of the dwarf-Movies and sometimes I had little fun watching it. There are many famous TV/Comedyactors appearing in the first part and presented, in fantasy costumes, typical little episodes of their Stand-Up-Program and exactly that is the problem the second movie has to struggle with. Everything was already there....nothing new to obtain. You're familiar with most of the often boring and dumb "jokes" and you always feel like their goal was to put in every Comedylooser of the last decade who wants to get back on stage. There's nothing important about the story: typical fairy-tale story of Rumpelstiltskin, without any importance. I expected something like that but that's nothing I could complain about. I'm actually complaining about the lazy story writers who had an entire background story; their only business was to get many jokes and parodies inside but they didn't get it anyway. This crap is except the great appearance of Helge Schneider a total waste of time and money.(if you don't like him then remove 2 points of my evaluation) If you like to save your money and get bad jokes then watch the crap that's broad casted every Friday evening on SAT1 or RTL for free. I'm sure you will recognize some "laugthers" I saw last night in cinema.