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malachiX2000
Reviews
Aberration (1997)
Perhaps the worst movie I've seen in the last decade.
Seriously, why is it that every terrible horror film has a review on IMDb with some guy claiming that "it's pretty good?" Apparently you can have the worst movie every made but, as long as you have green things getting squished at some point, it somehow has merrit.
I caught this on the Sci Fi channel and was quite amazed at how bad it was. Badly acted, badly directed, badly written, with some of the worst special effects I've ever seen. Honestly, I was very shocked to find out this was made in 1997 as the special affects and cinematography looks like something from the mid 80s. The script is powerful bad filled with many awkward attempts at humor that just hurt thanks to the terrible dialogue and acting. In fact, its' really amazing HOW bad the script is, filled with plot holes that seem like they were making things up as they went along. For instance, the little lizard things (which rank as some of the most powerfuly un-scary creatures than the puppets in hobgoblins), decide to evolve (as they do often in the movie) and become bullet proof. Yet, immediately after taking several handgun blasts to the fact, the creature is killed by being hit by a wooden chair. Huh? Even odder is several scenes later when bullets suddenly start killing them again. The writing also seems to lack any sort of structure. For instance, at one point in the movie the main character warns that, if not stopped, these creatures could grow to be the size of komodo dragon. Based on a line like that, isn't it logical to assume that this genre flick we'd get to see one of these things the size of Komodo dragon by the end of the movie? Apparently not as the things never get bigger than a cat. The movie really drags as well. Every 10 minutes the characters relax and pronounce that they've exterminated the last of them only to find another batch, and another, and another. When the credits finally role, one can't help but ask, "really? It's over? I'm free?"
Jason X (2001)
Why do people watch crap like this?
This came on TV a few nights ago and, not surprisingly, was painfully bad on just about every level. What bugs me is that they keep making crap like this because people keep watching it. I read some review on Rotten Tomatoes in which the critic, probably some guy living in his parent's basement, argued that critics would pan this film just because it's a slasher film. I think it's quite the opposite. I think slasher fans will love any piece of crap no matter how terrible it is. There are well made Slasher films. The original Friday The Thirteenth, the original Halloween, the original Nightmare on Elmstree, Scream, and many more. These weren't masterpieces of American cinema but they at least managed to be creepy and entertaining. Not the case with this. It's terribly shot, terribly acted, and, worst of all, not the least bit scary. There's never any tension in the film. Most of the deaths are quick and silly with little to no suspense or build up. Any build up that is there simply amounts to us looking at Jason standing stationary as he waits to kill someone. Why is it that horror fans can't distiguish a good slasher film from a bad one? Why do they let studios get away with crap like this? And I grow tired of the "it's tongue-in-cheek" defense. Pulling off tongue-in-cheek requires writing that's witty and amusing. Not hoping that because you're dialogue, acting, and directing is so bad that people will laugh awkwardly. I can get that boy showing home videos of kids learning to potty-train and it sure as hell wouldn't cost me 13 million dollars.